Is this adultery?

[Tarhog]

What about me Tarhog? Would you ever fight for me?

I already did my friend.

But you're not cute and snuggly like Candace is.

[Big Weirdo]

I already did my friend.

But you're not cute and snuggly like Candace is.

Thats really debatable. Don't knock something you've never had. :kiss:

[CandaceM23]

You apparently feel even the distinction that men and women are, in fact, different creatures as a wrong as the content there was, "Hey, believe what you want, that's cool, but, you're not a guy." That you can't stop focusing on "girl" likely reveals something in your personality as "girl" wasn't the driving point of the sentence. The point was, girls and boys do and view things differently. Period. Sorry you don't get it.

Art, I'm not trying to continue battle with you ... I'm only doing this for the sake of something - who knows what. I think that it is and it was difficult for people to understand this (The point was, girls and boys do and view things differently). You have a way with words that comes out somewhat 'holier than thou' and insulting (I don't mean harm with that ... Just saying ... ). I took it as an insult and so did many other people .... Hindsight is 20/20, but it would have been much better for the board if you just said "Candace, you don't understand because men and women do things differently."

Take a number.

I think men and women are genetically pre-disposed to seeing this kind of conflict differently. So I can continue to love Art AND you, because I can see that its the human genome's fault you can't agree

I know ... I'm only kidding with you ... hence the 'sticking the tounge out' smiley. I still love you.

[Jumbo]

Thats too bad.

He was serious. I know. I'm his mentor.

The day will come when they understand.

[chomerics]

Chom, no where in your post did you mention anything other than counselling, regarding talking this over with the wife. The problem with your solutions, frankly, are that you make it sound, implicitly, like than man did something wrong. He's not meeting her needs at home, the relationship has gone stale... etc. Give me a break. She ****ed up dude, not him.

Nobody said that he did anything wrong, but there is fault on both sides to ever problem. If you can understand that first, then you will go places.

At some point you have to lay the law down for what your marriage is going to be. If she wants to be a part of it, here are the rules. If not, there's the door.

Exactly, but what if you don't want to break up your family? What if you want to make things work out? I can guarrentee you that if you pulled a "this is the way it is and that is that" type of argunment, you would not make your marriage survive. Acknowledge your faults, work on them and live toward the future. There is nothng wrong with living life like this, but if you pull the he man caveman stuff, it most definately will not work. Why do so many marriages end in divorce?

And these aren't rules the man will make up on the spot; these are rules that both parties agreed upon on their wedding day. She ****ed up. She did, not him. If her needs weren't being met, she should have talked with him before she started boinking someone else (internet or real).

I am not about to get in an argument about someone else's marriage, but I do know what will work and what will not. If you want to make the marriage end, then by all means, pull the "I'm the man, and this is the law" junk, you will be talking to a lawyer in less then a year. If you want to make it work, then you need to talk as a basic foundation. Then work on your issues, wants and needs, but you need to communicate with your spouse what works and what doesn't. If not, you are bound to live a very unfulfilling life. This is not advocating or judging her on anything, just decding if you want it to work and how to go about it.

[CandaceM23]

I already did my friend.

But you're not cute and snuggly like Candace is.

Haha ... You're too sweet!

Thats really debatable. Don't knock something you've never had. :kiss:

Hmmm ... come to one of the tailgates and show Tarhog exactly what he's missing out on.

[zoony]

Wow Chom... right on time. :doh:

.....

[Big Weirdo]

Haha ... You're too sweet!

Hmmm ... come to one of the tailgates and show Tarhog exactly what he's missing out on.

Oh trust me. Tarhog are you going to be at the Iggles gate? I can show you a GOOD time.

[iheartskins]

Wait a minute. We HIRED you because of your bride and the burro videos, and now you're rejecting bestiality? Poser .

I thought we had a confidentiality agreement.

"Monty's Python" will not be shipping to you this year.

[visionary]

Who Del: "Thats really debatable. Don't knock something you've never had. "

Hmmm ... come to one of the tailgates and show Tarhog exactly what he's missing out on.

:twitch:

[Jumbo]

I love everybody right now, perhaps most, the sleaziest among us, and in that light, speaking of myself, I will heed iheart's not-to-subtle message and let him know i understand that when his airedale says "no", it means "no".

[Jumbo]

And I was only squeezing doom into the dress, if you know what I mean.

Like "Doom is in the box" ?

[Art]

Art, I'm not trying to continue battle with you ... I'm only doing this for the sake of something - who knows what. I think that it is and it was difficult for people to understand this (The point was, girls and boys do and view things differently). You have a way with words that comes out somewhat 'holier than thou' and insulting (I don't mean harm with that ... Just saying ... ). I took it as an insult and so did many other people .... Hindsight is 20/20, but it would have been much better for the board if you just said "Candace, you don't understand because men and women do things differently."

