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A dad and his son...

codeorama

By codeorama
in The Tailgate

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codeorama

codeorama

Posted
Posted

As some of you know I was married for 10 years. We struggled for 6 to have a child. When he finally came, his mother changed. When he was 2, his mom left.  I have raised him on my own for the past 9 years.  

 

As some of you know, his mother filed in court for 6 weeks in the summer.  My son was devastated.  He did not want to visit her at all, let alone 6 weeks.  I had to hire a lawyer. I'm just a teacher, I'm not rich.  Before I hired a lawyer, I talked to my son about visiting his mother.  How he felt, what he wanted.  He wanted no part. At that point, I couldn't hire a crappy lawyer, I had to go with the best, even though I couldn't really afford it. 

 

As things went along, we won each small battle.  I'm not going to get into all the details because it's a lot of stuff, but it has been an extremely hard 4 months.  

 

Finally. Yesterday. She gave up.

 

She is withdrawing her court case and said that she can't afford to proceed and that she will honor my son's wishes.  If he wants to visit her, she will do what she can.  If he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to visit her at all.  (I just have to give up the Child Support).  No brainer.  I told my lawyer.  Its over.

 

My son cried for a long time. He was so happy. He has been so stressed out and worried over the past 4 months.   

 

I'm so happy. Thanks for listening and for all the good wishes.

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Kilmer17

Kilmer17

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8 minutes ago, codeorama said:

As some of you know I was married for 10 years. We struggled for 6 to have a child. When he finally came, his mother changed. When he was 2, his mom left.  I have raised him on my own for the past 9 years.  

 

As some of you know, his mother filed in court for 6 weeks in the summer.  My son was devastated.  He did not want to visit her at all, let alone 6 weeks.  I had to hire a lawyer. I'm just a teacher, I'm not rich.  Before I hired a lawyer, I talked to my son about visiting his mother.  How he felt, what he wanted.  He wanted no part. At that point, I couldn't hire a crappy lawyer, I had to go with the best, even though I couldn't really afford it. 

 

As things went along, we won each small battle.  I'm not going to get into all the details because it's a lot of stuff, but it has been an extremely hard 4 months.  

 

Finally. Yesterday. She gave up.

 

She is withdrawing her court case and said that she can't afford to proceed and that she will honor my son's wishes.  If he wants to visit her, she will do what she can.  If he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to visit her at all.  (I just have to give up the Child Support).  No brainer.  I told my lawyer.  Its over.

 

My son cried for a long time. He was so happy. He has been so stressed out and worried over the past 4 months.   

 

I'm so happy. Thanks for listening and for all the good wishes.

Code.  I am so happy for you.  What a fantastic piece of news.  And a great reminder that this place can be a community and not just a debate forum.  I'm tearing up a bit.  Congrats. 

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LD0506

LD0506

Posted
Posted

Great news, for all involved. Thanks for updating us on this, you know how invested some of us get on issues with our kids.

 

This may even be the best thing for her, let it grow if it's going to with out all the angst and backbiting. If your son chooses to know her it will be in an environment of choice, not force.

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codeorama

codeorama

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1 hour ago, Kilmer17 said:

Code.  I am so happy for you.  What a fantastic piece of news.  And a great reminder that this place can be a community and not just a debate forum.  I'm tearing up a bit.  Congrats. 

 

Thank You and thanks to everyone.

Kilmer, you hit on something big to me. Some may wonder why someone would post personal stuff like this on a "message board" and the truth is, this isn't a message board to me. This is a place where I can talk to friends. People that are smart and caring and who's opinions I value. I've met so many cool people on this site it's sometimes unbelievable. 

 

This is is a great place. It goes beyond football. 

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skinny21

skinny21

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Congrats man, happy to hear about anyone going to lengths for their kiddo.  Really sorry for the situation though - having to go through all of it, including your little man's tears, the stress and the financial burden.  Best of luck to you both man.  

 

Personally, I feel like anyone that skips out on their kid should not be allowed to take a custody battle to court (with a few exceptions).  They made a choice and have no right to inflict such (additional) stress on those they chose to leave behind.  

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LadySkinsFan

LadySkinsFan

Posted
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So happy your son was heard by his mother, respecting his wishes. 

 

On another note, the mother's outlay of money, for court case and future child support, likely was a large part of dropping the case. Civil cases are darned expensive these days.

 

I'm wishing you and your son continued happiness together. He may want a relationship with his mother in the future. Or he may not. Your support for him is so important and I am sure he appreciates it.

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mcsluggo

mcsluggo

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I hope that now that it is over and you have won, that you will look deep at why you think she made this case (not for custody, but to have her son come for a long visit in the summer).  

 

without any real knowledge of any of you, i would say that it <probably> would be good for your son's long term well being to convey to him sincerely and wholeheartedly that while her case was abrupt, and potentially very disruptive to his comfort and summer sports objectives, it is a GOOD thing that his mother wanted to see him.   Now that you have full control, you can set parameters for this outreach.   Try to encourage him to give a real effort to give her the opportunity to meet him halfway and be at least a small part in his life (and don;t be an impediment either through conveying attitude, nor through inflexibility, in allowing this to happen).      The future grown man will better off for it.    

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codeorama

codeorama

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23 minutes ago, mcsluggo said:

I hope that now that it is over and you have won, that you will look deep at why you think she made this case (not for custody, but to have her son come for a long visit in the summer).  

 

without any real knowledge of any of you, i would say that it <probably> would be good for your son's long term well being to convey to him sincerely and wholeheartedly that while her case was abrupt, and potentially very disruptive to his comfort and summer sports objectives, it is a GOOD thing that his mother wanted to see him.   Now that you have full control, you can set parameters for this outreach.   Try to encourage him to give a real effort to give her the opportunity to meet him halfway and be at least a small part in his life (and don;t be an impediment either through conveying attitude, nor through inflexibility, in allowing this to happen).      The future grown man will better off for it.    

 

Great advice and I have done this.  I'm not opposed to my son having a relationship with his mother. I've actually given her repeated advice as to how she can establish one.  I've suggested that she visit for weekends and spend that time with him. When she has done that, he has not minded and was not uncomfortable.  What changed is that her current husband started complaining because the plane tickets were costing too much.  She didn't consider that the main reason I had not filed for child support was to allow her to divert that money in the way that she wanted rather than giving it directly to me.  She never set aside the 330 per month that she should have been paying. She just took it for granted. The first thing my lawyer did was tell me to file for child support and that's what probably changed everything.  

She has some growing up to do.  She thinks that she's entitled to being a parent just because of biology. I've repeatedly told her to form a relationship with our son but she has refused, she just thinks he should love her because she gave birth to him.  My son has no memories of her living with us or anything along those lines. He only knows her as (his words, not mine) someone he is forced to go see 1 time per year.  I'm hoping she will visit him and go to some of his games and actually take an interest in him.  That might change things. I'm not optimistic.

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goskins10

goskins10

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I am very glad for you. I went through a similar battle. Not getting into too much detail but it was my step son. His biological found out he could get his child support reduced if he had my son (yes my son) stay an extra night. He dragged us to court and we lost due to a very poor legal system in Indiana. On a side note - it did not negatively impact my relationship with my son who even after his mother and I separated, he moved in with me to finish college. We are still very close. Went on a cruise together in December.  

 

 

Very glad you were able to persevere. What a great testament to your sense of responsibility and how deeply you care. Good luck moving forward.

 

 

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