Ghost of Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 So in the Valentine's thread (the new one, I think) I said that I thought my girlfriend and I were drifting apart of late. I don't know if it was a realization in her mind that I was going away to school (likely, at least) or that I had no intention to marry her or maybe just reaching the end of the shelf-life of such a relationship. I said that we wouldn't last the month after V-Day. DING DING! Get this man (me) a steak burrito! I am prescient when it comes to end of relationships, even when there is no strong outward appearance of a problem. It's a gift (curse) that has been given to me. All I do know, is that yesterday at around 11 something (she's up at all hours, usually) I called her to see if she was OK, as her children were both ill and it sounded like she was coming down with something too. Then I'm just checking something on facebook and I realize her name isn't under that "in a relationship with" label. At first, I chalk it up to the fact that FB has had some serious issues with people 'disappearing' for a time but then I noticed a relative of mine (don't ask why she requested) who was a friend of hers was not on our mutual friend list, which meant that she had defriended both of us. I texted and said something about a glitch, hoping to get a response this morning or a phone call, to fess up to some problem. Still nothing yet and I've never waited this long to hear back from her when I've made assertive efforts to get in touch with her. So I'm operating under the assumption that we're broken up. Meet Ghost---broken up with via relationship status (defriending really) on FB. That she broke off entirely suggests to me that there will soon be some things said on her page that she doesn't want me to see, as even exes sometimes still keep in touch. This is why, fellas, if you think you might break up---just do it. There is an entirely different psychological dynamic when you are the dump-ee, partly due to the surprise of the whole thing, and then you are also leaving it in the hands of a woman and the odds of them being direct with you, even in writing, BEFORE actually engaging in dissolution, is very small. I'm sure we'll talk, I sent her a long message but this is just wrong. I never would have even sent a message or text to do something like this--not for a 7 month long relationship. I can understand if a couple argues over the phone and something happens there but if you know in advance your intentions, you should have the decency to have a sit down. Especially, since I've proven to be far more mentally stable than some of her previous boyfriends. UPDATE EDIT: I get home, there's a voice mail from her saying that she got my message on FB and that, no, she didn't do that but someone else got access to her account (my guess is a shared computer that she didn't log out of) and that she wanted me to call her when I got in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CallMeGreen Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I saw an online article making the rounds over the past day or two which pretty much tells Facebook "lovers" to not be online friends. It said that if you're in a real relationship you'd see each other more often than via FB anyway. Plus it also alerted to the problem that arises when be-friended buddies break it off. So, maybe she's just following advice. In the absence of a true breakup, don't assume anything--yet. Then again, it sounds like you've quickly moved to the state of mind that you're dumped, as if you're anxious to move on. If there's something still there, don't give up yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 Well, it's gonna be hard to recall that message I sent. I did leave open the possibility that maybe it was a technical problem or that she believes I did or said something that I haven't had a chance to defend myself against but I also said that I am operating under the assumption that it's over because why do something like that without preparing the person? It's just bizarre. It also raises some legitimate concerns for the welfare of the other person---are they OK, did someone hack their account, did someone steal their computer lol? All of that. So we'll see but I have my strong doubts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I don't get why you would want to maintain a relationship with her at this point. Move on. There are plenty of women out there. All of them a little crazy, but a lot of them are really good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devastate Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I take it you hit already, prolly more than once, so what's the point of the thread? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I take it you hit already, prolly more than once, so what's the point of the thread? Don't be that guy. He is just venting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lombardi's_kid_brother Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 How long were you with her? And, seriously, who dumps someone via Facebook? That's just tacky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 I take it you hit already, prolly more than once, so what's the point of the thread? Come on, dude. The point of the thread is to vent because, I'm too busy this week to call up friends and whine about it yet. And KH, you're right. I think what bothers me isn't the break up itself, especially since it was coming at SOME point, I suppose. What bothers me is how deficient some people are in the "honor" category. I would actually have been more OK with her cheating and then telling me (which would be direct and honest) and having the choice to break up at that moment (which I would) than this kind of shabby treatment that simply isn't deserved here. One would think seven months would earn a direct conversation to broach the subject rather than finding it out like an ass (and it being semi-public before I am prepared.) You think you know someone well enough that they'd treat you better but she has issues, clearly and I wish her luck finding someone better than me Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 I hear ya Ghost. I set up rules within relationships. If the rules are broken...it's pretty much over. I know that I treat the women that I am with really well. So I expect for the simple rules to be adhered to. Cheating is certainly not acceptable under any circumstance though. But as you said before Valentines Day, you knew it was coming. At this point you shouldn't be too bummed about it. Irritated, yes. And it is certainly classless and obnoxious for her not to give you the courtesy of communicating this with you before making it public. Perhaps she is seeing someone else and is on facebook with them, thus the unfriend thing or whatever it is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ljs Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Ghost, I totally agree, the way she went about it is not cool. Had a similar break up 5 years ago, got a message via Myspace..then she refused my calls for weeks. But I had no idea it was coming- I can't stand it when people act that way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skinz4Life12 Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 this is one of the many reasons i told my GF we were not going to be friends on FB and that we should just put "in a relationship" as our status but nothing more. to this day, i'm still not FB friends with her and its been a great decision Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 to this day, i'm still not FB friends with her and its been a great decision I expressed my concern with this girl beforehand but she insisted that she wanted to be in a less ambiguous relationship. Looking back, that's probably where it started to change somewhat. KH could be right that she's dating someone else, though I wonder sometimes with her kids and the like if she has a heck of a lot of time but she certainly could be CONTACTING someone and doesn't want him to see (or me to see him.) I wasn't saying cheating was cool, just that it would have been more honest and courageous to admit something like that and move on then this crap. But with or without facebook, this tells me that the other way it would have went down would have been with me calling and then not getting a response (or text back) and that after two weeks or so, then maybe I'd get a mealy-mouthed answer. FB is just the new way for a woman to be indirect and cowardly in her breakups. I don't even blame FB really, because it's just an expression of that old problem. I suppose I avoided being the 'bad guy' but being the dumpER gives one some psychological advantages moving forward (not even talking about advantage over the other person in the former relationship.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DCranon21 Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Dude that sucks. Sounds like a weekend in Vegas is in order to make you forget about her. But I agree with the rest of you guys, dumping people on Facebook is very tacky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 My girl and I don't have FB or MS. I have never had one, there is just no need for it. It seems to cause more drama than happiness (from what I hear). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grego Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 i recommend the 'vag-tastic voyage'. you get a bunch of other free sites with a subscription. pee pee, bondage, granny fetish. its all there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCollins Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 You got it, "it's better to give a resentment than to get one". :pfft: I found useful when hearing some whining from a gf to just say "maybe we better off apart". The first to speak after that loses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissU28 Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 to this day, i'm still not FB friends with her and its been a great decision really??? that's weird. I'm FB friends with my boyfriend and there are no issues whatsoever. And if he and I were ever to break up, I'd fully expect him to defriend me, if I didn't do it first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost of Posted February 23, 2010 Author Share Posted February 23, 2010 And if he and I were ever to break up, I'd fully expect him to defriend me, if I didn't do it first. Ok, one more post then I'm out of here for awhile. But I assume you're speaking of you guys actually breaking up FIRST then doing the de-friend thing? That would have been fine with me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsHokieFan Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Sorry to hear that, thats pretty weak One thing I really like about my gf is that she does have that "honor" factor to her, in terms of telling me things just straight up and not doing some passive agressive nonsense like that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mad Mike Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Ghost man. I know it sucks and I feel for ya bro. But If that's the way she communicates, move on. In fact, run like hell. And dude, I wish I had your "curse". I always seem to get blindsided. Even when I feel like something is wrong. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartacus87 Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Sorry to hear all that Ghost. I probably wouldn't take it very well if my girlfriend broke up with me in that same manner. Even when things get to the point of strong resentment towards each other, I've always felt like it's better in the long run to at least talk about why things went wrong. Almost like an exit interview of sorts. I find all this talk about people not being friends with their partners on Facebook, or de-friending them completely, somewhat interesting. I didn't know the Facebook relationship status was that common of a concern. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Devastate Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Come on, dude. The point of the thread is to vent because, I'm too busy this week to call up friends and whine about it yet.And KH, you're right. I think what bothers me isn't the break up itself, especially since it was coming at SOME point, I suppose. What bothers me is how deficient some people are in the "honor" category. I would actually have been more OK with her cheating and then telling me (which would be direct and honest) and having the choice to break up at that moment (which I would) than this kind of shabby treatment that simply isn't deserved here. One would think seven months would earn a direct conversation to broach the subject rather than finding it out like an ass (and it being semi-public before I am prepared.) You think you know someone well enough that they'd treat you better but she has issues, clearly and I wish her luck finding someone better than me I'm sorry man, my shoulder is here, cry away =).. I wasn't trying to knock you, my point was if she going to just cut off communications like a *****, then don't waste anymore time.. You got something out of it, time to move on. Easier said than done I know but no sense it acting the fool and being all pissed off.. Shrug off the ho's a lady is around the next corner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skinz4Life12 Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 really??? that's weird. I'm FB friends with my boyfriend and there are no issues whatsoever. And if he and I were ever to break up, I'd fully expect him to defriend me, if I didn't do it first. thats fine and i'm sure it works for some people, but i don't use FB that often to begin with and when I do I don't want it to cause any problems. i am listed as being "in a relationship" and so is she, but just because we don't announce to everyone and their mother that we are each other's signifcant other doesn't make it wierd. ahh yes, to remember what life was like before facebook Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DieselPwr44 Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 Ghost, You should have seen it coming. No pocket presenece Happy feet dropping back into the DE....... As some others have mentioned, not even being able to at least give you a call,much less face to face, to call this off?? That's bush league. You may not feel like it now but you're better off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No_Pressure Posted February 23, 2010 Share Posted February 23, 2010 You would think that two adults could be adults about a relationship ending. Sadly, some people are terribly afraid of confrontation and would rather resort to cut off tactics which leave you wondering whats going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.