rincewind Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Well... i think if I never confronted the guy it would eat away at my heart for the rest of my life. How some guy i dont know' date=' nor have i ever seen before took my love of my life away from me and i did nothing about it other than run away. I think confronting the guy in some way is a way of showing u still have some dignity and pride left. Of course it probably is the best thing to not say anything at all.... feeling like crap for the rest of ur life sucks infinitely worse. At least you will be able to stomach it.[/quote']See, i don't see it as running away. Plus, I would be INFINITELY more upset at her than him, even if he did know she was married. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dfitzo53 Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 i wonder what the pacifists' view on that scenario would be? There's a judicial system in place to handle those things. Would I have the iron will to resist beating the mortal piss out of somebody who would do that to my wife or daughter? I doubt it. But if I were a true pacifist, I'd leave it to the authorities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexRS Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 1) at his work, in front of his coworkers.2) let him know that his actions will have consequences and to make sure he knows what they are and generally to let him know that i disapprove of his continued exsistence. 3)1000% 4)I guess i could IM him and ask pretty please. Maybe send him a very stern letter? Skywriting? All you want to do is "let him know"??? You are not being honest with me. You think this "letting know" would achieve something in return. You did not mention that something in 2). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Skywriting? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 If you read all my posts you would see that i said i was using 'she' as a generic pronoun. NO WHERE to i even remotely advocate cheating or say that it is okay in the least. My point was women were sounding a little bit like property (i'm not even referring to just cheating, i mean overall). I found it quite telling however that in your above post you only refer to women not being allowed to cheat - see i can read things into your posts too. Yes, rince, I have attempted to maintain consistency in the discussion by sticking with the discussion at hand, utilizing the examples we already have here. I have when speaking more generically in this thread addressed it is incorrect for men to cheat too. Find those posts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiggoReincarnated Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 This is one fast-moving thread! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Yes, by doing so he is trying to establish his significance.By confronting him you would confirm his significance. i think my wife emailing/ im'ing/ texting him back confirms that. your way of showing him his insignificance is just passive aggressive. i prefer the aggressive type. and i don't mean violence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I don't think i see your point. Shouldn't you always want to know what good could come of you actions? Maybe I over analyize things, but i always try to choice the path of action with the least amount of negative effects - and therefore steer towards those actions that would cause the most good. Don't really see how that tenuous. Okay, then let me turn it around on you... What good can come from you just walking away from the relationship without attempting counseling, etc? Sometimes we do things not to attain the best possible outcome... we do things so that we can keep our chin up, maintain our self esteem, bring closure to a situation, etc. Sometimes, in order to acheive these goals, we are forced to do things that on paper might not achieve anything... but do wonders for our self esteem and our own psyche. For you... your course is walking away (again, that is fine you feel that way). My course is confrontation. Irregardless of potential outcomes of the situation as a whole, at a minimum, these actions are performed for ourselves and our own esteem. Which in an indirect way, ironically enough, often turns out to be the best thing we could have done to improve the situation. :2cents: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 There's a judicial system in place to handle those things. Would I have the iron will to resist beating the mortal piss out of somebody who would do that to my wife or daughter? I doubt it. But if I were a true pacifist, I'd leave it to the authorities. which is why i couldn't be a pacifist. but i'm taking this thread off topic, and for that, i apologize. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 All you want to do is "let him know"???You are not being honest with me. You think this "letting know" would achieve something in return. You did not mention that something in 2). I absolutely am being honest. Tony thinks he is sneaking around and his actions are not known by others. I would "let him know" that this is not the case and he needs to rethink his situation. I would also "let him know" that his continued communication with my wife will not be tolerated. No threats, just ground rules. A) it'll make him look like scum in front of his coworkers and Tony sounds like a ****ing weasel that will puss out now that he knows people are on to him. C) I'd also "let him know" that i'd be in contact with his pregnant wife shortly with screencaptures in hand. Consequences can be a mother****er and its time Tony faces some of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I absolutely am being honest. But... you can't possibly be honest... because AlexRS has already made up his mind what you should be thinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Okay, then let me turn it around on you... What good can come from you just walking away from the relationship without attempting counseling, etc?Sometimes we