PleaseBlitz Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 Hat tip to @Dont Taze Me Bro, as his original Parenting Thread has been archived. I'll actually copy and paste from his OP in that thread because, well, it works well and I'm lazy. Quote I didn't see a specific thread where parents could ask questions or seek advice, etc. I decided to create this thread as a one stop shop for parents for advice, tips, etc. on all things involving their kids, grand children, nieces/nephews. The objective of this thread is to provide an outlet where a parent can seek out advice on how to handle any situation involving their child (behavior, punishments, rewards, etc.) and engage in conversation with others that have been through similar situations. Advice/discussion is not limited to any specific age of the child, it can be a newborn, toddler, etc., even up to college aged (maybe one needs advice on majors, degrees, schools, etc.). It's open to everyone (parents, someone that helped raised or raised a niece/nephew, grandparents, teachers, guidance counselors, etc.) I do ask that if you participate in a discussion and you don't agree with advice someone has given that you do your best to refrain from calling them out or attacking their advice. Just because you might disagree with how one person handled a situation, doesn't mean that it's the wrong way. Every child is different in how they respond to certain things. If you do disagree, do it respectfully and explain why you disagree (e.g. we tried that and it was a huge fail or my brother tried that with my nephew and it made things worse, etc.). Anyways, saw this and thought it would make for a good discussion. For the record, I am very much on the side of free-range parents (or any other parents) and generally think the government should only get involved inside the home if the child is in actual danger. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2018/03/28/utahs-free-range-parenting-law-said-to-be-first-in-the-nation/?utm_term=.44193e7caea6 Quote Gov. Gary R. Herbert (R) signed the “free-range parenting” bill into law earlier this month after it passed unanimously in both chambers of Utah’s legislature. It’s believed to be the first such law in the United States, according to Skenazy. The measure, sponsored by Utah state Sen. Lincoln Fillmore (R), exempts from the definition of child neglect various activities children can do without supervision, permitting “a child, whose basic needs are met and who is of sufficient age and maturity to avoid harm or unreasonable risk of harm, to engage in independent activities …” Those activities include letting children “walk, run or bike to and from school, travel to commercial or recreational facilities, play outside and remain at home unattended.” The law does not say what the “sufficient age” is. Under the law, state child-welfare authorities can no longer take children away from their parents if their kids are caught doing those various activities alone, as long as their kids are adequately fed, clothed and cared for. Much more at link. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGoodBits Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 I’ve got a two year old and a 5 month old and I’ve found the key to successful parenting is to never, ever say “no.” (Kidding obviously) Speaking of having two kids under two, anyone ever start a vasectomy thread? I’ve got lots of good info to share. 2 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bearrock Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 Are there a lot of free range parenting cases being pursued by child protective services? I can understand if they get a report and come by and check to see if everything is ok, but cases that end in actual finding of abuse? CPS can be exasperating at times but seems to me based on my experience that an agency finding abuse based on free range parenting issues alone and actually having that hold up before a judge would be pretty unlikely. Then again I have had cases where CPS flat out disagreed with plain letter of the law. Flat exemptions can be hamfisted or vague though. Wouldn't mind seeing a grand jury type of arrangement made up of actual local parents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted March 28, 2018 Author Share Posted March 28, 2018 (edited) 4 minutes ago, bearrock said: Are there a lot of free range parenting cases being pursued by child protective services? I can understand if they get a report and come by and check to see if everything is ok, but cases that end in actual finding of abuse? CPS can be exasperating at times but seems to me based on my experience that an agency finding abuse based on free range parenting issues alone and actually having that hold up before a judge would be pretty unlikely. Then again I have had cases where CPS flat out disagreed with plain letter of the law. Flat exemptions can be hamfisted or vague though. Wouldn't mind seeing a grand jury type of arrangement made up of actual local parents. A local couple, the Meitvs in Silver Spring or some other rich enclave in MoCo, have had an ongoing battle with authorities for years. https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/free-range-parents-cleared-in-second-neglect-case-after-children-walked-alone/2015/06/22/82283c24-188c-11e5-bd7f-4611a60dd8e5_story.html?utm_term=.567abdacebd1 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meitiv_incidents Quote During their most recent run-in with authorities, on April 12, police picked up the Meitivs’ children — ages 10 and 6 — as they made their way home alone from Silver Spring’s Ellsworth Park. The children were in the custody of police and CPS for more than five hours, and authorities opened a neglect investigation. Edited March 28, 2018 by PleaseBlitz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elessar78 Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 10 minutes ago, skinsfan_1215 said: I’ve got a two year old and a 5 month old and I’ve found the key to successful parenting is to never, ever say “no.” (Kidding obviously) Speaking of having two kids under two, anyone ever start a vasectomy thread? I’ve got lots of good info to share. You're actually not wrong about the first part. But not in the way everyone is probably thinking. Kids copy. Saying "no" to them repeatedly will cause them to copy you and tell you "no" when you ask or tell them to do something. It's what they've learned at that point. Instead, redirect them. If they reach for a glass, instead of saying simply "No." Try saying, "Don't touch." http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child This was really helpful for me. My middle one is strong willed, to say the least. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadySkinsFan Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 When I was raising my daughter, I had a small number of rules. If it's not your, don't touch it. Pick up after yourself. Listen if I tell you something's important. I found that some basic things very clear helped. Also, I gave her the choices she could choose from. When she was little, it was two, then more as she got older. I also pointed out the consequence of each choice. I also pointed out consequences of making bad decisions in advance. This came into play when she chose to disobey. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted March 28, 2018 Author Share Posted March 28, 2018 "Rule number one" for my two year old is "protect your head." 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bearrock Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 1 hour ago, PleaseBlitz said: A local couple, the Meitvs in Silver Spring or some other rich enclave in MoCo, have had an ongoing battle with authorities for years. https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/free-range-parents-cleared-in-second-neglect-case-after-children-walked-alone/2015/06/22/82283c24-188c-11e5-bd7f-4611a60dd8e5_story.html?utm_term=.567abdacebd1 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meitiv_incidents I think Meitivs were ultimately cleared though right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springfield Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 As a father to 3 and 1.5 year old boys, I think I’m doing ok. They haven’t died yet. They’re just now getting to the point where they like to interact with each other. There’s going to be lots of fights between the two I can tell. Trying to encourage them to play together, nicely, is proving to be fun. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tshile Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 I can’t figure out which one is worse, my 30-something wife or my 2 year old. They get into it like they’re siblings “alright! I’ve had enough! You in time out, you go to your room!” 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springfield Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 The more time goes on, I’m thinking that we are done with two and not trying for a girl. Two is a so many more than one and I’ve heard that three and up is total chaos. I’m a very type A dude. I don’t think I’m willing to chance it for a girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadySkinsFan Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 I didn't want more than one child. Having to work as a single mom was hard enough. One GF I was with only wanted to discipline, and that relationship didn't last. The second GF had her own children so we each took care of our own, and that didn't lead to the end of that relationship. The hardest years were between 14 and about 22. Plus she's a Capricorn, and when I sometimes spoke with her, you could see the words bounce off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springfield Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 I’m hoping that these young years where I’m teaching them to be real people will pay off later. Don’t really think it works that way though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bearrock Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 9 minutes ago, Springfield said: The more time goes on, I’m thinking that we are done with two and not trying for a girl. Two is a so many more than one and I’ve heard that three and up is total chaos. I’m a very type A dude. I don’t think I’m willing to chance it for a girl. A wise man once told me, you go from double team to man to man to outnumbered on fast break. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tshile Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 Yeah I live by the idea that’s you don’t let them outnumber you we’ve got a girl on the way. That should be it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted March 28, 2018 Share Posted March 28, 2018 (edited) Just now, Springfield said: I’m hoping that these young years where I’m teaching them to be real people will pay off later. Don’t really think it works that way though. I think it does. it does get tiring though. Just now, tshile said: I can’t figure out which one is worse, my 30-something wife or my 2 year old. They get into it like they’re siblings “alright! I’ve had enough! You in time out, you go to your room!” Reminds me of my wife and daughter, like oil and water.....maybe a gallon of gas and a match thrown in. add The notion of arguing with a child just never made sense to me....reason with them and if that fails impose your will......ya gonna lose a argument every time. Edited March 28, 2018 by twa 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tshile Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 (edited) By the way, currently looking for advice on: - dealing with the first child and the fact that he’s about to find out he’s going to be a brother (and the yearish after birth.) - being a dad to a daughter. I didn’t so much as even grow up with a sister. So super clueless here. I’m expecting it to be a blast Pm, in thread, advise of just a good books to read is greatly appreciated Edited March 29, 2018 by tshile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springfield Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 1 minute ago, tshile said: By the way, currently looking for advice on: - dealing with the first child and the fact that he’s about to find out he’s going to be a brother (and the yearish after birth.) - being a dad to a daughter. I didn’t so much as even grow up with a sister. So super clueless here. I’m expecting it to be a blast Pm, in thread, advise of just a good books to read is greatly appreciated How old is your son? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tshile Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 2 minutes ago, Springfield said: How old is your son? Will be 3 this summer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springfield Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 1 minute ago, tshile said: Will be 3 this summer Well, he’s old enough to be “gentle”. Our son was 21 months when our second was born. There was very little interaction really until my youngest was nearly a year old. They just couldn’t do the same things. The oldest didn’t really have a huge interest. He knew what was going on and that he had to take it easy on the baby. He was really more interested in doing his own thing once his younger brother was born. I think we got some books that were related to new additions to the family, so that he would get the idea that a new brother would be cool. Don’t know what effect they had on him, especially a year and a half later when he’s bullying him for a trip down the slide or a toy to play with. I assume your experience will be similar. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dfitzo53 Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 I think one of the main things is to make sure both kids get a fair share of your attention, and do your damnedest to keep the rules consistent. Don't hold the older one to a higher standard than the younger one except for what's developmentally appropriate. (A baby can't say excuse me after sneezing, etc.) Have a 6 year old daughter and a 3 year old son. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 Just now, tshile said: By the way, currently looking for advice on: - dealing with the first child and the fact that he’s about to find out he’s going to be a brother (and the yearish after birth.) - being a dad to a daughter. I didn’t so much as even grow up with a sister. So super clueless here. I’m expecting it to be a blast Pm, in thread, advise of just a good books to read is greatly appreciated We didn't have much conflict till teen yrs. I loved having a daughter, wrapped around her finger doesn't begin to describe it. until dating age Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade7 Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 1 hour ago, twa said: I think it does. it does get tiring though. The notion of arguing with a child just never made sense to me....reason with them and if that fails impose your will......ya gonna lose a argument every time. See, stuff like this is why I don't block you. : ) 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 Just now, Renegade7 said: See, stuff like this is why I don't block you. : ) I'm trying to help raise a pairing between my daughter and a true redhead....I might need your prayers Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoCalMike Posted March 29, 2018 Share Posted March 29, 2018 My oldest turned 6 in January, she is super smart but stubborn as hell. My other daughter turns 3 in August and thus far besides some your garden variety of unnecessary pouting & crying over small things, she is pretty chill. Love 'em both to death, very happy and excited to see them grow up together, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the days of no kids. Take right now for example, my mom took the kids to Santa Cruz (we'll be meeting them there on Friday night). Just being able to get off of work, come home, and.........do not a damn thing for a few hours? It's heaven. Hahahahaha. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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