Random Funny ARTICLES Not Worth Their Own Thread

[China]

Paging @PleaseBlitz...

 

At This New Resort in Mexico, Getting Drunk Is Part of the Wellness Program

 

Welcome to Bloomberg Pursuits Amenity Watch, where we look at the exciting (and sometimes ridiculous) perks that luxury hotels are coming up with to entice people back out into the world. 

 

Lisa Harper would like you to know that in a post-pandemic, you-only-live-once world, throwing back mezcalitas and cheladas for the purpose of inducing a hangover and then curing it with barbacoa tacos falls squarely within the definition of holistic wellness. 

 

“When I talk about wellness, I don't talk about deprivation or hard work,” says Harper, the former chief executive officer of retail brands as varied as Gymboree and Hot Topic, and current CEO of Belk, the North Carolina-based department store company with some 300 stores around the US. “I talk about it in terms of experiences that provide that much-needed mental and creative reset,” she says.

 

Getting drunk in Mexico? That can do it.

 

Harper first landed in the cluster of fishing towns surrounding Todos Santos in the mid-1990s, determined to cure herself from corporate burnout by setting up temporary residence in a humble palapa (beach hut) while hunting for creative reinvigoration. She was so inspired by the culture and the land—its physical beauty, the food, and yes, the drinks—that she decided to buy a small parcel of land there. She returned home determined to turn it into a sumptuous wellness retreat called Rancho Pescadero, which she’d subsequently design herself. It opened with 12 rooms in 2009 and quickly developed a loyal following.

 

Now the resort is set to emerge in September from a four-year renovation that makes it effectively a whole new property, with 103 oceanfront suites on 30 acres and an intentionally indulgent approach to wellness, making Harper a sort of anti-Gwyneth Paltrow. Instead of cutting out booze and focusing on detoxifying diets and boot camp classes, the hotel pairs a 25,000-square-foot “wellness pavilion” with activities that connect guests with generations-old local traditions (think cacao ceremonies and apothecary sessions that make personalized use of the sprawling medicinal herb garden). 

 

None is more emblematic of this unique approach to wellness than the Hangover Experience—not something you’d find at a typical spa retreat, but a cornerstone of the resort’s new programming. It will focus not just on drinking, but also on a dish that Mexicans use as a hangover cure, cochinita pibil, and all of the ways that preparing and eating it can have a restorative effect. According to Harper, the ceremonial process of cooking barbacoa, from the wrapping of lamb in banana leaves to the way it’s lowered into an underground hearth for a slow, overnight roast, was considered by ancient Maya as a way to commune with the Earth—and healing to both heart and mind.

 

But at Rancho Pescadero, learning to make the dish won’t be as simple as signing up for a cooking class. (After all, argues Harper, you can’t exactly replicate that recipe in your own home kitchen—so what’s the point?) While guests will get to participate in the cooking process, they’ll mostly do so by picking chiles and turning them into accompanying salsa and sauces. They’ll also get to prepare tinctures to pair with the next day’s hangover cure using some of those aforementioned medicinal herbs, to make tortillas by hand using a traditional comal oven, and to tell stories or listen to music around a communal fire. All of these activities play with ideas of working with your hands, engaging with Mexican culture, and building community—cornerstones of mental wellness.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Woman seen walking banana on lead through Taunton town centre

 

Over the last week, there have been many odd sightings in Taunton.

 

Earlier this week, there was an alleged UFO sighting in the town, where "mysterious" lights could be seen from a local resident’s home.

 

In the end, it turned out to be a local school preparing for an end-of-term performance.

 

Yesterday (Thursday, July 7), Max Waller, who plays cricket for Somerset, noticed something very bizarre in the heart of the town centre.

 

Towards the end of Hammet Street, a local woman could be seen walking a banana on a lead while heading in the direction of Fore Street.

 

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Teen catches state record fish in Giant Springs State Park

 

Sam Grisak of Great Falls, 15 years old, caught a new state record golden shiner on July 3, 2022, in Giant Springs Pond in Giant Springs State Park.

 

Montana Fish, Wildlife, and Parks said in a news release that Grisak’s fish weighed .03 pounds and measured 4.41 inches, had a girth of 2.6 inches, and was caught on a dry fly.

 

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Gang caught running fake Indian cricket league to dupe Russian gamblers

 

A gang set up a fake “Indian Premier League” tournament with farm labourers acting as players to dupe Russian punters in a betting scam reminiscent of the 1973 film The Sting.

The so-called “Indian Premier Cricket League” reached the quarter-final stage before the racket was busted by police in India.

 

The tournament began three weeks after the actual IPL concluded in May, according to police, but that proved no hindrance to the gang, which they said leased a remote farm in the western state of Gujarat.

 

They installed a cricket pitch, complete with “boundary lines and halogen lamps”, Insp Bhavesh Rathod told reporters. “Besides this the accused had set up high-resolution cameras on the ground and used computer generated graphics to display scores on a live streaming screen.”

 

The gang allegedly hired labourers and unemployed young people, paying them 400 rupees (£4.20) a game, and broadcast the matches live on a YouTube channel called “IPL”.

 

Russian punters were lured into betting their roubles on a Telegram channel set up by the gang, who would then alert the fake umpire on the pitch using walkie-talkies.

 

The supposed official “would signal the bowler and batsman to hit a six, four or get out”, Rathod said.

 

A “quarter-final” match was being played “when we got a tip-off and we busted the racket”, said the police officer added.

 

The accused had received a first instalment of more than 300,000 rupees from the punters in Russia, Rathod said.

 

The scheme has echoes of The Sting starring Paul Newman and Robert Redford, in which a group of con artists set up a fake betting operation in order to defraud a gangster.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Nuclear plant accidentally sends voice alert warning people to evacuate

 

A beautiful day on the beach in New Hampshire was interrupted Tuesday morning by a shocking alert.

 

Beachgoers were enjoying their day until it came to an abrupt end when sirens started going off. People on the beach and in surrounding neighborhoods heard, "Attention. There is a problem at Seabrook Nuclear Power Station."

 

The announcement warned people to evacuate at once.

 

"I heard someone say over a speaker there's a problem at the power plant and to stay away from the beach, and I thought it was scary," said Noelle Quinn.

"It did kind of freak the neighborhood out," another woman said.

 

Quinn and others in Seabrook had no idea what was happening when the sirens started going off just before 11 a.m.

 

People in Hampton Beach heard the same warning, like Paul Driscoll, who was visiting for the week from Stoneham.

 

"People started coming out of their cottages ... we couldn't believe what we just heard," Driscoll said.

 

Residents and tourists started packing up and heading out.

 

"We're seeing other people run off the beach, we're pretty scared at that point and we're just running," said Kylie Croteau, another person who heard the alert.

It turned out to be a mistake.

 

Operators of the power plant said they are aware of the sirens calling for an evacuation and released in a statement, "The sirens' activation was sent in error during testing of the system ... Seabrook Station is currently operating with no issues."

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Vicar caught in flagrante with Henry the Hoover carried on after being seen

 

 

A retired vicar has been put on the sex offenders’ register after he was caught getting intimate with a Henry Hoover.

 

John Jeffs, 74, was wearing just a pair of ladies stockings and the vacuum’s nozzle, which he was thrusting into, when he was caught by a churchgoer who was attending a talk about Asperger’s syndrome.

 

They described how he was ‘standing between two dark chairs, thrusting into a Henry Hoover’ at the Baptist Centre in Middleton Cheney, Northamptonshire.

 

They said that even though he saw them, Jeffs continued pushing his groin towards the Henry – famous for its relentless and powerful suction.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Cumberland police ‘detain goat for questioning’

 

An elusive goat tried its best to flee from police after being found in a yard it didn’t belong in, but Cumberland officers were persistent and eventually able to trap the animal in a corner where it was “detained” for questioning.

 

Click on the link for the full article and video

[Riggo-toni]

"Don't listen to that goat, he's a gawddamm liar!" - Local Cowboys fan.

[EmirOfShmo]

I thought about putting this in the owned thread. Maybe we need a '**** Around and Find Out" thread...

 

Attorney Tries To Slip Sexist Insult Past The Judge... It Doesn't Go Well For Him

 

This is a fun story — well, if you like story where smug attorneys who think they’re smarter than everyone else get their comeuppance.