do things not to attain the best possible outcome... we do things so that we can keep our chin up, maintain our self esteem, bring closure to a situation, etc. Sometimes, in order to acheive these goals, we are forced to do things that on paper might not achieve anything... but do wonders for our self esteem and our own psyche. For you... your course is walking away (again, that is fine you feel that way). My course is confrontation. Irregardless of potential outcomes of the situation as a whole, at a minimum, these actions are performed for ourselves and our own esteem. Which in an indirect way, ironically enough, often turns out to be the best thing we could have done to improve the situation. :2cents: That's fine. But for some reason people are saying they 'respect' my opinion and then turn around and call it a 'cop-out' or say i 'have no balls.' Doesn't really sound like a lot of respect to me. My wife have discussed it in the past - we both view cheating as the ultimate low and and (in our relationship) a sign that you no longer love the other. At that point, why stay together? And furthermore, why drag out the pain and humiliation by confronting the guy she broke my heart over? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destino Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I absolutely am being honest. Tony thinks he is sneaking around and his actions are not known by others. I would "let him know" that this is not the case and he needs to rethink his situation. I would also "let him know" that his continued communication with my wife will not be tolerated. No threats, just ground rules.A) it'll make him look like scum in front of his coworkers and Tony sounds like a ****ing weasel that will puss out now that he knows people are on to him. C) I'd also "let him know" that i'd be in contact with his pregnant wife shortly with screencaptures in hand. Consequences can be a mother****er and its time Tony faces some of them. :applause: :applause: :applause: Exactly! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skin'emAlive Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Ok from a few posts i have gathered that he should end the relationship and not care if she falls for this other guy because he is no longer married to her. What the hell is that supposed to mean!??!?! So you guys are saying he should just say... "o well, its been a good run, but i no longer care for you at all in anyway." It doesnt make any sense. He still cares for her, and watching another man move in and F his wife is a kick in the pants. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 First of all, when have I insulted you? You began it by posting rubbish on this board ... this whole Caveman mentality makes me sick. Second of all, if you want insults, here's one: You have the mentality of a boy, a child, who can do nothing other than fight others. You seem to be very well spoken, yet you're endorsing violence. Come on everyone ... lets go beat our spouses and significant others just because we can!!! Just because they own a piece of us and we own a piece of them. That complete and total BS and you should know that. Thank goodness that there are people in here who have level heads and who see that violence is not the answer. The route that should be taken is to talk to the wife, give her the option of continuing to talk to Tony - or to walk away from the marriage. Thats it. No need to go toe to toe with Tony and see who's got the bigger balls. You and I are going to disagree no matter what is said .... You're the caveman and you see me as the feeble woman who needs to be lead to water and needs to be told what to do. I on the other hand feel that you're a nitwit. I will refrain from going any further ... And since when has violence been highly acceptable? Violence of any form - whether its spousal abuse, child abuse or a random butt kicking on the street is not acceptable and we have rules and laws against it. But hey ... I guess that the rules don't apply since violence is highly acceptable - and no one goes to jail or has charges pressed against them for assault. Rubbish is suggesting what I've said is let's beat our spouses because we can. No one has said that. However, I do refuse to say if you beat an unfaithful spouse, I'm probably not going to find a lot of fault in the action. Ultimately that response, while potentially not appropriate for all, may be perfectly appropriate for some while representing a far lesser actual impact than the infidelity itself. If you ever catch me suggesting we should beat our significant others because we can, let me know. You apparently seem to think the woman has the right to take everything away from the man, emotionally, physically, family, all, and the man should do absolutely nothing about it ever. While I don't say it is always the way to go, certainly, I can appreciate it is SOMETIMES perfectly right to expect a vast betrayal of this sort to have a physical response. I also have no problem understanding a woman who may try to run her husband down in a car because he constantly was unfaithful. I have far more understanding for people in those situations who are so betrayed they lash out than I do for people betrayed who are unable to act. As I said, in society today, it's not common to see someone willing to say there are times violence is perfectly right, normal and just. I can envision many situations I'm rather sure YOU'D agree with me. That the right exists doesn't mean it is always right. Merely that it is not always wrong as some seem to be hyperventilating in retort. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Not sure how this got off track.Art's first post, which I am 100% in agreement with, is that 'Tony' must be confronted. In a cool, calm, manner where you maintain eye contact and make it abundantly clear how you feel about him. Nobody said about hauling off and punching him. I can't believe that if a man was :hump:ing your wife, you would only confront her. They are both guilty, they both need to be confronted. Not advocating violence and not having a spine are not mutually exclusive. :2cents: Precisely. It's not at all difficult. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rincewind Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Ok from a few posts i have gathered that he should end the relationship and not care if she falls for this other guy because he is no longer married to her. What the hell is that supposed to mean!??!?! So you guys are saying he should just say... "o well' date=' its been a good run, but i no longer care for you at all in anyway." It doesnt make any sense. He still cares for her, and watching another man move in and F his wife is a kick in the pants.[/quote']Sounds like you may have just been reading my posts. And to be honest - we have gone off the topic of giving advice, and for that i apologize Brave. What my wife and i have decided is what we think is best for us - i would actually strongly suggested Brave seek marriage counsiling and confront his wife about the situation. edit - i've got to go to a meeting, be back in a few hours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexRS Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 i think my wife emailing/ im'ing/ texting him back confirms that. True, but as far as he needs to know she was just confused, going through bad times - whatever. The reason she was weak enough to fall for that is none of his business. He took advantage of her weakness. He is a worthless pieces of human garbage. He is a piece of *****. Confronting him is like kicking *****. You only get your shoes dirty. We are half way there if both husband and wife understand this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destino Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Ok from a few posts i have gathered that he should end the relationship and not care if she falls for this other guy because he is no longer married to her. What the hell is that supposed to mean!??!?! So you guys are saying he should just say... "o well' date=' its been a good run, but i no longer care for you at all in anyway." It doesnt make any sense. He still cares for her, and watching another man move in and F his wife is a kick in the pants.[/quote']What they are saying is "you can have my wife, I won't do anything to stop you" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 That's what Art just said. Basically he stated that if your Wife refuses to acknowledge it's over then the marriage is over. Again, precisely. It's not her choice to remain married and unfaithful. It's her choice to remain married, or not. If she goes with the other guy, that's certainly a choice she can make and allows the quick end of a marriage. If she picks marriage to you, then her choice is made, whether she actually would LIKE to get rid of the other man or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsNut73 Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Well... i think if I never confronted the guy it would eat away at my heart for the rest of my life. How some guy i dont know' date=' nor have i ever seen before took my love of my life away from me and i did nothing about it other than run away. I think confronting the guy in some way is a way of showing u still have some dignity and pride left. Of course it probably is the best thing to not say anything at all.... feeling like crap for the rest of ur life sucks infinitely worse. At least you will be able to stomach it.[/quote']Guess it depends on how you view things. Where someone thinks the guy took the love of my life away, I think she is the one who checked out/walked away. I'd take the high road and eventually get to a point where I realize I'm better off without her.... The more I think about it....I might not confront my wife about the IM's/text messages....that could lead to the "you don't trust me" bull****. Instead, I'd have a dozen roses sent to her place of employment with a card that says something nice and is signed "Love, Tony"... ...when she thanks Tony and he says I didn't send them...I can only imagine the oh **** look on her face....she'll know she is caught then... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Art Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 i'm no moderator, but if ever a thread needed closing this just might be it. No way. Passionate debate is the way to go my brother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jumbo Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Hey Jumbo you just keep those photos to yourself , were not interested. Excellent post/advice a couple pages back. They're in a lock box. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skin'emAlive Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 Sounds like you may have just been reading my posts. Sry man... im not trying to break your balls. I agree with some of your stuff, and dissagree with others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexRS Posted May 16, 2006 Share Posted May 16, 2006 I absolutely am being honest. Tony thinks he is sneaking around and his actions are not known by others. I would "let him know" that this is not the case and he needs to rethink his situation. I would also "let him know" that his continued communication with my wife will not be tolerated. No threats, just ground rules.A) it'll make him look like scum in front of his coworkers and Tony sounds like a ****ing weasel that will puss out now that he knows people are on to him. C) I'd also "let him know" that i'd be in contact with his pregnant wife shortly with screencaptures in hand. Consequences can be a mother****er and its time Tony faces some of them. Sure this may work, but is it all worth it? There are millions of people like Tony out there. You can either ignore them or spend the rest of your life doing this. They pray on weaknesses. The way to deal with them (rather, NOT to deal with them) is not to have weaknesses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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