Random Funny ARTICLES Not Worth Their Own Thread

[China]

Cow Waterbeds: How Advanced Comfort Technology Sold A Crazy Idea To Dairy Farmers

 

If you think cows sleep standing up, think again. Not only do dairy cows spend 12 to 14 hours a day lying down, there's an entire business built on the premise that they should get their shuteye on -- wait for it -- waterbeds.

"I often think of what it must have been like for my dad to roll over one night and say to my mom, 'I can't not do this. Can we sell waterbeds for cows?'" said Amy Throndsen, who works for Advanced Comfort Technology (ACT), a Wisconsin-based family business with eight employees that brought in $4 million in gross revenue last year.

Throndsen is the daughter of Dean and Audrey Throndsen, who started their bovine waterbed business in the late 1990s, back when most cows spent their days and nights lounging around on mattresses or sand. In the years since, the company has gained a following among farmers who've been sold on its dual-chamber cow waterbeds -- dubbed DCC waterbeds -- which feature an extra front pillow to cushion a cow's descent onto the bed.

"Cows are one of the biggest investments on the dairy farm. They’re very expensive," explained Amy Throndsen, who serves as the company's director of marketing and international sales. "Farmers want to do everything they can to keep their cows comfortable."

 

The amount of rest a cow receives and the quality of that rest have a direct effect on how much milk she produces, according to Wendy Fulwider, an animal care specialist who has conducted research ondifferent types of bedding for cows.

Click on the link for the full article and video

Edited June 25, 2013 by China

[China]

It's like turducken but with camel, lamb, chicken and fish (camambickish?):

 

This traditional Bedouin dish is prepared for wedding feasts. It’s been named “the largest item on any menu in the world” by the Guinness Book of World Records.

 

 

 

[China]

NYC man says he slipped, fell and broke shoulder because gym is gay hot spot

 

Yuck.

A Manhattan man is suing his gym for damages after he fractured a shoulder by slipping and falling in the steam room on what he described as a "foreign white substance."

Marc Moskowitz claimed in court papers that managers at the Bally Total Fitness gym on E. 55th St. were aware that gay "cruising and lewd behavior" is "commonplace at the steam room, sauna and locker rooms."

"As a result of the aforementioned activities, there was bodily fluids and other evidence of sexual activity wherever it occurred throughout the gym," according to Moskowitz's suit in Manhattan Supreme Court.

Instead of having staffers clean the areas, Bally simply "left a hose and liquid soap" for people to clean up themselves, the papers state.

As a result, Moskowitz claims, he took a tumble last August and needed surgery to repair his shoulder.

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Pork-laced bullets designed to send Muslims straight ‘to hell’

 

SPOKANE, Wash. — Still angry about the idea of an Islamic cultural center opening near Ground Zero, a group of Idaho gun enthusiasts decided to fight back with a new line of pork-laced bullets.

 

South Fork Industries, based in Dalton Gardens, Idaho, claims its ammunition, called Jihawg Ammo, is a “defensive deterrent to those who violently act in the name of Islam.”

 

The bullets are coated in pork-infused paint, which the company states makes the ammo “haram,” or unclean, and therefore will keep a Muslim who’s shot with one of the bullets from entering paradise.

 

“With Jihawg Ammo, you don’t just kill an Islamist terrorist, you also send him to hell. That should give would-be martyrs something to think about before they launch an attack. If it ever becomes necessary to defend yourself and those around you our ammo works on two levels,” the company said in a press release earlier this month.

 

The company’s website bills the bullets as “Peace Through Pork” and a “peaceful and natural deterrent to radical Islam.” There’s a related line of apparel that feature slogans like “Put Some Ham in MoHAMed” and a target poster that says “Give Em a Spankin with some Bacon.”

“The nullifying principle of our product is only effective if you are attacked by an Islamist in Jihad,” the company’s website says.
“Otherwise, our ammo functions just like any other ammunition, so we obviously insist upon defensive use of our ammo only-not offensive.”

 

However, Shannon Dunn, assistant professor of religious studies at Gonzaga University, said South Fork’s concept is based on an inaccurate understanding of the Quran.

 

Click on the link for the full article

Edited July 1, 2013 by China

[twa]

Homeowner subdues, hogties burglar ...then leaves him under his wife's watch to go to work.

http://www.news9.com/story/22751588/tulsa-homeowner-ties-up-man-attempting-to-break-into-his-home

"I was like, 'That's my man!' I was really proud of him," Houston said.

