Is this adultery?

[Skin'emAlive]

The more I think about it....I might not confront my wife about the IM's/text messages....that could lead to the "you don't trust me" bull****. Instead, I'd have a dozen roses sent to her place of employment with a card that says something nice and is signed "Love, Tony"...

...when she thanks Tony and he says I didn't send them...I can only imagine the oh **** look on her face....she'll know she is caught then...

:applause: :applause: :applause: :applause: :applause:

[Destino]

The more I think about it....I might not confront my wife about the IM's/text messages....that could lead to the "you don't trust me" bull****. Instead, I'd have a dozen roses sent to her place of employment with a card that says something nice and is signed "Love, Tony"...

...when she thanks Tony and he says I didn't send them...I can only imagine the oh **** look on her face....she'll know she is caught then...

You could always be a sneaky mofo and have flowers sent to your house when you know you and the wife will be home will be home with a card that says "love, Tony (aka *IM screen name*" ) For even greater effect continue spying until she mentions that she will be home with you to Tony, so she knows he knew you would be together and it looks like he planned it.

That would make for interesting dinner conversation.

Don't get me started on shady ****, I'm the king of shady.

[Art]

Total ***ing bull****. You're backpedaling because you exposed yourself to be the scary ***hole that you are. And now you fear consequences, which you're used to delivering as a moderator but not used to suffering.

See post #203 in the link below.

http://www.extremeskins.com/forums/showthread.php?t=155755&page=14&pp=15

Actually, in a conversation one often utilizes the words of others to formulate a response. I'm certainly not wrong that you didn't allow yourself a contextual read of the words you saw. As Candace wrote to me:

I dont get this ... it's like you guys are placing all of the blame on the other man. It's not his fault. It's the wife. The need for a beatdown? Not necessary. And what's gonna happen if the wife says that she won't contact Tony anymore and then she reaches out to him later? Are you gonna kick her @ss then?

As I replied to her direct question, once you've had the confrontation and the wife promises she's done with Tony, calling it off, then you discover she lied, AGAIN, what do you do then. I said believe it or not, yes, you may be right to give her a beatdown in those circumstances and while such a response should probably be encouraged, at the very least, you will do everything in your power to take everything away from her you can.

There are no consequences here for having a point of view and addressing it. There are not even consequences for you not understanding something and getting worked up about it. As evidenced by you still being here .

[Art]

....what if Tony is bigger than you? and a black-belt?

...now you are not only out a wife, but you are in the hospital with a broken jaw/ribs/neck???

My best friend was 5-10, 250 or so. A high school football player. He and his dad got into it once in front of me and his dad started laughing. He held his hand on his pocket and said, "As long as I have this wallet and THAT bat, you're still going to listen to me." The father was like 5-2. It was very funny, mostly because I laughed, making my friend laugh . But, the moral of the story is, there are always bats .

[AJ_Skins]

Rubbish is suggesting what I've said is let's beat our spouses because we can. No one has said that. However, I do refuse to say if you beat an unfaithful spouse, I'm probably not going to find a lot of fault in the action. Ultimately that response, while potentially not appropriate for all, may be perfectly appropriate for some while representing a far lesser actual impact than the infidelity itself. If you ever catch me suggesting we should beat our significant others because we can, let me know. You apparently seem to think the woman has the right to take everything away from the man, emotionally, physically, family, all, and the man should do absolutely nothing about it ever. While I don't say it is always the way to go, certainly, I can appreciate it is SOMETIMES perfectly right to expect a vast betrayal of this sort to have a physical response. I also have no problem understanding a woman who may try to run her husband down in a car because he constantly was unfaithful. I have far more understanding for people in those situations who are so betrayed they lash out than I do for people betrayed who are unable to act.

As I said, in society today, it's not common to see someone willing to say there are times violence is perfectly right, normal and just. I can envision many situations I'm rather sure YOU'D agree with me. That the right exists doesn't mean it is always right. Merely that it is not always wrong as some seem to be hyperventilating in retort.

Sorry Art, but in my opinion it's never right to hit a woman, for any reason. Besides, if it goes to a divorce proceeding, you've given her the upper hand.

[PleaseBlitz]

Sure this may work, but is it all worth it?

Yes. Of course its worth it. He F***ED AROUND WITH YOUR WIFE!!!! If this isnt worth it, what is?

There are millions of people like Tony out there.

Sure there are. And zero of them are going to mess up my life. Your attitude is one of acceptance. Fine with me, but thats not me.

