Why do so many Americans lack even the slightest amount of empathy?

[SteveFromYellowstone]

I feel like I see this every single day. If it doesn't happen to them, their child, or a person they are very close with, it becomes very difficult for them to empathize.

 

For example even on this forum I see people talk about users and addicts as scum of the earth who should just die and get it over with. I guarantee you if their child became addicted to prescription opiates they would all of a sudden grow a huge amount of understanding and sympathy. Hell I've seen it happen more than once.

 

I always try to put myself in someone else shoes and consider their pov to try and understand their position of argument. I'd say a good amount of people I know don't want to try to understand the plights of others. I think an empathy gap is at the root of many of our political problems.

 

We see it time and time against where a republican politician is stridently anti-gay and says they are all going to hell until of course their child comes out and then they are Mr. Tolerance. I've met people that bash universal care over and over until they are forced to pay a $5000 medical bill for an xray and some aspirin. I'm not saying this is a strictly conservative problem but it seems to happen with them more often.

 

Are humans just naturally selfish? What makes it so hard for some people to even imagine being in someone's shoes other than their own? Am I crazy or does someone understand what I mean?

[Kilmer17]

I think it's easy to look at an internet message board and take the most extreme examples of human behavior and apply that image to the public or a segment of the public at large.

 

The real world is far different.

[Larry]

Who cares?

[/sarcasm]

[SteveFromYellowstone]

I think it's easy to look at an internet message board and take the most extreme examples of human behavior and apply that image to the public or a segment of the public at large.

 

The real world is far different.

Isn't politics the real world? I pulled those examples out of my keister, there are countless more examples of a politician anti-this or that and then doing a 180 because a child or family member was affected with said problem. There was a politician recently that was for harsh sentencing and strict jails until lo-and-behold he was arrested (for dui I think) and had to spend time in jail. I can't find the article but it was pretty recent. Stuff like this happens all the time in my life.

[The Sisko]

Steve I think the truth is probably somewhere between your position and Kilmer's. I tend to think that most people are inherently good and caring. In most cases if they see a stranger in obvious trouble the inclination is to help. So most people liberal or conservative, if they see another person hungry or injured they're probably going to help them. However things quickly get muddy when it goes beyond an individual to individual interaction and becomes a community or national issue. At that point human nature kicks in and almost everyone fails to see the individuals behind the issues. This is only exacerbated when the issues are more complex and politics come into play. At that point I think empathy, compassion and even intellect get switched off and emotions come to the fore. This is the arena in which most political campaigns are run, and most policy decisions are made. I don't think it's as much an issue of one's personal political leanings as much as it is one of human nature. The problem is politicians use that to their advantage and our disadvantage more often than not.

[Kilmer17]

Good point.  Its the idea that 1 person dying is a tragedy, but a million dying is a statistic.

 

Most people wouldnt think about how much it costs them in gas to give a lift to motorist stranded on the side of the road.  But they will take notice if the Govt introduces a 5 dollar "help stranded motorists" tax.

[PeterMP]

Just want to point out that there is real evidence that empathy is decreasing:

 

http://news.rapgenius.com/Dr-sara-h-konrath-why-is-empathy-decreasing-annotated

 

(Not saying that it is for sure, but there is evidence for it.)

 

I'd bet on the segmentation of society via electronic media creating more tight "in groups" even if they aren't people you that associate with in life and accentuating the presence of "out groups" (good old oxytocin at work) even amongst people that you see day-to-day.

[Predicto]

I call this the "Orrin Hatch" principle, but I'm kind of a partisan jerk sometimes.  

[Mr. Sinister]

I don't think it's an American thing. I think it's a society/human race thing. It's just that in developed countries with stable (enough) gov'ts, we are afforded the luxury of thumbing our noses at everyone else and pretending that we are better, and more important individually than someone fighting for their lives in a 3rd world warzone.

 

 

I can't deny potential evidence to the contrary of my opinion, but in terms of my own experience, and talking with other people, I'm not sure people as a whole truly ever had that much empathy for each other.

