China Posted December 20, 2022 Share Posted December 20, 2022 Doctor warns against this surprisingly stupid XXX-mas trend: Don’t masturbate with ornaments Here’s one way to ensure you have a happy and healthy XXXmas. A United Kingdom doctor is raising eyebrows across social media by warning people of the dangers of masturbating with ornaments come Christmastime — which is apparently an actual trend. “It is not advisable to masturbate with Christmas ornaments,” Dr. Sarah Welsh, a gynecologist, told NeedToKnow.Online. She was listing the dildo’s and don’ts of the scandalous Yuletide tradition, which sees people hospitalized after getting frisky with everything from glass baubles to candy canes. Indeed, trying to make Christmas come early with ornaments is apparently hazardous to one’s health. “Christmas ornaments can have sharp aspects or pieces that can break during masturbation, which can cause soreness, the risk of trauma and are just generally unsuitable for your vagina,” warned Welsh, who co-founded the condom brand Hanx. In other words, leave your elf on the shelf come Christmastime. An X-ray of a candy cane lodged up a patient’s nether regions. Click on the link for the full article 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted December 20, 2022 Share Posted December 20, 2022 Kids' ward evacuated after pensioner shows up at A&E with World War One bomb up his a*se An elderly gentleman who arrived at an Accident and Emergency centre in Toulon, France, sparked a bomb alert after doctors realise the had a First World War artillery shell lodged in his anus. One member of hospital staff told French news site VAR-Matin that the explosive object was something of a first. "An apple, a mango or even a can of shaving foam,” they said, “we are used to finding unusual objects inserted where they shouldn't be. But a shell? Never!” Once managers at the Sainte-Musse hospital realised what they were dealing with, they organised a partial evacuation of the nearby departments – in particular the children’s ward. As the object could not safely retrieved “the way it went in,” surgeons had to cut into the man's abdomen to remove it. A statement from the hospital confirmed that the 88-year-old patient was in “good health” after the object – a projectile some “five or six centimetres in diameter by twenty long” was finally removed. Click on the link for the full article 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The 12th Commandment Posted December 20, 2022 Share Posted December 20, 2022 Thinking of the prison shank worthy daggers I used to make out of candy canes when I was a kid... shudders Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LD0506 Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokerPacker Posted December 21, 2022 Share Posted December 21, 2022 5 hours ago, The 12th Commandment said: Thinking of the prison shank worthy daggers I used to make out of candy canes when I was a kid... shudders 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted December 28, 2022 Share Posted December 28, 2022 RIP to the entire state of Pennsylvania: Pennsylvania dies after falling off a cliff Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted December 28, 2022 Share Posted December 28, 2022 Drunken man poops on PT Cruiser, tells hospital staff his blood will be ‘Pure. Natural. Ice.’ Conservation officers with the Michigan Department of Natural Resources recently had an encounter that is hard to believe. And it involves a PT Cruiser, owls, poop and Natural Ice. According to an official DNR report, the bizarre incident occurred in early-December at the Gourdneck State Game Area in Kalamazoo County when conservation officers Cameron Wright and Joshua Salas came across a PT Cruiser parked at one of the entrances. The man in the vehicle said he parked there to listen to the owls and that he wanted to be left alone, but the COs noticed an opened tall container of Natural Ice beer in the cup holder. They then asked the man on a scale of 1 to 10 how drunk he was, and he responded with, “I’m at a 5. I’ll be honest I’m drunk,” according to the report. Based on the response the officers began conducting sobriety tests, but partway through the man made a face of shock, grabbed his rear, dropped his pants to his ankles and began defecating on the rear bumper of his PT Cruiser. He was arrested and was taken to the hospital for a blood draw. On the way there, the man noticed that CO Wright was using his GPS and said, “Man, I’m the drunk one here and I have to give you directions on how to take me to jail you moron.” During the blood draw, the man also mentioned that the nurses were not drawing his blood, but instead said, “It’s all beer. Not going to lie to you. Pure. Natural. Ice.” Click on the link for the full article 