Too bad I can't predict the lottery...Egg on Face Update

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

I'm sorry man, my shoulder is here, cry away =).. I wasn't trying to knock you, my point was if she going to just cut off communications like a *****, then don't waste anymore time.. You got something out of it, time to move on. Easier said than done I know but no sense it acting the fool and being all pissed off.. Shrug off the ho's a lady is around the next corner.

Ah...the brave words spoken before a life of crippling loneliness.

[MissU28]

Ok, one more post then I'm out of here for awhile.

But I assume you're speaking of you guys actually breaking up FIRST then doing the de-friend thing? That would have been fine with me.

Oh, of course. That's a real ****ty way to do it.

I find all this talk about people not being friends with their partners on Facebook, or de-friending them completely, somewhat interesting. I didn't know the Facebook relationship status was that common of a concern.

thats fine and i'm sure it works for some people, but i don't use FB that often to begin with and when I do I don't want it to cause any problems.

i am listed as being "in a relationship" and so is she, but just because we don't announce to everyone and their mother that we are each other's signifcant other doesn't make it wierd.

ahh yes, to remember what life was like before facebook

That's not what makes it weird. I use facebook every day, and I keep up with friends and everybody through it. If my boyfriend was just like, "eh, I don't want to be your facebook friend", as lame as that sounds, I'd be kinda suspicious.

It's not a big deal that you don't announce who you are specifically dating to the entire FB world, I just find it interesting that you are worried about what your SO might see on your page that would cause problems. So much so that you deliberately are not friends with each other.

Wellll...dif'rent strokes.

[Skinz4Life12]

It's not a big deal that you don't announce who you are specifically dating to the entire FB world, I just find it interesting that you are worried about what your SO might see on your page that would cause problems. So much so that you deliberately are not friends with each other.

Wellll...dif'rent strokes.

Its not that I am hiding anything from her (or vice versa) but I don't see the need to be facebook friends with her and see what other guys are writing on her wall.

I don't need to see old pictures of her with her ex boyfriends and I don't need to see her status updates since I'm with her most of the time and know what she's got going on when I'm not with her.

We talked about it when we first started dating and we mutually decided not to be FB friends (it was initially my idea) and announce to the FB world that we were seeing each other.

And none of that truly matters since I'm head over heels in love with her and she feels the same way about me

[Prosperity]

I get home, there's a voice mail from her saying that she got my message on FB and that, no, she didn't do that but someone else got access to her account (my guess is a shared computer that she didn't log out of) and that she wanted me to call her when I got in.

the internet makes people so wimpy... seriously people deserve a face to face discussion on serious issues. It's such a cop out.

[Forehead]

So wait, are you guys broken up or not then, after the update? And is she pissed about whatever message you sent her.

[PokerPacker]

So does this mean you're gonna break up with her?

[Ghost of]

The final(?) Update:

We are not broken up. She said that she never changed her status or delete me. An ex-boyfriend who has been particularly annoying (though mostly earlier on) apparently guessed her password (I guess she doesn't read those internet security articles,) I would assume after trying to log in here and there before---deleted me, deleted a bunch of other friends, etc.

She assured me she didn't even access her computer at all until today when she was away from home and saw my message. She also says she didn't get my text from late last night (there was a missed one from me recently, so it's not totally out of the blue) which would probably have given her impetus to respond.

Basically, she was out trying to take care of business after being sick all weekend and she saw that I was one of the many voice mails.

There is a part of me that still wonders about this, not so much about the FB thing but overall. But at least I get some much needed head-clearing while I take care of important things.

I am a bit disappointed that she is not more effusive about how she feels but that's a conversation for another time.

At least I don't have a reason to be totally disappointed in a person that I thought I knew. I fear no result, only the way things happen (I hate ambiguity or totally not knowing.)

[Spartacus87]

Its not that I am hiding anything from her (or vice versa) but I don't see the need to be facebook friends with her and see what other guys are writing on her wall.

I don't need to see old pictures of her with her ex boyfriends and I don't need to see her status updates since I'm with her most of the time and know what she's got going on when I'm not with her.

I understand that. My girlfriend and I are somewhat long distance, only seeing each other about once every 3 weeks or so, and a couple of times I've spotted things on her Facebook page that I questioned a little bit, but they turned out to be nothing worth getting overly concerned about.

The issue of de-friending girls or getting de-friended and all of that is just something I had never thought of. I'm still Facebook friends with a girl who, almost a year ago, put me through easily my nastiest break up ever. For some reason it didn't occur to me why that is though. We never talk anymore.

I think that in time, I'll send her a message or something, just to see how she's doing. Without being Facebook friends, I probably wouldn't care enough to do that.

The final(?) Update:

We are not broken up. She said that she never changed her status or delete me. An ex-boyfriend who has been particularly annoying (though mostly earlier on) apparently guessed her password (I guess she doesn't read those internet security articles,) I would assume after trying to log in here and there before---deleted me, deleted a bunch of other friends, etc.

