Is ok to take a girl to a nice/expensive restaurant on a first date?

[Gibbs Hog Heaven]

One time I took a girl to a fancy dinner for a first date. It was a restaurant in Honolulu that was at the top of a building that had glass windows from ceiling to floor all the way around. White table cloths, 50 dollar plus entrees, the whole nine yards.

Man, was it expensive. Then, after thinking about it, over the next 24 hours, it only wound up being like 20 dollars per time that I ejaculated. I can't even get a subscription for a month on a good smut site for that amount. All in all, it was a good return on investment.

Nice to see an Eagle cum out on top for once.

---------- Post added March-30th-2011 at 01:55 PM ----------

Oh, and if the girl doesn't offer to pay on the first date, she's not worth your time. Don't let her pay, but she should offer.

So "going Dutch" is best left to date two and beyond huh?

Hail.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

Really?? That's a pretty tough standard. I don't think I ever had a date offer to pay. Of course, I haven't dated in almost 10 years.

I've never heard that either, and I never expected it.

I always thought that sometime within the first three or four dates, the girl should offer to pay. It shows a depth of character or something.

A girl volunteering to "Go Dutch" usually indicated (to me at least) that this is going nowhere.

[Pick6]

I have actually heard that if the girl offers to pay on a first date. It is because she feels like it is rude to make the guy pay for a whole date, when she knows she isn't that into to him.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

I have actually heard that if the girl offers to pay on a first date. It is because she feels like it is rude to make the guy pay for a whole date, when she knows she isn't that into to him.

Yea...That's usually been my experience. Offering to pay for the first date is probably a bad sign. Offering to split a first date is a definite bad sign.

[JMS]

Here's your issue. You think of dating as a power play, as evidenced by this statement.

Truthfully I don't. Truthfully I wasn't talking about "dating". I was talking about first dates, almost exclusively. I was advocating for managing them with simple consistent rules, not to exert power but rather to avoid misunderstandings, stress or problems.

Noting that problems can easily occur when you don't know much about the other person as is the case on first dates.

If you have to have an "advantage" on your first date, you're not with the right person.

I strongly disagree. There is an interact give and take in dating. there are shared responsibilities and powers and their are elements of each set aside exclusively for each player. You may like to put all the cards on the table and let the lady do the picking.... hey whatever floats your boat... That's not my recommendation though... Etiquette says the person who asks gets to make the plans. That's not a hard rule, but this is an opportunity for you to demonstrate non verbally a little about yourself. Nice restaurant, nice environment, maybe something a little artsy shows you've thought it out. I wouldn't call that a power play, but rather the bar minimum a man should bring to the first date.

I see what you're saying, though, compromise and doing something both of you would enjoy, and knowing that to be fact, is such a bad thing to have happen.

That's good stuff for a relationship... not sure if you want to be so squishy that you can't even pick a first date location by yourself without offending the lady.

---------- Post added March-30th-2011 at 03:35 PM ----------

Right...you shouldn't be trying to trick a girl you're going on a date with or anything like that.

Trick? You should have a game plan to survive the first date which maximizes your assets and minimizes your liabilities. If that is trickery then I can't help you.

[Mickalino]

I have actually heard that if the girl offers to pay on a first date. It is because she feels like it is rude to make the guy pay for a whole date, when she knows she isn't that into to him.

If she's not that into him, then she's not going to pay for it herself

[Gibbs Hog Heaven]

I've never heard that either' date=' and I never expected it.

I always thought that sometime within the first three or four dates, the girl should offer to pay. It shows a depth of character or something.

A girl volunteering to "Go Dutch" usually indicated (to me at least) that this is going nowhere.[/quote']

Oh, I've had girls offer to split the cost of a first date that have resulted in way more than a one off date. I've never accepted first time out, but that's just me. I was always raised old school in so much as the man takes care of his date; but in today's day and age with woman becoming far more liberal I see no wrong in a woman splitting the cost of a meal say.

Hail.

[renaissance]

Never thought I'd see hate for a girl offering to pay. I'm not saying she has to offer to pay for the whole date, just her half of dinner. It is definitely not a sign that she's not interested. It's a sign that she doesn't need nor expect you to pay for her. Maybe you boys just like to feel needed in that way though.

---------- Post added March-30th-2011 at 02:39 PM ----------

If she's not that into him, then she's not going to pay for it herself

I agree with this.

[JMS]

Wow, not sure what to make of this.

First off, my fiance hates sports and never watches any sporting event with me. She somewhat likes going to games, but really only hockey about once a year and a few baseball games when its nice to be outside.

The point was not to get her to act like me, but to show her what I'm like. If you really are against being yourself in your marriage, then i'd suggest you probably aren't in a very good marriage. Being yourself doesn't mean you don't put your wife before yourself either, but it just means that you don't take someone to the opera on your first date if you're never gonna go there again.

