The Parenting Thread II - Advice, Tips, Etc

[tshile]

7 hours ago, Momma There Goes That Man said:

I am a new father now and have found that I am terrified to sleep when the baby is sleeping. I’m so afraid she’s going to roll over and suffocate herself or choke on her spit up etc. what if she gets too cold? What if her swaddle is too tight and she is overheats? i don’t know how to get past it. I feel like someone should just have eyes on her 24/7 until she’s like 3 then maybe I can rest. we’ve done everything we can and take all the precautions but I can’t shake the fear that something horrible will happen while I’m asleep. 
 

shes 4 days old. I don’t know how to feel better lol. 

This is all normal. It means you’re a good dad

 

my kids sleep on their chest. As do I. Which is like a baby 101 no-no. But. Nothing I can do about it. Just hope nothing bad happens. 
 

I will say this - absent suffocating, the rest of it, she’ll let you know about

 

The greatest thing about newborns is they tell you when they want something. It’s just crying but in reality there’s only so many things it can be. 
 

the worst is that like 1-4/5 year range where there can be any number of things wrong, and they can’t communicate. The absolute worst is when they’re sick, cause they have no idea how to explain what is wrong. And you just have to guess

 

But if she’s too cold or too hot or uncomfortable she will let you know

 

[tshile]

Just gonna post a series of thoughts real quick. We're on week 3 of lacrosse, i'm an assistant coach, and we have our first game this weekend.

 

First off - if you've never helped coach your kids teams, do it. My god do it. It's so great at this age. First off, the coaches need the help. You have to break these kids into small groups to keep their attention and get them learning and running drills, and you can't do that with 1 or 2 coaches and a team of 15 kids. We've got 4 coaches and a 5th on the way for our lacrosse team and of all the sports i've watched my son do so far, this is by far the best experience and it's simply because there's enough adults to make it that way.

 

But also, i'm learning how to be a better parent. It's amazing how well you can learn patience when you're forced to. I can't just flip out on other peoples kids. Which, yeah, a problem i generally have (COULD YOU TELL BY TALKING TO ME HERE?!) and it's crazy how much this helps.

 

Also, they're making me do 2 hours of concussion training (done) and 2 hours of child sex abuse training. I think both of these are important. But also, you should look into whether your leagues do this, and if they don't, maybe plant the seed that they should with the commissioner of the league. The training is provided, as far as i can tell, for free. Concussion training comes from the CDC. In fact, if you're a parent, I suggest you take it. Who knows when it'll pay off to correctly spot a concussion (sports isn't the only place...) and my god if you spot just one case of child sex abuse in your whole life, and can put a stop to it, it's worth it... I'm convinced this should be mandatory "parent training" for all. You gotta push this stuff at the margins - people who are around kids should be trained in spotting this stuff. Again, if you catch one case of it, it's all worth it.

 

It's so funny how kids fall into 1 of 2 categories immediately with sports, i've seen it in basketball baseball soccer and now lacrosse. they're either reserved, and sit back, and they're afraid of the ball, afraid of the other players, the sticks, etc. which is actually dangerous for lots of sports, like football or lacrosse, the contact sports, cause... if you're gonna just stand there, people are going to hit you, and you're going to get hurt.

 

or they're aggressive - not afraid of any of it. run straight into the pile. run straight into people. not afraid of the sticks or that ball. thankfully my kid is aggressive. we've got most of the kids out of the reserved stage. still got 3 to work on, 2 of them are twins lol. but they get better every practice. they're about at the point where it's time to teach them "you either do the hitting, or get hit" part, they're finally past being afraid of the ball and the fact that every kid is running around with a giant stick swinging it all over the place

 

he first scrimmage this... larger kid... who's great but he's truly very much bigger than the other kids weight wise... he's not fast but once he gets moving in a direction it's impossible for the kids to stop him. he just bowled over my son. just standing there waiting for him. i had to pull him aside and be like dude...  you stand around like that you're gonna get bowled over every time. you gotta get down, dip your shoulder. launch into the other kid. you can either get hit, or do the hitting. he picked it up quick, watched him dip his shoulder last night and at least try to make the hit instead of just standing there.