So...what are you going to do about it now?

You were on the edge of breaking up with her and then appeared somewhat conflicted over the fact that she beat you to it...is the ball back in your court for that move or you're riding it out until you leave for school?

[Springfield]

I'm facebook friends with my fiancee. It says we're engaged on our profiles. I don't think I've ever posted anything on her wall though. We are together enough that I don't really need to facebook her at all. No big deal.

[MissU28]

I'm facebook friends with my fiancee. It says we're engaged on our profiles. I don't think I've ever posted anything on her wall though. We are together enough that I don't really need to facebook her at all. No big deal.

my boyfriend likes to make fun of my statuses publicly

[Kosher Ham]

Why would you hit up your ex Spartacus ?

It doesn't even make sense.

[MrSilverMaC]

UPDATE EDIT:

I get home, there's a voice mail from her saying that she got my message on FB and that, no, she didn't do that but someone else got access to her account (my guess is a shared computer that she didn't log out of) and that she wanted me to call her when I got in.

I'm sure even though you feel like the end is coming for the relationship that this development is probably a big relief to you. If nothing else it gives you a chance to talk honestly to her.

[Spartacus87]

Why would you hit up your ex Spartacus ?

It doesn't even make sense.

Haha, I got into a debate about this once with a roommate of mine.

I don't know, the way I see it with any of my ex-girlfriends is that we both cared about each other a lot at one point, and even if things went sour in our exclusive relationship with each other (which, in a couple cases, was my fault), there are still common things there that we could be friends over. I'm happy to see an ex-girlfriend of mine do well for herself and accomplish any of the goals she used to talk to me about. One ex of mine just got accepted into the law school she was always talking about getting into, and I just sent her a message telling her congratulations and that I hoped everything else was going well, and she just told me thank you and she hoped the same. Not like I was inviting her to get some drinks and settle down somewhere for a conversation.

Of course, my roommate told me that he thinks I'm actually just a sly dog and I'm trying to keep the door open for any hook up opportunity down the road. Which I obviously disagree with, but I suppose I could see how it might look that way too, even though I wouldn't trade my current girlfriend for any of my prior ones.

[Ghost of]

I'm sure even though you feel like the end is coming for the relationship that this development is probably a big relief to you. If nothing else it gives you a chance to talk honestly to her.

This is very true. To answer Spartacus, I think I'm going to ride it out this semester or at the very least press her to talk about things. It's weird because she was the one pressing for a relationship but I just don't feel the enthusiasm from before. I know things go up and down sometimes but I'd like to at least know if a good faith effort can be applied here.

A friend said it seems like I care more than I let on and I think it's the memory of how sweet she was and how comfortable I had been for the first several months. If we can re-establish that, at the very least we can conclude the relationship with a measure of love and affection. I guess I'm big on doing things a certain way, once you've reached a certain level of connection. I don't see any reason, if people think they're going different directions, that they can't (though it could still be painful) close things out honorably and with an abiding respect for each other and less pain and "baggage" than others might face.

I know that's an IDEAL and not the reality but I have always hated how disposable people are and how people actually make all this harder than it need be.

[Special K]

As the Facebook World Turns.

Good grief, I never knew so much drama could come from that site, lol.

Been friends with my boyfriend, fiance, now husband since I joined facebook a few years back and neither of us could have given a flying hoot about what other people from the opposite sex put on our walls. I don't get why people even get sucked into that drama. :doh: I usually use the site to put up pictures of family and travel for friends and long-distance relatives who are interested. Other than that, if I'm friends with someone who I see on a daily basis, I certainly don't use facebook to communicate with them, unless I'm making fun of their status updates or pics or something else.

Regardless, Ghost, glad things worked out for you in terms of this facebook thingy, but it doesn't sound like you relationship is going to last (judging by your previous posts). I'm kind of wondering why you would stay in this relationship, just curious?

[Destino]

Ghost. Too much drama buddy. You broke man law and you are paying for it.

- You read meaning into something.

You must immediately watch Cobra and Full Metal Jacket. Until then your man card is suspended.

[Ghost of]

Ghost. Too much drama buddy. You broke man law and you are paying for it.

- You read meaning into something.

You must immediately watch Cobra and Full Metal Jacket. Until then your man card is suspended.

Well, it was a pretty big something.

Plus, by venting here, it helped focus me for other tasks until I resolved the situation.

I am watching women shooting at targets, certainly that helps push the meter up a bit.

(and keeast)

The drama I think was more this type of thing, if it were a friend, I'd just assume it was a glitch or whatever but I had "heard" of FB drama and thought this person was just doing some bizarre. Turns out that's probably not the case.

