dchogs Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Be careful of love.You're young, and the next ten or so years are the best time for your youthful energy to springboard your life. You've spent all this time running up to the edge of the board and making sure you get the highest spring possible, now, be wary you don't tie down your flight with a wife and kids and such before you're ready. Love is nice, and it feels great. But love in our 20s rarely lasts as long as our youthful optimism believes it will. It would suck to work so hard, and then have to give half of it all away by 35, plus pay child support, etc. i know I sound like an awful pessimist here, but the fact is this. You've got time for all of that. Don't rush into it, and don't be fooled by youthful infatuation. One of the thngs I did with my life that I feel i did 100% right is I didn't have a child until I was 33. By then I was MUCH more mature and prepared for what it entails than I was at 23. When my ex ditched out on us (and what do you know, we'd been together since we were 22) I was able to handle it. If I was still in my 20s when she did that, I have no idea how I would have coped. Use your youth for yourself and your future family. You will get a lot more accomplished and by the time you're ready for a family, a lot of the real hardships that come from them will be under control. Lots of folks have kids before they're ready emotionally and financially. You'll see them,, your friends will do it, if they haven't already begun. ~Bang Get and keep your financial life in order. Having good control of your money doesn't buy you happiness but it brings a heck of a lot of peace of mind. My rules: 1. Emergency fund (a "liquid" stash of money that's easily accessible) 3-8 months worth of expenses. You just never know what life is gonna throw at you. 2. Resist the urge to borrow money and spend money you don't have (don't be in debt and don't use credit cards if you can't pay off the balance monthly) 3. Spend less than you make each month 4. Set aside in savings (savings account, retirement account... these all count as savings) a portion of each paycheck AUTOMATICALLY...aim to get to at least 20%... I started out at 5 bucks a week and now I'm up to several hundred a week. 5. Harness the power of compounding interest. When you're interviewing for jobs, make sure your boss is someone you respect or inspires you or is a good leader. There are very few people that can impact your quality of life like your boss. Don't let a girl/woman get you down for an extended period of time. Move on as soon as possible. Don't make life plans around a woman (moving, job) unless she has your last name. Until you're happy with yourself, you can never make somebody else happy. Relationships complicate things, kids compound that. There's a lot of people who get into relationships because they think it will "settle them down" or "give them direction". Sometimes that's true, often it's not. If you're already on rocky ground and having a hard time dealing with your own problems (emotional, financial or whatever else), when you get married their problems become your problems and it only gets tougher. Just be cautious and don't rush in to anything. Don't chase money! Money is necessary but is $10K extra a year in a job you don't like worth it? You can't put a price on happiness, do something you love doing, something you're passionate about. Don't tie yourself down to a job because it's what someone else thinks you should do or because it comes with a cool title. When you do settle down and find the "one", go all in. Marry your best friend, someone that makes you laugh, understands you, loves you unconditionally. So many people make the mistake of getting involved with someone that has tons of baggage because they think they can "fix" them. If they haven't "fixed" themselves, you're not going to be able to do it for them. Live, love, laugh...cliche, simplistic, but so damn true that's about what i would say. lots of good advice there. work hard, play hard right now, while saving a ton of cash. you're not going to (or shouldn't have) a ton of expenses right now, so set aside a little booze money and save the hell out of the rest. once you're secure professionally (or on your way), secure financially (or well on your way), and secure personally, you can really enter into a relationship full bore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gortiz Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I'm 22 years old, ready to graduate soon. School can only teach you so much. The best things you can learn is from experience and advice from those who've been through it.I'm looking for any tips and lessons from anyone, particularly the older folks here, about life, money, love, whatever. It doesn't matter. All I need is a little bit of insight and wisdom. Thanks. only marry a girl that you can't spend one second of your life without ... cause time wears everything down and if you want to have a long and happy relationship you better be inseparable at the start. Trust is the most fragile of things and worse off, unrepairable once broken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pick6 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I want to add to this...if you don't feel that way, then you're not ready to get married yet. I'm in my 30s and we already know 3 couples who are divorced. They basically got married because the rest of us were and none of the marriages lasted more than 2 years (with 1 of them lasting less than 1 year). If you still would prefer to hang out with your friends than spend time with your girlfriend, don't even think about getting married. So true, I am only 27 and I have two friends, my age, who are already divorced. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mr. Sinister Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 The travel advice is good too. I plan on taking a trip to Tokyo in the summer, and Brazil next spring. As for the waiting to get married thing, seeing as how I'm a child of divorced parents and have seen how much it takes to maintain a marriage, it won't even be on my radar screen until I'm 35, at least. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gortiz Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 First lesson, be specific. It's hard road out there and if you aren't specific in your requests then you can't get useful help. GREAT ADVICE... so important. by doing so you show confidence and you get what you want. this applies more in the biz world but for sure has merit in your personal life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Destino Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Travel as much as you can while you still can. Know more about your own finances than you do about your job. Everyone you talk to can tell you all about their job and nothing about their own money. You should be an expert on all things relating to you and your family. Work does not equate to you. It's a means of financing your life. Look for better means of doing this that require you to spend less time away from your life. No one ever died saying "if only I'd worked late more often!" You can't win the rat race but if you play your cards right you can exit it and spend a good chunk of your professional life doing what you want to do instead of what you need to do to pay the bills. Save your money and try to reach a retirement point as early as humanly possible. It's no so you can spend your life fishing but so you can see your kids, spend time with your wife, and live to see your goals realized. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willyt Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 So much good advice. Ahh..to be 22 again ..and know what I know now. Dont ever sell yourself short..be confident in your abilities. Do what you love.. that way you'll always love what you do. Always show respect and be honest to yourself and others Pick your battles..your views on life are gonna change as you get older. Last but not least...Enjoy the livin **** out of your youth..It really does fly by. Good luck bro!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bcl05 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Work hard. At everything. I firmly believe that there is no greater predictor for long-term success than one's work ethic. Find a job you enjoy and throw yourself at it. Also find a hobby that brings you peace and quiet. Preferably something that can keep your interest for a lifetime. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skins_Fan82 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Some of what I've learned since 22....Re: Marriage/Love life: When money problems enter the door, Love flies out the window. Make sure you and your other have the same financial goals. Or enough $ where it's not a problem. It's not always necessary to be "right". Pick your battles. Your wife IS more important than your friends. Work: Always look for the next opportunity Learn as much as you can. If your employer offers education, take advantage. Don't participate in the gossip mill. General Life: I stopped being concerned with having the latest/greatest, and instead go with what fits my lifestyle/budget/NEEDS best. completely agree with everything you said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Live life without regrets. If you learn from your mistakes and they help you grow than you have nothing to regret. We ALL make mistakes, that's just life. Otherwise some very good financial and mature advice in this thread. Good luck my friend. Listening to us old farts can be good as long as you are smart enough to get through the BS and create your own path. Make your own way and give some of us old folks some advice too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointyfootball Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Be a good family member. Help your older relatives, seek your parents/grandparents advice and spend time with them. Most families will be there for you through it all. Can't always say the same about friends. Be a good friend. There's a shortage of people who will do "anything" for another person. Good friendships, like marriage, take cultivation and will reward you as well as your friend later in life. Don't try and get rich quick. Don't give in to pressure on a big purchase (vehicle, house, etc.). In pilot's terms: "Better to be down here wish you were up there than up there wishing you were down here." Recognize your financial limitations and live within them. Unless you are incredibly disciplined, that means using CC's for emergencies only. Give of your time, money. But, IMO, mostly your time. Volunteer to help those less fortunate than you, and you'll be more content with your own life. When you pick your bride, make sure: a) you get along with her mom, that you will be happy with her if she looks like her mom in 30 years, c) that you are ready to put her above all others, including your friends, family and dog, and d) that she has similar goals/philosophy regarding your religion, finances and children. Don't be afraid to have kids when you're younger. Yes it's nice to have a few years for you & wife to enjoy before stress of a child, but it's also nice to still be able to play basketball with your son/daughter and do active vacations when they're in middle/high school, without needing a chiropractor afterwards! You will NEVER be "ready" for children. Or at least I wasn't. Be well rounded. Learn to listen while people talk. I'm horrible at this and it's a constant area I'm trying to improve in. My wife, especially, sometimes just wants met to shut up and listen and not try and solve everything. Accept responsibility. Job, neighbor, friend, husband, father. They're all "contracts" you signed up for. Accept, and be grateful for that responsibility, but treat it as such. Lastly, and MOST important, IMO: Be content. It took me until just a few years ago to really understand this, and it's made me a better person (not sure what others think!). Be happy that you have a job. Be happy that you have a wife that loves you even if she doesn't give you porn sex 5 nights a week. Be happy with your health. Be happy with your 800sq ft apartment. Just accept what you have, recognize your blessings and enjoy each day. Good luck, and IMO you're ahead of the game. Seeking out others' advice/wisdom is always a wise choice! JMOs, PF Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mardi