 

i highly recommend coaching the little ones. these are 6 and 7 year olds. it's great. it's a lot of fun to watch them grow - whether it's a kid that's good and learning more advanced stuff than his peers and is eager for you to show him, or whether it's someone not doing well and you put a little extra effort in and watch him catch up to his peers. and ultimately, how well the season goes for your child (and his teammates) is really going to depend on how many coaches you have helping manage the practices...

Edited March 22, 2022 by tshile

[Fergasun]

@Momma There Goes That Man

"Back to sleep" always.  Make sure the crib is clear of any extra stuff like pillows or blankets.  My kids are teens now, but I had the same fear of SIDS. It didn't go away until 14 months.  We had the arms reach co-sleeper bedside and a crib in another room they napped in.

 

Unfortunately, we did know a couple that lost a baby due to SIDS.  There really is nothing you can do beyond what medical professionals recommend as it truly is an unknown issue.

 

 

[Spaceman Spiff]

@Momma There Goes That Manget you one of these:  https://owletcare.com/

 

Our baby spent 3.5 weeks in the NICU from December through January, we were petrified to bring him home.  This thing lets us know that he's getting the proper amount of oxygen when sleeping.  A really loud alarm goes off if he de-sats.  Kinda like they had in the NICU.

 

Also, your infant most likely can't roll over on her own.

 

 

[tshile]

Yeah I believe rolling over is its own milestone if I remember? Like sitting up and crawling 

 

 

[Momma There Goes That Man]

54 minutes ago, Fergasun said:

@Momma There Goes That Man

"Back to sleep" always.  Make sure the crib is clear of any extra stuff like pillows or blankets.  My kids are teens now, but I had the same fear of SIDS. It didn't go away until 14 months.  We had the arms reach co-sleeper bedside and a crib in another room they napped in.

 

Unfortunately, we did know a couple that lost a baby due to SIDS.  There really is nothing you can do beyond what medical professionals recommend as it truly is an unknown issue.

Thank you. That’s our setup too. I also have a coworker that lost a baby last year due to SIDS, just awful. In reading so much about it and talking to others, there isn’t really anything you can do about it beyond the precautions. It’s relatively low risk statistically and we are following all the recommended steps we can. So while that makes me feel better, it doesn’t quite ease the mind that’s for sure. Last week went really well and we have gotten into a good routine so far. Each night gets a little easier just from gained experience and a little bit more comfort with the situation. It’s a work in progress, let’s say. 

52 minutes ago, Spaceman Spiff said:

@Momma There Goes That Manget you one of these:  https://owletcare.com/

 

Our baby spent 3.5 weeks in the NICU from December through January, we were petrified to bring him home.  This thing lets us know that he's getting the proper amount of oxygen when sleeping.  A really loud alarm goes off if he de-sats.  Kinda like they had in the NICU.

 

Also, your infant most likely can't roll over on her own.

thanks I will check that out. I’ve been looking into various monitors and things. I actually had one and my little brother did too when when we were babies due to birth complications we both had. I know my mom appreciated them. 

15 minutes ago, tshile said:

Yeah I believe rolling over is its own milestone if I remember? Like sitting up and crawling 

True, yet that terrifying crippling fear that my child will be nothing like me and be an overachiever by rolling over way before she is ready in the middle of the night, still persists lol

 

i think the swaddle and baby heads acting as an anchor sort of keep her in place for now, at least. 

[Renegade7]

My daughter is so energy conscious, always trying to find ways to help us save on our power bill, and I respect that.

 

"What are yall doin? Yall don't need this."

 

*unplugs Internet to the entire house while we're working

[Renegade7]

"This is the way."

