Is this adultery?

[Byner21]

So here's an update:

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I confronted her with SOME of what I knew and she tried to downplay it. She basically lied about the nature of the conversations she had been having with this guy.

I let her know that I knew more and she finally fessed up and apologised. Immediately offered to cut off communication to and from Tony. Apologised some more and asked what she could do to (in my mind) make things right.

I'm not even thinking about that, yet.

I called Tony rather than going to his workplace. I told him his "friendship" with my wife was over as of now. I told him I knew of their conversations. I told him if I saw his name, phone number or email address on any communications having to do with my wife or household in general, he and I would meet in person and it would be bad for both of us.

He said "Yes sir."

Now I have to decide if we can move forward. This will take some time and that decision will come only after I've had some time to put things in perspective and try to guage how she is reacting to being busted. She won't be able to suck up for a few days and have it all better.

If we do keep it together, I will probably demand counselling as I still have much to get off my chest.

Whatever happens, I will not leave under any circumstances. When I became a father I made a promise to myself that I would never have a child that was not raised under my roof ... even half the time. If that promise is broken, it won't be because I leave. She will have to leave. (She may want to if I have too tough a time getting past this.)

Thank you all for your thoughts, suggestions and advice. I debated about airing my dirty laundry on the board like this. Ultimately, I value all ... well ... almost all of your opinions and it meant a lot to hear them. So I did it, and I'm glad I did.

I hope some of you newlyweds and soon-to-be-weds can learn a lesson from some of this. You have to constantly fight taking one another for granted and even then you'll lose that battle sometimes. You have to work remain a couple even after you have children.

And ... the computer is NEVER a safe place to do anything you don't want others to know about.

Thanks for the advice Brave. I think you handled the situation great, and I wish you the best. Cheers to you for tapping into all available resources for help, including the board.

A lot of us are younger than you and not married yet, so our opinions should surely be taken with a grain of salt. I suppose everybody's should be though, since we all bring our own issues to the table. Having said that, I do think counseling would help. In our pre-marriage preparation, my fiancee and I have been meeting with a priest to try to work through any important issues. It might be a different story if we didn't both have a strong respect for the priest, but he's been really helpful in our relationship. So use all resources you can to find out who's well-respected and might be good to talk to. It's just good to have an objective party that's willing to confront both parties about whatever. But don't let anyone tell you that you did anything wrong in this situation! I believe this issue came down to weakness on the part of your wife. She needs to know that what she did is not OK. I'm sure you've said or done a few things that aren't OK either, but this one's a biggie because it essentially boils down to exactly what a marriage relationship is all about.

I hope she earns your trust again, and your family grows stronger from this.

Peace bro,

Mike Flowers