chipwhich Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I don't get what dudes carry in a backpack after college weird as hell to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedBeast Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Prayers out Dave...stay positive! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Enforcer_FFX Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Continued prayers for your family, Dave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spjunkies Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Sending prayers your way Dave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjfootballer Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I don't get what dudes carry in a backpack after college weird as hell to me. Gym clothes for me. I do use it to carry my laptop and smaller things when I'm traveling by car. I use it as a carry on on a plane or overnight/weekend trip. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springfield Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Hey Dave, I hope all is well with you. I've been fairly absent as of late, I'll keep you in my thoughts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sinister Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 This Mass Effect movie aint half bad Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveakl Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Thanks everyone. Posting on a random football message board probably seems silly or attention grabbing but it's definitely therapeutic. Holding it together in front of our other kids is tough (and who am i kidding, its been like 1 aftwrnoon) and it's nice to read all the well wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade7 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 The further I get into this life thing and more I read, the more I fear I'm likely Type 2 Bipolar. This is not something I've ever been comfortable talking about because I don't want people to worry about me and terrified of how many doors its going to close on what I'm trying to do with my life. There's just no way I could tell people in my job about this, I'm scared of it even showing up as a debit from my Health Savings Account I have through them. But it just seems no matter what's going on in my life, I still have to pull off this "mind over mind" thing, convincing myself away from things I know just aren't true. It took years in my adult life to get to the point of feeling comfortable with the idea the only thing I can control in life is myself, so I'm terrified of someone telling me I don't have that either. I don't want to put my Mom through that guilt I know she'll feel, hoping she never has to visit me in the "hospital" same way I had to visit her. Whole lotta **** **** I don't want, but doesn't matter. I gotta know. This isn't about seeking anyone's attention, its for people thinking the same thing. It's okay to say you don't want to pill pop your way through existence (as I feel and seen how that can be just as bad, if not worse), but find out what you're dealing with first. I cannot bring myself to post something like this on facebook, I don't like drawing attention to myself, and enjoy the feeling on anonymity I have here. It's like hiding in plain sight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renegade7 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Thanks everyone. Posting on a random football message board probably seems silly or attention grabbing but it's definitely therapeutic. Holding it together in front of our other kids is tough (and who am i kidding, its been like 1 aftwrnoon) and it's nice to read all the well wishes. People here care, you can tell. Sometimes just talking about it helps. May seem crazy, but after being here 13 years, it doesn't feel like a random message board anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveakl Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 People here care, you can tell. Sometimes just talking about it helps. May seem crazy, but after being here 13 years, it doesn't feel like a random message board anymore. Agreed. Aaaaand, just got the call from my wife. Surgery for Abby tomorrow. Rear right side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springfield Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I think that depression is something that faces a lot of people going unnoticed or undiagnosed. Some people have "ups" and "downs" that could probably be diagnosed but never do. Especially among men. We are programmed to "tough it out" or "take it like a man" as if feeling sad for no reason makes you a ****. I'm like you Renegade, I'd rather not be medicated and if my "ups and downs" became anything more than moderate annoyances it would be tough to open up to people about. You aren't alone. Just know that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Prayers dave. Being a parent can make u feel vulnerable sometimes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springfield Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 On a brighter note, I called Verizon tonight. My contract is up so I complained about a few things (DVR service that runs $30 a month and HBO that runs $20 a month) and they lowered my bill $50 a month for the first six and $35 the remaining 18. Told them I was thinking about switching to DirecTV. They were so quick to reduce my bill that I feel like I should have haggled more. Like they came back with an offer I thought was pretty low (and wasn't expecting) that I should have asked for more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sinister Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 The further I get into this life thing and more I read, the more I fear I'm likely Type 2 Bipolar. This is not something I've ever been comfortable talking about because I don't want people to worry about me and terrified of how many doors its going to close on what I'm trying to do with my life. There's just no way I could tell people in my job about this, I'm scared of it even showing up as a debit from my Health Savings Account I have through them. But it just seems no matter what's going on in my life, I still have to pull off this "mind over mind" thing, convincing myself away from things I know just aren't true. It took years in my adult life to get to the point of feeling comfortable with the idea the only thing I can control in life is myself, so I'm terrified of someone telling me I don't have that either. I don't want to put my Mom through that guilt I know she'll feel, hoping she never has to visit me in the "hospital" same way I had to visit her. Whole lotta **** **** I don't want, but doesn't matter. I gotta know. This isn't about seeking anyone's attention, its for people thinking the same thing. It's okay to say you don't want to pill pop your way through existence (as I feel and seen how that can be just as bad, if not worse), but find out what you're dealing with first. I cannot bring myself to post something like this on facebook, I don't like drawing attention to myself, and enjoy the feeling on anonymity I have here. It's like hiding in plain sight. I feel you. I am bipolar. I feel it was partly