rdsknbill Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 I need to lean on my ES Brethren here folks As some of you may know, My family and I have been dealing with the continuing deterioration of my father's health due to Alzheimer's disease. My brother and I are the only two of the four siblings that live close to our parents. Our mother has been in denial about the rapid decline in his mental capacity. He still drove, he still had his ATM card....... UNTIL yesterday I was working out of the house and was on my cell, when I saw a number coming in on my phone that I didn't recognize. As usual, I let it go to voicemail, but no message was left. I finished up my call and as soon as I hung up, my brother called me. His words.. "I just got a call from a waitress at "X" restaurant, Dad is smashed and he fell down in the dining room and hit his head. He is bleeding from a cut over his eye.. etc etc." Long story short, I got him out of there and literally carried him out to my car and got him home. Last night I brought his car to my house where it sits now. He was diagnosed a few years ago. His Dad died from Alzheimer's at 72. He is 74. His attitude for the past year has been "My Dad was dead at this age so I can have as much wine as I like" Not realizing what the mixture of the Numenda and Arecept (sp?) with alcohol is doing to him After talking to my sisters and my brother, we decided that his driving days are over. Our biggest concern is that if this ever happened again, he could kill somebody, or himself. My brother and I took him out for lunch today to discuss what happened yesterday. When I picked him up, he was complaining that his knee hurt and that he fell in the driveway yesterday. When we sat down to eat, we came to the realization that he had NO idea what had happened the day before. We talked to him about adjusting to not having a car and letting our mother be the sole driver in the house. He was irritated but he seemed to accept it. We dropped him off less then an hour ago. About ten minutes ago my cell rings "WHERE THE HELL IS MY CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and "WHAT THE **** ARE YOU BOYS UP TO!!!!!!!!!" He didn't ever remember having lunch with his sons. All he knew was that his car wasn't there and we had something to do with it. He has always been the ROCK, and now this man that taught me to fish, throw a ball and took me to hockey or lacrosse tournaments at 4 in the morning is literally fading away in front of my eyes. This is tearing me apart Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnyderShrugged Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 rdsknbill, I am so very sorry that you are dealing with not only the awful illness that alsheimers is, but also watching your dad succumb to it. I know words are rather empty and impersonal, but if it helps, my family and I will be praying for you and him. My mom is dying of cancer right now and I understand the myriad of emotions that you must be going through. Please feel free to unload on me via PM if you need someone for support. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattFancy Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Man that's rough. My grandfather died a few years ago from parkinson's and alzheimer's so I know what you're going through. Some days he would remember us and other days he had no idea. It was really hard on my dad because they were so close. My grandfather loved to do things around the house like paint. Well when we moved into our new house he was helping my dad paint the walls. He just stood there and completely forgot what he was doing and how to paint. That's when my dad knew. Its tough, but just be there for him and make sure he stays safe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wantarace17 Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 I am very sorry you are going through this. My grandfather had Alzheimers and it didn't hit me until he didn't know my name over the phone. It's a horrible disease Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chachie Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Tough days indeed, Bill. My best thoughts to you and yours. Stay strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Corcaigh Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 It's a truly awful moment when you realize that the person who raised you and made you who you are is deteriorating to the point where they now have the mental skills of a frustrated and even an angry two year old. As in similar tragic situations, you will likely go through at least some of the familiar and perfectly natural phases of denial, anger, depression and finally acceptance: Once you reach the point of accepting the stage that your father's mental illness has now reached you can move forward and work with your family to decide the best care options and shared responsibilities. It can bring you and your siblings closer together. The limited comfort is knowing that you are doing what's right for him, however unpleasant the decisions may be and how hard he resists your assistance. Best of luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedskinFeathers Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Rdsknbill, so sorry to hear about your father. My mom is dealing with pretty much the same thing, and being the oldest and closest child to her father she is the one who takes him to his appointments and talks with the doctors. It's such a hard disease to deal with, I'll come home from college and sometimes my Grandpa will know who I am and other times he's pretty much like who the heck are you. Just try to enjoy the time you can spend with him, even if he won't remember it, at least you will. Stay strong, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Predicto Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 This is one of the hardest parts of life, when your parents stop being your "rock" and you start being theirs instead. I feel for you. Both of my parents died before they got to this point, so I haven't experienced it ,but I remember my father dealing with my elderly grandfather. Stay strong and be the rock for him the way he always was for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chipwhich Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Went through this 5 years ago with my grandfather. His last drive in a car was crashing into a ditch at a state troopers home in VA. He lived in MD. He was "going to see family". Problem was, we have no family where he was. Alzheimers just had him lost. The biggest problem after taking the car was the anger management, angry outbursts...the stress of it all almost killed my grandmother. Today he lives in a nursing home. Dropping him off at the nursing home was devastating at first. But his brain was so scrambled, he never knew the difference. My prayers go out to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingGibbs Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Dude. I am sooooooo sorry to hear this. It must be tearing you apart. The only advice I can give you is be there for him. Perhaps a support group. I'll pray for you and yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spjunkies Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Poor guy My prayers go out to your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicious Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Makes you wonder why people are so against stem cell research. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HOF44 Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Bill, Sorry to hear this. My family went through it also. Just one word of advice. Don't be to hard on yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnyderShrugged Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Makes you wonder why people are so against stem cell research. Not really appropriate to bring political issues into this very personal thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PCS Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 I have no idea what to say here Bill,except that we're here when you need us. This does suck to the nth degree I know. And it's tougher when you're the point man in a lot of this. It can wear a man down. Be strong for your dad and family,and they'll be strong for you. And if that's not enough,like I said,we'll be here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forehead Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 I haven't really experienced this personally, just my wife's grandmother. She still remembers everyone's name, but not what she did the day before. They take her to lunch at her favorite restaurant almost every day because it's always a treat for her. Other than that, I did volunteer work at a nursing home when I was in high school, and interacted with many people going through this. It can be tough. One gentleman, I took him outside every day to smoke a cigar, it was the one vice they let him keep. He would ask if I had seen his son Joe. He would call me Joe. This went on almost every day for two months. He wound up dying at the end of summer, before I went back to school, and I got to meet his family. He did in fact have a son named Joe, his eldest. He had two other sons as well; I think he called them (and his wife) Joe as well. Everyone was Joe to him. It was sad, but it's always good to see a family still caring for people in need. I pray I don't have to go through it with my parents, not because I wouldn't, but because, as you said, it's hard to see the rocks in your life switch places with you. My best to you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 I understand the feeling. If it helps you to be stronger, I'll point out that it's really hard on him, too. I'm going through similar things with Mom, right now, and I can tell you that she will never even admit that she needs me. She went through some serious anger a year or so ago, and I'm convinced that the main reason for it is that she resents me helping her. It's kind of like being a parent, except these "children" have been thinking of you as a child, for their entire lives. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SWFLSkins Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 First,my prayers are with you and your family. Second, be grateful for those times he spent with you, many of us did not have that growing up. I always remember after my mother died, my grandmother said something that makes complete sense for every loss, if they did not mean so much it really would'nt hurt so much. God be with you, and feel free to lean. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCollins Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 Sorry Bill, that's tough stuff right there. At age 61 my father had a massive stroke that took away a considerable amount of his competency, all of his speech, the use of his right arm and most of the use of his right leg. I took care of him for 3.5 years while his girlfriend sued me in 2 states for custody of him and his estate. It's a long story that didn't end well. So believe me I know what you're going through. Hopefully he'll settle down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sticksboi05 Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 I'm sorry man. It really is a horrible condition and one that we just don't have a handle on. We read about what stuff like Alzheimer's and Huntington's does in Psychology this past year and it's just awful. My grandfather is going through similar effects. I hope we can solve it one day and be able to get rid of it. Best wishes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Special K Posted September 1, 2009 Share Posted September 1, 2009 I am so very sorry Rdsknbill My thoughts go out to you and your family, and I will add you to my every-growing prayer list. We dealt with this same situation with my grandfather who passed away 4 years ago this Christmas. My dad is the only boy in the family and he had 4 sisters. All our aunts lived far away, so we moved Grammy and Grammpy onto our property and built them a house across the driveway where they lived out their final years. Anyway, it was so difficult for all of us to see the deterioration of Grammpy's health, but it was especially hard on my father. We would get calls all the time saying Grammpy was at so and so business and didn't know where he was supposed to pick up Grammy. Luckily we live in a small town and everyone kinda looked out for him. But we had to eventually hire a full-time caretaker for them, we took away their keys and the caretaker had to drive them to any appointments, and after grammy died, my grandpa was actually hitting on all the women in our family b/c he didn't remember us. We held on as long as we could, but toward the end it became really bad. We'd put Christmas lights up around his house to make it festive for the holidays, and each day they would be taken down. Put them back up, taken down, day after day after day. My grandpa got angry and got into a fist fight with my dad and we had to call my brother over to help subdue and sedate Grammpy. I know that was so hard on my dad. By the end, he only recognized my dad, barely...he didn't know anyone else in the family. I feel terrible for all families who have to go through this. It's heart wrenching to see someone who you looked up too, someone who was so accomplished in life, be reduced to what they are in the end. I am really sorry you are having to witness this and my thoughts and prayers are definitely with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vicious Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Not really appropriate to bring political issues into this very personal thread. Not a political issue when it is a personal one. It's a personal issue for many people, including me. Those of us effected by it tend to look into these things and support them. I know these "political issues" are just part of the game for a lot of people that draw conclusions on what side they want to be on depending on what network they watch or what candidate they support/hate. You think Aricept is effective enough? You're pretty clueless, there is no cure for this disease. It effects everyone that person is close to. Stem Cells/Embryonic Stem Cells is the best chance we have for a cure. Political issue? Get lost. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In Flames Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 My deepest sympathies. That said, my Grandmother had that disease, and it is heartbreaking to see such a vibrant person deteriorate so quickly, and not remember even the closest family. It truly is a horrendous disease that we can only hope they find some sort of cure for one day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gray Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Bill, My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Posted September 2, 2009 Share Posted September 2, 2009 Sorry to hear it, Bill. ~John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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