PleaseBlitz

The Parenting Thread II - Advice, Tips, Etc

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Hat tip to @Dont Taze Me Bro, as his original Parenting Thread has been archived.  I'll actually copy and paste from his OP in that thread because, well, it works well and I'm lazy.  

 

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I didn't see a specific thread where parents could ask questions or seek advice, etc. I decided to create this thread as a one stop shop for parents for advice, tips, etc. on all things involving their kids, grand children, nieces/nephews.

The objective of this thread is to provide an outlet where a parent can seek out advice on how to handle any situation involving their child (behavior, punishments, rewards, etc.) and engage in conversation with others that have been through similar situations.

Advice/discussion is not limited to any specific age of the child, it can be a newborn, toddler, etc., even up to college aged (maybe one needs advice on majors, degrees, schools, etc.). It's open to everyone (parents, someone that helped raised or raised a niece/nephew, grandparents, teachers, guidance counselors, etc.)

I do ask that if you participate in a discussion and you don't agree with advice someone has given that you do your best to refrain from calling them out or attacking their advice. Just because you might disagree with how one person handled a situation, doesn't mean that it's the wrong way. Every child is different in how they respond to certain things. If you do disagree, do it respectfully and explain why you disagree (e.g. we tried that and it was a huge fail or my brother tried that with my nephew and it made things worse, etc.).

 

 

Anyways, saw this and thought it would make for a good discussion.  For the record, I am very much on the side of free-range parents (or any other parents) and generally think the government should only get involved inside the home if the child is in actual danger.

 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2018/03/28/utahs-free-range-parenting-law-said-to-be-first-in-the-nation/?utm_term=.44193e7caea6

 

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Gov. Gary R. Herbert (R) signed the “free-range parenting” bill into law earlier this month after it passed unanimously in both chambers of Utah’s legislature. It’s believed to be the first such law in the United States, according to Skenazy.

 

The measure, sponsored by Utah state Sen. Lincoln Fillmore (R), exempts from the definition of child neglect various activities children can do without supervision, permitting “a child, whose basic needs are met and who is of sufficient age and maturity to avoid harm or unreasonable risk of harm, to engage in independent activities …”

 

Those activities include letting children “walk, run or bike to and from school, travel to commercial or recreational facilities, play outside and remain at home unattended.” The law does not say what the “sufficient age” is.

 

Under the law, state child-welfare authorities can no longer take children away from their parents if their kids are caught doing those various activities alone, as long as their kids are adequately fed, clothed and cared for.

 

Much more at link.  

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I’ve got a two year old and a 5 month old and I’ve found the key to successful parenting is to never, ever say “no.”

 

(Kidding obviously) 

 

Speaking of having two kids under two, anyone ever start a vasectomy thread? I’ve got lots of good info to share. 

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Are there a lot of free range parenting cases being pursued by child protective services?  I can understand if they get a report and come by and check to see if everything is ok, but cases that end in actual finding of abuse?  

 

CPS can be exasperating at times but seems to me based on my experience that an agency finding abuse based on free range parenting issues alone and actually having that hold up before a judge would be pretty unlikely.  Then again I have had cases where CPS flat out disagreed with plain letter of the law.  

 

Flat exemptions can be hamfisted or vague though.  Wouldn't mind seeing a grand jury type of arrangement made up of actual local parents.

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4 minutes ago, bearrock said:

Are there a lot of free range parenting cases being pursued by child protective services?  I can understand if they get a report and come by and check to see if everything is ok, but cases that end in actual finding of abuse?  

 

CPS can be exasperating at times but seems to me based on my experience that an agency finding abuse based on free range parenting issues alone and actually having that hold up before a judge would be pretty unlikely.  Then again I have had cases where CPS flat out disagreed with plain letter of the law.  

 

Flat exemptions can be hamfisted or vague though.  Wouldn't mind seeing a grand jury type of arrangement made up of actual local parents.

 

A local couple, the Meitvs in Silver Spring or some other rich enclave in MoCo, have had an ongoing battle with authorities for years.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/free-range-parents-cleared-in-second-neglect-case-after-children-walked-alone/2015/06/22/82283c24-188c-11e5-bd7f-4611a60dd8e5_story.html?utm_term=.567abdacebd1

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Meitiv_incidents

 

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During their most recent run-in with authorities, on April 12, police picked up the Meitivs’ children — ages 10 and 6 — as they made their way home alone from Silver Spring’s Ellsworth Park. The children were in the custody of police and CPS for more than five hours, and authorities opened a neglect investigation.

 

 

Edited by PleaseBlitz

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10 minutes ago, skinsfan_1215 said:

I’ve got a two year old and a 5 month old and I’ve found the key to successful parenting is to never, ever say “no.”

 

(Kidding obviously) 

 

Speaking of having two kids under two, anyone ever start a vasectomy thread? I’ve got lots of good info to share. 

You're actually not wrong about the first part. But not in the way everyone is probably thinking. 

 

Kids copy. Saying "no" to them repeatedly will cause them to copy you and tell you "no" when you ask or tell them to do something. It's what they've learned at that point. Instead, redirect them. If they reach for a glass, instead of saying simply "No." Try saying, "Don't touch."

 

 

 

 

http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child

 

This was really helpful for me. My middle one is strong willed, to say the least.

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When I was raising my daughter, I had a small number of rules.

 

If it's not your, don't touch it.

Pick up after yourself.

Listen if I tell you something's important.

 

I found that some basic things very clear helped.  Also, I gave her the choices she could choose from. When she was little, it was two, then more as she got older. I also pointed out the consequence of each choice. I also pointed out consequences of making bad decisions in advance. This came into play when she chose to disobey.  

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1 hour ago, PleaseBlitz said:

I think Meitivs were ultimately cleared though right?

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As a father to 3 and 1.5 year old boys, I think I’m doing ok.  They haven’t died yet.  They’re just now getting to the point where they like to interact with each other.  There’s going to be lots of fights between the two I can tell.  Trying to encourage them to play together, nicely, is proving to be fun.

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I can’t figure out which one is worse, my 30-something wife or my 2 year old. They get into it like they’re siblings 

 

“alright! I’ve had enough! You in time out, you go to your room!”

 

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The more time goes on, I’m thinking that we are done with two and not trying for a girl.  Two is a so many more than one and I’ve heard that three and up is total chaos.  I’m a very type A dude.  I don’t think I’m willing to chance it for a girl.

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I didn't want more than one child. Having to work as a single mom was hard enough.  One GF I was with only wanted to discipline, and that relationship didn't last. The second GF had her own children so we each took care of our own, and that didn't lead to the end of that relationship. 

 

The hardest years were between 14 and about 22. Plus she's a Capricorn, and when I sometimes spoke with her, you could see the words bounce off.

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I’m hoping that these young years where I’m teaching them to be real people will pay off later.  Don’t really think it works that way though.

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9 minutes ago, Springfield said:

The more time goes on, I’m thinking that we are done with two and not trying for a girl.  Two is a so many more than one and I’ve heard that three and up is total chaos.  I’m a very type A dude.  I don’t think I’m willing to chance it for a girl.

A wise man once told me, you go from double team to man to man to outnumbered on fast break.  :ols:

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Yeah I live by the idea that’s you don’t let them outnumber you 

 

we’ve got a girl on the way. That should be it. 

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Just now, Springfield said:

I’m hoping that these young years where I’m teaching them to be real people will pay off later.  Don’t really think it works that way though.

 

I think it does. it does get tiring though.

 

 

Just now, tshile said:

I can’t figure out which one is worse, my 30-something wife or my 2 year old. They get into it like they’re siblings 

 

“alright! I’ve had enough! You in time out, you go to your room!”

 

 

Reminds me of my wife and daughter, like oil and water.....maybe a gallon of gas and a match thrown in.

 

add

The notion of arguing with a child just never made sense to me....reason with them and if that fails impose your will......ya gonna lose a argument every time.

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By the way, currently looking for advice on:

- dealing with the first child and the fact that he’s about to find out he’s going to be a brother (and the yearish after birth.) 

 

- being a dad to a daughter. I didn’t so much as even grow up with a sister. So super clueless here. I’m expecting it to be a blast

 

Pm, in thread, advise of just a good books to read is greatly appreciated 

Edited by tshile

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1 minute ago, tshile said:

By the way, currently looking for advice on:

- dealing with the first child and the fact that he’s about to find out he’s going to be a brother (and the yearish after birth.) 

 

- being a dad to a daughter. I didn’t so much as even grow up with a sister. So super clueless here. I’m expecting it to be a blast

 

Pm, in thread, advise of just a good books to read is greatly appreciated 

 

How old is your son?

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1 minute ago, tshile said:

Will be 3 this summer

 

Well, he’s old enough to be “gentle”.  Our son was 21 months when our second was born.  There was very little interaction really until my youngest was nearly a year old.  They just couldn’t do the same things.

 

The oldest didn’t really have a huge interest. He knew what was going on and that he had to take it easy on the baby.  He was really more interested in doing his own thing once his younger brother was born.

 

I think we got some books that were related to new additions to the family, so that he would get the idea that a new brother would be cool.  Don’t know what effect they had on him, especially a year and a half later when he’s bullying him for a trip down the slide or a toy to play with.

 

I assume your experience will be similar.

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I think one of the main things is to make sure both kids get a fair share of your attention, and do your damnedest to keep the rules consistent. Don't hold the older one to a higher standard than the younger one except for what's developmentally appropriate. (A baby can't say excuse me after sneezing, etc.)

 

Have a 6 year old daughter and a 3 year old son. 

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Just now, tshile said:

By the way, currently looking for advice on:

- dealing with the first child and the fact that he’s about to find out he’s going to be a brother (and the yearish after birth.) 

 

- being a dad to a daughter. I didn’t so much as even grow up with a sister. So super clueless here. I’m expecting it to be a blast

 

Pm, in thread, advise of just a good books to read is greatly appreciated 

 

We didn't have much conflict till teen yrs.

 

I loved having a daughter, wrapped around her finger doesn't begin to describe it.:ols:

 

until dating age :pint:

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1 hour ago, twa said:

 

I think it does. it does get tiring though.

 

The notion of arguing with a child just never made sense to me....reason with them and if that fails impose your will......ya gonna lose a argument every time.

See, stuff like this is why I don't block you.  : )

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Just now, Renegade7 said:

See, stuff like this is why I don't block you.  : )

 

I'm trying to help raise a pairing between my daughter and a true redhead....I might need your prayers :ols:

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My oldest turned 6 in January, she is super smart but stubborn as hell. My other daughter turns 3 in August and thus far besides some your garden variety of unnecessary pouting & crying over small things, she is pretty chill. Love 'em both to death, very happy and excited to see them grow up together, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss the days of no kids.

 

Take right now for example, my mom took the kids to Santa Cruz (we'll be meeting them there on Friday night). Just being able to get off of work, come home, and.........do not a damn thing for a few hours?  It's heaven.  Hahahahaha.

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