It started out with comments attorney Timothy Scott made on the record to opposing counsel. After losing a motion for nonsuit, Scott made the following remarks, just laced with meaning:

“…I hope this doesn’t sound unctuous, but just to end the weekend on a good note, I want to thank the court staff. I want to say to have a good weekend to Mr. DeMaria. I want to say have a good weekend to Ms. Frerich. And I want to say have a good weekend to both MTS counsel. I’ll See you next Tuesday. See you next Tuesday.”

For the uninitiated like this dear judge, see you next Tuesday is a euphemism for ****, which is very much an insult and a sexist one at that.

But you know, it wouldn’t be an ATL story if that’s where it ended. The Urban Dictionary meaning of the phrase was shared with Judge Sturgeon by one of the attorneys on the receiving end of this not-so-hidden insult (Erin Lagasse). He then held an in-chambers meeting where it was revealed that Scott knew *exactly* what he was saying — because of course he did. Yet he tried to justify it by arguing that he didn’t think anyone would know what he was *really* saying.

Bro! THAT’S NOT AN EXCUSE. You can’t be a sore loser calling your opponents names and then say, well, I thought everyone was too stupid to figure out that I was making fun of them and expect that to get you out of the world of hurt you’ve created for yourself.

And whaddya know? The judge was not pleased with the so-called excuse. In fact, he was doubly pissed — not only did Scott insult opposing counsel, he also tried to pull a fast one on the court.

It was also revealed during the in-chambers meeting that Mr. Scott intentionally made the statement with the full knowledge of the meaning of the phrase. Mr. Scott tried to explain that his deliberate use of the phrase was an “inside joke” between him and one of this firm employees which he expected no one in the courtroom would detect. However, it is not a joke to this Court that Mr. Scott made this egregious and offensive insult intentionally to two female attorneys via a coded message. In fact, but for Ms. Lagasse bringing it to the Court’s attention, this wrongdoing would have been undetected. Mr. Scott not only attempted to deceive all counsel, but also this Court, into believing he genuinely was wishing everyone a nice weekend when in fact he was purposefully directing a derogatory epithet toward the female defense attorneys who had just prevailed in a nonsuit in this case.

The judge described Scott’s behavior as “reprehensible,” and such behavior “will not be tolerated in this courtroom.” And, BOOM — Judge Sturgeon alerted the State Bar of California and will be filing a disciplinary referral with the State Bar.

 

https://abovethelaw.com/2022/07/attorney-tries-to-slip-sexist-insult-past-the-judge-it-doesnt-go-well-for-him/

[China]

Maine’s ugliest bird vomits on intruders

 

I have a personal rule about bird guiding in late July. Don’t.

 

At this time in summer, most birds have stopped singing. Many have finished their baby-raising chores and are disinterested in showing themselves for any reason. The remaining active parents likewise prefer the family go unnoticed. July birding is hard.

 

Fortunately, there’s an uptick in bird feeder activity as the young come in to dine with the adults. Hummingbird feeders go a little quiet in early July, while the female is still on the nest. When the nestlings fledge, suddenly it’s hard to keep the nectar full.

 

Normally, I’d rhapsodize about all the beautiful songbirds that have kept us entertained for the last two months. Instead, I offer a 180-degree twist, with an ode to potentially the homeliest bird in Maine — the turkey vulture.

 

Sure, it’s hard to love a bald bird with the dress and demeanor of a mortician. (I look forward to reading all the forthcoming comments from morticians on the Bangor Daily News website.) There’s actually a lot to love.

 

-------------------

 

Turkey vultures are large enough to discourage predators. It’s not uncommon to see vultures standing next to an eagle, feasting over the same roadkill. However, a vulture on a nest might find itself in a vulnerable spot.

 

In such cases, its chief defense is to vomit on the intruder. Given the dietary preferences of vultures, that’s usually a sufficient deterrent.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[CousinsCowgirl84]

On 7/20/2022 at 8:35 AM, EmirOfShmo said:

I thought about putting this in the owned thread. Maybe we need a '**** Around and Find Out" thread...

 

Attorney Tries To Slip Sexist Insult Past The Judge... It Doesn't Go Well For Him

 

This is a fun story — well, if you like story where smug attorneys who think they’re smarter than everyone else get their comeuppance.