You can either ignore them or spend the rest of your life doing this.

Ok, you ignore them while they :hump: your wife. Me? I'll handle my biz. Ive got the free time.

They pray on weaknesses. The way to deal with them is not to have weaknesses.

Exactly. Thats why you confront the problem instead of ignoring it.

[zoony]

Or you could tell your wife at dinner that you just found out thru a friend that 'that guy Tony from your old workplace' has HIV/AIDS. That should provoke an equally interesting reaction.

[Maxito]

Well Bave, I am sorry to hear what you are going through with your wife. I am not going to give no advice because I have not faced that situation, and I haven't been married.

I guess my only advice i can give you, is no matter what happens with your relationship, make sure your keep your haead up.

[HOF44]

You apparently seem to think the woman has the right to take everything away from the man, emotionally, physically, family, all, and the man should do absolutely nothing about it ever. While I don't say it is always the way to go, certainly, I can appreciate it is SOMETIMES perfectly right to expect a vast betrayal of this sort to have a physical response. I also have no problem understanding a woman who may try to run her husband down in a car because he constantly was unfaithful.

Do you think that the proper legal consequences should be imposed when either the husband or wife do respond physicaly? Or in a perfect world would this be allowed without ramifications?

[HOF44]

Or you could tell your wife at dinner that you just found out thru a friend that 'that guy Tony from your old workplace' has HIV/AIDS. That should provoke an equally interesting reaction.

Now thats GREAT!! :applause: :notworthy:notworthy :applause:

[Prosperity]

No, I'm not advocating domestic abuse.

As I replied to her direct question, once you've had the confrontation and the wife promises she's done with Tony, calling it off, then you discover she lied, AGAIN, what do you do then. I said believe it or not, yes, you may be right to give her a beatdown in those circumstances and while such a response should probably be encouraged, at the very least, you will do everything in your power to take everything away from her you can.

There are no consequences here for having a point of view and addressing it. There are not even consequences for you not understanding something and getting worked up about it. As evidenced by you still being here .

[Art]

Again - no need for confrontation, she cheats, i'm out. Why confront the guy?

Consequences. It's not as simple as simply leaving like you'd leave a girlfriend. There are children. The impact on them is astounding in divorces. Unfortunately you don't get to make decisions about your own mental health when you take on the responsibility of children. You owe it to them to weigh the actions, define how you can live with the person despite them, and make it BETTER in the end for all involved.

That is why you address the man here. He's not coming between you and your wife and stopping. He's directly impacting your children and the future of your family. You go deal with that man.

[PleaseBlitz]

Or you could tell your wife at dinner that you just found out thru a friend that 'that guy Tony from your old workplace' has HIV/AIDS. That should provoke an equally interesting reaction.

OMFG!!!!!

:rotflmao:

I think you just solved this thread.

[SkinsNut73]

Ok from a few posts i have gathered that he should end the relationship and not care if she falls for this other guy because he is no longer married to her. What the hell is that supposed to mean!??!?! So you guys are saying he should just say... "o well' date=' its been a good run, but i no longer care for you at all in anyway." It doesnt make any sense. He still cares for her, and watching another man move in and F his wife is a kick in the pants.[/quote']

Well, okay, if I confront both of them and Tony walks away with his tail between his legs...do I still want to be with her? Sure as **** it's a kick in the nuts, and I don't think anyone is blowing it off as a "oh well, life goes on"...but when your wife bangs another man (and apparently has some emotional attachment) how do you save that marriage?

I've known a few couples who have tried to reconcile after one partner committed adultery (my parents included). Counseling helped for a few years, but in every case the marriage eventually broke down. When you are no longer able to trust your partner, it's not a marriage worth keeping IMO.

[visionary]

Or you could tell your wife at dinner that you just found out thru a friend that 'that guy Tony from your old workplace' has HIV/AIDS. That should provoke an equally interesting reaction.

:laugh: :laugh:

[Destino]

OMFG!!!!!

:rotflmao:

I think you just solved this thread.

Only problem with that is that she could reply with "Yeah I know, isn't it sad" and then you'd be ****ting yourself.

[TheSteve]

:laugh: :laugh:

That would be funny, but how would you have found out...?

"So I went to the doctor this morning Honey, and I found out Tony must have Aids."

[Byner21]

As I replied to her direct question, once you've had the confrontation and the wife promises she's done with Tony, calling it off, then you discover she lied, AGAIN, what do you do then. I said believe it or not, yes, you may be right to give her a beatdown in those circumstances and while such a response should probably be encouraged, at the very least, you will do everything in your power to take everything away from her you can.