gras skin Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Be careful of love.You're young, and the next ten or so years are the best time for your youthful energy to springboard your life. You've spent all this time running up to the edge of the board and making sure you get the highest spring possible, now, be wary you don't tie down your flight with a wife and kids and such before you're ready. Love is nice, and it feels great. But love in our 20s rarely lasts as long as our youthful optimism believes it will. It would suck to work so hard, and then have to give half of it all away by 35, plus pay child support, etc. I have a different story than Bang's but he is right that you need to be careful in love. My wife and I married early and it was great. We both changed as we got older and it was hard for a few years...about 35 like Bang said. But we were faithful and loyal to each other and now its great again. I married a fiesty, strong, loving woman and I've tried hard to be a good husband. Its working out well. You do need to be careful in love like Bang said, but if you can marry a really good person, go for it and go for it as early as you can. Surround yourself with good people and be as fiery loyal to those people as you can. I have an uncommonly large group of great friends and I feel like the richest man on earth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RVAbrendan Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Only 24 here, but the past 3 years have gone by real quick and have opened my eyes. Lots of great advice here, but a couple tricks I’ve picked up on… -Learn to cook. If you’re like me, you’ll be making a fairly modest salary. Cook your food and you’ll save cash. -Keep/get in shape early. Take care of yourself physically. It will not only give you more energy as you get older, but you will feel mentally healthier as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimmySmith Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 As for the waiting to get married thing, seeing as how I'm a child of divorced parents and have seen how much it takes to maintain a marriage, it won't even be on my radar screen until I'm 35, at least.This could be a mistake. If you want kids at all, try not wait that late. I know this has the potential to be a thread hijacker so I will just say this. Try to make personal decisions about children as young as you can, then follow through at the right time. Try not to wake up at 35 and suddenly say, "I need kids". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mardi gras skin Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 That is just me. One thing that applies to everyone, stay out of debt. If you cannot pay cash for it, you don't need it. If you can pay cash for it, you probably still don't need it. Save. This is superior advice. Rarely, debt can work to your advantage. But most debt is the result of excessive greed. Debt, including excessive monthly bills, can just cripple you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Some great stuff there Pointy. I especially like the part about being "Well rounded". That is huge and most people ignore that. And the helping other thing is something that can not be ignored. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mardi gras skin Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 pointyfootball, you could write a book. That was superior advice...I'll probably steal it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skins_Fan82 Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 pointyfootball, you could write a book. That was superior advice...I'll probably steal it. you saw that too? dude, i was about to grab a pen and start writing things down LOL some awesome advice in here... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TD_washingtonredskins Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 pointyfootball, you could write a book. That was superior advice...I'll probably steal it. Yep...that was a great post. I think he learned the "be content" part from having to root for the Eagles. Fun to watch, pretty good, never going to win it all. Only jokes, that was an awesome post! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vigilante Posted February 9, 2011 Author Share Posted February 9, 2011 Thanks for the advice in here. Keep em coming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointyfootball Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 So true, I am only 27 and I have two friends, my age, who are already divorced. I personally don't think age has as much to do with it as other factors, but that's JMO. People don't necessarily become easier to live with or better at maintaining relationships in their 30s as compared to their 40s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointyfootball Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 Yep...that was a great post. I think he learned the "be content" part from having to root for the Eagles. Fun to watch, pretty good, never going to win it all. Only jokes, that was an awesome post! Some people like S&M, others cheer for the Eagles! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slacky McSlackAss Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I'm in the same boat as the OP. It's been a long road through college and I've learned a ton about myself during it. But I've definitely picked up some very useful insight from this thread. Thanks guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 I personally don't think age has as much to do with it as other factors, but that's JMO. People don't necessarily become easier to live with or better at maintaining relationships in their 30s as compared to their 40s. I agree. And the later you have kids, the less time you get to be a part of their lives, and the older you are when they leave the house. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pointyfootball Posted February 9, 2011 Share Posted February 9, 2011 ... and the older you are when they leave the house. Before or after college? "Dad, I just need a place for a month or two. That's it." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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