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What are you eating right now?


Spaceman Spiff

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I'm still trying to get through all of the frozen stuff.  Had these "Steak & Ale" little things (kinda like a steak pot pie) by Marie Callendars.  Absolutely horrible, couldn't even get through half.  I swear, a 99-cent Banquet chicken pot pie is 10 times better than that $7 worth of nasty. 

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And not this, either

 

What to Make With ‘Vrimp,’ Nestlé’s Cursed New Shrimp Substitute

 

Tuna might be the chicken of the sea, but it’s safe to say vrimp is the vicken of the — ****, sorry, I blacked out for a minute there. Let me try again. You’ve obviously heard of shrimp, that small decapod crustacean that tastes uncannily like, you know, shrimp. But I bet you haven’t gotten your hands on, ahem, [triple checks notes] vrimp. Made by Nestlé, the mom and pop company known for making chocolate and also being accused of using child slave labor to produce said chocolate, Garden Gourmet Vrimp is not only an incredibly cursed name for a meat alternative, but also adds to the company’s growing roster of non-meat products. Because of course, Nestlé is also responsible for the unforgivable offense that is creating a fish-replacement called… Vuna.

It’s true that our oceans are being overfished to the point of killing entire ecosystems and threatening all who rely on them, and huge parts of the shrimp and seafood industry continue to rely on slave labor to operate. So maybe Nestlé’s disturbingly-named inventions are a net positive, moving us away from mass-reliance on meat and seafood. It’s possible vrimp is exactly what the vworld needs now, but it would be great if it wasn’t being produced by the very same mega-company that has taken advantage of terrible labor conditions to make its other products. But that’s vapitalism, baby.

You might be too busy thinking about how vrimp is one of the least appealing food words you’ve ever heard to think about the politics of vrimp. Or maybe you are so excited that you too have blacked out several times while reading this short news story. Well don’t worry my succulent vrimps, I’ve laid out a whole vrimp menu just for you. Granted, the shrimp-shaped mixture of seaweed and peas isn’t actually available yet, and according to the Guardian, when it does go on sale, it will first be in Swiss and German supermarkets. So send this to your Swiss cousin! Or just make the trip! I’m sure it’s worth it.

Without further ado, Five Vays to Vibe with Vrimp (a menu).

  1. Vrimp Risotto: You’re on a third date. Everything has gone so well up till this point, and you decide it’s time to pull out all the stops. It’s time to feed your date vrimp risotto by candlelight. The most difficult part of this recipe (which I will not be providing, for fear that a recipe developer will sue me for suggesting you substitute shrimp for vrimp), is that you will have to find a sexy way to tell your date that they’re about to dig into some juicy vrimp. If you can keep up the sexual tension after uttering those words, you can do anything. Anyways, see you back on Grindr soon.

https://www.eater.com/22716260/what-is-vrimp-nestle-shrimp-substitute-fake-meat-menu-ideas

 

  • Haha 2
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