Thus, you clearly advocate domestic abuse.

[Skin'emAlive]

Well, okay, if I confront both of them and Tony walks away with his tail between his legs...do I still want to be with her? Sure as **** it's a kick in the nuts, and I don't think anyone is blowing it off as a "oh well, life goes on"...but when your wife bangs another man (and apparently has some emotional attachment) how do you save that marriage?

I've known a few couples who have tried to reconcile after one partner committed adultery (my parents included). Counseling helped for a few years, but in every case the marriage eventually broke down. When you are no longer able to trust your partner, it's not a marriage worth keeping IMO.

Im not quite sure what you are trying to say here, but Love is a very strong thing. It is the strongest of bonds, and if you can just move in a snap then you were never really in love. In any case if my wife ( future) banged another man i couldnt stay with her, though i would still love her. The marraige would be over, but the love would still be there as i would ask God for the right path to take on the subject.

[PleaseBlitz]

Only problem with that is that she could reply with "Yeah I know, isn't it sad" and then you'd be ****ting yourself.

:laugh:

"Honey, you are going to the doctor, you have no choices here, go to the doctor or ITS OVER! I OWN YOU!!!!!!!"

[SkinsNut73]

You could always be a sneaky mofo and have flowers sent to your house when you know you and the wife will be home will be home with a card that says "love, Tony (aka *IM screen name*" ) For even greater effect continue spying until she mentions that she will be home with you to Tony, so she knows he knew you would be together and it looks like he planned it.

That would make for interesting dinner conversation.

Don't get me started on shady ****, I'm the king of shady.

....that's good stuff right there.....

[Goaldeje]

Thus, you clearly advocate domestic abuse.

You need to look up the meaning of the word advocate. Saying that might happen and promoting it or endorsing it aren't the same thing.

[AlexRS]

Yes. Of course its worth it. He F***ED AROUND WITH YOUR WIFE!!!! If this isnt worth it, what is?

If he's trying and she's not responding - then there is no problem. That can actually be pretty funny (as long as you are secure with your relationship)

If he is trying and she IS responding - than her responding indicates a problem that Tony has NOTHING TO DO WITH.

Sure there are. And zero of them are going to mess up my life. Your attitude is one of acceptance. Fine with me, but thats not me.

There is nothing accepting about my attitude. My attitude is that of resolve. RESOLVE, not blind rage.

Do not confuse cavemen with men.

My wife CHOSE to be with me when she said YES. I am secure and confident in our relationship. She will not do anything to compromise it. As simple as that. I do not need to protect her from suitors unless they annoy her.

[Jumbo]

Getting physical with the guy going after your wife does work, though I've not had that worry in life. Getting physical with guys over any topic tends to work though . But, more, the ability to persuasively convince someone getting physical is pending is a greater skill. This is a far more positive skill to have as it relates to male interaction. It's less of benefit with women.

Regardless of personal preferences, this had been my experience. I aquired a belief, very early in life, that a man is well-served by becoming highly skilled both physically and mentally in problem resolution with other men. Such actually increases your options to resolve conflicts in a manner agreeable to you without actual violence. Another useful skill is knowing when it's necessary to convey certain messages and when it is not.

Violence is quite a touchy subject , but I generally agree with what Art has said about it here, when you read it carefully without emotional over-reaction and within the specific parameters he described. He reflects thoughts that I would say are pretty mainstream in our culture, at least among males.

And, shocking though it may be PC-wise, referring to another statement made, it is incresaingly common these days in cases of DV (domestic violence) where it is considered appropriate by both legal and mental health professionals to hold the woman accountable, too, even when they were the recipient of the violence. That's just in certain cases, now, remember, and a real minority of them. But it suggests a bigger picture is being recognized.

But that's another topic, and please don't read anything about my personal beliefs into that factual comment. I don't hit women, and my version of pride and "the way to be" would never allow or endorse it.

<edit>...I have to be more defined about that last sentence. I don't endosre it of course, but there have been situations when it has happend that I easily understand why it was done and don't think the person who did it was acting "terrible." In some of those cases, I could see why almost anyone (including me) might have done the same.

[Destino]

:laugh:

"Honey, you are going to the doctor, you have no choices here, go to the doctor or ITS OVER! I OWN YOU!!!!!!!"

hahaha :laugh: