Is this adultery?

[Brave]

So here's an update:

------------------------------------------

I confronted her with SOME of what I knew and she tried to downplay it. She basically lied about the nature of the conversations she had been having with this guy.

I let her know that I knew more and she finally fessed up and apologised. Immediately offered to cut off communication to and from Tony. Apologised some more and asked what she could do to (in my mind) make things right.

I'm not even thinking about that, yet.

I called Tony rather than going to his workplace. I told him his "friendship" with my wife was over as of now. I told him I knew of their conversations. I told him if I saw his name, phone number or email address on any communications having to do with my wife or household in general, he and I would meet in person and it would be bad for both of us.

He said "Yes sir."

Now I have to decide if we can move forward. This will take some time and that decision will come only after I've had some time to put things in perspective and try to guage how she is reacting to being busted. She won't be able to suck up for a few days and have it all better.

If we do keep it together, I will probably demand counselling as I still have much to get off my chest.

Whatever happens, I will not leave under any circumstances. When I became a father I made a promise to myself that I would never have a child that was not raised under my roof ... even half the time. If that promise is broken, it won't be because I leave. She will have to leave. (She may want to if I have too tough a time getting past this.)

Thank you all for your thoughts, suggestions and advice. I debated about airing my dirty laundry on the board like this. Ultimately, I value all ... well ... almost all of your opinions and it meant a lot to hear them. So I did it, and I'm glad I did.

I hope some of you newlyweds and soon-to-be-weds can learn a lesson from some of this. You have to constantly fight taking one another for granted and even then you'll lose that battle sometimes. You have to work remain a couple even after you have children.

And ... the computer is NEVER a safe place to do anything you don't want others to know about.

[rincewind]

Brave - glad to see things have start going down a positive path. Hope things work out for ya.

[Tarhog]

Tarhog, I read your past couple of posts, and I do agree with you, but it depends on how you approach the situation. Sometimes, the first instinct, the attack and fight or flight isntinct is wrong. I do agree that something needs to be done, and nobody is advocating ignoring the situation, but sometimes confrontations in an agressive manner will come out bad no matter how good the intentions.

This is a certain situation when emotions can and will get involved, and they could blow up all good intentions. It is in this instance deciding the best course of action is not always to attack, but sometimes to rationally look at the situation, decide what YOU want, and then figure out the best course of action to get there. It may be that the initial instinct brings about the wrong situation and the attack mode gets you into trouble. At least that is the way I look at things from where I am standing.

I would never presume to tell anyone what to do. Trust me - Brave is a good good man. He'll read every bit of this, and then he'll do what it was his instinct to do in the first place, right or wrong.

You're right - it could blow up. But the point is, what gives the best chance of reminding her of what is and isn't okay in a marriage? What action will demonstrate indisputably and most clearly to her that he's not going to stand by and watch her piss their marriage down the drain and destroy their family? She wants passion - give her some ****ing passion.

She loved this guy - she married him. I think he needs to remind her who she married. Could it blow up? Yes. But if it does, no amount of 'counselling', 'blame-sharing', or other intervention would've made a difference. She married a man. Be a man. Thats all I'm saying.

[Destino]

Brave - I'm glad things didn't blow up and that you now have options instead of just a bunch of questions and bad thoughts. I really hope things work out for the best.

You da man.

[Huly]

So here's an update:

------------------------------------------

I confronted her with SOME of what I knew and she tried to downplay it. She basically lied about the nature of the conversations she had been having with this guy.

I let her know that I knew more and she finally fessed up and apologised. Immediately offered to cut off communication to and from Tony. Apologised some more and asked what she could do to (in my mind) make things right.

I'm not even thinking about that, yet.

I called Tony rather than going to his workplace. I told him his "friendship" with my wife was over as of now. I told him I knew of their conversations. I told him if I saw his name, phone number or email address on any communications having to do with my wife or household in general, he and I would meet in person and it would be bad for both of us.

He said "Yes sir."

Now I have to decide if we can move forward. This will take some time and that decision will come only after I've had some time to put things in perspective and try to guage how she is reacting to being busted. She won't be able to suck up for a few days and have it all better.

If we do keep it together, I will probably demand counselling as I still have much to get off my chest.

Whatever happens, I will not leave under any circumstances. When I became a father I made a promise to myself that I would never have a child that was not raised under my roof ... even half the time. If that promise is broken, it won't be because I leave. She will have to leave. (She may want to if I have too tough a time getting past this.)

Thank you all for your thoughts, suggestions and advice. I debated about airing my dirty laundry on the board like this. Ultimately, I value all ... well ... almost all of your opinions and it meant a lot to hear them. So I did it, and I'm glad I did.

