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Jumbo

By Jumbo
in The Tailgate

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tshile

tshile

Posted
Posted

my mom has cancer. We all, including her, found out accidentally when her phone dinged that a routine mri result was posted and my mom asked my wife to read the write up cause she couldn’t understand it. 
 

my wife had to tell my parents and I (only child) that my mom had cancer, all over her spine, on December 23, the first of a two day trip for Christmas. She’s 64. And it’s bad. Nothings officially diagnosed and understood but it’s bad. 
 

Talk about being put in a **** spot. Jesus Christ. The way she handled it. My wife is amazing. 
 

I can’t really talk about it with anyone because it’s just me and my parents , my children are too young to be involved in the conversation this early. My wife is emotionally and literally overwhelmed as a default state so I feel bad relying on her. And her and my parents have an incredible relationship (they like her more than me - which, I know, is a surprise and makes no sense) so she’s basically in the same boat as us but also now has to how to deal with this plus her doctorate program plus her high stress/intense job, plus the two kids and dog, and me cause I’m a wreck, but also whatever portion remains as I drive 3-4 hours back and fourth to help and spend time with my mom for whatever time we get. 
 

I can’t tell my friends. They all have their number and will text/call even if I ask them not to because they’re close enough with her they have her cell phone saved and wouldn’t be able to help it. They want privacy until there’s further confirmation and an understanding of how bad. But it seems pretty bad. Especially since we still don’t know what the primary source is. I’m guessing brain based on tests being ordered. 
 

and honestly I don’t really want to explain it over and over. 
 

so I’m writing it here. Cause I need to get this **** out of my head and it doesn’t really deserve it’s own thread. And I don’t really have any other anonymous place where I know it’ll disappear quickly.  And not be something I have to see again. 
 

I just keep telling myself I’m lucky. I’m lucky I had a great mom and I’m lucky I got her for almost 38 years. Not everyone gets a great mom. And those of us that do, don’t all get her for at least 38 years. So, im sad and scared and all that but im also trying hard to make sure I focus on how lucky I’ve been to have her. And how lucky I am to get a chance to say goodbye. Cause lots of people don’t get that. 
 

the thing that hurts the most is my children are so young they won’t really have got to know her, or for her to get to know them. 
 

I’m hopeful treatment will help. I know that’s possible. I know she’ll fight it.  I just also know it’s a long shot. 
 

but I’ve decided that I’m not going to live in denial or false hope or dwell on the past. I’m only going to spend a little bit of time, randomly here and there, mostly when I find myself alone, feeling sorry for my family and being sad about it. 
 

Instead gonna work remotely as often as possible. Drive early morning/late evening back and forth every few days.  Take the dog and whichever kid makes sense with what they have going on to reduce what my wife has to do. And I’m gonna go sit at my parents house and just talk with my mom and dad. 
 

i don’t want to squander the time and I don’t want to kick myself for the rest of my life for not taking the opportunity to say goodbye

 

2023 is gonna start out rough.
 

sorry to be a downer. Thanks for listening.   

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China

China

Posted
Posted

Sorry to hear about your mom.  I hope you can at some point open up to a close friend to at least vent.

 

And taking the time to be with your mom is great.  At lease you know what's coming.  My kids never really got to know my mom, but she didn't have a specific diagnosis, just poor health from years of not taking care of herself and so just eventually died when her body gave out.

 

Enjoy whatever time you have left and we will all be wishing you and her the best.

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Jabbyrwock

Jabbyrwock

Posted
Posted

My mom died when my son was 5.  My dad died before he was born.  My son still has vague memories of my mom...all very warm, happy and wonderful.  Kind of amazing what kids will hold on to, even when they don't even realize what it is they are holding on to and where it came from. Giving your kids as much opportunity to be with her as you can is a wonderful thing.  Wishing you the best.

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PokerPacker

PokerPacker

Posted
Posted

I was very young when my grandfather died; cancer.  Don't recall what age exactly, but definitely before I was in school.  I grew up 6-8 hour drive away, so only really saw the grandparents for holidays.  Still remember running around the living room of his house in front of the chair he was sitting in, and every few laps, he'd snatch one of us up off the floor and bite our ears off.

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Renegade7

Renegade7

Posted
Posted (edited)

@tshile i have to echo @Chinaconcerns on trying to keep too much of this to yourself, even if it means going out on a limb and shooting a PM to someone local on ES to grab a beer or something. 

 

I can count the number of times I've seen my father cry on my right hand, and there are certain songs I can't play around him because they remind him of his own mother.

 

Hope for the best, man, make that time count even if you get better news then what you got right now.  For many of us how much time we get with our parents once we become parents ourselves shrinks down to number of visits, not years, learning that the hard way as we speak.

 

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skinsmarydu

skinsmarydu

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, Renegade7 said:

@tshile i have to echo @Chinaconcerns on trying to keep too much of this to yourself, even if it means going out on a limb and shooting a PM to someone local on ES to grab a beer or something.

 

This. 

I have no doubt that if I were in crisis, my local ES friends ( @goskins10 or @Riggo-toni) would be willing to listen to me vent it out. 

I know you don't like me, but I'm sorry you're going through this and wish you & your family the best.  (And there are miracles, keep hope.) 

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