As soon as Cole was tied up, Houston said her husband turned to her and said he had to leave, had to go work. That's why we couldn't talk to him today.

So, he called police and let his wife watch over his catch.

"That's just the type of person he is, you know? That's just the type of person he is. Business is business. 'I got to take care of business, he's safe, the police are coming, I got to go,'" Houston said.

Houston said her husband was never into rodeo or anything, but he does work with horses and knows his way around a rope.

But it does beg the question: when he had finished tying Cole up, did he raise his arms in victory like these pros?

http://kotv.images.worldnow.com/images/22751588_BG6.jpg

[twa]

Plight of five hunters who have been stuck up a tree for four days with tigers prowling below: One man has already been eaten and rescue party will not arrive until mid-week

Five men have been trapped up a tree by prowling Sumatran tigers

Tigers killed a six member of the party and ate half of his remains

Group may remain there for another three days, it has been revealed

The men were hunted down by tigers after they unwittingly killed a tiger cub

Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2357873/Hunters-accidentally-killed-tiger-cub-forced-hide-tree-days--week-help-arrives.html#ixzz2YPMd4FY7

Follow us: @MailOnline on Twitter | DailyMail on Facebook

[China]

Peeping Tom Busted Hiding In Septic Tank

 

JULY 8--An alleged peeping Tom was arrested yesterday after a woman and her young daughter spotted him inside a septic tank beneath the women’s restroom at an Oklahoma park.

According to a Tulsa County Sheriff’s Office report, Kenneth Webster Enlow was peering up at the 29-year-old woman and her seven-year-old daughter from inside the muck-strewn vault in White Water Park. The woman told investigators that she was taking her child to the bathroom “when she saw that there was a man underneath the toilet looking up at her and her daughter.” Enlow, she added, “was sitting down and that he never said anything or asked for help.”

 

After deputies were summoned to the park, Enlow, 52, was removed from the tank by rescue workers, who used a fire hose to clean off the grimy 6’, 240-pound suspect (who was, deputies noted, “covered in feces”).

 

Enlow, pictured in the above mug shot, claimed to investigators that a woman named Angel had hit him in the head with a tire iron, then drove him--in a 1972 Chevrolet Monte Carlo--to the park and “dumped him in the toilet.”

 

Despite that explanation, deputies still opted to hit Enlow with a peeping Tom charge. He was booked into the Tulsa County jail, where he is being held in lieu of $500 bond on the misdemeanor count.

 

By TSG’s count, Enlow is the third man to be arrested for septic tank peeping.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[Larry]

HuffPo: Florida Accidentally Banned All Computers, Smart Phones In The State Through Internet Cafe Ban: Lawsuit

 

When Florida lawmakers recently voted to ban all Internet cafes, they worded the bill so poorly that they effectively outlawed every computer in the state, according to a recent lawsuit.

In April Florida Governor Rick Scott approved a ban on slot machines and Internet cafes after a charity tied to Lt. Governor Jennifer Carroll was shut down on suspicion of being an Internet gambling front -- forcing Carroll, who had consulted with the charity, to resign.

Florida's 1,000 Internet cafes were shut down immediately, including Miami-Dade's Incredible Investments, LLC, a café that provides online services to migrant workers, according to the Tampa Bay Times.

 

Note:  This is one of those "A Lawsuit claims . . . " stories. 

 

But, the article does contain this: 

 

The ban defines illegal slot machines as any "system or network of devices" that may be used in a game of chance.

 

Y'all are trying to kick me off Tailgate, aren't ya? 

[Dan T.]

What do these two people have in common?

 

9/11 Mastermind Khalid Sheikh Mohammed

 

 

and

 

Smartypants inventor James Dyson

 

Answer: They both worked to design a better vaccum cleaner.  Dyson did it and made millions.  Mohammed did it stay sane while detained in a CIA secret detention house...

 

 

WASHINGTON (AP) — Confined to the basement of a CIA secret prison in Romania about a decade ago, Khalid Sheikh Mohammed, the admitted mastermind of the 9/11 terrorist attacks, asked his jailers whether he could embark on an unusual project: Would the spy agency allow Mohammed, who had earned his bachelor's in mechanical engineering, to design a vacuum cleaner?

 

The agency officer in charge of the prison called CIA headquarters and a manager approved the request, a former senior CIA official told The Associated Press.

 

Mohammed had endured the most brutal of the CIA's harsh interrogation methods and had confessed to a career of atrocities. But the agency had no long-term plan for him. Someday, he might prove useful. Perhaps, he'd even stand trial one day.

 

And for that, he'd need to be sane.

 

"We didn't want them to go nuts," the former senior CIA official said, one of several who spoke on condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to talk about the now-shuttered CIA prisons or Mohammed's interest in vacuums.

 

So, using schematics from the Internet as his guide, Mohammed began re-engineering one of the most mundane of household appliances.

 

That the CIA may be in possession of the world's most highly classified vacuum cleaner blueprints is but one peculiar, lasting byproduct of the controversial U.S. detention and interrogation program.

 

By the CIA's own account, the program's methods were "designed to psychologically 'dislocate'" people. But once interrogations stopped, the agency had to try to undo the psychological damage inflicted on the detainees.

 

The CIA apparently succeeded in keeping Mohammed sane. He appears to be in good health, according to military records. Others haven't fared as well.

 

http://news.yahoo.com/ap-exclusive-cia-secret-vacuum-cleaner-071811541.html

Edited July 11, 2013 by Dan T.

[Hubbs]

That Cinco de Mayo story near the top of the page is absolutely ridiculous. Since when is it "offensive" to celebrate a holiday in particular culture by doing things associated with that culture? Should we stop wearing green on St. Patrick's Day as well? Stop eating sausages and drinking German beers at Oktoberfest events? If I were Mexican, I would have had the same reaction as those students who responded to the letter.

[China]

Frank J. Short Accused Of Throwing Semen At Woman He Thought Was 'Hot'

 

Frank J. Short was arrested Tuesday afternoon for allegedly throwing a glob of his own semen onto the back of a 20-year-old female shopper at a Walmart in New Castle, Del., because, he later told police, he thought the woman was attractive.

 

The victim was texting when Short, 22, allegedly walked past her, saying “Excuse me.” Seconds later, she "suddenly felt something wet on her buttocks, thigh and leg,” according to a Delaware State Police report obtained by The Smoking Gun.

At first, she thought that Short had sneezed or spat on her, until she noticed the gooey glob just below her knee, Delaware Online reported.

Short continued to follow the victim around the Walmart until she was forced to take refuge in an Employees Only area. Two workers there escorted her to the security office where she called the police, WPVI-TV reported.

 

Delaware State Troopers arrived at the store and charged the suspect with offensive touching with bodily fluid, harassment, lewdness, and disorderly conduct, CBS Philly reported.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[twa]

I don't know what is worse.....the story or that they have a law like offensive touching with bodily fluid.

[TheDiplomat]

Woman Says George Zimmerman Molested Her For More Than A Decade

 

My thread discussing this got locked for some reason. I had no intentions of talking about the trial. I DO however want to talk about these articles. It got no press but it is still relevant to this woman's life. Funny that GZ's defense didn't deny the claims, and GZ even set up a time to apologize to his cousin for this, and you'll read in the article. A non-sincere apology, but one nonetheless. Can she file charges against him for this?

 

She made these comments to investigators in March of 2012. I'm guessing she won't file any charges since I haven't run across anything newer. Yikes George. Thoughts?

 

http://www.huffingto..._n_1676729.html

 

A woman with close ties to George Zimmerman and his family told investigators that members of Zimmerman’s family were boastfully proud racists and that for more than a decade Zimmerman sexually molested her.

“It started when I was six,” the woman told investigators during an interview on the morning of March 20.

continued in link

George Zimmerman defense team responds to cousin’s molestation claims

http://news.yahoo.co...-160900334.html

 

[twa]

funny,stupid, sad

http://www.ibtimes.com/apple-sued-porn-addiction-man-says-macbook-cost-his-marriage-kids-1345831#

Apple Sued For Porn Addiction: Man Says MacBook Cost His Marriage And Kids

Chris Sevier, a 36-year-old man from Tennessee, got so addicted to porn videos that his wife took his children and left him. Now he has sued Apple (NASDAQ:AAPL), saying the Cupertino, Calif.-based company failed to install any filter in its devices to prevent his affliction.

In a 50-page complaint, Sevier calls Apple a “silent poisoner” responsible for the proliferation of “arousal addiction, sex trafficking, prostitution, and countless numbers of destroyed lives.” Sevier is seeking damages from Apple, but said he will drop the lawsuit if Apple agrees to sell devices with a “safe mode.”

Sevier claims that his addiction started when he “accidentally” replaced the “a-c-e” in Facebook with a “u-c-k.” Sevier said this F***book site “appealed to his biological sensibilities as a male,” and he started to prefer the images on the screen to his own wife.