I hope some of you newlyweds and soon-to-be-weds can learn a lesson from some of this. You have to constantly fight taking one another for granted and even then you'll lose that battle sometimes. You have to work remain a couple even after you have children.

And ... the computer is NEVER a safe place to do anything you don't want others to know about.

Just stick with whatever you decide. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

[Art]

Art,

This is my last post. You've irked me beyond belief. I don't think that the whole world is against me. I never have and I never will. So don't assume anymore about me .... I'm a happy person .. and will continue to be that way. You nor anyone else on this board will change that.

Ok Candace. No one on this board will alter your happy self moments after you declare you've been irked beyond belief. I'm frequently happiest when irked. Ask around.

I do have a problem with men treating women in a demeaning manner and I do have a problem with violence.

And I do have a problem with overly sensitive people who believe everyone is insulting them instead of assuming they aren't, while, at the same time I have a huge problem with cheating hos, men and women alike. I get you have a problem with violence over all other things. Using the horror of a physical rape, you would obviously do nothing to defend yourself, laying still, so horrible violence is, you wouldn't violent attempt to defend yourself. Oh, my guess is that's not true. Knowing it, in fact, you do condone violence IN SOME CIRCUMSTANCES YOU ALL YOURSELF. I don't fault you for it. I fault you for pretending others aren't free to do the same.

Like I mentioned earlier, I'm not the only person who thought that you were insulting me. Many people sent IM's and PM's the moment that they saw what you wrote and a few had the balls to step up to you and address it.

Like I mentioned earlier, I COULD CARE LESS what other people thought about YOU being insulted. I'm responsible for WHAT I say and explaining it when asked. I'm not responsible for YOU or anyone else ADDING content to make something an insult. I would tell you pretty openly if I meant to insult you. Do me a favor though. At the tailgate I attend this year, introduce yourself. I PROMISE to work girl in there somewhere . It'll be a hoot.

And as for acting like a sensitive girl - when you say things that I deem offensive, then I will address the comments just like you do the same thing.

I don't do the same thing. I belittle the thing by simply adopting the absurd position that if I say I'm offended you should care. You've comfortably discovered you don't have to. Now you know why I don't. Because it's absurd.

Like I said before, you have an incredibly harsh way with words .... I didn't read into anything - I took it for what it was worth.

No, you didn't read it for what it was worth. You read it in the harshest most insulting manner possible, IGNORING contexual setting in subsequent words in the very same post we're addressing. You kow that part about how men understand other men standing up for certain things?

Since you left me with a request and a favor, I'll leave you with a note of advice. If you're playfully interacting and someone deems it as offensive, it might be mightly noble of you to explain that you weren't trying to be a dick.

And it might be appropriate for you not to assume you get an explanation as to what's in YOUR imagination. I might just increase the dickishness just to have fun with you, given how overly sensitive you are.

Like for the last couple of posts, I have been a dick. I like being one. So, please keep inviting it upon yourself by being a drama queen.

[SkinsNut73]

Brave - it's very encouraging that she is willing to cut off communication. Wish you the best brother...

[rincewind]

Ok Candace. No one on this board will alter your happy self moments after you declare you've been irked beyond belief. I'm frequently happiest when irked. Ask around.

And I do have a problem with overly sensitive people who believe everyone is insulting them instead of assuming they aren't, while, at the same time I have a huge problem with cheating hos, men and women alike. I get you have a problem with violence over all other things. Using the horror of a physical rape, you would obviously do nothing to defend yourself, laying still, so horrible violence is, you wouldn't violent attempt to defend yourself. Oh, my guess is that's not true. Knowing it, in fact, you do condone violence IN SOME CIRCUMSTANCES YOU ALL YOURSELF. I don't fault you for it. I fault you for pretending others aren't free to do the same.

Like I mentioned earlier, I COULD CARE LESS what other people thought about YOU being insulted. I'm responsible for WHAT I say and explaining it when asked. I'm not responsible for YOU or anyone else ADDING content to make something an insult. I would tell you pretty openly if I meant to insult you. Do me a favor though. At the tailgate I attend this year, introduce yourself. I PROMISE to work girl in there somewhere . It'll be a hoot.

I don't do the same thing. I belittle the thing by simply adopting the absurd position that if I say I'm offended you should care. You've comfortably discovered you don't have to. Now you know why I don't. Because it's absurd.

No, you didn't read it for what it was worth. You read it in the harshest most insulting manner possible, IGNORING contexual setting in subsequent words in the very same post we're addressing. You kow that part about how men understand other men standing up for certain things?

And it might be appropriate for you not to assume you get an explanation as to what's in YOUR imagination. I might just increase the dickishness just to have fun with you, given how overly sensitive you are.

