What is your Relationship with your In-Laws?

[skinsmarydu]

Since my husband's suicide, his family rarely cares about my existence.  Got a call from a nephew a few days ago.  That's about it.

[Destino]

3 minutes ago, skinsmarydu said:

Since my husband's suicide, his family rarely cares about my existence.  Got a call from a nephew a few days ago.  That's about it.

That’s rough just to read, can’t imagine experiencing it. Sorry that’s happened to you. 

[TheGreatBuzz]

1 hour ago, skinsmarydu said:

Since my husband's suicide, his family rarely cares about my existence.  Got a call from a nephew a few days ago.  That's about it.

 

After my dad died, his whole side of the family essentially ghosted me for about 20 years. Some started reaching out and a few I've connected with, others can continue to **** off. 

[AJ*]

My in-laws are great, all a bunch of brainiacs of physicists and engineers with no social skills whatsoever, at least that's how my wife sees them lol. My mother in-law has doted on me since we first met and we've always been comfortable around each other, probably because we're both introverts and can be in the same room without having to talk. On the flipside when I take her to appointments we have great conversations during the car ride about mostly politics or any current events that's going on. I didn't find out until years later that after she first met me she told my soon-to-be wife "hold on to him, you won't find another like him" which is the ultimate compliment you can get from a future mother in-law.

 

My brother and sister in-law are the same way, get along with them great. My brother in-law and I bonded when a huge fight erupted in my mom in-law's house during the Thanksgiving holiday between other in-laws about the Planned Parenthood shooting that happened at the time. It was left wing family vs right wing family and it got heated and UGLY. My brother in-law got tired of the sniping and whispered to me "you want to get out of here"? So we snuck out and ended up seeing Spotlight at the theater and had a spirited discussion about the movie and other things afterwards. We've been close ever since. All my cousins are great too. I got really lucky in the family department. 

[Bang]

It's pretty good. 
My MIL is 86 and has dementia, barely speaks any English and lives in an assisted living facility in Toronto.

She likes me when she remembers who I am. 
When my wife and i got married about 22 yrs back, she came down and stayed with us for a couple weeks. 
I took her fishing, she enjoyed that, but we did have a language barrier. My wife told me that when my MiL was a young woman she was a projectionist in a Hong Kong movie house, so I turned on AMC, and she lit up instantly. Paul Nooman!, so we watched old movies for a week and had a ball.

 

~Bang

 

[China]

My in-laws are good people.  I never really got to know my wife’s father because he had a stroke before we dated and wasn’t very verbal afterwards.  Her mother was nice and very family oriented (probably because her family got split up during WWII and she was sent to the US by herself when she was 14.  Accordingly there were lots of family get togethers and I’ve been on many family vacations with them, although those have stopped since the matriarch passed away.  Everyone seems to get along well. Her brothers are all engineers and intelligent.  The only issue I have is that I’m a sports fan and nobody in her family cares a lick about sports.  I went to high school with her sister, my wife was a friend of my older sister.

[skinsmarydu]

Found out why things have been weird. 

One of my hubby's nephews has stomach cancer.  His mom (my SIL) is the executive director of the GA Coalition to End Homelessness and that's the nonprofit he's worked for.  Good guy, anyone's help would be greatly appreciated.  

 

https://gofund.me/a1825c8c

And his dad was a Redskins fan. 

[The Sisko]

 

On 4/4/2024 at 2:49 PM, skinsmarydu said:

Since my husband's suicide, his family rarely cares about my existence.  Got a call from a nephew a few days ago.  That's about it.

Damn, I'm so sorry. That's really tough. I can't even imagine. FWIW, I did give a donation to your nephew's gofundme. I encourage other ESers to do the same and I hope he makes a full recovery.

 

I knew very soon after talking with my wife for the first time that we had probably found our life partners. I was even more assured of it when I met her mother and aunts. They reminded me so much of my grandmother who raised me and her sisters. Mom re-divorced Mrs. Sisko's Dad a couple of years after we got married and she lived with us for almost 20 years until she died. My brother and sister in law were always truly grateful that I "allowed" Mom to stay with us and even more so that I helped take care of her when she got dementia until she died a year ago. What they didn't know is that their Mother was like my own mother to me and I gladly took care of her just as I did my own when she died of lung cancer.

 

My wife's brother and his wife are like my own siblings. They're very different from us in many ways but we respect and love each other for those differences. He had a brief rap career before his son was born and I'll never forget asking him (in Steve Urkel voice) "Hey Bro. what are these dubs they talk about in so many rap songs?" He probably should have taken my black card right then, but he kept a straight face and explained it to me. I still laugh about that. FWIW, I didn't lack exposure to black culture, but the ATL rap scene was totally different from the northern scene back then so I just hadn't heard a lot of it.

