What is your Relationship with your In-Laws?

[PleaseBlitz]

Simple question, which assumes you are married or have a significant other. 
 

I think I’m an outlier here, I freaking love my inlaws. My MIL is staying at my house this week. She will (1) take over 90% of the childcare duties, (2) clean my house from stem to stern, (3) walk the dog 6 times a day (dog usually gets 3 walks), (4) do the entire backlog of laundry, and (5) make my daughter do her homework. 
 

It’s a mini vacation for me. 
 

FIL will pick her up at the end of the week and he’s a PhD engineer so if anything needs fixing, he fixes it. 
 

I obviously lucked out. A lot of my friends have horror stories or are locked in power struggles with their inlaws who may be domineering, manipulative, or straight up psychopathic. 
 

How are your inlaws?

[Renegade7]

Never met them, MIL barely speaks English, but her and FIL we cool.

 

They still in rural Nigeria, MIL defends us hard with respect to traditions and reality, especially during COVID.

 

Plan is to meet in Lagos first, Wife hasn't seen them since coming to states, but can apply for full citizenship end of this year.

 

I've tried to get better at Ijaw so Wife doesn't have to translate as much, have excel sheet on my phone I've been building.

 

Good peoples that keep things in perspective, but my Wife's relationship with them is very different from relationship with mine, example mine lived with us recently for a year.  So I have to respect she knows her parents and living with them better then I do.

[Forehead]

I chose fine.  My FIL passed away a few years ago sadly, I really liked him.  About the only thing that was even close to an issue is they are/were hyper religious.  He actually became a pastor later in life and they spent a lot of time in Brazil doing missionary work, which is where he passed.

 

My wife and I are religious but extremely lazy, don't go to church and haven't done much with our kids other than explain religion.  My MIL used to FaceTime with our kids when they were younger and read to them from a kid's bible but they weren't interested.

 

We actually still joke (not around MIL) about the time FIL thought everyone would like to go around the table at Thanksgiving and discuss what they're thankful for.  Not to mention wanting to do a communion in the living room.  He had to be pulled aside afterwards and told that was going to be the last time because no one else was into it.

 

Other than the uber-religion thing, which I can respect, I had no real issues.

 

My wife is one of five sisters.  One of them, I could spend every day with her and her husband, they're great people.  The other three are fine, but I need a break after a few hours.

[Destino]

My mother-in-law is hilariously awful. Let’s start with the first words she ever said to me. My wife introduced me and she said “it’s so nice to see my daughter make a white friend.” I then told her my name, which is unmistakably Hispanic and she said “hah, so much for that.” 

 

If you think being a ridiculous racist is bad, dear reader we have only just begun.

 

She skipped her own brothers funeral, which I attended, to rifle through his belongings and steal a bunch of ****. She also got a death certificate and tried to empty his bank accounts. Damn shame too because my wife’s uncle, the dearly departed, might be the coolest guy I’ve ever met. Navy cook, jazz musician, music teacher, wearer of many great hats, and all around man of the world. We all found out at the funeral he was in the CIA when about 20 CIA employees showed up. No one knew. Not even his ex wife and son.

 

Back to my mother-in-law, as this sordid tale continues. She had my wife removed from her grandmothers house, telling police she was an intruder. My wife was there to help take care of her grandmother because her health took a bad turn. Poor old lady had a front row seat to watch her son die of a heart attack. She fell from her wheelchair trying to reach for a phone and couldn’t get up. She was screaming for help on the kitchen floor while he passed. Anyway it seemed weird that my mother-in-law was irrationally demanding that only she care for her mother. Confusion soon cleared when my mother in law effectively stole the house, and the entire estate, the moment the her mom died. 
 

it gets worse. She decided not to bury the grandma next to grandpa, despite her wishes to be buried next to her husband having been made clear. When asked why she would do such a thing, she said that she herself may want to be buried next to her father one day. 
 

We’ll leave it there. I could say more but I think I’ve provided enough to paint a fine portrait. We haven’t spoken to her in ten years or so. Fine by me, but it’s hard on my wife. 

 

my father-in-law is dead, but I did meet him on his death bed. I think my wife and I had been dating for a few months. That was the first time my wife had seen him since she was in elementary school. He did the whole cliche leave your family and go start another family in another state thing, only to show up again to die and express all his deep regrets. He even told me to take care of his little girl, just like in the movies. And I have. 
 

My sister-in-law is cool though. So it’s not all bad. 

[PleaseBlitz]

23 minutes ago, Destino said:

My mother-in-law is hilariously awful. Let’s start with the first words she ever said to me. My wife introduced me and she said “it’s so nice to see my daughter make a white friend.” I then told her my name, which is unmistakably Hispanic and she said “hah, so much for that.” 