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted December 29, 2022 Share Posted December 29, 2022 Man who became a dog for £12,480 worries his friends will think he's 'weird' A Japanese man named Toco is sharing updates of his life as a 'giant dog' after he spent two million Yen - which equates to £12,480 - on a human-sized collie costume. Toco has always dreamed of "becoming an animal" and now dresses up as a dog a few times a month to live his childhood fantasy. Toco, who has his own YouTube channel, regularly shares videos of himself learning how to eat, play and train like a pooch. Speaking about the opinions of his peers, Toco told the Mirror : "I rarely tell my friends because I am afraid they will think I am weird. My friends and family seemed very surprised to learn I became an animal." Toco says he most enjoys "doing things that only dogs do" because it makes him feel like a proper pet. He finds activities that involve his hands the most difficult as his paws often get in the way. "Since childhood, I have had this unspecific fantasy of becoming an animal. I wonder whether it was a desire for transformation," Toco explained. Clips on Toco's social media show him rolling over for belly rubs, pretending to sit and lift his paws and walking on a lead just like a dog. Click on the link for more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted January 3, 2023 Share Posted January 3, 2023 Fisherman hooks irate kayaker on Sydney Harbour An angler and a kayaker seem to have ruined each other’s day with an epic tangle on Sydney Harbour. The viral footage, posted to TikTok by an angler who goes by the username Spinking, shows the moment a fisherman gets his line caught on a kayaker – so begins to reel the man in, hoping the move will allow him to retrieve his fishing gear. “I’m not going to be able to get it off – it’s hooked at the back,” the kayaker yells to the fisherman on the wharf. “I’ve got some expensive gear on there,” the fisherman responds. After a few more reels, the kayaker is meters away from the harbour’s edge. But that doesn’t stop the angler, who keeps winding as the kayaker falls into the water. “You f***ing tw*t! Don’t bring it in anymore. You’ll damage the f***ing boat,” the kayaker yells. In the end, it appears all in vain. “I can’t get it off. You’re going to have to f***ing cut it,” the kayaker says. “F***ing hell, I told you I was coming around.” Having now gone viral on TikTok and Instagram, the court of public opinion quickly began its trial. Click on the link for the full article and video 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted January 3, 2023 Share Posted January 3, 2023 Husband forgets his wife after roadside toilet break and drives off for 100 miles believing she was asleep in the back seat - forcing her to walk 13 MILES to find help in Thailand A husband in Thailand accidentally abandoned his wife on the side of the road and carried on driving for 100 miles believing she was asleep in the back of the car. Boontom Chaimoon, 55, and Amnuay Chaimoon, 49, set off on Christmas Day to drive through the night to her hometown in the province of Maha Sarakham. But the driver had to pull over his Isuzu pickup truck to urinate in the night and stopped the car at the side of the road. After he stepped out of the car, Amnuay decided she could relieve herself too and ducked into a nearby jungle for a quick bathroom break. But when she returned to the road, the car was nowhere to be seen and she was left stranded in the dark. The aggrieved wife had no money or phone so decided to walk in the hope of finding help. Eventually after pacing down the street for 13 miles into the centre of Kabin Buri, she found a police station at around 5am. Click on the link for the full article Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted January 7, 2023 Share Posted January 7, 2023 TOWN CANCELS FIREWORKS FOR MASTURBATING WALRUS WHICH THANKED THEM BY LEAVING A town in the UK went out of its way to make a walrus comfortable, but they may have made it far too comfortable. Scarborough, England got a special visitor Friday in the form of a bull walrus named Thor. Walruses aren’t a common sight on the British Isles, so his presence drew thousands of eager onlookers and wildlife aficionados. Thor made sure to, uh, “perform” for them. *Cue “Sabre Dance” by Aram Khachaturian* There was also cause for concern because Thor decided to waddle ashore just before New Year’s Eve when Scarborough was scheduled to put on a fireworks display. He had fallen asleep in the harbor after putting on his show. They decided that fireworks could wait and decided to can the display to not disturb the exhibitionist walrus. Richard Coulson, 51, said: “It’s amazing how much attention it’s brought. It’s the first time I’ve