It started out with comments attorney Timothy Scott made on the record to opposing counsel. After losing a motion for nonsuit, Scott made the following remarks, just laced with meaning:

“…I hope this doesn’t sound unctuous, but just to end the weekend on a good note, I want to thank the court staff. I want to say to have a good weekend to Mr. DeMaria. I want to say have a good weekend to Ms. Frerich. And I want to say have a good weekend to both MTS counsel. I’ll See you next Tuesday. See you next Tuesday.”

For the uninitiated like this dear judge, see you next Tuesday is a euphemism for ****, which is very much an insult and a sexist one at that.

But you know, it wouldn’t be an ATL story if that’s where it ended. The Urban Dictionary meaning of the phrase was shared with Judge Sturgeon by one of the attorneys on the receiving end of this not-so-hidden insult (Erin Lagasse). He then held an in-chambers meeting where it was revealed that Scott knew *exactly* what he was saying — because of course he did. Yet he tried to justify it by arguing that he didn’t think anyone would know what he was *really* saying.

Bro! THAT’S NOT AN EXCUSE. You can’t be a sore loser calling your opponents names and then say, well, I thought everyone was too stupid to figure out that I was making fun of them and expect that to get you out of the world of hurt you’ve created for yourself.

And whaddya know? The judge was not pleased with the so-called excuse. In fact, he was doubly pissed — not only did Scott insult opposing counsel, he also tried to pull a fast one on the court.

It was also revealed during the in-chambers meeting that Mr. Scott intentionally made the statement with the full knowledge of the meaning of the phrase. Mr. Scott tried to explain that his deliberate use of the phrase was an “inside joke” between him and one of this firm employees which he expected no one in the courtroom would detect. However, it is not a joke to this Court that Mr. Scott made this egregious and offensive insult intentionally to two female attorneys via a coded message. In fact, but for Ms. Lagasse bringing it to the Court’s attention, this wrongdoing would have been undetected. Mr. Scott not only attempted to deceive all counsel, but also this Court, into believing he genuinely was wishing everyone a nice weekend when in fact he was purposefully directing a derogatory epithet toward the female defense attorneys who had just prevailed in a nonsuit in this case.

The judge described Scott’s behavior as “reprehensible,” and such behavior “will not be tolerated in this courtroom.” And, BOOM — Judge Sturgeon alerted the State Bar of California and will be filing a disciplinary referral with the State Bar.

 

https://abovethelaw.com/2022/07/attorney-tries-to-slip-sexist-insult-past-the-judge-it-doesnt-go-well-for-him/

Ok, I’m kind of embarrassed I had to google why see you next Tuesday was offensive. 

Edited July 22, 2022 by CousinsCowgirl84

[China]

FBI: No sign of Jimmy Hoffa under New Jersey bridge

 

The FBI found no evidence of missing Teamsters boss Jimmy Hoffa during a search of land under a New Jersey bridge, a spokeswoman said Thursday.

The Pulaski Skyway now becomes another dead end in the decadeslong mystery that has stretched from a Michigan horse farm to the East Coast: Where are the remains of one of America's most powerful labor leaders?

 

The 47-year riddle turned last year to land next to a former landfill under the bridge in Jersey City. The FBI conducted a search there in early June.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Testicle Festival returns to Watsonville

 

In August, the 14th annual testicle festival will return to Watsonville.

 

The festival, put on by Young Farmers and Ranchers Committee of the Santa Cruz County Farm Bureau, will be help on Aug. 27. The event will take place from 3-7 p.m. at Estrada Deer Camp.

 

Hors d’oeuvres will be Rocky Mountain oysters and dinner will be chicken, salads, bread & dessert.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

And so it begins...

 

Japan: bathers warned of a biting dolphin

 

Swimmers in central Japan have been warned of a dolphin suspected of biting multiple people, with local authorities encouraging visitors to stay away from the marine mammal.

 

Officers at a beach in Fukui prefecture, where the dolphin has been spotted several times, set up an ultrasonic device on Wednesday to repel it, a local official said.

 

A sign calling on visitors not to touch the dolphin was also placed on the beach.