Wow Des. Thanks for sharing. Jeezzzzz

[Forehead]

Des, how was she able to empty bank accounts or steal an estate?  Was she listed as a beneficiary and managed to cut everyone else out, or lack of a will sort of thing?

[PleaseBlitz]

I honestly can’t even deal with @Destino’s ****. Ive disowned my brother for being a ****, but ….wow

[tshile]

I tried to love my inlaws

it didn’t go very well

 

now we get along well enough we can get together for things, and they certainly help out whenever we ask. 
 

but the relationship has a low ceiling now. I guess it always did it just took me a long time to realize that. 

[Destino]

29 minutes ago, Forehead said:

Des, how was she able to empty bank accounts or steal an estate?  Was she listed as a beneficiary and managed to cut everyone else out, or lack of a will sort of thing?

She wasn’t able to empty the accounts. She tried but the bank called his son. 
 

the house, according to her brothers, was the ol disappearing will trick. Don’t know the details of how she pulled it off. They were pissed, sure she falsified documents, but none of them seemed surprised. Why would they be, I’d known her for a much shorter time and I thought it was entirely on brand. I walked far away after that, my wife was losing weight and crying all the time. I just told everyone to leave us out of it. 

[tshile]

I don’t have a parent or in law like that. 
 

but I watched and aunt do the same thing - slight differences in details that don’t matter. And destroy an entire family. 
 

you really don’t get to know people until there’s real money at stake, and then you see who they really are. 

[Destino]

31 minutes ago, PleaseBlitz said:

I honestly can’t even deal with @Destino’s ****. Ive disowned my brother for being a ****, but ….wow

I haven’t even told you about my brother-in-law yet. lol

 

My family is happy though, this stuff is in the past. 

[redskinss]

Am I the only one who thinks it's a little weird that we call our wives or husband's siblings our sister or brother in laws.

If she's your sister and she's my sister doesn't that make us brother and sister?

Lol

[Destino]

Just now, redskinss said:

Am I the only one who thinks it's a little weird that we call our wives or husband's siblings our sister or brother in laws.

If she's your sister and she's my sister doesn't that make us brother and sister?

Lol

 I refer to my sister in law as just “sister.” 

[redskinss]

2 minutes ago, Destino said:

 I refer to my sister in law as just “sister.” 

 

I call mine my sister in law and I have a good relationship with my in laws.

 

It was more of just a silly observation, but truth be told I can't think of anything else you could really call them.

[Fergasun]

Started out rocky, but mainly because I have a little bit of a "being a prick" streak in me and they have caused all sorts of trauma for her that I have had to deal with (that she still doesn't seem to deal with that well). 

 

My wife was raised by her grandparents, and her "mom" is actually her step-mom. She didn't really find out until maybe 20?  So that explained all the favoratism her brother received (plus Asian culture things).  My real MIL apparently was mental and killed herself -- which I have always thought "did she really?"... but my wife has no desire to dig up that far into her background...

 

They weren't over here.  I met her grandparents and aunts and uncles so many times while we were dating.  It's one of the better things about asian culture vs. my own family (but it could just be my family things).  So many family gatherings.  Her father though was originally against our marriage.  Quickly though, when I met them, he changed his mind. 

 

We helped sponser them and brought them over.  They caused so many issues for us... or maybe me.... which I never get any credit for dealing with.  A totalled car, which my wife insisted we give them the insurance money, business stuff that went bad, etc.  Fortunately that is all in the past. 

 

My father and her father share the same birthyear.  My mother and hers also share the same birth years.  Both of my parents have passed away, so they have somewhat become "surrogate" parents, but not really.  I didn't learn their language and they don't speak english well (ironic since they received citizenship under Trump).

 

As time goes on, you see what is important in life (at least most people do...).   Your own parents pass away.  You see grandchildren.  Even later in life, perspective changes.   We see them about once every couple of months - and I insist we keep meeting that way.  I am happy to see them at peace with the little bit of life they have - both are still healthy in their 70s.  Their life isn't all that great from my standards, but that is also something I have to work on.  Her grandmother lived to 98 and they helped care for her (aunts and uncles have health issues).  We figure, when one of them passes, the other will go to her brother's house. 

[Califan007 The Constipated]

 

Well, they're my ex-in-laws, not my in-laws lol...but even after my ex-wife and I broke up my relationship with my ex-wife's family remains strong (as does my ex-wife's relationship with my family). We seriously all get along fantastic--her family, my family, all of us. As of course does my ex-wife and I, we're all still close.

[EmirOfShmo]

I had a great relationship with my in-laws. My FIL was quiet. He liked baseball so we always had something to talk about. They moved to RVA once he retired. He worked as an usher at the Diamond when the Bravess AAA team was here. I would take my son, buy cheap seats & then go down to the seats behind the home team dugout where he worked. Sadly, he passed away ~16 years ago. My MIL passed away ~3 years ago. She was great, too. Funny and someone we could always count on to help when we needed it....

[gbear]

I have a great relationship with my in-laws.  Before dating my wife, I used to visit their house just to say hi.  In fairness, my sister-in-law was one of my best friends in college.  I met my wife visiting her.  

 

When we were getting married, we were having a hard time figuring out on which side of the aisle my sister in law should be.  She could have been my best man, but she is my wife's sister...so we put her in the middle and her officiate the wedding.  

 

My father-in-law and I took my mother on a week long rafting trip down the Grand Canyon the year after my wife and I married, and both my MIL and FIL have always been generous with money, time and experience helping us around the house and raising kids.  As my wife and I adopted 4 kids, we think it has been critical to their sense of self to be accepted as family both within our walls and within our extended family.  Having a relatively close relationship with my in-laws made this easier as my parents don't live near us.  They also make sure we have a place to stay at our 5 year family reunions in Arkansas (again helpful with 4 adopted children).

 

My brother-in-law went on a 5 day trip to Yellowstone with me as my wife's birthday present to me for my 40th.  He was there to cheer me on as I ran my half marathon there after hiking with me for the previous 3 days to see the sights.  It was like having a personal guide as his sister used to be a ranger there, and he had visited her a few times. 

 

All in all, I lucked out marrying into the right family. 

[TradeTheBeal!]

[TheGreatBuzz]

I'll hold off on another trauma dump because I get the feeling that isn't always appreciated. I selected miserable because, not surprising, my family is a train wreck and Buzzette is stuck trying to clean up messes as they happen. At least my maternal side has started dropping like flies so I suspect there won't be much to deal with much longer. Bonus, due to a recent suicide, I'm now the oldest known living male in my bloodline. I'm 42.

 

Buzzette's dad side is okay. They're weird but I suspect it's probably like most families. Her mom is a more recent struggle. She was mostly normal earlier in our relationship. In the last decade, she started hanging out with a different crowd and now she is essentially MAGA but doesn't say it. She is everything you think of when you think Southern Maryland. That was manageable but the last 2 years or so, she has prioritized spending time with friends than her kids. So that's fun. Feels like the one 'normal' family I see falls apart too. 

[Skinsfan1311]

We get along fine, but I don't see them much, which is okay by me.

Mrs. Skinsfan would say the same about my family.

[Corcaigh]

Both have passed now but could not have been kinder, more supportive, and positive.

 

But that's understandable, as I was such a huge catch for their daughter.

[Ball Security]

12 hours ago, PleaseBlitz said:

I honestly can’t even deal with @Destino’s ****. Ive disowned my brother for being a ****, but ….wow

Good thread. 
 

Would like to hear more about your brother. I wonder what will happen with mine when the time comes for my folks move on. No falling out, just no effort is made in having any type of relationship.

 

Not sure if any of the poll choices fit my relationship with my in-laws. As I’ve gotten older, the less I give a rats ass about how they feel about me. I know that annoys them, but it’s the healthiest path for me. Time is short and nothing lasts forever (even cold November rain).
 

I think if your in law family has characteristics or ways about them that are different than your own, you end up finding annoyances and faults. But neither one is really wrong.

 

I have a laundry list of events from early in my marriage that really bothered me with them. But the way I see them treat my sister in law (wife’s brother’s wife) bothers me more than how they’ve interacted with me over the years.

 

They are loving grandparents to my children which is really all I care about. And we’re fortunate that our politics somewhat align. That made navigating COVID a lot easier for us than others.

[TheGreatBuzz]

In what could be an interesting connection to this thread, has anyone in here adopted an animal from a rescue called Pets In Need Southern Maryland? 😂

[LadySkinsFan]

My daughter's father's family was always kind to me. He committed suicide when she was 3, I never saw them after the funeral because he didn't tell his family about her. My first girlfriend's mother was accepting, controlled alcoholic, the father was dead. She was still alive when we broke up and I didn't see her again, the siblings were okay. My second girlfriend's mother was a sweet woman who died too soon. I wish I had known her longer. The parents were divorced so never met the father, met a couple of the aunts who were accepting. Her siblings were a strange mix and I was glad to leave them behind when we parted. My last girlfriend's parents were dead, her son didn't like me and when he committed suicide are relationship lasted a while longer but didn't survive. 

 

When my daughter married, I told her I wouldn't interfere in her relationship she could always come to me and I wouldn't offer advice unless she directly asked for some. My ex SIL is a nice man, a good father, not very ambitious sadly. Whenever we meet, it's cool.