 

 

[Destino]

Today I was out on the soccer field attempting to teach my nine year old daughter how to kick a soccer ball.  While attempting to kick the ball over her (and to her mom) on a corner kick, my daughter saw the ball go up and panicked.  Fear gripped her tiny heart so tightly that she actually turned and ran…. directly into the balls path, which nailed her right between the shoulder blades and drove her to the ground.  
 

So, today I was out on the soccer field teaching my daughter to always keep her eye on the ball.  And a related lesson on toughness.  

[Llevron]

My daughter was born 2 weeks ago on May 4th  (we did not name her Yoda unfortunately) 

 

Already rolling on her side with ease@Momma There Goes That Man so we are too worried to put her in the (expensive and so far useless) bassinet. When we were at the hospital they taught us to swaddle. Told me I was an expert. The day we got home she started breaking out of them like a little Hudini. All to get her thumb in her mouth to self soothe. So we tried the zip up swaddles cause she can’t get out of those…..but they make her so furious she literally rocks until she rolls onto her stomach which is even worse cause she can’t roll back on her own yet. 
 

So every night she sleeps on my chest in this recliner we have so I don’t move and if she moves even the slightest (which she does, often) it wakes me up in a panic. 
 

She also has wicked gas that she is unable to express so when it gets to her at night she grabs onto my beard and goes nuts until I can help her fart (burping is out of the question for whatever reason). 
 

Shes ****ing awesome though. She stole my face, poor girl. And has my temper. Meaning “mad as a rattle snake” - Momma Llevron. But those moments when she is chill and just laying on my chest looking at me like she’s trying to figure out what exactly I am and why im making her fart are the best lol

 

 

Edited May 18, 2022 by Llevron

[Momma There Goes That Man]

6 minutes ago, Llevron said:

Already rolling on her side with ease@Momma There Goes That Man so we are too worried to put her in the (expensive and so far useless) bassinet. When we were at the hospital they taught us to swaddle. Told me I was an expert. The day we got home she started breaking out of them like a little Hudini. All to get her thumb in her mouth to self soothe. So we tried the zip up swaddles cause she can’t get out of those…..but they make her so furious she literally rocks until she rolls onto her stomach which is even worse cause she can’t roll back on her own yet. 
 

So every night she sleeps on my chest in this recliner we have so I don’t move and if she moves even the slightest (which she does, often) it wakes me up in a panic. 

yeah that’s a stressful period. I’ve finally gotten more comfortable at night. She hated the tight swaddles too and we recently got her in one like this. She can keep her arms loose will still being tightly swaddled with the belt. She’s 10 weeks tho so might not work for a newborn but maybe you can try it. Also, looks adorable like a kimono robe or something lol

 

 

[purbeast]

Those of you with babies of the age where you are still swaddling...

 

I HIGHLY recommend Swaddle Me's, or something of that type since there are a ton of knock offs.

 

https://www.buybuybaby.com/store/brand/swaddleme/490

 

These things are SO much easier than actual swaddling and they won't come undone.

 

On our 21 month old, we didn't even use a normal swaddle outside of the hospital.  And as soon as we found out about those with our first son, we never swaddled again either.

[Momma There Goes That Man]

2 minutes ago, purbeast said:

Those of you with babies of the age where you are still swaddling...

 

I HIGHLY recommend Swaddle Me's, or something of that type since there are a ton of knock offs.

 

https://www.buybuybaby.com/store/brand/swaddleme/490

 

These things are SO much easier than actual swaddling and they won't come undone.

 

On our 21 month old, we didn't even use a normal swaddle outside of the hospital.  And as soon as we found out about those with our first son, we never swaddled again either.

100%. Neither of us could get the blanket to work. We were terrible at it but we already had a couple of these from our shower and they were a lifesaver at the beginning. She didn’t like having her arms locked in there but she got over and it and still slept most of the night. We were lucky. Tho recently when she started getting up more and we could tell she was struggling to get free we switched to the one I showed above and she is loving it. Will sleep for like 9-10 straight hours in it. 