As for what I intend to do? I don't know. I don't like the early stages of dating much of the time and I'm kind of busy. I like the idea of companionship and someone to call at night who has shown she has cared at some point and don't want to go through a bunch of dating right now. That seems selfish but I also believe in concluding things a 'right' way if possible. So, if we talk and it actually makes sense to end it, I guess that's fine. But I was just stunned at what I thought happened because it seemed a total betrayal.

There is also a chance that I kept a distance and thus brought the flame to mere glowing embers, and in that case, maybe I need to account for that moving forward. It could be that a previous entanglement that did hurt unfairly circumscribed the potential of this relationship. If that's so, then maybe I owe it to myself to see what can be done.

Oh well...I know it's drama but hell, we're all busy and this is so quick to vent and get advice and even though it ended up being inaccurate it helps clarify things for me (and I'm sure others) and enable me to more deliberate in my choices.

[Capt Rich Fla]

my boyfriend likes to make fun of my statuses publicly

Your not that girl are you? The one who makes status quotes about how lucky they are to have their man and how much they love them are you?:puke:

[Mad Mike]

Be careful ghost.

A couple of things bother me here. Blaming some ex for changing her status seems a little too easy. How long have you been together? And this ex just decided to mess with her FB page now? And how did the ex know to also delete your relative?

There is one option I don't think has been brought up here but as much as it sucks to say it, it probably should have been. What if she met someone she is interested in enough to not want him to know she's in a relationship, but not yet sure about enough to end her relationship with you?

I don't know man. I could be WAY off base here. All I'm saying is to trust your gut. If it still feels like something is wrong, it probably is. If not, then I'm happy for you. I'm just saying... be careful.

[Ghost of]

Be careful ghost.

And this ex just decided to mess with her FB page now? And how did the ex know to also delete your relative?

What if she met someone she is interested in enough to not want him to know she's in a relationship, but not yet sure about enough to end her relationship with you?

I don't know man. I could be WAY off base here. All I'm saying is to trust your gut. If it still feels like something is wrong, it probably is.

You're right, of course. I think part of me is still wary because I remember when everything was "sweetie" when saying goodbye. Now, not so much, though I did get some of that around Valentine's. We have tentative plans for Saturday and I'll have to gauge how things are. I'd probably be much happier right now if I did detect the same enthusiasm from her as before. I mean, I can be distant or guarded and I can't say that hasn't had an impact, or maybe she doesn't see me making the long-long term commitment and is backing off emotionally. I would just hope that she could do that or even have a frank conversation with me before engaging in dating anyone else.

As for my relative, he probably found a message from my relative to her in the inbox which referred to me and erased her as a result. Apparently, other people were erased too. But I have to admit, there seem to be a still large contingent of friends (they do still show that on FB) on there, so now I kinda wish I had noted how many were there before. She made it seem like the majority were gone...hmm

It does strike me as silly for her to delete her account altogether (though she hasn't,) rather than just come up with a better password.

I am still wary but I'll see what happens in the next several days. Of course, she has a trip out of state coming up and she'll be there for several days, so that always causes you to raise an eyebrow. Not so much about individuals but about a mentality when going...

Now that I think on it, I wonder if I should just ask her to sign into the page and show me what's on there or have her add me back before she goes on this trip and say, "if you delete your account, fine. But if you don't, then I'm there."

The thing is, I'm not at all possessive but I don't like to play the sucker. And the other thing is, there's no need for her to keep me going when she had the opportunity to just say what was up right then. Ugh. Now I don't feel as good. Oh well. We'll see.

[China]

All the more reason I'm not on Facebook and probably never will be.

That and the fact that I never text, are probably the main reason I scored a 14 on the Millenial generation quiz.

This just highlights my opinion that rather that texting and facebooking, you need to just call the person and talk to them directly.

[MissU28]

Your not that girl are you? The one who makes status quotes about how lucky they are to have their man and how much they love them are you?:puke:

ugh not at all. I just talk about things I like and things I think are funny, and he makes fun of me.

[Springfield]

my boyfriend likes to make fun of my statuses publicly

Neither me nor my fiancee post very often. She hardly posts at all, I'll post every now and again.

Your not that girl are you? The one who makes status quotes about how lucky they are to have their man and how much they love them are you?:puke:

Not that girl, although I did learn such interesting facts as her class thinks that they are Jersey Shore cast members and she likes to whoop up on kids playing basketball.

[Chachie]

I hope I don't sound too frank here, Ghost- but it sure seems like she's on her way out. She's just trying figure out if it's safe to bolt. Some people can't let go of the old hand until they have a firm grasp on the new one. It's a dirty tactic and indicates co-dependency but it's real and it's not rare.

Just a thought.

[Springfield]

I hope I don't sound too frank here, Ghost- but it sure seems like she's on her way out. She's just trying figure out if it's safe to bolt. Some people can't let go of the old hand until they have a firm grasp on the new one. It's a dirty tactic and indicates co-dependency but it's real and it's not rare.

Just a thought.

Back on topic. I agree with Chachie.