Henry Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Before or after college?"Dad, I just need a place for a month or two. That's it." Har har har. My point is, people who wait to 'find themselves' before having kids should realize that each kid will be your charge for 18 years of his or her life. It's just a question of which 18. Those people who waited until they were 40 because they were too busy traveling and partying or whatever will be 58 before their first kid leaves the nest. Those who were 25 when they had their first kid will be 43. As a 40 year-old, I can safely say 43 is still young enough to travel and party. I can't speak for 58. Also, the human body is designed to have kids at a young age. Getting up at all hours of the night. Running around after toddlers. Lifting screaming kids and carrying them to their room ... these things are not for old people. If possible, have kids while your body can take the punishment. Younguns, don't be caught up with numbers. Pointy is absolutely right. Nobody is EVER 'ready' to have a kid. You never think you have enough money. You never think you've got things all figured out. And if you do, you are wrong. People figure out parenthood on the fly, no matter what age they are. I was 29 when my first kid was born. In my next life I'd like to be a few years younger. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ldysknzfn1 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Follow your heart. Don't worry about what others think or say about you or what you're doing. It's your life....live it and do what makes you happy b/c at the end of the day all that matters is how you feel about your life. Live, laugh, love and feel the moments. Take ownership of whatever you do and do it w/pride and gusto. You only live once. It's not what you do while you're here, but it's who you touch that determines your legacy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da'uud Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 don't be naive, the world is cuthroat don't be a consumer of all things around you appreciate the little stuff and how easily it can all be gone be and stay healthy explore new things don't live as if its your last day- live as if its your first Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Follow your heart. Don't worry about what others think or say about you or what you're doing. It's your life....live it and do what makes you happy b/c at the end of the day all that matters is how you feel about your life. Live, laugh, love and feel the moments. Take ownership of whatever you do and do it w/pride and gusto. You only live once. It's not what you do while you're here, but it's who you touch that determines your legacy. I just had this conversation with someone 2 days ago. Although I said follow your brain. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cassow Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Learn to listen while people talk. I'm horrible at this and it's a constant area I'm trying to improve in. My wife, especially, sometimes just wants met to shut up and listen and not try and solve everything. Brilliant advice here. Men naturally want to be problem solvers, and most women are just looking for someone to empathize with them and listen, rather than trying to fix everything and tell them what they could do differently. Next time a women complains about her day or a problem at work, just keep your mouth shut and listen. Make sure you find something you enjoy doing professionally before you take on lots of additional responsibilities, e.g. wife, kids, mortgage, etc. Once you take those on, having to make money quickly becomes more important than doing something that makes you happy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forehead Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 This is a good point. $10,000 is a lot of money but it really only represents an extra $270 in a biweekly paycheck. Don't get me wrong, I could do a lot of good with that extra cash but it's not exactly lifestyle changing. Hate to nitpick, but $10,000 / 26 is actually $385 dollars extra every two weeks, which actually can go a long way. Unless you were figuring in taxes. I agree though, don't chase money if you'll hate yourself. I have to say my experiences with love have been different than what a lot of people are saying. My wife and I met when we were 22 and 19, dated for four years, and got married at 26 and 23. We've been together five years and had our first child last April. You don't have to wait on love, but you do need to make absolutely sure you're making the right move for you. Most of my advice would be financial. The first piece is, always take advantage of free money. If your job has any sort of matching, you have to contribute at least enough to get the full match, at minimum. If they have something (like my old job) where they match 50% of the first 6%, you'd better put away at least 6%. There is no excuse to turn down free money. Second, when you are in a relationship or a marriage, make sure at least one of you is anal about money. Preferably you, you should always know where the money is going. By anal, I don't mean never having fun, but I mean keeping track of your bills, paying them, monitoring your bank account and Credit Cards for fraud, etc. I've found it's generally better (in my marriage) if only one person does this; it reduces arguments. Use the CC only if you can pay off the balance each month, but if you can, don't be afraid to use them for the rewards. You can eat free at restaurants, get cash back, etc. this way. When you enter the workforce, get yourself acclimated at first. Then find out who the hardest/most successful worker is at your level, find out how he or she is doing it, and then do everything you can to exceed them. You don't have to be overt or in your face about it, just work hard and make yourself more valuable than anyone you might compete with for a promotion. As a bonus, if you take another job, you should get great reviews from your boss, or possibly offers of more money to stay. I guess that's enough for now, those have worked for me pretty well. ---------- Post added February-9th-2011 at 03:23 PM ---------- Oh, I thought of one more. Learn how to speak in public. People who can speak well before an audience, in meetings, etc automatically are highly regarded. Even if people think they come off as full of themselves, there's a silent respect there. It gives you more of a commanding presence. I'm afraid it might become a lost art with social media, but it is still very necessary and can serve you well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ZoEd Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Learn to listen while people talk. I'm horrible at this and it's a constant area I'm trying to improve in. My wife, especially, sometimes just wants met to shut up and listen and not try and solve everything. A-FREAKING-MEN! So hard to control, so