ever seen one. It’s huge. You respect nature when you see something of that size. Click on the link for more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted January 16, 2023 Share Posted January 16, 2023 (edited) A giant pink phallus may come to Florida, thanks to Jesus and an atheist A giant phallus may be coming to Fort Lauderdale, Florida, and if that happens, we’ll have Jesus and an atheist to thank. A couple of months ago, the city hosted a Christmas tree lighting ceremony as well as a Menorah Lighting Celebration. Those were religious celebrations promoted by government officials, suggesting that the public square was open to anyone who wanted to host a similar event. Enter Chaz Stevens, a local activist known for seeing an opening and driving a monster truck through it. He asked the city earlier this month for permission to host an event of his own on April 2 in honor of Kanamara Matsuri, the Shinto “Festival of the Steel Phallus.” The centerpiece of that event would be a 300-pound, six-foot-tall pink penis. Spoiler Spoiler Click on the link for the full article Edited January 16, 2023 by China Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 No Suspected Sex Workers Found During Pattaya Tourist Police’s Inspection, According to Police Pattaya Tourist Police were satisfied after finding no illegal prostitutes during yesterday’s tour around risky spots. The inspection, which aimed to stifle illegal prostitution and came after complaints from concerned citizens claiming prostitutes were operating in Pattaya, took place at midnight on January 14th and was led by Pol. Lt. Col. Pichaya Kheawpluang. The police patrolled around risky spots such as Beach Road and Walking Street to look for suspects and put flyers on venues’ front gates to warn tourists to “Be aware of their belongings and don’t trust strangers.” Tourist Police identified risky places in Pattaya as crowded tourist attractions, dark and/or deserted places as well as Pattaya Beach. Click on the link for the full article 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheGreatBuzz Posted January 17, 2023 Share Posted January 17, 2023 Having been to Pattaya several times, I didn't know there were anything other than prostitutes there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted January 18, 2023 Share Posted January 18, 2023 Freeze things happen! Chilly raccoon becomes stuck to the railway by his testicle hair after temperatures plummet to -12C before railway workers free him using warm water and a shovel A railroad worker rescued a raccoon from an oncoming train after its testicles hair froze to the track. Neil Mullis, 35, found the traumatized animal and carefully freed him using warm water and a shovel. Mr Mullis, from Cochrane, Georgia, USA, said: 'I poured the warm water under his bottom while a co-worker worked the shovel under his butt to try and break him loose. 'After about five minutes of slowly working him loose, he was free. He jumped off the rail and ran into the woods never looking back.' Raccoon seen pondering poor life choices What raccoon testicle hair may look like Click on the link for the full article 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted January 24, 2023 Share Posted January 24, 2023 'Billy's still Billy... he's using different words but selling the same thing': Fyre Festival fraudster's former staff hit out as McFarland launches new venture with a remote island and slew of influencers (sound familiar?) Former staffers who worked for the conman behind the disastrous Fyre Festival, Billy McFarland, are warning people who might be taken in by the convicted fraudster's new venture, to steer well clear. McFarland, 31, announced his new venture, PYRT in a recent TikTok towards the end of last year describing it as a 'virtual immersive decentralized reality'. Yet despite technical language there appears to be striking similarities between this and his failed festival which saw around 5,000 victims defrauded out of $26 million. Although still in the planning stages, in a new virtual event, McFarland appears to have not learned his lesson as he claims it will feature a livestream of 'artists and creators' having fun in the Bahamas. It has led to former loyal staffers to speak out before McFarland gets too far ahead of himself, likely ending in disaster. 'Billy's still Billy. He's using different words, but he's selling the same thing,' Shiyuan Deng, a former product designer at Fyre Media said to NBC News. 'He was really good at pitching but had no technical skills,' Deng explained. Another former Fyre Media employee was also struck by the parallels between the two ventures. 