[Llevron]

Holy **** I need to ask you guys more stuff I’m buying both of those tonight. And let you know what happens. The wife and I are willing to try anything at this point. Y’all know, sounds like you have been there. 
 

 

@Destino that panic response is a really good start though lol. 

[purbeast]

23 minutes ago, Llevron said:

Holy **** I need to ask you guys more stuff I’m buying both of those tonight. And let you know what happens. The wife and I are willing to try anything at this point. Y’all know, sounds like you have been there. 
 

 

@Destino that panic response is a really good start though lol. 

I'm on my 2nd and final kid lol.  He is 21 months old now.  Second kid is definitely "easier" than the first one because nothing is really new and you know what to expect and that a lot of it sucks, especially early on.

 

@LlevronI don't know which brand we had but we had some where the sleeves could be zippered off.  They may have been the ones for larger babies though when they are like 6-9 months because we started using em without the sleeves when our son got to the age that he didn't want his arms pinned to his sides.

 

Oh and changing diapers NEVER gets fun/easier/better.  It still sucks ass changing my 21 month old's poopy diapers.  Just as much as it did my first kid if not worse lol.

[LadySkinsFan]

Since my daughter is 44 and my granddaughter is 16, it's been years since I've been around little babies. SIL, daughter, and granddaughter moved to Texas when she was 9 months old so I missed a lot of swaddling. I never did it with my daughter and I don't remember her parents doing it with my granddaughter. New fangled baby care!

[NoCalMike]

I think we got lucky with our daughters (now 10 & 6) when it comes to the sleeping thing.  We had one of those side add-on bed things, used it for each kid a couple of weeks after bringing them home, then decided to "try out the crib to see what happens" and they took to sleeping pretty much right away.  In the ensuing years just the normal scares of them gaining the ability to lift that first leg over the guardrail, having to adjust depth of crib bed.  The usual stuff. 

[JamesMadisonSkins]

On 3/22/2022 at 10:20 AM, Spaceman Spiff said:

@Momma There Goes That Manget you one of these:  https://owletcare.com/

 

Our baby spent 3.5 weeks in the NICU from December through January, we were petrified to bring him home.  This thing lets us know that he's getting the proper amount of oxygen when sleeping.  A really loud alarm goes off if he de-sats.  Kinda like they had in the NICU.

 

Also, your infant most likely can't roll over on her own.

 

 

 

We used something similar with our son 6 years ago when we brought him home from the NICU. That first week was absolutely brutal, we would wake up any time he stirred. But he never had any de-sat issues and is a healthy happy kid despite being born at 30 weeks and 2 pounds. We still lay with him at bedtime until he falls asleep, and it took until he was about 5 for him to be comfortable sleeping through the night on his own, but I would never do anything differently with him because we always had that guilt of not being able to sleep with him for the first 7 weeks of his life. 

[Renegade7]

[Llevron]

@Renegade7 You are a madman signing up for this again so soon. I just want you to know that I had a moment 2 nights ago at like 2am, where the child didnt want to go to sleep and was ****ing hysterical about it ....like rivers of tears, anger of 1000 suns mad......mom was tired and annoyed......I was tired and annoyed....dog left me. Literally gave up on me and the child and went into the other room. And I sat there and wondered why I did this to myself. And then finally when I was able to calm her down she **** all over everything. Just the biggest fart I have ever heard.......... and then the warmth of I didn't want to know what all over my lap. Then she laughed at me and feel asleep when I was changing her. Jerk! 

 

I legit contemplated finding the receipt and taking her back.

 

My point is, you are a madman and I ****ing salute you 🤝

 

 

@Momma There Goes That Man & @purbeast I am still waiting on the swaddles to get here. The one Purbeast mentioned should be here Friday. Don't ask me why or how I picked the slowest shipping possible but here we are. I did however find a knockoff that actually worked last night. In that damn bassinet for the first time and was in there all night. Now I miss holding her but ill take the sleep. She looks extra cozy too. 