very hard. The best relationship advice I've ever been given came from a family counselor that my wife and I went to several years ago. During the session he literally looked at me and said "sometimes you just need to shut the **** up!". After getting over being completely shocked, he explained it to me like this. Men are fixers by nature, its what we do. A woman comes in and wants to vent (*****) about her day and the first thing we do is tell her how she should handle the situation or how we would have handled it if it were us. He said NO! That's not the way to handle it, let her vent. Let her get it all out, listen to her, because the minute you interject and tell her how she should handle it you make her feel stupid or that you think you're superior. Sit back, listen, smile and nod, then when she's done support her and the way she handled it or the way she felt about it and ask her if she wants your advice or if there's anything you can do to help. Stop being a fixer! He had some other useful tidbits but this was definitely the most valuable advice he gave us. Well, that and he told my wife that men have short term memories. We get pissed off one minute and the next minute we forgot what the hell we were fighting about. Don't take it personal, SHUT THE **** UP, let us vent and engage later. Worse thing a woman can do is want to talk about it while the emotions are flowing. Especially since men, as a rule, don't like to lose so we'll argue our point till were blue in the face, even if we know were wrong. It's what we do. Good advice PF ---------- Post added February-9th-2011 at 02:26 PM ---------- Brilliant advice here. Men naturally want to be problem solvers, and most women are just looking for someone to empathize with them and listen, rather than trying to fix everything and tell them what they could do differently. Next time a women complains about her day or a problem at work, just keep your mouth shut and listen. Make sure you find something you enjoy doing professionally before you take on lots of additional responsibilities, e.g. wife, kids, mortgage, etc. Once you take those on, having to make money quickly becomes more important than doing something that makes you happy. Wow, looks like we're definitely on the same page. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nonniey Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I see there is a lot of gobbledy gook on how approach handle or manage a relationship. Bottom-line that you need to understand is that women are crazy (Yes, stark raving mad). If you go in understanding that it will greatly increase the odds of a successful long term relationship. That said it is difficult to accept this because, as my sister pointed out, men are stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koolblue13 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Be true and honest to yourself and others. It will make you kind at heart and you sleep better. Never lie, it's too hard to keep track of. Enjoy the littlest things. Fresh fruit in season, that kind of thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunny Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Hm. I'm only 24, and I'm a chick - so I don't have much to offer ya! :pfft: Actually, though. As silly as it sounds, the "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)" song by Baz Luhrmann has some fantastic advice, I think! Be forewarned, it's kind of long, but worth a read (and listen!) Wear sunscreen. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now. Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine. Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blind sides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday. Do one thing every day that scares you. Sing. Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. Floss. Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself. Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how. Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements. Stretch. Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't. Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's. Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room. Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders. Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out. Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. But trust me on the sunscreen.[/Quote] Congratulations on graduating! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RiggosMohawk Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 You will regret the things you didnt do more than the things you did. Undertake a difficult project with your future spouse (before and not including wedding planning). Notice how you work together. If it creates a lot of arguing, you aren't long-term material. Your parents will make alot more sense the day you become a parent. You'll also start to feel like a real jerk for all the things you did to them. If your life doesn't change drastically in the next 10 years you're doing something wrong... or doing nothing at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stadium-Armory Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Work harder than the guy or girl next to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt. Kaos Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 My number one piece of advice I give when asked comes from my grandmother: Always remember, Marriage is not a 50/50 partnership. It's 100/100 or it will never last. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teller Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Something that took me way too long to learn is this. Whatever you do, do it to make YOU happy. Don't do it for someone else. And don't let YOUR happiness be contingent upon someone else. The person that's right for you will want to be in your life because they can see how the things you do would benefit them. Do not try to change to impress them. Not only will you end up alone in the end anyway, but you won't like who you've become. In a nutshell, it's the classic "be true to yourself." Do it, and you'll never go wrong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Don't be stupid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Brave Little Toaster Oven Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I think you should get a prostitute...they have a lot of life knowledge and should be able to answer any question imaginable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GSF Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 educate yourself as much as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drtdrums Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 If you have an escape route (ie - living in your parents' basement), cut yourself off from it. Don't buy a house with debt. Read pretty much any Dave Ramsey book. Read Rich Dad Poor Dad. Don't let anything separate you from your friends. Learn the value of networking before you're 30. Swear