I'm not against being yourself in your marrage... But I am for accomidating your wifes interests. You say your wife doesn't like sports. But evidently think it was a fine idea to take her to a bar to watch a hocky game on your first date. That worked out for you, but only because your girl put up with that. I gave you the example of being the only straight man at a Mama Mia performance.... Or going to a nail salon and getting your toenails painted... Examples of your wife "being herself" on your first dates. Great for you if you like that kind of stuff....

Personally I would caste my net a little wider and not try to lay yourself out for her on your first date. Personally I would pick a casual neutral place with background entertainment. Something that would take pressure off of you or her to carry the evening. Something that you both might enjoy.

But that's just me.

And to the Mammia point of your post, the answer is YES. Of course I would appreciate her showing me that. If she didn't show me that, and then in year two of her marriage all of a sudden she was telling me she wanted to go to musicals every week, I'd be a little confused. I'd much rather her show me herself before we get married. It doesn't mean we have to like everything that the other likes. It means that we should know what each other like going into marriage.

Yes Yes, but not on the first date. The first date isn't a comprehensive inventory of your likes and dislikes; that comes over time. The first date should be much more relaxed laid back and neutral. You should show her you've thought about it, whether you had to or not, and it should be something that you think she would enjoy doing; not necesarily something you enjoy. Not on the first date... Again just me, it worked out for you, so you did great in your instance... Just speaking generically.

I sense a lot of anger in your post, so I'm not sure what that's about.

Edit:

I've read a few of your other posts, and I think you seriously misunderstand romantic relationships. Or, you aren't explaining yourself clearly. Or your are being silly. Not sure what it is, but people should be comfortable with themselves and with showing others themselves if the relationship is going to work. :2cents:

I'm not really speaking of romatic relationships. I'm speaking abou first dates. And I am being a little silly.

And I don't think the time to let all your foibles lay out on the table is the first date. Some girls might think it's charming that you read comic books, or wear socks several days in a row, or sometimes don't shower every morning... Just don't bring that stuff up on the first date is all I'm saying. That stuff falls under the gradual get to know you kind of stuff. Good stuff and bad stuff... Not the first date.

---------- Post added March-30th-2011 at 03:48 PM ----------

From a female perspective, just stay casual and low key on the first date..

that's all I'm saying...

---------- Post added March-30th-2011 at 03:54 PM ----------

I like the "boring" dinner and a movie. But yeah, scratch Outback. Also, scratch Ruth's Chris or something crazy expensive. Go somewhere like Coastal Flatts or Swee****er Tavern or one of those more interesting "chains." You can also never go wrong with Clyde's.

Clydes has kind of gone down hill... Last time I was there got dirt in my salad. Stuart Davison dies and everything goes to hell. But I agree some small interesting place.. not Red Lobster or Olive Garden.

[abdcskins]

...which is probably why I said to not go formal. :pfft:

Nope. I mean, except for the fact that you're putting huge pressure on her the very first time you're in a "dating" setting, you're probably forcing her to choose a dinner she doesn't really want because she's afraid of ordering the expensive stuff that's actually good, you're making everything far too formal which in turn makes her feel as though she can't open up as much as she would like, you're coming off as too desperate, and you're taking a big hit to your wallet for a girl who you might not want anything to do with in a week. But yeah, besides all of that, there's nothing wrong with the idea.

You think too much. If you really think she is going to feel awkward then just say "get whatever you want." I'd rather go to a nice restaurant where you can sit in comfort, talk naturally, and eat good food than some noisy bar or half-assed restaurant.

I'm far from arrogant (anyone who has seen me post knows this), but I've taken several girls on first or second dates to nice restaurants the past few years and we had a wonderful time and ended up either being together, hooking up, or being good friends. Just on Monday I took a cute little 21 year old hispanic chick to Il Fornaio in Manhattan Beach (which is nice but not over the top like Spago or Ortolan) and we ended up hitting it off. I'm gonna see her again tomorrow.

So the final answer is that 1) it doesn't matter where you take her in the end as long as you are yourself and remain confident. Just don't take her to some fake chain restaurant like Chili's or something. 2) If you decide to take her to a nice restaurant do it because you want to, not because you are trying to impress her. And just let it be natural from there. Everything will be okay.

[Darth Tater]

Yea...That's usually been my experience. Offering to pay for the first date is probably a bad sign. Offering to split a first date is a definite bad sign.

Well, if she offers to pay for the whole date, that usually means she wants to use and abuse you which may not be a bad thing depending on what you are up for and what she's into.

[Prosperity]

get drunk and go do some karaoke

... next time

[Special K]

Here's my perspective as a female, fwiw...

I wouldn't like the fancy date in the beginning. Personally, I was typically already nervous on a first date and having to worry about being completely proper and "mature"on a first date was pretty miserable for me (and I did a first date before at a fancy restaurant where the guy tried to impress me...and it wasn't one of the better dates I've been on). I had a lot more fun doing things like bowling, or something low key where we could be silly and laugh a lot. But who knows, maybe this girl likes fancy stuff like that...that's just my opinion.

[DallasBlowsBig]

thanks for the help guys, now I am trying to decide between Old town or Arlington, not easy to decide

[Sticksboi05]

thanks for the help guys, now I am trying to decide between Old town or Arlington, not easy to decide

Go to Old Town. Arlington has been overrun by yuppies.

[renaissance]

Faccia Luna in Clarendon is a nice first date spot. It can get up to like $15-20 per person depending on what you order, but nice atmosphere, good food, and it's not a huge chain.

[No Excuses]

Arlington would be a safe bet. The yuppies comment is far from true. You'll find the same type of people in both places.

[Thiebear]

Old Town for the win.

Hit the torpedo factory (Art) with vendors around that are cool, the parrot guy is there still?

Waterfront walk and places to duck in for a beer or a cozy place to eat at regular prices.

Dont like it... walk 20 feet theres a band playing.

Don't forget to tell her "No pressure, but my baby momma has to have a memory of going out at least once".

[Special K]

Oh, and if the girl doesn't offer to pay on the first date, she's not worth your time. Don't let her pay, but she should offer.

I wouldn't say she's not worth a guy's time, but IMO, a girl should always offer to pay, or help pay for a first date. I always did...I would have felt really uncomfortable if I didn't offer to pay.

[KDawg]

I guess the disagreement you and I have, JMS, is when you should be "dating".

I'm not the type of guy that asks just any girl out on a date. I don't ask a girl out unless I'm definitely interested and there's a mutual interest back (or what I perceive to be one) which means I would have needed to have some kind of interaction prior to the date.

So a first date for me, isn't like a first date for you... So I guess that's where we have differing philosophies on how to approach a first date.

[TD_washingtonredskins]

I wouldn't say she's not worth a guy's time, but IMO, a girl should always offer to pay, or help pay for a first date. I always did...I would have felt really uncomfortable if I didn't offer to pay.

I'm a notorious over-thinker, but I would have taken that as a bad sign when I was still in the game. I would have thought that she felt wrong letting me pay since she wasn't that interested and wanted to help me out financially.

[The Brave Little Toaster Oven]

Go to the Evening Star Cafe in Del Ray - youre welcome.

Low key place that isnt too expensive and has a nice vibe about it so you dont come across as 'I spent all this money on dinner so you would want to play polly-wolly dingdong tonight' - I think I got he BLT Mac and Cheese when I went

Across the street there is a chocolatier place that sells all sorts of hot chocolates...go there afterwards and just walk down the street together and talk with your gourmet hot chocolate.

Toaster Oven = date genius.

[Special K]

I'm a notorious over-thinker, but I would have taken that as a bad sign when I was still in the game. I would have thought that she felt wrong letting me pay since she wasn't that interested and wanted to help me out financially.

I guess I've always looked at it as a courteous gesture...plus, I've never been really comfortable with anyone paying for me for anything, date or no date. If I could tell a guy was really intent on be very traditional and paying for me, and I thought it would hurt his feelings if I offered, then I would let him pay (which was very rare). However, my mindset is to make myself as little of a burden on others as possible...so when I didn't know the guy really well and it was our first date, I'd always offer to help out and "pull my weight" essentially. I don't know, I'm a litttle weird like that I guess...

[Elessar78]

My wife, aside from picking ME up at a bar, is über-traditional. Six months into serious dating she had not paid for a thing or offered to pay for a thing. Not a cup of coffee, not to tip a barista. Nothing.

Finally, I had to talk to her about it because a) I was starting to feel used and it was getting expensive. She was a professional and all the other professional ladies I had dated prior seemed to be up front about picking up the tab for some stuff. Her explanation was just that: she was traditional and (straight face) never occurred to her that she had to pay for anything during the "courting" process. Yes that word was used.

Traditional has it's perks. I grew up in a single-mom household so I knew how to cook, clean for myself. My wife feels awful when she can't be home in time to make dinner or I come home to a messy house. Not that I expect these of her at all . . . I must've been Jesus' errand boy or something in a past life.

[Bonez3]

Go Big, absolutely. Seems like you guys already had some conversations to get to this point.

If she really seems special, even this early on, go with it. MAybe she's the one. If she is, think of the great story you two will have and always want to go back to that restaraunt. Don't overthink it, trust yourself.