Renegade7 Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 I was talking to my girl the other day about regrets and mistakes, and the idea of giving advice to our former selves. The scenario was being able to go back in time to any part or age in my life and give advice to myself (like a "you better watch out for her or just don't do that, please, jus trust me").My initial reaction was finding me at 17 years old and punching that guy in the face, hard, and stand over him saying nothing until he realized who I was and left. But I really came to realize how many relationships I never would of had or character traits I might never build if I had straightened up and finished high school.I might of gone onto to college earlier and not had to work while I did it, but I might not appreciate it the same way. And me, I'm a science fiction fan, so the obvious danger is that I would change the past so drasticily that I might not even be the same person (like some nicholas cage movie where he woke up married to the girl he once loved instead of being the career guy dirtbag he was).I made a lot of mistakes, but I learned from them, and like who I am. And in that changed world scenario I might wake up and my girlfriend not laying next to me; we may have never met in this changed scenario. It does really all depend on whether you believe in the alternate universe scenario or the butterfly effect (the former being more plausable in physics, but the later still terrifies me).So I ended up settling on meeting my 19 year old self, when I was working two jobs and going to school and just started really living on my own with a suspended license. I wouldn't tell him what would happen, or how it would happen. It would be more of a motivational pep-talk, keep pushing. Because I had to go on a lot of blind faith and not seeing people doing what I was doing, hoping I could turn my life around the hardway, from damn near the bottom. My hope is that I wouldn't set myself up for failure with a whole "well, my future self said I'm gonna be alright" and then i let up. But I really liked that guy, and wish someone could tell him what I want to tell him now, same thing my grandma used to say; everythang gonna be alright.So, like I said, scenario is you can go back in time and have a conversation with your former self at a certain age or point in time. Would you do it, knowing it could have an unintended effect on the rest of your future, and what would you say? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sinister Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Not me... well maybe stuff like lottery numbers Every decision ( bad or good) I've made has led me to who I am today, and I wouldn't change it for anything. Some people are born into good situations, with "Good genes" (I was diagnosed as stage 2 bipolar), and don't have to face a lot of turmoil in their lives ( at least early on). Others go go through a lot of tough stuff that is out of their control, and either try their hardest to cope/learn from it, or let it eat them alive. Now if you asked me about 4 years ago, I'd have said hell yes (I've gone into detail a little on here about stuff that I had to deal with, so I'll leave it at that), but ultimately, you can't really ever let go and move forward until you learn to forgive yourself, and stop living/thinking in the past. Even if I had told myself of what not to do, ultimately, it would've just made me weaker, and I would have found something else to **** up. Facing my issues and overcoming them made me a lot stronger, and able to handle stress/adversity a lot better (worlds better). That was vital to my survival/well being. It also improved my personality by leaps and bounds, as I developed a better understanding of myself, and people/life in general, which has led to many different and fruitful relationships with people, and a perspective that people seem to value. I'd be terrified to find out what would happen if I tried to change it. I took "The Road Less Traveled." Glad everything worked out for you though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Nah, I'm alright. Of course there's thing that were mistakes and some regrets here and there, but I do what i love, and i've got a great family i'd never change. ~Bang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thebluefood Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 There's a lot I'd like to tell my younger self about adapting to change and making the most out of a bad situation. It would have made parts of the last 10 years much easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadySkinsFan Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 No, I like the way my life is now, and if I changed anything my life might look much differently. I think the only thing I would change is to acknowledge I as a Lesbian much sooner, since I always knew but was too chicken **** to do anything about it. However, I might not have given birth to my daughter and wouldn't have a granddaughter. So, no, I wouldn't change a thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TD_washingtonredskins Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 I'm thrilled with my relationships and personal life. I might tell my 19-year old self to find something I love to study and concentrate on as a career. I've been successful and live very comfortably as an IT project manager, but I have no passion for what I do. And I'm now used to the money with 2 kids and commitments. All in all though, tough to complain. I'm very happy and fortunate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 No, life could have been easier and the money better, but I'm good with the journey so far and the companions. I ain't ready for the rocking chair yet Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
balki1867 Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 I've thought about this before and always said I would've done certain things differently when I was 21-24 years old. I definitely "wasted" a couple years of my life there, although it also made me realize what I wanted to do with my life and more importantly, how I wanted to live it. I'll be upfront here and come out and say that I've had to struggle far less than most people up to this point in life-- that's not a bragging point but just an acknowledgement that relatively speaking, I've had it easy. Of course in hindsight I tell myself that I should've just figured it out quicker, but it recently dawned on me that I probably cemented a couple of my closest friendships in that time period, and I can't imagine having those people be casual acquaintances now, and I can't imagine this having happened if I'd just "figured it out" quickly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koolblue13 Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 My life is amazing. It has also been awful a lot, but im a genuine and kind man now, ive helped a lot of people and saved more lives then ive taken or hurt. I wouldn't wish my life on or trade it with anyone. Now, im 40, live in paradise and am making a positive difference in the world. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sisko Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Though I've made my share of mistakes, overall I'm happy with who I am. Even so, I'm an anal-retentive optimizer and tinkerer so there are a couple of specific things I'd tell myself to do differently. First I'd have made sure that I knocked some chick up and had a kid or two. I was totally serious about the no sex out of wedlock thing at the totally wrong time and ultimately I ended up finding the right person a bit too late to have kids. Infertility made me re-think that stance and in part anyway, the whole religion thing altogether. Since I can't imagine having had kid(s) would have made me a worse person, I'd go ahead and change that. I'd rather not disclose the other specific thing but it can be filed under "don't be a putz to the people you love because they won't be here forever". Aside from specific things, there are a whole bunch of general things I'd advise myself to do/not do or at least be aware of. OTOH on some level at our core we are who we are, so it might not have made a difference anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRobi21 Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Right now, absolutely I would. Kind of at a stand still right now. **** butterflies. Ask me again in 10 years, I may have a different answer, hopefully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrypticVillain Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 The only decision I regret making was dropping out of school. But if I were to go back and talk to my former self, I would still say do it because I think dropping out of school help me out more than it did if I stayed. The only reason I regret it was because I lost the closeness I had with so many of my friends. But that's kind of the reason that I said it was best that I dropped out because most of those dudes are locked up or dead. I know it's weird, and I wouldn't say this to anybody I know, but dropping out of high school was probably the best thing I ever did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesMadisonSkins Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 I too have had it incredibly lucky to this point. I really have nothing in my life I would change ... except for the fact that I have never had a team I root for win a championship (well, the Redskins in 88 and 92 don't count since I was so young --- barely alive for the first and barely remember the second). That being said ... I've had this conversation with my fiance ... if you could go back and change your college years ... knowing you would end up where you are now would you do it? Both of us said yes. We were both in pretty serious relationships throughout our time at school until we met later on ... and we both kinda wished we hadn't "wasted" that time with other people, locked in when we could be out meeting different people, trying things we otherwise wouldn't have. For example ... while I did a number of alternate spring breaks in 3rd world countries during college, I never studied abroad. I wanted to ... but I never did because whenever the opportunity arose I was in a relationship and didn't want to leave for 4-6 months. Looking back, that sucks. I would tell myself to just do things for myself. That doesn't mean don't get into serious relationships ... but don't let your relationships prevent you from doing cool stuff. I had a blast in college, even with my serious relationships ... but that is one regret I could have. Plus, if i knew I could end up with the amazing girl I'm with now, I probably would go back and tell myself to have a little more ... fun ... and enjoy being single a little more haha. THat said, I really don't have any complaints in life and am fortunate I am where I am. NOW, if you had asked me immediately after a tough breakout or something, I'd probably tell you to let me go back and I would avoid it ... but with the full hindsight I have now, I can't say I would really change all that much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostofSparta Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 This thread popped up at a very interesting time for me. I just (very) recently lost my grandfather, who was one of my role models. So when I started reading, all I could think was "Yeah, go spend more time with your Pap." Not sure what it would change, but in my current state I would absolutely tell me to spend more time with my grandparents and learn as much from them as you possibly can right now. Or even just "Hey, I know you're only in town for a few hours, but go see your grandparents right now. Trust me, in a day you'll wish you had." Maybe not in the spirit of the OP's question, I'll admit. I agree with most here that the possibility of becoming a completely different person by changing 1 event doesn't seem worth it, but I think most can at least appreciate/understand my sentiment here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JamesMadisonSkins Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Ghost ... very sound advice. I am very close with my two surviving grandparents. They are in great health but late 70's/80. I recently moved away and don't see them as often. I do drive by their home on my way back to NoVa ... and now, even if I am getting in really late, will stop in for a 30-45 minute break to say hi to them. I think in my maturing I have realized that family, especially at that point, are worth every minute you can manage to spend with them ... thanks for the reminder. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sinister Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Yeah, I definitely would've spent more time with my grandparents as well. Had to bury my grandmother back in March (went there with my father to see her at the funeral home the day after she passed away, take care of the estate, and make funeral arrangements, and was also there with him when they buried her urn beside my grandfathers grave). It was somewhat of a sudden/unexpected death, though still one of natural causes. Sometimes you unknowingly take things for granted (though I was always told that I spent the most time with her out of all of the other grandchildren) Both of my grandfathers came form the oldschool/no nonsense era where as a man, you always showed no weakness, and rarely ever discussed your true feelings, so I never really had many real discussions with them (one died when I was a little kid, and the other died when I was a teenager), and it probably wouldn't have mattered much, since I was 15 and ignorant then, and 25 years old now, where I see and experience various issues on a day to day basis. I have one surviving grandmother who is doing fine, and I call her as much as possible, but there is an invaluable amount of knowledge to be acquired from a man who lived during some of the most trying times in this countries history (one was an Italian immigrant) and lived/persevered through it. So yeah, I definitely think about that a lot, though I lean heavily on my fathers advice each time we talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DaGoonie55 Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 I am the man I am today because I was stupid. My service in the Army, super bad relationships - all led me to appreciate the angels in my life now - my wife and kids. I am the real life NFL Andrew Luck - I put myself in a deep hole and now feel like a champion because I led an improbable 4th quarter comeback. LOL I would only do this in one circumstance. I would give my last Saturday self the winning lottery numbers. I love my wife, kids, job, everything - just would like financial security. Great thought provoker - the warehouse is gabbing away about this. Ghost - There are few limits to what I would do or give to spend another hour with my grandfathers. 20 years gone and they are still my role models. I completely understand. HAIL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rdskn4Lyf21 Posted November 11, 2013 Share Posted November 11, 2013 Yes...for only one reason: I'd tell myself to avoid lifelong debt and not get a master's. Hell, I probably would've skipped college for a trade school. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade7 Posted November 11, 2013 Author Share Posted November 11, 2013 Ghost, that's right on time talking about grandparents, especially considering I just lost my three remaining grandparents in a period of about a month and a half this summer. Losing my dad's mom was the worst because I was closer to her then all my other's combined. We always respected each other for our varocious independence, and didn't judge each other on our mistakes and struggles (so glad she supported me when I needed it most). What made me angry was me being down here in hampton roads while she was in DC with most of my dad's family talking about wishing people would visit her more or call her more. Here I didn't have a car at times, but would still take the bus up there to visit with her, talk the ****. I honestly feel like I could've learned more from her, but learned what I needed (I got the main points she wanted me to get). I also feel that if I did spend more time with her, I'd only be more pissed off at some of the last phone calls we had, with mortality in her voice, wishing more for the company of the people that mattered most to her in life instead of things she loved to do on her own. I took me 2 months before I stopped kicking and punching stuff at work while no one was looking, and I promised my parents (especially my dad who was talking to her everyday up to the day she died) that they would NEVER have to worry about where I was once they started getting to that age we all get to. I can't say I felt the same way with my mom's parents, and a lot of that had to do with the strained relationship they had with my mother all the way up to the day they died as well. But my dad's father, that's somebody I wish I could have a conversation with NOW, not in the past. I don't feel I was mature enough or ready enough to pick his brain the way I would now at the age he died. But he knew I appreciated him, I still have the model train set he gave to me to build as a kid (just can never settle down to set it up, moving too much). Might just wait until I buy a house, put it together with one of my future kids. Things happen the way they do for a reason, whether we like it or not. It's another one of those things that makes us who we are... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldysknzfn1 Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 I don't know if I would actually have a conversation w/myself..I may give advice and say "trust me"..lol.. There are really only 2 reasons I would want to go back in time...one spot would be 12 yrs ago to the night before my father killed himself..I wouldn't necessarily try to stop him(physically) but I would definitely want to tell him how different our lives were gonna be w/o him and how much it hurt and how devastated we all were but especially my mom...I think my Dad completed suicide b/c he honestly thought in his depression state of mind that we would be better off w/o him...I would try to convince him that is/was not the case. The 2nd time would be 8 years ago...to the night that my 15y/o son was killed in front of our home...I would NOT let him go back outside after he came in for the night and asked if he could stay out w/his friends "just a little longer"...30 mins after I gave him permission to do that he was in the hospital w/a GSW to the head fighting for a life he'd never get back..I have kicked myself thousands of times for letting him go back outside that night...would keeping him in the house have saved him? I don't know..perhaps...but if not that night perhaps some other night would have been his night...it's a constant battle I fight within me b/c I know it wasn't my fault..I had no way of knowing..but if I was able to go back and keep him from being outside that night..I'd do it in a heartbeat! Sorry if this response isn't what you were truly asking for...but as for me..I've made mistakes and I think our mistakes and learning from them make us who we are to a degree..it's a process...we live, we make mistakes, we learn and we hopefully don't repeat them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsmarydu Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 Sorry you had to go through all that...just wow. Keep hangin' in there, I don't know that I could. *And here I was, gonna say something funny like, Yes I would have just one convo w/myself, just so that "surprise" arrest wouldn't have been so...well, "surprising"...* Not to change what I learned from the experience. It just kinda throws you for a loop to hear those words, "Turn around & put your hands on the car please." Nothing good after that, except to learn the lesson to behave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointyfootball Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 I do have that conversation with "myself", several times a week. It's called passing on advice to my son. Unfortunately, he probably doesn't listen to most of it. Blasted teenagers. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade7 Posted November 12, 2013 Author Share Posted November 12, 2013 I do have that conversation with "myself", several times a week. It's called passing on advice to my son. Unfortunately, he probably doesn't listen to most of it. Blasted teenagers. We heard everything you said, we just didn't understand it sometimes until we went through it ourselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sinister Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 We heard everything you said, we just didn't understand it sometimes until we went through it ourselves. Yeah I was the same way. My dad and I already had that discussion about a year ago. I held onto every word he said, and though it may have appeared to him that it went in one ear and out of the other, I definitely stored it away, but just didn't put it all into action until recently. There's a natural ignorance that comes with teenagers. Some get it right off the bat, but most kind of have to figure things out gradually. As long as parents are constantly in their ear, giving them advice/words of wisdom, and a solid foundation, they'll eventually fall back on it, and thank the hell out of you. I know I did. My dad and I didn't really get a long all that well after the birth-12 year old honeymoon stage. He was pretty hard on me (I honestly thought he hated me) but as I've grown up and gone through some stuff on my own, were closer than we've ever been, and because my eldest sister is in NJ with her family, my brother is currently going through a divorce, and my sister is down in Miami and swamped with work, I'm probably the only child that he can call up and have a long conversation with, and help him out with stuff when he needs it. Sometimes it takes a little longer than you expect to see the fruits of your labor Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chew Posted November 12, 2013 Share Posted November 12, 2013 at 31, I would've told my 16 year old self to forget about chasing chicks and smoking weed, and concentrate on the books. Life is good now, but I took the long way LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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