to yourself that you will read 1 non-fiction book per month. I prefer 'self - help' ish things, but i pretty much detest the 'self-help' genre. There are some good classics in the genre you should read, though, like Think and Grow Rich. Figure out what you believe from a spiritual perspective, and then dedicate yourself to learning more about it. Remain open to the possibility of being wrong. Read the most respected viewpoints from the opposing side. Get in shape and stay there. It's a lot easier than the alternative. Save and invest 15% of everything you earn and give 10% of what you earn to charity. After Uncle Sam takes his chunk, i realize that leaves you with about 50% of what you earn to live on, but trust me, it's the best thing you can do. And I'm not talking about "karma." You live in the US because you won the ovarian lottery. Charities like Worldbuilders are a great place to start. If/when you get married, don't have kids for 2 years. Then have several. Trust no media source. It's all filtered. Try to form an image from multiple perspectives. Never compromise your ethics. Drink Sam Adams. You can get away with Guinness. Start a business when you're ready (working for another man will begin to chafe on you, no matter how great the job is). Get a dog. I like huskies, personally, but anything not of the toy variety is a good idea. Change your oil every 5k, not every 3. Don't leave your socks on the floor. Women don't like that. Do the dishes on Saturday (when you're married -- until then, buy paper plates). Whatever it is that you enjoy doing, don't ever give it up. Ever. Biggest regret of mine. When you feel a cold coming on, try Tylenol + Ibuprofen + an antihistamine + sudafed. Safe (as far as I can tell) and it's staved off 5 of my last 6 illnesses and made the other one last only a day. Not sure the how or why of this. If you ever get a plantar wart, use apple cider vinegar. Find a woman that can cook. If she's pretty, marry her. If she's not, hire her. Watch out for quacks, but if you're ever in any type of pain, see a sacro-occipital chiropractor. Ditto for massage (especially NMT). Get netflix. Learn to make bacon the way you like it. Never tell a friend, "No." Unless, of course, they're crossing a line. Read 4-Hour Workweek. Ok, that's it for now. Enjoy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCollins Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 only marry a girl that you can't spend one second of your life without ... imo, this is the opposite of the truth. Marry a girl that you can live without, because chances are that you will have to at some point (whether temp. or permanently). Learn to love someone with exceptional ethics, social skills, judgment, enthusiasm for life, ability to make/manage money, and take care of themselves. Marriage is more of a business relationship then a love interest. A lot of people find that out in the end. The chemistry thing hardly ever pans out. Finding your "Soul mate" is a fairy tale. If you feel like you're "crazy about someone" you are just that. Run. A marriage or serious relationship is when two emotionally mature (closer to 30 years old then 20), financially independent, and spiritually (the opposite of self centered) based people decide to spend a lot of their free time together. Two half's do not equal a whole. Once you've written your requirements for a suitable partner, become that requirement and you will attract it and be attracted to it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgold Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Run. Very fast. Don't look behind you. They are coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stew Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 The single best piece of advice an older person can give a younger person is this: Dont screw up your credit. It will help you out a TON in adult life. Take care of your credit as much as you can. Other then that, don't compromise on love. If you argue with your girlfriend regularly, that isn't going to change in marriage. Marraige will not change the flaws in your mate. If you have any rift's in your family. Repair them the best you can, while you still can. get your fill of the club/bar scene now. Do it and get out of it. The sooner the better. Take risks and chances while you are young. Before you have the financial responsibility of a family, mortgage, and a career, go places, take risks that have the possibility to pay off big time, and have fun. Create moments you will reflect on fondly when you are older. Be smart with money. Save as much as you can. it will pay off when you hit your thirties and want some bad ass toy. Saving money may not sound like fun, but when you have it to spend on a big toy like a sports car or ATV or boat or timeshare, you will be happy as hell you saved. I could go on forever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pick6 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 One book to read early: Boggleheads Guide to Investing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dockeryfan Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 Man, you really have to take a look at who is giving you advice. There are more than a few "better to regret something you did than something you didn't do" Do not take advice from these people who look at the past and ask what if. Don't get wrapped up in their regrets. There are plenty of things that you can do that will completely screw you up. I know a kid who now has drug charges, vandalism charges, and grand theft auto. Not that he's a rocket scientist, but politics are now out. See what I mean? There are consequences, and many roads become closed once you do certain things. Yes. learn to take advantage of opportunity. Don't sit in indecision. But be smart about it. I would say try to find out what makes you tick. I would say most of the people I meet have no idea who they are and why they do the things they do. These same people make the same mistakes over and over. Same busted relationships, same work environments, and meanwhile, it's all because of them. It's not the world. It's them. Don't become like them. Know yourself, and people will know you just by being around you. For the practical side - read How to win friends and influence people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkB452 Posted February 10, 2011 Share Posted February 10, 2011 I heard a WW2 vet say this about combat, can apply to life as well: Never pass up a chance to go to the bathroom or sleep because you might not get another chance for a long time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gortiz Posted February 11, 2011 Share Posted February 11, 2011 Work hard. At everything. I firmly believe that there is no greater predictor for long-term success than one's work ethic. i'm assuming you mean professional success? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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