Like for the last couple of posts, I have been a dick. I like being one. So, please keep inviting it upon yourself by being a drama queen.

Wow... what a dick.

[Rumrunner6900]

So here's an update:

------------------------------------------

Good to see things worked out how they did...it is a very unfortunate situation, and even after all the squabble(here in this thread), we ALL wish you the best going forward from here!!

[Major Harris]

brave: i wish you the best. i'm glad you were able to confront both parties, and i wish you all the best.

[Art]

Wow... what a dick.

Now you're getting it.

[Major Harris]

I didn't say I haven't name called or insulted in this thread. I said I hadn't violated the rules against such things because the rules allow such things. I said I haven't made PERSONAL insults. I've made content insults which the rules specifically encourage in asking you to engage the content of the debate.

Actually, I haven't meant half of what I've said in the manner it was said. I've likely meant all of it, though, do I have to deliver it with such a force of nature? Nope. I chose to because I'm amused by the responses. Some of you even get it. I prefer those who do not.

content insults? mental midgets is a content insult?

and the rules encourage any kind of insults? :doh:

[TheREALJBird]

Best wishes to you Brave, I know you'll handle things in the manner that you see fit

[Art]

Brave,

As well played as it could be under the circumstances. You're doing the right thing considering the impact on the children. Hang in there brother.

[rincewind]

content insults? mental midgets is a content insult?

and the rules encourage any kind of insults? :doh:

Na, he's just a dick. I even found his website:

Art's website

btw - that is one of the funniest sites on the net.

[DCsportsfan53]

Best of luck to you Brave. It sounds like you handled the situation appropriately and with authority. I wish you the best.

[Big Weirdo]

I hope all works out for you Brave. Sounds like you've handled yourself accordingly so far. Nice work

[Olky]

Brave, I hope everything works out for you man.

[Gallntfox]

Like for the last couple of posts, I have been a dick. I like being one.

My Mama always said "find something you're good at and stick with it" ....

Words to live by.

[Blondie]

I didn't read all 500+ posts. From what I did read, I am not sure I could have read the rest without

Brave, no matter what ANYONE on this board says, I am sure you will do what you think is best for your family.

Take care ole brave warrior.........and know you are in my thoughts.

Blondie

[PleaseBlitz]

So here's an update:

------------------------------------------

Best of luck to you Brave. Keep ya head up.

He said "Yes sir."

Why does this not surprise me in the least. Good for you for confronting that douche.

[Tarhog]

Wow... what a dick.

content insults? mental midgets is a content insult?

and the rules encourage any kind of insults? :doh:

I'll tell you what's always cracked me up.... the 'dick' is the biggest advocate for members here to be able to speak their minds without fear of 'retribution' or heavy-handed moderation that this site has ever had.

If it weren't for the 'dick' a certain little playground wouldn't even be around.

Now me? I'M a dick.

[rincewind]

I'll tell you what's always cracked me up.... the 'dick' is the biggest advocate for members here to be able to speak their minds without fear of 'retribution' or heavy-handed moderation that this site has ever had.

If it weren't for the 'dick' a certain little playground wouldn't even be around.

Now me? I'M a dick.

I don't understand why you quoted me. I was making a joke, not calling Art a dick. Although, if you want me to...

[Major Harris]

I'll tell you what's always cracked me up.... the 'dick' is the biggest advocate for members here to be able to speak their minds without fear of 'retribution' or heavy-handed moderation that this site has ever had..

well, then, i guess that gives the dick a free pass to be a hard ass.

[Art]

content insults? mental midgets is a content insult?

and the rules encourage any kind of insults? :doh:

Fortunately no one was called a mental midget. A group of people were called mental midgets based on a criteria for the assignment derived from the content of the thread. Content. You don't get to stop reading after two words. You get to read all of them, and figure out what's being said about who. I'm perfectly fine with the insulting use of being a cave man by those who found that quality in the words they saw from me, as they explained it using quotes and context.

I wrote the rules along with some others. We specifically avoiding using the word "insult" so we could never have it claimed an insult was a violation. We wrote personal ATTACK which goes beyond a mild condemnation of a person or person's words. And we used threats. As long as the topic resides within the content of the conversation you're largely free to say anything you'd like as evident by our frend Byner. We want you to passionately engage the debate. Some things may be so striking to you that you can't help but conclude the person saying it is a dope. Like Crazyhorse using a liberal web site and claiming inside sources on the Rove indictment to come. Nutty, embarrassing, ridiculous, foolish, stupid. Nothing personally insulting. All derived from the content of the conversation and reacting to that content.

You'll notice no one in this thread was stopped from talking because this is a good thread where people were able to express their views, even is they may not have been personally flattering to the people holding opposing views.