 

I think that now that we've become such a plugged in all day everyday society, it puts us in contact more with people who fit that description. Every scumbag has a voice, and a website where they can feel comforted by other scumbags who share their beliefs. I think there are many many good people out there, who don't get noticed because they don't crave the attention that comes with it, and don't feel the need to write a book about how they saved a kid from drowning.

 

I think everybody else falls into the good days/bad days category. Many people are stressed. Many good people are also stressed, and at any moment, can lose control and go out of character, and to the people who witness it, they may forever be viewed in that light, when that isn't necessarily the case. 

 

There are other people as well, who may be good people, but need to take a lesson in not being so damn judgmental of everyone else, and learn to forgive (which is a very hard thing to do).

 

I always go by the line Tommy Lee Jones used in Men In Black: "A person is smart... People are panicky, dangerous animals and you know it." And thats true, and thats the way I go about things. I don't think I lack empathy when it comes to society. I am aware of the ugly side of life. I was there myself, personally, and I have seen it. All I focus on is what I can directly control. Doesn't mean I don't think about stuff like that when I am in a situation where I can reflect on things. I think about it a lot, and it sucks. I could hammer myself with countless stories that would make me completely lose faith in humanity going forward. Hell that cult chick that murdered her kids because they were apparently possessed, did it not even 2 miles from where I live.

 

People always talk about the world being a better place now, but it is only better than it was, which is a start, but far far far from perfect. What you can do though, is look in the mirror. If you are one of those people (granted, one would have to have the ability to be self critical, which many people aren't, not even in their most private of moments) that need to do better, then do it. It's very easy to not care about anything beyond your own needs, and say **** everybody. That's why many people do it. Its even worse when thats the way you were raised.

 

When I get off of the internet, and turn off political talk radio, and stop reading faceless/anonymous polls, and actually go outside and talk/work with people face to face, from all walks of life, I see that many of them are at least trying to change.

[RansomthePasserby]

 

Are humans just naturally selfish?

 

Yes.

[Vilandil Tasardur]

I just think that, in an era where we communicate more than we ever have, across remarkably long distances at incredible speeds, we need each other far less.

 

 

My wife and I just bought a new house. We've been living here since Saturday. We haven't made any effort to go introduce ourselves to the neighbors. We don't really plan to. No one has come to "welcome us to the neighborhood" nor do I think anyone is planning to. If I happen to see a neighbor while getting the mail or bringing groceries, I'll be friendly enough and make conversation, but I don't care if it doesn't happen.

 

Even just a decade ago, the idea of not having a real and friendly relationship with your neighbors was far less common. My father is mortified that we don't care about getting to know our neighbors. Don't we want them looking our for our house? What if the cats get out? Don't we want to earn someone's trust enough that we would feel comfortable leaving them a spare key? What if a pipe bursts while we're at work? 

 

While all perfectly valid points, I just feel like my generation doesn't think like that. We are self sufficient for the most part. When my wife has a problem at work or takes a wrong turn on her way somewhere, she calls me instantaneously from the car and always reaches me because I always have my cell phone, and I use the internet to walk her through getting where she needs to go. She will never, ever, in her entire life, need to pull over somewhere and use a pay phone to call my work number that she has memorized (because it's important!) and then if she doesn't reach me (because I stepped out for a moment!) ask someone (that she doesn't know! A stranger!) for directions. That interaction doesn't happen anymore. Our generation, for the most part, can handle their own ****. 

 

Even just a generation or two ago empathy was common because people needed one another. They helped each other. How about the old motif of going to ask your neighbor for flour? I'd look at any of my neighbors like they had two heads if they knocked on my door asking to borrow flour.

[AsburySkinsFan]

We are a highly individualized, highly transient society with reduced relational space. Our nuclear family used to be comprised of what we know refer to as just relatives (i.e. Children, parents, grandparents)., now it has been reduced to a single household unit typically only two generations. With the reduced relational proximity I believe empathy gets reduced as well, add to that the shrinking/crowding of the world and we feel more lost and more isolated all at the same time. We care less about our communities because we are less invested in them since we know we probably won't stay but for a couple years. We don't empathize with our neighbors because we don't know them, and so don't know their story. Even modern Christian theology (not going to make this a religious thread) is highly individualized and typically ignores the command for compassion in favor of a spiritual transaction, and as a consumer society that makes sense and seems to translate into personal relationships, we keep the one's that benefit us.