 

My wife's sister is a real piece of work. She was always the pretty sister whereas Mrs. Sisko, while damn nice looking, was the kind of nerdy chick I've always tended to fall for. So, the sister and I got into it once and she told me that I needed to shut up because I wasn't really even a part of the family because I wasn't related by blood...in my own crib. Of course I immediately told her to get the **** out of my house. Mrs. Sisko set her straight later, but this incident kind of set the tone for the relationship. That Sis-in-law has always been crazy but now I'm pretty sure she's starting to show early signs of dementia so that has tempered my hard feelings toward her somewhat. Even so, she's always been such a superficial, selfish, **** that it's hard sometimes. She's the polar opposite of the baby sister that died in her 30's who was the sweetest, most selfless person you'd ever want to meet.

 

Overall, I've been extremely lucky to have met such a wonderful woman willing to put up with me. Her family has been an added bonus that I'm equally as grateful for.

 

[Fergasun]

What's the opposite question?  "How are your children in-laws and their families?"  

 

My kids are at that point where they have started dating.  I love the family of the boy my daughter is dating, and the boy seems okay.  His mom is a known music artist (best I can tell she stopped making it to have a family).  It's trippy to be linked to someone whose music you listened to.  She's super nice... 

[Ball Security]

18 minutes ago, Fergasun said:

What's the opposite question?  "How are your children in-laws and their families?"  

 

My kids are at that point where they have started dating.  I love the family of the boy my daughter is dating, and the boy seems okay.  His mom is a known music artist (best I can tell she stopped making it to have a family).  It's trippy to be linked to someone whose music you listened to.  She's super nice... 

I feel like I remember you mentioning something about your daughter dating a fella that was into QAnon. Same dude, or did I totally make that up?

[Fergasun]

5 minutes ago, Ball Security said:

I feel like I remember you mentioning something about your daughter dating a fella that was into QAnon. Same dude, or did I totally make that up?

To some extent, but not exactly.   My son, his best friend and this boy have all had their brains fried by Tik Tok.  Not exactly QAnon.  I spend my weekends/whenever we hang out talking. At least we can talk about it openly and I don't disengage.  Mostly, young men between the ages of 15 and 20 (which they are) have been ingesting social media garbage.  To the point they think it is great fun trolling everything.  Here's a typical weekend when they are around. 

 

"Hey Fergasun... this is what Andrew Tate said.... [plays clearly mysoginistic Andrew Tate quote]  do you think he's right" 

 

"Hey Fergasun... me, and 'son of Fergasun' are gonna go to foreign countries and meet foreign girls and import them. American girls are such hoes.   American society is so degenerate.  What do you think?"

Me:  I don't think you should plan to meet the one like that. 

 

"HEy Fergasun... here's a Youtube

/BBC story about a woman who was so addicted to sex 5 times a day wasn't enough... " [proceeds to play it]... what do you think?"  

 

"Hey Fergasun... here's a crazy youtube story... [proceeds to play me a video about some police office dispatcher that was sleeping with 4 officers in their unit]... isn't that crazy?"  

 

"Hey Fergasun... I have a plan to rule the world... don't we all just sit around day dreaming about world conquest?   Anyways... [proceeds to share  about a plan that starts with putting some aggresive chemical in some eastern european country and getting them to militarily take over their neighbors....]  

Me:  So what happens when someone fights back like Ukraine is fighting Putin did you think about that?  

 

"Hey Fergasun... I have a conspiracy, I was watching this Youtube documentary about Rubin... do you think Netanyahu killed him?"

 

"Wanna see a war video?"  

 

It's great fun and I don't mind talking with them.  But it's insane what's in their heads.  This isn't why I used the Internet at that age.   Granted I was asl'ing around "aol chat rooms" (IRC) at that age and getting into worse problems.  My son and his best friend and their families are like our extended family.  This boy is just naturally along the same wavelength. 

 

The better ideas are supposed to win out... but if they only get garbage ... it pushes so much in their heads. Maybe I am a bad parent for giving my kids unfiltered Internet access. 

[skinsfan4128]

To answer the OP question: non-existent,  and that's the way I like it.

 

HTTR!

[Spaceman Spiff]

My MiL is pretty great.  Comes over for no reason just to clean the house, brings food, and she will not be denied when it comes to folding laundry. Takes care of the kid whenever she can.  

 

She's from the deep south so there's some religious nuttery/political nuttery but she doesn't bring that stuff hardly ever.  It's all based in feelings which isn't a surprise.  The couple of times she's brought up Trump, she's easily defeated by logic, she knows better now.

 

She's divorced from the FiL who lives in Raleigh, he's pretty great but starting to suffer from dementia.  The step MiL is great, too.  I've lucked out.

[The 12th Commandment]

Sadly MIL died when my wife was a girl.  From what I hear I would have loved her.  Stepmother in law (only married to FIL for a couple months but stayed in the kid's lives anyway) is an incredibly awesome lady, she performed our ceremony.  FIL is retired career military and a racist, opinionated, right wing jerk that no one much likes.  I've gotten along with him on a superficial level when I've seen him.  Wife can't stand him for all kinds of valid reasons so it's not often.

[mcsluggo]

My brother is kind of a dick... but i like him anyway   the rest are ok.... 

 

 

... actually... none of that is true.   I have won the family lottery.   

 

My wife's family INSTANTLY treated me like family, and not at all in a fake over-the-top way.   The parents always treated me great.  Sadly, my MIL died 2 months ago, and FiL died almost a decade ago      My wife's family had six kids; and although they technically lived in Norfolk in the 70s and 80s, they REALLY were raised during the great depression on Walton mountain --- the old TV show "the Waltons"... that WAS them.  Really.   that show was so corny and over-the-top... but my in-laws genuinely are/were that wholesome, and while that is cloying in a TV show, it is really nice in person  I met my wife in college and all of them during that time, and they had all graduated in the top three of their high-school (my wife was considered the under-achiever, because she wasn't #1 or #2, and didn't have to give a graduation speech), and were crazy achievers in college.   But... ridiculously... they treat ME like i am smart, in spite of all evidence to the contrary.   They are just plain and simple nice.    and... their wholesomeness also lets ME be the "rogue-bad-boy" of the family.  I am not.  I am an economist/statistician.... but in contrast to THEM, i am James Dean/Jonny Cash/Robert Mitchum ---- yeah, I'm old, too!.        

 

 

my brother also isn't a dick.  he just isn't as handsome nor as charming as me... and he gets jealous.  who can blame him???   (in my Walter Mitty world, at least)

 

Really, I also get along well with all of my own immediate and extended family.  My brother and sister live far away, and we don't get to see each other nearly enough, but we all love and actually genuinely like each other.       Also, my parents have both been dead for over 20 years, and  without them as a tether (sadly) those extended-family relationships have lost immediacy and become more distant.   It makes me sad, because i really like them all.   I mostly only see relatives on my dad's side occasionally at funerals now, which is a sad way to keep in touch.   My mom's side of the family was much smaller:  her parent's died when she was young, and i never knew much of her extended family, except her twin sister-- THEY were inseparable best-fiends.   they lived a couple of blocks from me growing up, and were like a parallel family (in the bizarro- superman sort of way)--   We were really close-knit, but they were polar opposites of my family in personality (my cousins were ALL top athletes, hard-working, super wholesome and gregarious/outgoing.. and grew up to be very very conservative.  my siblings and i were all nerdy dorks but still managed to get in trouble and get mediocre grades -- and all are uuber-pinko now.  

 

I actually see much more of my in-law family now than my original family.   We are all meeting in the Outer-Banks next month, like we do every year.  I see most f them several times every year --- and they STILL have their weekly pandemic-zoom get-togethers (and they ALL show up.  EVERY week... for like 2 hours!  EVERY WEEK.     and they almost all do Zoom book-club together, in addition.)   Such is life on the digital version of Walton-mountain in the 2020s.       

 

 

........ and i am sure that all my old-man cultural references are floating--- unrecognized----  by almost everyone's heads 😕 

[HOF44]

4 hours ago, mcsluggo said:

my brother also isn't a dick.  he just isn't as handsome nor as charming as me... and he gets jealous.  who can blame him???   (in my Walter Mitty world, at least)

😕 

If you would stop blaring Bob Seger records everytime he shows up you would see him more!!

[Die Hard]

We cool.

 

But I don’t call them mom/dad but rather first names. We’re mostly just polite. They live down 5 minutes down the street from me… and I see them about 3x/year (mostly holidays/family gatherings). I don’t see my own parents much more than that either.

 

I tend to be the main cook for their family events… that’s how I build any goodwill. I’m good at small chat and am probably the life of their parties (humor) when I’m up for it… other times I just show up and couldn’t be bothered.

 

Theyre not really a warm and touchy feely family (no hugging/handshakes, etc)… basically all introverts and socially awkward.

Edited April 9 by Die Hard

[mcsluggo]

4 hours ago, HOF44 said:

If you would stop blaring Bob Seger records everytime he shows up you would see him more!!

 

i'd rather stab an icepick in my own ears................  but both would be better than listening to the Eagles

[Captain Wiggles]

6 minutes ago, mcsluggo said:

 

i'd rather stab an icepick in my own ears................  but both would be better than listening to the Eagles

 

[mcsluggo]

1 hour ago, Captain Wiggles said:

 

 

this is true.       but its a Sisyphean task to make the eagles suck less.

[ixcuincle]