I know ... I'm only kidding with you ... hence the 'sticking the tounge out' smiley. I still love you.

Candace,

I can't begin to explain to you how little your addition of an insult to non-insulting comments means to me. Seriously. You're the receiver of the message. You don't get to assign meaning to the sender. That you'd leap immediately to being insulted is a personal issue you have. Perhaps something to do with being a girl. I can't say.

I'm a boy. Now, that doesn't mean I'm making a racially insensitive remark about myself, though boy can be used that way. In general, if YOU have to READ into a comment an insult, you OWE it to the person you're talking to to ASSUME he's NOT insulting you. It's rude and offensive to ME that you'd immediately tilt to believe you were being insulted. I'm not responsible for your attitudes here, only I can tell you I, and EVERY SINGLE person in your world, deserves the presumption they aren't striking at your very core because YOU happen to think sometimes a word can be used in an insulting manner.

It would have been much better for the board if you'd have approached the comment with a LITTLE effing common sense and civility instead of assuming you were being diminished, when, in fact, you were not. I'd have certainly appreciated it if you'd have allowed yourself the ability to act like a woman, instead of a sensitive girl, because, a woman would not have found the phrasing questionable. Perhaps in your reaction, you gave voice to the insult that wasn't there.

I tend to insult people rather directly. I don't even hint around it. So, when I interact with a relatively playful demeanor, differing in all ways to another demeanor, the board would be overjoyed if you pretended the whole world isn't against you.

[Tarhog]

I know ... I'm only kidding with you ... hence the 'sticking the tounge out' smiley. I still love you.

Right back at you. Normally, I'm the anti-Art in the way I see things. I just think there are seminal moments in your life where you either go with your basic core instincts, or you fail. A husband, father, lover - its a powerful thing - his whole family and life is at stake. Its not a time to 'listen', 'discuss', 'feel' - its a time to do something. Its your job to keep that family and marriage together. Its like combat. When you're getting shot at, you don't pull back, you don't stay where you are, you don't take a vote about what should be done, you attack. If you do anything else, you're going to die or get others killed.

Thats just how I feel, and thats why Art's responses on this generally ring true for me.

[Major Harris]

Like "Doom is in the box" ?

whose box?

[Art]

Who Del: "Thats really debatable. Don't knock something you've never had. "

:twitch:

Hey, wait. Tarhog's had Candace? Sweet .

[Major Harris]

Art's responses on this generally ring true for me.

he had me up until the whole "show the girl pain" thing.

[Art]

he had me up until the whole "show the girl pain" thing.

I see mental midgetry. I didn't say that. In responding to Candace's hypothetical of a woman caught cheating, who tells you she'll not deal with the person again, but who does, she asked if you would beat her. I said you may, indeed, introduce that person to the pain train (Terry Tate inspired), but at the very least you would go about making everything she's ever known as destroyed as you possibly can. That wasn't a statement that you should or would, merely that doing so would certainly be considerably within the bounds of one's response to such a thing. You may not like what was actually said, but this is at least the second time you've flat out NOT captured what was said. Stop.

Now, it's true the woman Candace asked me to consider would likely get hit by me. My guess seeing it, most men would say, "***** deserved it," which is, I think, how that phrase sprang into existence . Or, is that "***** set me up" I can never remember.

[Goaldeje]

Exactly, but what if you don't want to break up your family? What if you want to make things work out? I can guarrentee you that if you pulled a "this is the way it is and that is that" type of argunment, you would not make your marriage survive. Acknowledge your faults, work on them and live toward the future. There is nothng wrong with living life like this, but if you pull the he man caveman stuff, it most definately will not work. Why do so many marriages end in divorce?

Guarantee, really? That's a pretty bold statement. I'm fine with acknowledging your faults. But first you have to determine if you are still going to have a marriage to work on. That's the "caveman" approach. THe initial response is incredibly important. If you lay down and "confess" your faults and your issues instead of addressing hers, you are re-directing the conversation/experience to yourself, and not addressing her problem/fault. Are there issues to deal with? Certainly, on both sides. But make her establish if there is still a marriage to fight for. It's OK to be strong and forceful.

I am not about to get in an argument about someone else's marriage, but I do know what will work and what will not. If you want to make the marriage end, then by all means, pull the "I'm the man, and this is the law" junk, you will be talking to a lawyer in less then a year. If you want to make it work, then you need to talk as a basic foundation. Then work on your issues, wants and needs, but you need to communicate with your spouse what works and what doesn't. If not, you are bound to live a very unfulfilling life. This is not advocating or judging her on anything, just decding if you want it to work and how to go about it.