 

According to local media, at least ten incidents involving dolphin bites have been reported to agents at this beach, which has officially opened for the tourist season since July 9.

 

Click on the link for he full article

 

[China]

In pictures: First Scottish Tree Hugging Championships

 

 

The inaugural Scottish Tree Hugging Championships were held at the weekend.

 

Events in the competition at Ardtornish, on Lochaber's Morvern peninsula, included hugging as many trees in one minute and freestyle - the most inventive way of hugging a tree.

 

The winner was Alasdair Firth, who lives locally on a woodland croft.

 

 

 

Click on the link for more

[China]

This Grandma’s Dying Wish Was a Giant Dick on Her Grave

 

Before her death, 99-year-old Catarina Orduña Pérez had one final wish: a giant statue of a dick on top of her grave.

 

Her family unveiled the completed monument — a 5-and-a-half-foot-tall **** and balls weighing nearly 600 pounds — mounted on her tomb at a cemetery in Mexico this past weekend as a “recognition of her love and joy for life.”

 

“She wanted to break the paradigm of everything Mexican, where things are sometimes hidden because of not having an open mind,” her grandson Álvaro Mota Limón told VICE World News in an interview. “She was always very avant-garde, very forward-thinking about things.”

 

Click on the link for the photo and full article

[PokerPacker]

Are we sure she wanted a big rock dick for her tomb and not a big rock-hard dick for her womb?

[China]

Man Tries to Perform Nose Job on Himself, Unsurprisingly Ends Up in the Hospital

 

A Brazilian man ended up at the emergency room last week, after attempting to perform a rhinoplasty on himself, using YouTube tutorials and super glue.

 

You can find all sorts of DIY tutorials on YouTube these days, and that apparently includes nose surgery as well. However, just because someone says you don’t have to be a doctor to perform an operation, especially if it’s on yourself doesn’t make it a good idea. Unfortunately, one Sao Paolo man actually tried to do his own rhinoplasty using a YouTube video as a guide and ended up at the Campo Limpo Emergency Care Unit with an infected wound. The man told doctors that he did not use any gloves to perform the procedure and didn’t clean the wound as not to open his stitches.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Um, It Turns Out My Boyfriend and His Mom Are a Lot Closer Than I Realized

 

Dear How to Do It,

 

My partner “Chris” and I have been together for 6 years, and I recently learned something shocking. We were splitting a bottle of wine and started talking about things in our past that would surprise the other. Chris certainly won: He told me that he had sex several times with his own mother, “Sheila.” She had been recently divorced (from her second husband, not his father), and was going through a dry spell. They tried it once on an impulse, and both enjoyed it, so they kept doing it until the rush wore off. To put this in perspective, he was in his early 20s and she was in her early 40s. We are both in our 30s now.

 

Chris said that he wasn’t traumatized by the experience, and I believe him. They still have a warm relationship. Sheila is a lovely woman, and until I learned this I had no trouble seeing her as a mother-in-law. Now I feel like our relationship has completely changed. Whenever I see her, I want to blurt out that I know what they did. (Chris said that I can have a discrete conversation with her about this if I want.) The weird thing is that I feel like we are competing as women now, and she would have something over me if she knew that I knew. Does this make sense? Not to mention that Chris and Sheila violated an ancient taboo. It seems like this should bother me. My relationship my Sheila feels different, but I still feel the same about Chris. I am still thinking about marrying and raising children with him. Am I crazy?

 

— Not Sure About Being Mrs. Oedipus

 

Click on the link for more

[EmirOfShmo]

^^ Shouldn't that be:   Dear Penthouse: ?

[China]

Woman bemused after ants crawl inside her Kindle and start buying books

 

A woman who left her Kindle idle for two weeks was horrified to discover ants had crawled inside it and started buying books.

 

Mariana Vieira, 32 from Brasília, Brazil fetched her Amazon book reader from the shelf she left it on last Tuesday (July 26) to put it on charge ahead of a trip.

 

It charged up as usual but when the writer tapped it dozens of ants came out.

 

 

"After a few minutes, I got a notification: 'Congratulations on your purchase'," she said. The ants had somehow managed to buy Isaac Asimov's sci-fi novel Robots and Empire.