 

 

[Momma There Goes That Man]

1 hour ago, Llevron said:

@Momma There Goes That Man & @purbeast I am still waiting on the swaddles to get here. The one Purbeast mentioned should be here Friday. Don't ask me why or how I picked the slowest shipping possible but here we are. I did however find a knockoff that actually worked last night. In that damn bassinet for the first time and was in there all night. Now I miss holding her but ill take the sleep. She looks extra cozy too.

glad to hear that. Good luck and keep me posted on the swaddles when they come in. Those swaddles definitely keep them snug lol 

[PleaseBlitz]

[Renegade7]

On 5/25/2022 at 8:58 AM, Llevron said:

@Renegade7 You are a madman signing up for this again so soon. I just want you to know that I had a moment 2 nights ago at like 2am, where the child didnt want to go to sleep and was ****ing hysterical about it ....like rivers of tears, anger of 1000 suns mad......mom was tired and annoyed......I was tired and annoyed....dog left me. Literally gave up on me and the child and went into the other room. And I sat there and wondered why I did this to myself. And then finally when I was able to calm her down she **** all over everything. Just the biggest fart I have ever heard.......... and then the warmth of I didn't want to know what all over my lap. Then she laughed at me and feel asleep when I was changing her. Jerk! 

 

I legit contemplated finding the receipt and taking her back.

 

My point is, you are a madman and I ****ing salute you 🤝

 

Much appreciated, brotha, you got this : )

 

I remember when our first one broke my wife, her words not mine, not even 3 weeks in. 

 

Thought we were doing a good job staying ahead of her to keep her from crying about certain things, then all the sudden we couldnt get her to stop.

 

Tried everything, gripe water, YouTube baby sleeping ocean wave lullaby videos, you name it, concerned she might be becoming colic, wife started crying hysterically one night thinking she had failed as a parent, then I called mine to come over the next day and jus give us a breather and some pointers.

 

At some point that next day after talking with them we realized that she jus wanted more food then we were giving her.  We were so wrapped up trying to do things right, like making sure she didnt go more then 3 hours without eating, that we missed she hit a growth spurt and jus needed more food.  Started offering her food every time she cried no matter what the reason and she started to calm back down to the more chill baby we had at the hospital.

 

Goes without saying we did this with our second and she also for the most part doesn't cry much at all (knock on wood and every baby is different). So I echo that of others the second one is typically "easier" because no matter what we do we are going in to the first one with little to no experience.  I was mowing through what to expect when expecting book and it don't remember it even mentioning tummy time (a term my Aunt replied to with "there's a name for that now?") 😒

 

Talking to other parents about gaps, one thing I noticed among many is "getting rusty" the bigger the gap is. That makes total sense to me.

 

I also want to add that we made up our minds to not have large gaps and protect my wife's career best we could, while at the same time both our jobs have made us permanent remote in our current positions post-pandemic.  So we have advantages to help with our decision making that I know a lot of people wish they had.

 

My sister and i are exactly 23 months apart (like our birthdays always fall on the same day of the week every year, this year they both on Wednesdays), but my mom couldn't get nearly the amount of unpaid FMLA as my wife because of my parents needing the money.  They weren't remote and pretty much immediately started paying for childcare, which even then is jus a different level of wtf with respect to children under 1.

 

Having said that, I'm in the negative on PTO because of taking off earlier then I planned to because of walking pneumonia and ineligible for short-term disability like my wife (who is getting the run around right now) despite me working for a female owned company.  We worked our tails off to be in the position we are in right now, but our country still has a ways to go with respect to making it more conducive to having kids.

 

On 5/25/2022 at 8:58 AM, Llevron said:

 

@Momma There Goes That Man & @purbeast I am still waiting on the swaddles to get here. The one Purbeast mentioned should be here Friday. Don't ask me why or how I picked the slowest shipping possible but here we are. I did however find a knockoff that actually worked last night. In that damn bassinet for the first time and was in there all night. Now I miss holding her but ill take the sleep. She looks extra cozy too. 