My arguement is that, in this situation, you do all this after the confrontation. You both made an agreement to each other on the wedding day. She broke it. Not you. Only her. She is the problem right now. If she is not willing to acknowledge the problem or turn away from is, the marriage is over. If she is willing to abide by the rules of marriage as set out in the begginning again, you have a place to start.

After you establish this, then you can work on fulfillment and so on. I would never advocate ignornig your wife's feelings. But there is a time and a place. Deal with the problem first.

[Major Harris]

I see mental midgetry. I didn't say that. In responding to Candace's hypothetical of a woman caught cheating, who tells you she'll not deal with the person again, but who does, she asked if you would beat her. I said you may, indeed, introduce that person to the pain train (Terry Tate inspired), but at the very least you would go about making everything she's ever known as destroyed as you possibly can. That wasn't a statement that you should or would, merely that doing so would certainly be considerably within the bounds of one's response to such a thing. You may not like what was actually said, but this is at least the second time you've flat out NOT captured what was said. Stop.

ok. just like you haven't name called/ insulted in this thread. or just like you haven't meant half of what you posted, you just like "tweaking" us all.

i guess my post about me being a mental midget went over your head. midget.

[rincewind]

Quit? huh?

That's how I remember it. :cool:

....

It was a Tenacious D reference... Perhaps i should have said "Last week, Pestilence quit the band..."

[chomerics]

Right back at you. Normally, I'm the anti-Art in the way I see things. I just think there are seminal moments in your life where you either go with your basic core instincts, or you fail. A husband, father, lover - its a powerful thing - his whole family and life is at stake. Its not a time to 'listen', 'discuss', 'feel' - its a time to do something. Its your job to keep that family and marriage together. Its like combat. When you're getting shot at, you don't pull back, you don't stay where you are, you attack. If you do anything else, you're going to die or get others killed.

Thats just how I feel, and thats why Art's responses on this generally ring true for me.

Tarhog, I read your past couple of posts, and I do agree with you, but it depends on how you approach the situation. Sometimes, the first instinct, the attack and fight or flight isntinct is wrong. I do agree that something needs to be done, and nobody is advocating ignoring the situation, but sometimes confrontations in an agressive manner will come out bad no matter how good the intentions.

This is a certain situation when emotions can and will get involved, and they could blow up all good intentions. It is in this instance deciding the best course of action is not always to attack, but sometimes to rationally look at the situation, decide what YOU want, and then figure out the best course of action to get there. It may be that the initial instinct brings about the wrong situation and the attack mode gets you into trouble. At least that is the way I look at things from where I am standing.

[Art]

ok. just like you haven't name called/ insulted in this thread. or just like you haven't meant half of what you posted, you just like "tweaking" us all.

i guess my post about me being a mental midget went over your head. midget.

I didn't say I haven't name called or insulted in this thread. I said I hadn't violated the rules against such things because the rules allow such things. I said I haven't made PERSONAL insults. I've made content insults which the rules specifically encourage in asking you to engage the content of the debate.

Actually, I haven't meant half of what I've said in the manner it was said. I've likely meant all of it, though, do I have to deliver it with such a force of nature? Nope. I chose to because I'm amused by the responses. Some of you even get it. I prefer those who do not.

[CandaceM23]

Art,

This is my last post. You've irked me beyond belief. I don't think that the whole world is against me. I never have and I never will. So don't assume anymore about me .... I'm a happy person .. and will continue to be that way. You nor anyone else on this board will change that.

I do have a problem with men treating women in a demeaning manner and I do have a problem with violence.

Like I mentioned earlier, I'm not the only person who thought that you were insulting me. Many people sent IM's and PM's the moment that they saw what you wrote and a few had the balls to step up to you and address it.

And as for acting like a sensitive girl - when you say things that I deem offensive, then I will address the comments just like you do the same thing.

Like I said before, you have an incredibly harsh way with words .... I didn't read into anything - I took it for what it was worth.

Since you left me with a request and a favor, I'll leave you with a note of advice. If you're playfully interacting and someone deems it as offensive, it might be mightly noble of you to explain that you weren't trying to be a dick.

I'm out. I'm not venturing back into this thread ... I'm over it now. Have a good night.

[HOF44]

As for the issue of physicality, I believe Art is speaking metaphorically there (he'll come right back and tell you he was serious and was quite literal in his meaning). And I'll tell you I don't believe he means it.

This is pretty much what I thought also. I just can't see Art hitting a woman. Even if he says he would. I also believe, like you said, he will declare he definetly would.

Me I can't hit anyone, hands are registered with the police, it would be attempted murder. Hiiiiiiiyaaa.:kungfu: