Is this adultery?

[Byner21]

There are no consequences here for having a point of view and addressing it. There are not even consequences for you not understanding something and getting worked up about it. As evidenced by you still being here .

In some cases, there should be consequences for having a point of view and expressing it.

If a Washington Post writer were to advocate domestic abuse, that writer would be fired. If the Washington Redskins take their affiliated websites as seriously as they seem to, you should be too..for this quote, below (in case others missed it somehow):

Candace, I hate to break it to you, but, you're a girl. You have no idea what you're talking about. It IS Tony's fault. It's MORE the wife's fault. But, Tony is to blame and men understand men addressing one another and settling issues and limits. Once the wife makes her assurances, should she violate them, indeed, you probably should introduce her to the pain train, but, at the very least, you take everything you can from her, and destroy what pieces of her life you can destroy, whether physically or not. Though, to be fair, it IS not always wrong to hit a woman. In a case like you describe, it should be encouraged.

WTF?!!!!!!!!

Have you ever hit your wife/girlfriend, Art? Does Mr. Snyder know that you think that's OK?

[diesel22]

Candace,

I'm offended your bothered being called a girl. Are you upset you offended me? My guess is no. Your guess should be I'm not all that upset I offended you. You are absolutely correct, the majority of anger should be directed at the woman in this case specifically. No one has said otherwise. Merely that in addition to addressing the situation with your wife, you must also do so, as a man, to the man who went after your wife. If you do not, that man will not stop no matter what your wife wishes. In fact, he'll probably be compelled to work harder having been so close to hitting it only to be denied at being discovered. In fact, he'll probably assume the discovery is the only thing that prevented it, so, he'll make efforts to finalize the deal.

Unless he's had a talking to and a sizing up by the person he most impacts by his actions. That being the man involved. Most guys won't bother after being confronted. It's not worth the hassle if they are simply looking to get some action. As for your concluding statement, I do not agree with you that violence is always unacceptable.

Violence is often highly acceptable and just. If I catch someone raping my wife or daughter, he will die, painfully and slow with seeming glee on my part. While I don't necessarily say we relive a time where a man's honor allowed duels, we certainly have to understand the rights of a father to protect his family. That may lead to violence. And that wouldn't be wrong. I know in society today it is hard to see someone object to the constant hammering that violence is wrong so I appreciate it's hard to see these words and process their meaning.

This doesn't mean you go straight to violence or take a violent course. Merely that you understand you are not impotent to lash out when someone willfully hurts you or someone you care about. That action can sometimes bring equality in a way nothing else can.

Hate to break this but offending her isn't exactly a monumental task....

She's what you might call a bit "touchy"

:2cents:

[visionary]

You need to look up the meaning of the word advocate. Saying that might happen and promoting it or endorsing it aren't the same thing.

He said it should probably be encouraged...sounds like advocating to me.

[PleaseBlitz]

If he's trying and she's not responding - then there is no problem. That can actually be pretty funny (as long as you are secure with your relationship)

If he is trying and she IS responding - than the problem is her responding.

What thread have you been reading?

There is nothing acceptiong about my attitude. My attitude is that of resolve. RESOLVE, not blind rage.

Do not confuse cavemen with men.

From your posts in this thread, i guess im confusing "RESOLVE" with "being a *****."

My wife CHOSE to be with me when she said YES. I am secure and confident in our relationship. She will not do anything to compromise it. As simple as that. I do not need to protect her from suitors unless they annoy her.

When did we start talking about your specific situation? Im sure the thread starter was secure and confident in his relationship at one point in time.

What do you do when "suitors" "annoy" her? Skywriting?

[Destino]

Hate to break this but offending her isn't exactly a monumental task....

She's what you might call a bit "touchy"

:2cents:

And just to be fair you are a guy that makes adult themed recordings of yourself with other women to share with your friends and you seemingly have no problem sleeping with other peoples wives.

[Art]

Art - that IS domestic violence. You may think its JUSTIFIED, but its domestic violence none the less. At that point you're no better than her - in my eyes, your worse.

And while I fully appreciate the law may define it so, morally, I may not, any more than I may find it to be murder that a father avenges the killer of his child. Perhaps for me it is the "justification" that may be more meaningful than the underlying "crime". That certainly doesn't have to be the way for everyone.

[Funkyalligator]

Here we go....how you find out...send flowers to the house with a card from "Tony" then confront her asking who Tony is...

[Destino]

Here we go....how you find out...send flowers to the house with a card from "Tony" then confront her asking who Tony is...

I beat you to it.

You could always be a sneaky mofo and have flowers sent to your house when you know you and the wife will be home will be home with a card that says "love, Tony (aka *IM screen name*" ) For even greater effect continue spying until she mentions that she will be home with you to Tony, so she knows he knew you would be together and it looks like he planned it.

That would make for interesting dinner conversation.

Don't get me started on shady ****, I'm the king of shady.

Bow down to the king of shady!

[Goaldeje]

He said it should probably be encouraged...sounds like advocating to me.

If you read that one line alone, ignoring the context and the rest of his posts, then yes. If you read further into his explanation, it becomes much more debatable.

[Dexter's Better]

Brave:

I think the important thing here is that you start with your wife first. You need to start a more serious dialogue about the state of your relationship without mentioning the tony thing.

Tony also has a baby on the way with another woman. Taking Art's advice and saying -- this is ending you two will not be friends, it stops and it stops today. That course of action will have him scared as hell that you are going to tell his GF.

I also think you need to lay it out with her after the conversation with Tony: I loved you and honored for you 10 years, I plan on continuing to do that until my dying day; however this is a two way street, and I need to know that I not am going down it alone. Take the kids for a weekend to your parents, or a friends or somewhere and come back -- let her think on it.

Hope all works out man.

DB

(Also, you can monitor the cell phone calls with Verizon directly from the Internet as with most other carriers -- so you won't have to wait a month to see the call log.)

[SkinsNut73]

Im not quite sure what you are trying to say here' date=' but Love is a very strong thing. It is the strongest of bonds, and if you can just move in a snap then you were never really in love. In any case if my wife ( future) banged another man i couldnt stay with her, though i would still love her. The marraige would be over, but the love would still be there as i would ask God for the right path to take on the subject.[/quote']

Love is strong....and I'm not ready to move on in a snap....like I said...I don't think anyone is saying, "Oh well, life goes on...."....

....but at the same time, how do you ever regain trust? Will I still love her? Sure...absolutely. But can our relationship be reconciled when SHE has given her heart to another man? When SHE broke the bonds of our love? I don't think so...in my eyes, the marriage has reached a point where it's beyond repair (NOT SAYING THAT's THE CASE FOR BRAVE...as evidenced by this thread, we all have different ways of handling this situation...or so we think).

You may think I'm copping out/taking the easy way out/not handling this properly/whatever....but I'm not trying to save something that can't be saved. And I sure as hell ain't putting my dipstick....eh, well, you get the point.

[CandaceM23]

Rubbish is suggesting what I've said is let's beat our spouses because we can. No one has said that. However, I do refuse to say if you beat an unfaithful spouse, I'm probably not going to find a lot of fault in the action. Ultimately that response, while potentially not appropriate for all, may be perfectly appropriate for some while representing a far lesser actual impact than the infidelity itself. If you ever catch me suggesting we should beat our significant others because we can, let me know. You apparently seem to think the woman has the right to take everything away from the man, emotionally, physically, family, all, and the man should do absolutely nothing about it ever. While I don't say it is always the way to go, certainly, I can appreciate it is SOMETIMES perfectly right to expect a vast betrayal of this sort to have a physical response. I also have no problem understanding a woman who may try to run her husband down in a car because he constantly was unfaithful. I have far more understanding for people in those situations who are so betrayed they lash out than I do for people betrayed who are unable to act.

As I said, in society today, it's not common to see someone willing to say there are times violence is perfectly right, normal and just. I can envision many situations I'm rather sure YOU'D agree with me. That the right exists doesn't mean it is always right. Merely that it is not always wrong as some seem to be hyperventilating in retort.

You dont know me ... and if you did, you'd KNOW that I don't deal with violence. I don't think that it's necessary and I think that it's the easy way out. What the hell - lets just go beat the **** out of each other because we're too freaking meatheaded to sit down and talk things out like adults.

So you think that it's okay for a husband to beat his wife for being unfaithful and vice versa. HELLO CAVEMAN!!! Art, crawl out of the cave and realize that you're not in BC times. You're endorsing beatdowns for lying.

I have never ever said that the woman has the right to take everything away from the man, emotionally, physically, family, all, and the man should do absolutely nothing about it ever. I've never said that. I believe that there are consequences to every action. I dont understand where your corrupt mind comes up with this garbage.

[visionary]

If you read that one line alone, ignoring the context and the rest of his posts, then yes. If you read further into his explanation, it becomes much more debatable.

I read the other stuff, but everytime I think maybe he isn't advocating it, he comes back with something else that makes me fairly confident that he is...

[Art]

Art, a lot of people seem to think you are. It sure as heck looked like it a few posts ago. You may want to sit back a bit and take a break and re-read some things, you are upsetting A LOT of people on here right now.

Could seriously care less guy.

The upset others are experiencing is because they aren't actually paying attention to what's being written, but, instead, paying attention to their own unwarranted interpretations. I'm not bound by anything beyond what I've said and within that, I've not changed my view. If someone wants to debate the statements I've made as they've been made, I'll probably take that on face value and enjoy the debate. I probably won't be all that concerned with people making comments like I'm saying you should beat your wife because you can, when no one has said that.

[TheREALJBird]

Hate to break this but offending her isn't exactly a monumental task....

She's what you might call a bit "touchy"

:2cents:

And who the hell are you to judge somebody else?

[Skin'emAlive]

There is nothing accepting about my attitude. My attitude is that of resolve. RESOLVE, not blind rage.

Do not confuse cavemen with men.

My wife CHOSE to be with me when she said YES. I am secure and confident in our relationship. She will not do anything to compromise it. As simple as that. I do not need to protect her from suitors unless they annoy her.

Sorry man, not everybody has the "perfect" marraige as you seem to have. If you dont get angry over this subject, what is the matter? If this isnt a "blind rage" offense, what is!? Im sure when everyone marries, the thought of betrayal and cheating is not what comes to mind. In fact, it is probably the last thing. This is about how Brave felt a little irked by this Tony fellow and decided to inquire. Along the way he found out some very troubling stuff. We are all happy that you are so perfect. :mad:

[diesel22]

And just to be fair you are a guy that makes adult themese recordings of yourself with other women to share with your friends and you seemingly have no problem sleeping with other peoples wives.

Been very clear on that topic. I do not pursue married women. Perhaps you need to refresh yourself. As for my lifestyle......I obviously feel for the starter of this thread (as I believe I have shown in my advice). However, you won't have to worry about me starting a similar thread....for obvious reasons.

[Prosperity]

Could seriously care less guy.

The upset others are experiencing is because they aren't actually paying attention to what's being written, but, instead, paying attention to their own unwarranted interpretations. I'm not bound by anything beyond what I've said and within that, I've not changed my view. If someone wants to debate the statements I've made as they've been made, I'll probably take that on face value and enjoy the debate. I probably won't be all that concerned with people making comments like I'm saying you should beat your wife because you can, when no one has said that.

Oh no, pretty much everyone here knows that you would or at least find it morally correct to beat down your wife if she cheated on you. The distinction isn't hard to understand. You have a reason it is just a pretty ****ty reason.

Oh and yeah it is domestic abuse, even if it isn't how you define it. Language would be pretty useless if we all defined things our own personal way.

[Byner21]

And while I fully appreciate the law may define it so, morally, I may not, any more than I may find it to be murder that a father avenges the killer of his child. Perhaps for me it is the "justification" that may be more meaningful than the underlying "crime". That certainly doesn't have to be the way for everyone.

So if someone waves a gun at you, and you do a driveby on the car and home you think they're in, is it not attempted murder?

[Art]

There seem to be two groups here: one who is concerned primarily with the sanctity of marriage, and the other that is concerned with the rights or feelings of those involved. Art's view is simply that when he and his wife took the vows of marriage, they became one. Their collective "rights" were subverted, as it were, under the umbrella of marriage. One of them has now gone outside of those marriage rights. Until the marriage is actually officially ended, the marriage rights are still in place, and Art feels he has to do whatever he needs to do to protect his marriage. If that includes confrontation (physical or otherwise) with the guilty male, so be it. The marriage comes first. Those who argue against Art, do you realize how strong that marriage is? Before you flame this, allow me to anticipate your responses:

1) a marriage based on violence isn't strong.