“His wife abducted his son and disappeared, which was a subsequent consequence of Apple’s decision to sell its computers not on ‘safe mode,’” Sevier argued, adding that until he got the MacBook, he had never seen porn of any kind or been to a strip club or sex shop. “The Plaintiff became depressed and despondent, unable to work as a result of observing porn on his MacBook and the impact it caused.”

[China]

Huge blob called ‘fatberg’ found in sewer

 

LONDON — It may look like an iceberg, but there’s nothing cool about it.

Utility company Thames Water says it has discovered what it calls the biggest “fatberg” ever recorded in Britain — a 15-ton blob of congealed fat and baby wipes lodged in a sewer drain.

 

 

That’s enough “wrongly flushed festering food fat mixed with wet wipes” to fill a double-decker bus such as the famous London
Routemaster, the company said.

 

Thames Water deals with fatbergs all the time, thanks to the widespread use of household oil and food fat. But few reach the mammoth size of the one found under a road in the London suburb of Kingston.

 

But with 108,000 kilometers (67,000 miles) of sewer pipes to monitor, and fatbergs forming around even a few wipes that catch on to a corner or a wall, Thames Water says it must be constantly vigilant.

 

This blockage — built up over an estimated six months — was discovered after residents in nearby apartment buildings were unable to flush their toilets.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

[China]

'Drunk' Louisiana man rides horse into a bar before lassoing a man and dragging him around the parking lot

 

A drunk Louisiana man was arrested early Wednesday morning after he rode a horse into a saloon called Cowboy's, lassoed an unsuspecting man outside and then rode the horse around the parking lot dragging the bound bar patron behind him.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

Blind Scottish man drives car, crashes

[PleaseBlitz]

http://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2013/08/18/Man-named-Beezow-Doo-Doo-Zopittybop-Bop-Bop-arrested-for-drugs/UPI-76551376857224/?spt=mps∨=4

 

 

Man named Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop arrested for drugs.

[China]

Zombie pigeons fall from Russian sky

[Ellis]

New Element Discovered

http://www.lunduniversity.lu.se/o.o.i.s?news_item=6082&id=24890

 

It doesn't have a name yet.  I suggest calling it Nerdium.

[China]

Global Internet Porn Habits Infographic

The linked interactive infographic shows the top 10 most commonly searched terms on porn sites over a 6 month period.

You can check out every state in the U.S. and then see what other countries around the world are searching for.

EDIT: LOL @ the #1 search term for Kentucky.

 

More:

 

A state-by-state breakdown of our nation's porn addiction

 

Porn site PornHub released a boatload of visit duration and search keyword data last week, and the results are somewhat explicit. Among the information the site's revealed, we're now privy to each American state's top three favorite porn-related search terms, as well as the average length of each state's visit to the site. 

The information reveals a few interesting trends—most notably, the unique interests belonging to certain states, like Kentucky's love of hentai porn (usually Japanese anime), Wyoming's fascination with smoking-related sex, and Nevada's singular interest in a porn star named Anita Queen.

 

 

 

Click on the link for the full article

[China]

World Gravy Wrestling Championships takes place

 

1,500 people gathered in the Bank Holiday sun to watch the annual contest at the Rose N Bowl pub in Bacup, Lancashire.

Costumed competitors grappled in a paddling pool filled with
hundreds of litres of gravy, each bout lasting two minutes scoring based
on audience applause.

 

 

Click on the link for the full article

[skinsmarydu]

http://store.theonion.com/p-5456-i-kissed-a-republican-chewing-gum.aspx?utm_source=onion&utm_medium=footer&utm_campaign=Featured

 

I hope this pasted right...hilarious!

[China]

'Gentleman" Seeks 'Worthy' Woman in Personal Ad with 28-Question FAQ

 

Ladies, are you looking for a "nice, mature , 'gentleman.' with a higher college degree and education"? Who is "etter than 99% of what you will find, GUARANTEE #1."

 

Well, as long as you're a "[g]ood girl for friendship and romance. You would be treated very well and nobody will treat you better (GUARANTEE #2). HOWEVER IN ORDER FOR THIS TO HAPPEN . . .YOU HAVE TO BE. . . 'Worthy,' 'Deserving' and 'Reciprocate,'" then there's one man on Craigslist who can fulfill your saddest dreams/most terrifying nightmares.

 

Click on the link for more