WhoRUSupposed2Be Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 What are some of the biggest hurdles for first-time fathers to overcome? Edit: During our first discussion, we spoke of the first-time jitters of owning that title of fatherhood. I would now like to get an idea from the father that have had some good/ bad experiences with the Day-Care/ or babysitter programs. I have always heard many terror stories circulating within these programs especially the ones that my fiancee' spoke of. Not necessarily about the day-cares in general, but how the children that come there are in need of some tough "LOVE." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Worrying too much. Just love your child as much as you can, you'll be fine. And congrats :applause: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterMP Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Be patient. Unbelievably patient. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Henry Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 You get a lot less sleep. The more kids you have, the less sleep you get. Accept it as a fact of life and drink lots of coffee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capt. Kaos Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 What are some of the biggest hurdles for first-time fathers to overcome? For me the biggest hurdle I had to overcome was the fear, the fear of being a father, the fear of being responsible for another human being's very existence, the fear of not screwing that existence up like my father did, the fear of not having a support structure to fall back on, the fear of the uncertainty of being able to be a good father. I'd say it was the fear. Suffice to say, all of that took a backseat the nano-second that I held my daughter in my arms. The instance that she wrapped her finger around my pinky and looked at me I knew I could be a good daddy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilmer17 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 We've had a few threads about the change in the mother after the child is born. You have no idea what a hormonal mess they become. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IbleedBnG83 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Be patient. Unbelievably patient. Thats what I was thinking. Someone posted in the thread "Best advice your Dad ever gave you"... "One of the hardest things as a parent is to not get mad at your kid for acting their age"...something like that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ECU-ALUM Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Having their needs come before your own will take some getting used to...that there is now a human being who is totally dependant upon you can seem a bit frighteneing. That being said don't be afraid of this experience...I wouldn't trade being a dad in for anything. I have never had an experience that can make me so overjoyed and frustrated....all at the same time. Like Zoony said love them as much as you can and you'll be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IbleedBnG83 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 We've had a few threads about the change in the mother after the child is born.You have no idea what a hormonal mess they become. I have heard horror stories about post-partum Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Re-prioritizing. Realizing that you're not #1 anymore. That goes for both your own time, energy and attention, as well as your wife's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TD_washingtonredskins Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Thats what I was thinking. Someone posted in the thread "Best advice your Dad ever gave you"..."One of the hardest things as a parent is to not get mad at your kid for acting their age"...something like that. That's a great point. We all want to be the best parents around, but you have to be patient and realize that it will take some time for your kids to grow into things. Let them act their age and just love them and spend time with them. Congrats by the way! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterMP Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Thats what I was thinking. Someone posted in the thread "Best advice your Dad ever gave you"..."One of the hardest things as a parent is to not get mad at your kid for acting their age"...something like that. I saw that too and really liked, but I think what I said applies to the mother AT LEAST as much the kids (at least initially). Somebody above made a comment about hormonal changes. Mothers normally get even less sleep, and are stuck at home all day and lose many of their connections (especially if the worked). It is a period of adjustment for them even more than the father, which means dads have to be patient and forgiving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dictator Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 If you don't feel an immediate attachment, that's ok. It's normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoleSkin21 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Its hard, but worth every minute of it. I have a 4 month old and I can't remember what life was like before her. You don't know the feeling of true love until you have your first child. Just remember, patience is the key. Your wife or girlfriend will change and you have to accept that. I'm not sure when or if they return to their old selves but I'm not sure they do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Keeping your marriage together. Kids have a way of stealing every little bit of time, and people get antsy. An astounding number of marriages end when the kids are young due to the strain they place on a relationship. It's often not something anticipated or planned for when preparing for a child. Make sure you and your spouse make time for one another. The whole family will be happier as a result. Also, learn how to get things up higher. Kids have an amazing ability to find the most valuable thing among all of the things they can get their hands on. They have an incredible sense of exactly how to break your DVD player, Video Game system, etc. etc. ~Bang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoRUSupposed2Be Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 I have seen many alternatives and I must that this will be quite an experience for me. Already I am learning the value of patience especially when it regards to our son. I have heard that the mothers become like children themselves and need constant assurances and consolation. Is this true because that will be where I need the improvement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Clark Fan Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 sleep and of course learning to think not just about yourself but in the best interest of your child Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kilmer17 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Another hurdle- Unsolicited advice. Trust me, every single person you know that has kids will offer you advice. Some of which will help immensely, but Im speaking more about the crap you are going to hear from your parents and your inlaws. Learn how to smile and thank them for the input, and then do what you think is best anyway. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterMP Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I have seen many alternatives and I must that this will be quite an experience for me. Already I am learning the value of patience especially when it regards to our son. I have heard that the mothers become like children themselves and need constant assurances and consolation. Is this true because that will be where I need the improvement. Well, if they are as bad as the child, then you might actually want to see them get some professional help. Though I think for all women it is a period of HUGE adjustment biologically, socially, and psychologically (in most cases more than the men), AND they are likely getting even less sleep so they are more affected in real sense that is then compounded by the other stresses. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BKSkinsFan Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Don't be afraid that you're doing something wrong, and when people question or disagree with how you are taking care of your child take it with a grain of salt. As long as you're doing what you believe is right, and your child is happy, nothing else matters. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Califan007 The Constipated Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 For me, there really weren't any hurdles...not that my child was perfect or anything lol, not saying that...just that all the things I had to deal with didn't feel like hurdles. They felt completely, 100% natural. If I had to pick something, though, I'd probably say 1) balancing work-time with family time, and 2) trying my best NOT to just assume my wife would do most of the child rearing lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cooley4President Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Another hurdle-Unsolicited advice. Trust me, every single person you know that has kids will offer you advice. Some of which will help immensely, but Im speaking more about the crap you are going to hear from your parents and your inlaws. Learn how to smile and thank them for the input, and then do what you think is best anyway. My wife is pregnant with our first and she said she's already facing a constant barrage of unsolicited advice. And not just advice, but horror stories from pregnancy and birthing. I mean really, who decides it's a good idea to scale the crap out of pregnant women? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeterMP Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 My wife is pregnant with our first and she said she's already facing a constant barrage of unsolicited advice. And not just advice, but horror stories from pregnancy and birthing. I mean really, who decides it's a good idea to scale the crap out of pregnant women? From a social evolutionary standpoint it is useful. The underlying implication in all of these cases, is that it was bad while they were doing it and recovered to be "normal". It may seem odd, but it is in fact really a method of reassurance. If somebody starts telling childbirth stories where that isn't the case to your wife, that's another issue. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweedr01 Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 ^^ I had the same thing happen just a week ago, we went to hear the heartbeat and when the midwife couldn't find it she let us know that it's not a big deal, this happens at 10 - 11 weeks. The baby is probably just hiding. When the nurse gets into the room and I'm not there, she flips out and starts telling my wife the baby could be dead we need to get a sonogram immediately....so we drive through morning rush hour to Alexandria to get it checked out. Turns out the baby is fine, and the midwife who did the sonogram said that it is normal to not hear the heartbeat at 10 - 11 weeks...the baby could be hiding. It was great to see my child, but I didn't appreciate having my wife scared out of her mind. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cskin Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I have a 14 month old boy... and I've learned a lot. I think it was Dictator who mentioned in this thread about the "connection". There is a book out, perhaps even today, written by Michael Lewis that touches on this. Don't be surprised if you don't feel that amazing bond with the child right away. You have to remember, since you're "perceived" role is of the bread winner and head of the family.... you'll find yourself thinking more about the overwhelming responsibilities and trying to do everything perfect and that will overshadow the "bonding". The first six months of my son's life I was a wreck. I describe myself as being hypersensitive to him.... worried about his napping, eating, sleeping, playing, every little crazy thing he did with his head...eyes... hands... etc. I so wanted to give him a leg up on every other child his age... I wanted him to eat well, take his naps to recharge his brain, sleep through the night to recharge for the next day. When it didn't seem to go my way, I worried why and tried to analyze everything we were doing that was preventing him from doing what I had come to expect as best for him. After the first six months..it all changed. I started to be more relaxed and interested in my time with him.... seeing him smile... laugh.... learn new things. None of the rest of it mattered. If he didn't take his 1.5 hour nap well in the morning... big deal? When he woke up early from his afternoon nap early..... no big deal. When he didn't eat his green beans or finish each and every bottle... no big deal. Now... at 14 months.. I spend every waking moment with him. I can now make him laugh on command.... teach him something in seconds... steal hugs and hang him upside down from his ankles... and it's a blast. He's obsessed with books now.... will bring 2 dozen books to me to read them to him... and it's totally cool. Suddenly the TV, internet, Redskins, sports, politics, etc. isn't nearly as important. Finally, I lost my father at five years old and my mom never remarried... so I think some of the anxiety and hypersentivity described above had more to do with trying to be perfect.... assure that my son got everything he needed at what I more than likely didn't. Now I realize, what he needs more than anything is two loving parents and tons of love, guidance, and structure. What's needed from the parents for this? P-A-T-I-E-N-C-E. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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