Wrong. Art's (sorry to use you so prevelently, Art, but you brought this upon yourself!) marriage is not BASED upon violence. It's based upon the bond the two of them have in marriage. If he has to use violence to maintain that bond, so be it. This is a man who would do anything to maintain that marriage.

2) violence is never the answer.

Wrong again. That's not the point here, anyway. I am sure you would continue on to say that they should talk things through, Art should change his behavior to accomdate her needs, etc. WRONG. The marriage must be assured of continuing first. Then felt needs can be addressed. If violence is needed to ensure that the marriage continues, or to establish that it will not, so be it. The marriage, one way or another, comes first.

At the risk of being crucified, allow me to add one final thought. Children should NEVER come first in a marriage. Your spouse should. You are not married to yuor children, you're married to your spouse. The marriage comes first, everything else after that.

I'm with you until the end. Unfortunately a child's needs have to take priority over the wife and even the marriage. A child can not do anything. Can not survive without everything from you. You are everything to the child and the child is, therefore, everything to you. By the nature of the rearing, your marriage takes a back seat because no matter how much you'd like to do certain things, as long as the child needs you to survive, that comes before you. Now as the child gets older I would agree more with you. As they become individuals I think you should help them on that path and not make their life your life. But, it's a careful balance.

[visionary]

Could seriously care less guy.

The upset others are experiencing is because they aren't actually paying attention to what's being written, but, instead, paying attention to their own unwarranted interpretations. I'm not bound by anything beyond what I've said and within that, I've not changed my view. If someone wants to debate the statements I've made as they've been made, I'll probably take that on face value and enjoy the debate. I probably won't be all that concerned with people making comments like I'm saying you should beat your wife because you can, when no one has said that.

Ok, I don't think anyone has said that you are saying you should beat your wife because you can. People have problems with you advocating beating your wife for lieing or cheating...that is abuse plain and simple.

As for upsetting people, I think you have deeply offended and disappointed quite a few people on here today (and not just with your opinion either)...though you may not realize it or care if you have. I sorry to see this happen...but if you don't care, that's up to you.

[Big Weirdo]

I just want to say I feel the worst for Brave. He was looking for advice and got, uh, this?

Best of luck again Brave.

[Byner21]

You dont know me ... and if you did, you'd KNOW that I don't deal with violence. I don't think that it's necessary and I think that it's the easy way out. What the hell - lets just go beat the **** out of each other because we're too freaking meatheaded to sit down and talk things out like adults.

So you think that it's okay for a husband to beat his wife for being unfaithful and vice versa. HELLO CAVEMAN!!! Art, crawl out of the cave and realize that you're not in BC times. You're endorsing beatdowns for lying.

I have never ever said that the woman has the right to take everything away from the man, emotionally, physically, family, all, and the man should do absolutely nothing about it ever. I've never said that. I believe that there are consequences to every action. I dont understand where your corrupt mind comes up with this garbage.

Bravo Candace!!

[CandaceM23]

Hate to break this but offending her isn't exactly a monumental task....

She's what you might call a bit "touchy"

:2cents:

And you're what some people call trash ... or an ******* ... or a joke ... or ridiculous ... or full of himself. You come to an INTERNET MESSAGE BOARD to get pats on the back for your 'conquests' and it's absolutely ridiculous. For Christ's sake, you sit there and make pornos of yourself and you and your male friends sit around and watch you rail chicks. Thats gross and borderline homo.

You find excitement in posting about your conquests on message boards ... what does that say about you? I'm still willing to bet that your schlong hasn't seen any poon in quite a while and that this is all just a ploy to make you seem like some badass MF'er.

Seriously ... just go do something with your Little Brothers. Make yourself useful and stop wasting everyones time.

Like I've said before Mr. Beefcake, IGNORE MY POSTS AND ACT LIKE I DONT EXIST. YOU'RE A WASTE OF HUMAN SPACE.

And just to be fair you are a guy that makes adult themese recordings of yourself with other women to share with your friends and you seemingly have no problem sleeping with other peoples wives.

Thank you.

[stevenaa]

I just skipped the last 8 pages or so. You guys pissed all over his thread. He wanted a little advice and instead gets 20 and rising pages of bickering. If you want to ***** back and forth, you could have taken it to another thread.