 

Initially Mariana assumed it was a mistake. She rushed back to the Kindle to find it open on the shopping page with the touchscreen no longer working.

 

Then the ants managed to buy O Anel de Gyges, a fantasy book by Eduardo Giannetti.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Mysterious Metallic Orb Falls on Mexico, May Contain ‘Valuable Information,’ Meteorologist Says

 

A prominent meteorologist says that a bizarre metal “orb” emblazoned with a secret code and perhaps containing “valuable information inside” fell from the sky onto a tree in Veracruz, Mexico just before midnight Sunday night, creating a firestorm of intrigue on social media and in local media. The meteorologist, Isidro Cano Luna, called on the Mexican Navy to study the orb.

 

Luna, a television meteorologist whose catchphrase is “weather is also news” and always types in capital letters, wrote that the “metallic sphere” fell on top of a tree at 10 p.m. in Lomas del Río Medio neighborhood in Veracruz, a city of 600,000 people on the Gulf of Mexico in the southeast corner of the country. In a series of three Facebook posts, Luna speculated that it “APPEARS TO BE MADE OF A VERY HARD PLASTIC OR AN ALLOY OF VARIOUS METALS” and “APPARENTLY IT HAS AN ANTENNA.” 

 

 

[HAVE YOU SEEN THIS ORB? DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS ORB? DO YOU HAVE OTHER VALUABLE INFORMATION? Please contact me: jason.koebler@vice.com]

He said that people who saw it “falling from the sky” said it “emitted a sound, but no fire.” He speculated that it could be part of the Chinese rocket that crashed into Earth over the weekend: “PERSONAL SUGGESTION: DO NOT TOUCH IT OR GET CLOSE TO IT UNTIL IT IS REVIEWED BY SPECIALISTS…IT MAY BE RADIOACTIVE.” The story got far more interesting an hour later, in his second post:

 

“FOLLOWING UP ON THE METALLIC SPHERE THAT FELL ON TOP OF A TREE,” Luna wrote. “IT SHOULD NOT BE OPENED OR TRIED TO BE OPENED. A SPECIALIZED TEAM AT THE SECRETARY OF THE NAVY OF MEXICO AND/OR THE SECRETARY OF NATIONAL DEFENSE NEEDS TO COLLECT IT AND TURN IT IN FOR SPECIAL STUDY.”

 

“ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE SPHERE THERE IS A CODE, BUT NO HOLE OR SLIT THROUGH WHICH IT COULD BE OPENED …. THESE SPHERES HAVE A TIMING MECHANISM THAT, AT A CERTAIN TIME THEY OPEN BY THEMSELVES AND SHOW THE VALUABLE INFORMATION THEY HAVE INSIDE.”

 

Click on the link for the full story

[China]

McDonald's cold fries shooting could have been avoided if food was 'hot'

 

A bizarre shooting over cold fries at a New York City McDonald’s could have been avoided “if only they just gave the lady some hot French fries.”

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

‘The torture!’: Disney visitors get stuck on It’s a Small World ride as puppets sing at them

 

A holidaymaker has described the nightmarish moment they became trapped on Disney’s “It’s a Small World” ride for over an hour after the attraction broke down.

 

Miniature robots of children from different countries continued to sing at the park-goers for 45 minutes as they sat waiting to be rescued.

 

One of the adults in the group posted a video of the incident on TikTok, calling the experience “torture”.

 

“We were stuck for over an hour, the torture!” user @Hazeysmom22 captioned the clip of boats grinding to a halt midway along the attraction’s indoor river. “This boat said it was NOT a small world.”

 

Click on the link for the full article

 

 

[China]

Houston neighborhood suffering from 'worst smell' after truck spills rotten cow intestines on road

 

If you're driving through north downtown Houston and smell something indescribably foul, you are likely nearing the vicinity of a recent accidental dumping that has left a Bayou City intersection all but unlivable.

 

A KHOU report published Wednesday describes the aftermath of a load of cow intestines that was spilled from a moving truck at the intersection of Hardy Street and Cavalcade, leaving a gray trail of viscera baking on the asphalt in the summer heat. The overwhelming scent from the jettisoned innards spurred calls to the city on Wednesday, according to KHOU.

 

 

Click on the link for the full article