'The similarities are there around the vague mysterious promotion,' said another former employee who wished to remain anonymous. Click on the link for the full article Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted January 25, 2023 Share Posted January 25, 2023 Philly Is So Desperate for Lifeguards That It’s Recruiting People Who Can’t Swim Desperate for Lifeguards, Philly Says It’s OK If Interested Candidates Can’t Swim It may be the middle of winter now. But before you know it, Memorial Day will be here, the kids will get out of school, and they’ll need something to do all day other than get on your nerves. That’s where Philadelphia’s dozens of public pools come in. And what do you need if you have a public pool? Lifeguards, of course. Thanks to COVID and budget cuts (that were thanks to COVID), we didn’t have public pools at all in 2020. Philadelphia opened some of its city pools in 2021 but had problems recruiting lifeguards. And the city encountered similar issues last year. So for the 2023 pool season in Philadelphia, the city has started recruiting early. And if you can’t swim, you can still apply. That’s right. According to representatives of the city’s Parks & Recreation Department I spoke with, the city is actively recruiting lifeguard candidates who would sink like a stone if you threw them in the deep end today. The city will provide free swimming lessons at Lincoln High School in Mayfair to anybody who doesn’t know how to swim, assuming they are committed to testing into the lifeguard program this summer. Click on the link for the full article 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 Shoplifter Caught Trying to Steal Giant 30″ Dildo from Circus of Books WeHo A video posted on the Circus of Books WeHo’s official Instagram account shows a person trying to walk off with a giant black 30″ dildo from the adult bookstore located at 8861 Santa Monica Blvd in the LGBT Rainbow District. “DILDO SHOPLIFTER CAUGHT ON CAMERA!” Reads the post on Sunday, January 29, 2022. “Drunken hot mess klepto tries to steal our biggest dildo. But it was way too thick and heavy for the getaway…” Click on the link for the full article 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted February 1, 2023 Share Posted February 1, 2023 Kooky micronation in US desert has own dictator, cookie dough cash and strict walrus ban In the remote Nevada desert lies a surreal micronation with its own dictator, cookie dough currency, a set of bizarre rules and an annual celebration of 'The Dude'. The peculiar Republic of Molossia might sound like a make believe realm found by someone under the influence of hallucinogenic drugs - but it's very much real. Situated in the Dayton Valley, near the Carson River, it was established on May 26, 1977, by Kevin Baugh, who serves as Dictator, and his friend James Spielman. The capital of Molossia is Baughston Town, named after its gracious leader. YouTuber The Wonton Don paid 'President' Baugh a visit in Molossia to see the odd sights. President Baugh, 59, told him: “[James] was king and I was Prime Minister and he moved on to other things but I stayed with the idea.” The sovereign state has three permanent residents. They are President Baugh, his wife and First Lady Adrianne, and their daughter Alexis, who is Chief Constable. While President Baugh claims Molossia is an independent country, it has not received recognition from any of the member states of the United Nations. But, like any country, Molossia has a complex legal system and its own set of rules. Such laws include it being “illegal to cause a catastrophe” and “illegal to play percussion instruments”. Catfish, walruses, missionaries and tobacco are also banned. Click on the link for the full article 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted February 3, 2023 Share Posted February 3, 2023 Woman Accused of Fowl Play A Minnesota woman was jailed yesterday for domestic assault after allegedly clobbering her boyfriend in the head with “a whole chicken,” according to cops who reported that the victim “still had some chicken residue in his hair” when they responded to his 911 call for assistance. The victim told cops he was driving home last night to the Eagle Lake residence he shares with Natalie Bruemmer, 36, when he was attacked. The man, who had been at a bar with Bruemmer, said she “was hitting him and spitting in his face” as they were en route home. Upon arriving at their residence, the man alleged, Bruemmer “hit him with a whole chicken in the back of his head,” according to a probable cause statement. “Victim still had some chicken residue in his hair,” police noted. Click on the link for the full story 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CousinsCowgirl84 Posted February 4, 2023 Share Posted February 4, 2023 Talk about first world problems… https://www.cnn.com/style/article/bentley-residences-miami/index.html "People buy single-family homes so they can have their car parked in their garage, so they can get up and walk into their unit," said the architecture firm's president, Charles Sieger, in a video call. "You really can't do that with high-rises. So we're trying to break that mold." … At approximately 749 feet tall, Bentley Residences is currently set to be the tallest US oceanfront building, according to a spokesperson for the project. Designed by Sieger Suarez Architects, which is also delivering the forthcoming Waldorf Astoria Residences Miami, the 63-story building will feature 216 units with sweeping ocean views, a slew of amenities, and an elevator designed to take residents up to their doorstep while seated inside their cars. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted February 6, 2023 Share Posted February 6, 2023 (edited) 'Time traveller from 2858' claims 'Area 51 will create world's first centaur' A mysterious social media user, who claims to be a "time traveller from the year 2858", has claimed scientists at Area 51 will bring a mythical creature to life later this year. The user, who posts under the username @darknesstimetravel, has gained more than 6,000 followers by posting outlandish claims about future events - with everything from wormholes to the creation of mythical creatures. In a recent video, the user claimed scientists at America's Area 51 base are working on "merging" various species together and will create the "world's first centaur" this year. Click on the link for the full article I think we know where this is headed... Edited February 6, 2023 by China 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted February 13, 2023 Share Posted February 13, 2023 Criminal Caught After Cutting Off 37 Man Buns In One Day, Claims He “Was Doing The Lord’s Work” Craig Ledbetter (33), has been placed into custody after reports came in from all over Downtown Los Angeles that a man had been seen running up to other men and cutting off their “Man Buns”. Doing the Lord's work is rewarding Dozen of men filled the police station to press charges after their Top-Knots or Man Buns were removed by Craig Ledbetter. “He attacked me and aggressively removed my Top-Knot. I was in fear for my life from this mad man. It will take me years to regrow my hair. I hope he gets the punishment he deserves for wounding me so viciously.”, said a victim of Ledbetter’s. Each assault can come with a sentence of 18 months in jail. That adds up to a staggering 55 and 1/2 years in jail if convicted of all charges and sentenced consecutively. After a psychological evaluation, Los Angeles County district attorneys will decide how to move forward. Bad news for Craig Ledbetter is that word has it they are planning on making an example of him, “You cannot assault an Angelino and not have consequences. Literally dozen’s of mens lives have forever been altered negatively. Years of therapy and hair regrowth is in the future for all of this man’s victims. Our hope is to thwart the aspirations of the next terrorist waiting for their turn, by making an example of Craig Ledbetter.”, said the Deputy D.A. for Los Angeles County, Benjamin Rivers. While he was being detained our reporters were able to hear some of what Ledbetter was saying, “The Lord spoke to me this morning. He told me that men need to stop posing as women. He told me that I was to be his soldier here on earth doing his work. I have done nothing wrong. I was doing the Lord’s work!”, and with that he was off for his psychological evaluation. Click on the link for the full article 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted February 14, 2023 Share Posted February 14, 2023 Woo hoo! Who wants to get drunk and rope some chickens? Bill Making It Easier To Throw Axes, Rope Chickens While Drinking Alcohol In Wyoming Almost Law A bill that would make it easier for people in Wyoming to consume alcohol while doing things like throwing axes, darts and chicken roping is only one step away from reaching Gov. Mark Gordon’s desk. SF 13 was the result of combining a bill that put higher population-based caps on the number of bar and grill liquor licenses issued and another creating a separate class of liquor licenses for entertainment-based businesses. The expansion will benefit entertainment-based businesses that provide activities like chicken roping, golf simulators and ax throwing and derive at least 60% of their revenue from food or entertainment. Click on the link for the full article 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dfitzo53 Posted February 14, 2023 Share Posted February 14, 2023 I can't imagine it's particularly difficult to throw axes or rope chickens while drinking in Wyoming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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