[Commander PK]

I think people talk now more than ever, but we don't really communicate with each other.  Empathy for people is hard to have when you spend most of your time trying to find a way to label them.  Which means instead of actually listening to them, and trying to understand them, you look for the benchmarks that will allow you to place them in whatever group that fits your paradigm of the world.

 

We are all guilty of this in one way or another.  

[skinsmarydu]

My mom can be like this sometimes, rant & rave & carry on about some horrible injustice, and then say, "But what can ya do?" in that "I give up" kind of tone.

Well, we can do a lot, but we've gotta get up off our keisters and do it.

Like ASF said, lots of folks don't know their neighbors. There's no "front porch sittin'" anymore. *I will add that my neighborhood is different, very communal, and even though different cultures were added, the world did not end.*

[Zguy28]

Everybody sits in their little air conditioned wooden box with their TV and says don't invade my space, don't bother me I'm doing my thing or me time. Don't solicit me, don't visit me, don't call me. People's selfishness has always been there, its just that our culture is designed in such a way that it emphasizes it even more. Our culture teaches that we are each autonomous individuals and we wonder why people do not respect authority. "Have it your way" or "you deserve X". How many commercials on TV have you seen with tag lines like that.

[Kosher Ham]

I think it is probably pretty natural.

 

Protect your own for the most part.

[TD_washingtonredskins]

I'm an optimist so let me give my proposed "reasons" why it feels as though some humans don't have empathy...

 

We are inundated with bad/sad/tragic news at a much higher rate than we used to be. If 80 people were killed on another continent 50 years ago, people might start finding out about it days later when newspapers broke the story. Now, in any given day I might read about a mall/school shooting, a couple corrupt/oppressive governments in Africa or Asia, and how a celebrity lost his or her battle with addiction. That's in a brief 15-minute CNN.com "catch-up" at my desk over lunch.

 

I definitely feel varying degrees of sadness for the news I hear, but it absolutely hits me harder when I find out that our close friends with kids are getting divorced or my buddy's father was diagnosed with cancer. I have personal experiences and connections with those people and I think it's just human nature for those things to hit harder.

 

Now, I guess I agree with you about the hypocrisy that can be exhibited by some people. If I act all high and mighty and condemn Phillip Seymour Hoffman for his overdose, I guess it's unfair to not do the same if someone I know ever had the same thing happen. Then again, I would bet that deep down I'd have the same judgment of my close friend, but simply have that judgment and disappointment outweighed by the grief of losing that person. Plus, knowing someone vs. knowing of a celebrity, I could better identify if he/she was a good person or not.

 

I guess, in short, I think we are mostly inherently caring and good people. But any type of personal connection to a situation is going to resonate 1,000x more than news of a distant person/group of people.

[chipwhich]

Go volunteer.  I thought this was a lefty board.  Volunteer at Childrens Hospital in DC, you will get your empathy back.  Stop sitting at home wallowing in self worth.  Get out and support those in need.

[Forehead]

I do think there's a natural human tendency to look out for yourself and get ahead at the expense of others, but having a society of laws and a stable government means that most of us have the basics, we're not all out on the street stabbing each other over a cow or an apple tree because it's the only food source around, etc.  So I think it comes out in other ways, and lack of empathy is one of them.  One person's misfortune in the office (fight with the boss or something) means you're getting ahead of them.  I think Painkiller and KH are right, it's in everyone to some degree.

 

I also think we're becoming more desensitized.  I want to say it was Predicto who said this first awhile back, but I don't think the number of murders, rapes, assaults, etc. is any worse than it was 30 years ago, we just hear about them more often and more frequently thanks to the Internet and the "right now" demand for information.  Facebook comments on any article with a hint of racial overtones will make you think the worst of society, but those people have always existed, we're just more exposed to them now.

[rictus58]

I'll own up and say it. I don't have a lot of sympathy or show empathy for most people. Celebrity Od's on heroin? I don't feel bad for them. It's not as if you are unaware what kind of path you are heading down when you pick up the needle for the first time.

I saw a lot of people commenting in that thread and immediately thought, if it were lindey lohan, they'd be singing a different tune. Though the stories wouldn't be that far apart.

I think a lot of my POV comes from the fact that for most people, as a general rule, make their own way in life. It was their decision making process that got them to where they are. 18 year old mother with 2 kids struggling to make ends meet with less than a high school education? Too bad (I will feel bad for the kids though. They had no choice in the matter).

Gang members gunned down in East Baltimore. I don't care.

Now, when it comes to circumstances beyond someone's control, I'll show empathy.

To the content of the OP, yes, I will care a lot more if my child were to develop a substance abuse problem as oppossed to someone I don't know. And I don't see anything wrong with that. Perhaps this makes me a hypocrite. And I'm fine with that.

[Bang]

I usually keep my mouth shut in most of the death threads, especially drug overdoses.

I am not heartless nor do i lack empathy, but my experience with junkies has built up a very big callous. I find it very hard to care about them, and it's not because i naturally just don't care, but through experience i know that there's almost nothing that can be done.

It's not that I don't care that Phillip Seymour Hoffman died, it's just that it is the junkie's (nearly) inevitable end that is coming regardless of what anyone does. With junkies it's the final selfish act, and that's pretty much it. The best hope is they don't hurt anyone else on their way.

 

I believe there's one way that most of us can change the world. Most of us are not huge larger than life types that can command revolutions or have any effect on the masses at all.

But if we teach our kids the rights from wrongs, then I think we can make a difference around us.

 

~Bang

[Riggo-toni]

I was going to try and compose something enlightening to make everyone in this thread feel better and treat their fellow man with generosity and compassion, but I'm too busy watching reruns of Dexter.

[Elessar78]

Like family members I have that used to be on Food Stamps, 20 some odd years ago, but now wants to do away with any form of Gov't assistance because it "makes people lazy". Instead of seeing themselves as one of those that needed it as a "bridge" to build their business and help raise their kids, they see themselves as the exception only. 

[Chew]

As far as addicts go, you have to know the person before you can judge them.

 

In my outpatient rehab yesterday, our counselor gave this dude named Brandon an assignment of putting together a timeline of his life and his addictions using poster board.  He drew a picture of him at the top, and a long, winding road from his birth to the present day.  Long story as short as possible, he was raped regularly by his baby sitter's boyfriend from age 4-6, his parents divorced when he was 10, his father (an alcoholic/addict) died of a heroin overdose when he was 15, and he was bullied throughout most of his early years as a kid because his father was literally a crackhead.  They were evicted from multiple apartments when he was a teen because his mom couldn't pay the rent, and he'd come home from school with their stuff on the street and kids were laughing at him.   He started self-medicating around 17 with extacy and pills... and that eventually led to coke, heroin, and meth.

 

By the time he was finished with his 10 minute presentation and telling his story, he told us that he owns up to his addictions, acknowledged that he can't get clean by himself, thanked us for listening to his story, and told us that being in rehab was the best thing that had ever happened to him.  He also plans to seek therapy for the first time in his life for the sexual abuse as a child.  After he finished talking, there were tears streaming down his face.  I'm talking Niagara Falls, he was borderline hysterical.   And he had our entire group in tears as well, myself included. 

 

If people want to call my buddy Brandon a weak person, and feel no pity for him as "he did it to himself, he made the conscious decision to become an addict" so be it.  But you're a fool, IMO, if you don't believe life pretty much pooped on him from birth.  I realize that there are people who have been through a lot and chose not to turn to drugs, but we all cope differently.  Until somebody has lived in their shoes, or even heard their story, I don't feel as though anybody has the right to judge someone with drug problems.

[Mursilis]

Wow, youngchew, that's a powerful post.  Thank you for posting that.