 

I have to add something here to piggy back on what @LadySkinsFan said...we stopped swaddling our second baby less the three days after she was born.

 

I came upstairs to check on her since I'm running point on keeping our first still on schedule, and wife is passed out with our second in the bassinet unswaddled.  She was too tired to do it and jus tried to put her somewhere safe until I came back upstairs.

 

At first I was worried for the baby, then thought about it, she ain't crying, she's knocked out, too.  I gave it a couple more days to see if she really needed it, and she didn't.  So I asked my wife if she was swaddled as a baby, she said no, and neither were her other 6 siblings.  Hell, her mom's mom gave birth to 12 kids and none of them in the hospital.

 

This comes back to something I knew but finally hit me differently.  So much of what we think we need for our babies is perfectly fine, but in a lot of cases not available to other parents around the world, and their kids turn out fine as well. Ain't no Buy Buy Baby in rural Nigeria, is what it is 

 

BTW, yall ain't gonna believe this, but my wife gave birth to our second daughter in her sleep. 

 

She got the epidural and catheter, then at some point woke up talking about she felt weird pressure down that and wanted the nurse.  We pressed the red button, then wife starts yelling so I jump up to hurry them along.  Everyone comes in, lifts up the blanket and our second daughter is laying completely out between her legs with her eyes wide open wondering what happened.  Didnt start crying until they picked her up, I cut the cord, and she's mean bugging everyone.

 

No tears, no stitches, no nothing. God is good. Vicky gave birth to herself, eyes shifting everywhere, ready to kick ass and chew bubble gum.  Told Annie she has a rival and not to think she can jus bully her, cuz she clearly won't take anymore **** then you will : )

[China]

 

[PleaseBlitz]

Happy Friday parents.

 

https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2022/6/9/23159624/kids-covid-pandemic-formula-anxiety-2022

 

It’s a terrifying time to have kids in America. It doesn’t have to be this way.

How do you raise kids in a country that seems to hate them?

 

Quote

Say you give birth to a baby in America today.

 

First you have to figure out how to feed it: Hopefully you can breastfeed, because the country’s infant formula shortage is getting worse, with families driving hundreds of miles or paying hundreds of dollars just to get their children the nutrition they need.

 

Then you have to take care of it — and good luck with that, since the US is the only wealthy country in the world without paid parental leave. Also, child care costs more than college in many states, if you can even find a provider — more than half of Americans live in child care deserts, where there are more than three kids for every spot in day care.

 

Once your kid turns 5, though, at least they can go to school … where they have to endure “active shooter drills” in case what happened in Uvalde or Sandy Hook or Parkland happens at their school, too.

 

And that’s not even accounting for the ongoing Covid-19 pandemic, the daily threat of climate change, or the worsening maternal mortality crisis that means all too many Black and Indigenous Americans die preventable deaths trying to have a baby.

 

If all of this has you terrified, you’re not alone. While having children in America has never been easy, particularly for many marginalized groups, it’s starting to feel impossible. More prospective parents, and those on the fence, are wondering how exactly one is supposed to birth and raise children in a country that seems to hate kids and parents alike.

 

“A lot of people are afraid of what it means to be alive at this time, what it means to actually bring children into the world,” said Latham Thomas, founder of the maternal health and education platform MamaGlow.

 

The moment, Thomas and other reproductive justice advocates say, calls out for two responses. One is a recognition that not having kids is a completely valid path, and one deserving of support; that recognition will become even more pivotal, advocates say, if the Supreme Court overturns Roe v. Wade and makes the choice of a child-free life that much more difficult.

 

The other is to tackle the deep-seated problems that make American society so hostile to children and parents. This work is possible, but difficult — and no one person or family can do it on their own. “Raising children and caring for people is a social responsibility,” said Angela Garbes, author of the book Essential Labor: Mothering as Social Change. “We need each other.”