codeorama Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Well, about three weeks back, I posted a thread about how 2 of the biggest dreams I've had in my life came true... I became a teacher and I became a HS Varsity baseball coach. I literally made the comment to a friend at the gym "I'm just waiting for something negative to happen". It happened. (my apologies, I never thought I'd be typing one of these threads, but it actually is helping me cope) My wife of 10 years told me she didn't want to be married anymore the day after Halloween. Doesn't want to work things out or try to get counseling. That's it, too bad. We have a son that turns 3 in a few weeks. Nothing else in the world means anything to me except for him. If the tables were turned and I was unhappy in the marriage, I'd deal with it for the sake of my son. The sad thing is that I'm not upset with her wanting to leave as much as the thought of not seeing my son every day. The only bright spot (and I use that loosely) is that my wife is willing (at least for now) to give me physical custody. I told her that was the only thing that I cared about because I'd never leave, my family, my job, my baseball team are all here. She has family out of state. I personally think she is suffering from depression, she's had to take care of her mom recently, her parents expect a lot from her and money is tight. She shows all the signs, but she won't address it or seek help. As long as my son is with me, I'll be ok. And on a final note, my name sake "Cody" has to be put down this Friday...:( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Brave Little Toaster Oven Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Dude, I know somewhat of what you are going through. It WILL get better. Things happen like this only to make you stronger. I will be praying for you code. Maybe you can still work things out with your wife, I know she said she didnt, but feelings change Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The 12th Commandment Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I'm sorry bro. Can't tell you anything really, just be sorry with you. Funny how these threads really can be a way of coping. When you put it in writing it changes. Least it did for me and my troubles. Maybe she'll have a change of heart after a while. Regardless good luck with the kiddo and get a new dog asap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnyderShrugged Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I'm so sorry for what you are going through Code. When it all piles up, even those that dont have a strong faith can find solace in prayer. I definitely will be praying for you and your famiy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsOrlando Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Code, I went through a similar divorce situation last year, no kids involved but a very sudden, I don't want this anymore from my ex-wife and no chance of counseling or anything else. PM if you need to talk. Sorry about this all bro and losing the pooch sucks bro, really does. My thoughts and prayers to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sisko Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Wow Code, I'm really sorry man. That's incredibly sad. The divorce and child custody issues are bad enough but losing your dog is just the cherry on top of the crap sundae. All you can do is just hold on and get through it the best you can. I promise you things will eventually get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeknows Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 first off im sorry about your situation...... and im sorry about cody.... may your god help you find peace with that.... as far as the wife..... same thing happend to me a few years back.... wife of 10 years...... blah blah blah if she leaves that kid with you ......... get out and get a lawyer IMMEDIATELY i dont care the cost ....... if she leaves the kid with you.... he is yours because she has ABONDED HIM..... divorce is ugly even in the best circumstances..... it isnt how you play the game...... it is whether you win or lose..... take NO chances..... keep your mouth SHUT...... create a journal and write down her every word and action from here on out i know she was your best friend but she is about to become your biggest enemy and looking at it any other way is foolish.... let her leave the kid with you..... get a lawyer that day and file custody papers immediately......... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred Jones Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Sounds like you have some rough times ahead. Good luck in the coming days, weeks and months. However, just keep telling yourself that it will get better and things will work out in the end. Somewhere down the line you will be able to look back and say things did work out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgold Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I'm sorry. I don't really have words for this. Just know that you are correct in feeling everything you need to. Be strong for your little one, but take care of yourself too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fred Jones Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 first off im sorry about your situation...... and im sorry about cody.... may your god help you find peace with that....as far as the wife..... same thing happend to me a few years back.... wife of 10 years...... blah blah blah if she leaves that kid with you ......... get out and get a lawyer IMMEDIATELY i dont care the cost ....... if she leaves the kid with you.... he is yours because she has ABONDED HIM..... divorce is ugly even in the best circumstances..... it isnt how you play the game...... it is whether you win or lose..... take NO chances..... keep your mouth SHUT...... create a journal and write down her every word and action from here on out i know she was your best friend but she is about to become your biggest enemy and looking at it any other way is foolish.... let her leave the kid with you..... get a lawyer that day and file custody papers immediately......... It appears that Joe does know. Having initial physical custody is a big deal. Make her go to court to get visitation rights. Hopefully, you two can come to some type of compromise. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Wow, that's a hard weekend. I know how you feel with the wife, I wish mine had been as forthright, but c'est la vie. If you ever need to just vent, feel free to use my shoulder. And yes, who leaves the house is a BIG deal in custody cases. I retained custody of my son. As Joe also said, she's now the enemy, and everything you say in supposed confidence will end up in her lawyer's ear. File custody papers if she leaves the boy with you, and file immediately with child protective services so you can get her started on child support. Life isn't over, it just feels like it is. When it happened to me, a total stranger told me "It will get better" and I hung on those words like a mantra. And they were right. It did. ~John Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Weirdo Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Good luck code. I am sorry to read all of this. What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger, bud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prosperity Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I'm sorry Code, you sound like a stand up guy, so maybe your wife is just going to a very rough time... but I am not in place to do anything other than guess. I think things will work out for you one way or another eventually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luckydevil Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 I am sorry, Code. Just give it time, things will get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TK Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 first off im sorry about your situation...... and im sorry about cody.... may your god help you find peace with that....as far as the wife..... same thing happend to me a few years back.... wife of 10 years...... blah blah blah if she leaves that kid with you ......... get out and get a lawyer IMMEDIATELY i dont care the cost ....... if she leaves the kid with you.... he is yours because she has ABONDED HIM..... divorce is ugly even in the best circumstances..... it isnt how you play the game...... it is whether you win or lose..... take NO chances..... keep your mouth SHUT...... create a journal and write down her every word and action from here on out i know she was your best friend but she is about to become your biggest enemy and looking at it any other way is foolish.... let her leave the kid with you..... get a lawyer that day and file custody papers immediately......... Although there where no kids involved my ex & I split, this is spot on advice. You HAVE to use your head now & go into survival mode. Everything you do, you need to leave your emotions out of it. It's not going to be easy, but you will come out of it ok. Hell, I have more fun now then I did before I was married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsHokieFan Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Sorry to hear about this friend, you have been one of my favorite posters over the years here Best of luck to you, and I hope everything works out in the end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumbo Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 Very rough times, code. Very sad about Cody, and in the changes that seem lay ahead with your wife and son, you have to find friends to lean on and let it all out, while also digging down and getting ready to deal with serious **** you won't want to. There's good advice in this thread. Many of us have been there. When you're around people you trust, you can let down and let them carry you at times. In other situations, you just have to hang on and try to think clearly and behave carefully. Follow the good advice. Good luck, amigo. We're pulling for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dchogs Posted November 3, 2008 Share Posted November 3, 2008 wow, brother, i'm sorry to hear the bad news. i can't imagine the emotions... listen to the folks that have been through this before, but also make sure that you have someone that you can vent to. times will get pretty stressful, so you need that safety valve... psychologists or other professionals have the added benefit of client confidentality. just a thought. also sorry to hear about cody... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
joeknows Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 wow, brother, i'm sorry to hear the bad news. i can't imagine the emotions...listen to the folks that have been through this before, but also make sure that you have someone that you can vent to. times will get pretty stressful, so you need that safety valve... psychologists or other professionals have the added benefit of client confidentality. just a thought. also sorry to hear about cody... just to clear the point here..... if you go to a psych and she finds out..... client privilage CAN be overridden by a subpeona of records.......... just dont let her know if you need help..... good luck bud..... i think im back on the board now for a while so if you need to talk or some advice feel free to pm me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 Best wishes and God Bless Code. Wish I had some kind of words of wisdom for you, but I don't. I do know that there are some longstanding members of the community here who have been thru similar situations, and could probably offer you some great advice. No matter what, we're all here if you ever need to get anything off your chest. Also, I hope the wife gets the help she needs. Stories like this scare me to death, I'll be honest- because i'm in the same situation you are. Married with a 2 1/2 year old son- my family is my life. But what i do know about you, from our limited time shared in cyberspace, is that you're a very strong person. I don't doubt you'll meet this situation head on and come out on top, as is usual for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissU28 Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 so sorry to hear this Women can be heartless. And losing your dog is like losing your best friend, I've been there. Best of luck to you in regards to custody, and keep us updated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaddukes Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 Thats a shame. I'm sorry to hear about that. I hope that your wife will get better. But, good on you for stepping up and taking care of your son! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt Rich Fla Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 Good Lord! Who's story does this sound like? :doh: Another one bights the dust. You may not want to ask my opinion. I'll just tell you to loosen the lightbulbs in your swimming pool and coax her into going for a swim. Or bathing with a toaster. **** that psycho! NO, wait! I'm not going to do this again. I feel for you. Get your wallet ready. Your about to go from 6 figure salary to pizza delivery. Count on it. I'm sorry, but the rest of us guys are going through the same thing. I make the call to papa Johns tomorrow.:mad: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monte51Coleman Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 I am truly sorry to hear about your troubles. Take care of yourself and take care of that boy! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brianm23 Posted November 4, 2008 Share Posted November 4, 2008 Sorry for the loss of your dog. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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