genetic (several people on my mother's side have mental health issues) and lartly to do with rough things I experienced as a kid. The stress of life, balancing college and several odd jobs, alternating sleeping patterns,etc, brought it to the forefront.For me, it reached a point where I was afraid of what I would do at any given moment. I hit rock bottom, after a fight with a neighbor, and was handcuffed and sent to the "Hospital". One of the more embarrasing moments of my life, but it put me on the right track towards getting the help I needed... something I would have never done, willingly. The medication and therapy did wonders for me, and frankly, its to the point now where you wouldn't know I was bipolar unless I told you. I have a good life, and a good support structure. But it did come at a price. It disqualified me from the Air Force, and several other jobs involving the carrying of firearms, and I feel it has become sort of a black mark on my past. Some days I wish I never allowed myself to be in the situation that led to the diagnosis all together... but I'll tell you the same thing someone told me. At the end of the day, the most important thing is your physic and mental well being. A clear, focused, determined mind can take you a lot farther than an unbalanced mind, qui k to anger, paranoia, severe depression, etc. As much as I may **** about missing out on those careers, I wouldn't trade my current state of mind for anything else. Took a lot of hard work and self critique to get me here There's always another way to get the lifestyle you want. But you have to help yourself first, if you truly believe there is a problem. You owe it to yourself and your family. Just my two cents, as someone who is what you think you might be. Do it while you still have a choice. Stuff like that only gets worse with time, as you become more and more burdened with responsibilities Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr. Do Itch Big Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 The Weeknd said he freestyled Gone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjfootballer Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I think that depression is something that faces a lot of people going unnoticed or undiagnosed. Some people have "ups" and "downs" that could probably be diagnosed but never do. Especially among men. We are programmed to "tough it out" or "take it like a man" as if feeling sad for no reason makes you a ****. I'm like you Renegade, I'd rather not be medicated and if my "ups and downs" became anything more than moderate annoyances it would be tough to open up to people about. You aren't alone. Just know that. As you all know, I went through a severe depression myself. I too, chose the non-medicated route. I wanted to deal with my issues and not mask them by being a zombie on drugs. i felt it wouldn't solve my issues.A good book I read called "I don't want to talk about it" is about just what you said. The stigma that men can't be sad, depressed or vulnerable. That they have to be tough. It's all bull****. We're human with emotions. Depression in males is real. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedBeast Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 I moved to Alsace, in eastern France for two years, after the military. I worked many long hard days for a Michelin Chef and lived on a small farm, on the far edge of town. I did this just to clear my head. I ate, drank and ****ed my mind out. But I also walked ALOT, worked the farm when I could, learned a new language and integrated into a new culture. I rode a bike almost daily...WTF? Sometimes we need to put a brake on life just so we can catch up...mentally and spiritually. I found something else in life that I could do, which filled that void and became my nurse/doctor/drug, and it changed my life. They threw me a big party when I left...it was me that should have thrown the party. I left France a new man. When I first arrived? I thought I would be buried there. "Don't worry about the little ****, and it's all little ****!" - David Lee Roth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chew Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Lotta love in here today. ES ftw Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
d0ublestr0ker0ll Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Good luck, Dave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koolblue13 Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Depression and mental illness is no joke. I have a lot of love for you guys too. When lymes disease almost killed me, this board was all I had. Friends just thought I was being lazy and withdrawing. ES is special for a lot of us. It's hardly just a football message board. I've battled depression most of my life. Suicide too. I have that Robin Williams thing going on. Make everyone happy, as you sink deeper. I was hospitalized for it when I was younger and knew I was going to pull it off. Spent years trying to get myself killed after that. pj is right about the being a man and being sensitive thing too. IMO, a real man is sensitive and caring. Never be afraid to reach out. Any of you. If anyone ever needs to talk, even to a RL stranger you me on a football message board, please reach out. You people remember me talking about my friend killing her self the other day? I put something on FB about reaching out to me, if anyone needed it a bunch of people did, including an ES member. Never be shamed by being down, sad or weak. Embrace it and talk to someone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveakl Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 Surgery this afternoon. 3-5 hours long. ICU tonight, 1-3 days recovery, then home or rehab facility depending on if she has weakness from swelling post operation. Doctors are shocked she has no other symptoms other then headaches. MRI pic makes it look huge. Thank you all so much for your prayers. Please keep them coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsmarydu Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 She must be terrified. Prayers for & good thoughts for y'all, dave. I've heard that the best doctors are there  ...have faith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daveakl Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 She must be terrified. Prayers for & good thoughts for y'all, dave. I've heard that the best doctors are there ...have faith. I hate you so much. lol. But yea, Duke is the best. She put up a fight about letting them draw blood last night. Wife called and I talked her into it. Otherwise she is so brave and strong! Told everyone there loves her already. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 god i hate espn. and i hate it even more that i would have to quit watching sports or at least miss many games i'd like to see in order to boycott them.  i know they jumped the shark a long time ago, but they just added an "e-sports" section. video games. espn....wtf?  worst part? on the drop down menu for nfl, mlb, nba...esports is above NCAA men's basketball. smh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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