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RIP Society: “Human Barbie” Blondie Bennett Gets Hypnosis To Make Herself More Stupid

 

“Human Barbies” are a sub-group of humanity who fascinate and horrify in equal measure. Of the many questionable life decisions of the Human Barbies — multiple plastic surgeries to look like the Mattel doll,  perfecting a vacant stare — this one takes the pink-frosted cake.

 

Blondie Bennett, a 38-year-old Human Barbie in California, claims she undergoes hypnosis every week to make herself more stupid. Er, more stupider. “I want people to see me as a plastic sex doll and being brainless is a big part of that,” she told the UK’s Mirror. “People can criticize me but this is who I am: I want my transformation to be head to toe, inside and out.”

 

ad_127684866.jpg?w=649&h=463

 

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:lol: Dude......I ain't even worked the kinks out by then

http://wtop.com/256/3566972/Ma

The data comes from Spreadsheets, a sex activity app that promises to "track your performance between the sheets."

The app monitors the users' movement and audio levels, using the phone's accelerometer and microphone.


How do we rank around here?

Honestly? Not great.

Maryland is number 16 in the country, with a duration of 3 minutes 15 seconds. The Old Line State has a little old man in it.

While the slogan reads "Virginia is for lovers," apparently love is very fleeting. Virginia ranks number 37, with a duration of 2 minutes 23 seconds.

And, while things take forever to get accomplished on Capitol Hill, love gets done very fast in the District of Columbia. D.C. is ranked number 45, with a duration of 2 minutes 8 seconds.

Alaska limps in at number 51, with an apologetic 1 minute 21 seconds.

Here's the entire list:

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I'm doubting the veracity of this story, but funny nonetheless:

 

Man complains to Domino's after burning himself making love to a pizza

 

The man, known only as LAD_VIGO, took to Twitter to demand a refund from the popular pizza chain after suffering a severe burn in a delicate area.

 

 

.@Dominos_UK HELLO I'VE JUST MADE LOVE TO ONE OF YOUR PIZZAS AND BURNT MY PENIS SEVERELY. PLEASE ADVISE ON YOUR TERMS FOR A REFUND. THANKS.

 

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And on the having sex with food theme:

 

“I WOULD DEFINITELY RECOMMEND IT”: AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH THE KID WHO GOT SUSPENDED FROM VINE FOR HAVING SEX WITH A HOT POCKET

 

We caught up with the infamous @VERSACEPOPTARTS to answer some burning questions, like "why?!" and "how long did you microwave it for?"

 

Not a day goes by that someone doesn’t get famous for doing something completely moronic on the Internet. Case in point: This week, one enterprising young man tweeting under the handle @VERSACEPOPTARTS (a.k.a., Thot Pocket) skyrocketed to the heights of social media celebrity/infamy by documenting his sexual exploits with a microwaved Hot Pocket.
 
The madness began when he posted a Vine of himself violating a box of brown-sugar cinnamon Pop Tarts on Vine. The clip was quickly removed, but Thot Pocket took to Twitter to celebrate his conquest:
 
Click on the link for the full story (NSFW language)
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  • 3 weeks later...

Urinating man strikes 3 more victims

 

GAINESVILLE, Fla. — Three women are the latest victims of Gainesville's urinating man.

 

1394130667000-177876498.jpg

What a urinating man may look like

 

Police are investigating seven cases in which people say they were standing with their backs to a man who began urinating on them. Each case happened along a street across from the University of Florida campus. The first cases were reported in February.

 

The Gainesville Sun reports the man exposes himself to the victims when they confront him. Then, he runs away.

 

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US-based ‘doctor’ in homosexuality ‘cure’ storm

 

JERRY Mungadze, a Zimbabwe-raised minister-turned-North Texas-educated neurotherapist has threatened to sue after becoming the unwitting star of British television documentary Cure Me I’m Gay which was broadcast last week.

 

In the one-off Channel 4 programme, Dr Christian Jessen, a gay British doctor and presenter of the channel’s Embarrassing Bodies show, seeks to test a series of controversial therapies that are claimed to “cure” homosexuality.

 

...

 

Enter Mungadze, an adjunct professor at Dallas Baptist University in Dallas. He describes himself as a specialist in the treatment of trauma based disorders, including post- traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and dissociative identity disorder (DID), the treatment of marriage and family problems, and is an expert in neurotherapy. 

 

Mungadze attracted Jessen’s attention “because he’s been on the Right Wing Watch-list for years following his appearance on Christian television during which he more or less said he could straighten out a homosexual’s brain using drawings filled in with crayons”.

 

Apparently without any consultation at all, Mungadze is filmed giving Jessen the outline of a brain and asking him to colour it in using crayons after which the therapy involves asking “brown what it thinks about grey”.

 

Jessen’s decision to colour a section of the outline in black, Mungadze (who admits to being colour blind) concludes, is evidence of trauma that could explain his homosexuality.

 

...

 

Regarding being colour-blind and yet conducting colour-based therapy he said: “I was born colour blind; that’s no secret.”

 

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  • 3 weeks later...

Oh sure,blame it on the man

http://www.thelocal.it/20140409/italian-man-jailed-for-girlfriends-noisy-sex

An Italian man has been convicted of “stalking” his neighbours after they complained about the “noisy” outpourings of passion inflicted on them whenever he had sex with his girlfriend.

The 12 angry neighbours were so exasperated by the couple’s loud sex that they filed a civil case against the 42-year-old from Vigodarzere, in the northern province of Padua, the news website TGCom24 reported.

In the court filing, they complained that the “screams and moans disturbed the peace in the condominium and the building’s decorum.”

As a result, he was tried for “stalking” his neighbours. According to the Articolo Tre news site, the man was simply guilty of being too good at sex, as his girlfriend's rapturous wails kept the whole building awake.

His argument that there is a difference between “stalking” and “noises” failed to sway the judge, who handed him a six-month prison sentence.

The man plans to appeal the conviction.

This is not the first time neighbours have filed a case over loud sex, although it's usually against the woman.

In the UK in 2010, a woman was twice spared jail despite breaching court orders that she stop shouting and screaming during sex.

Italian justice officials also recently had to process a complaint of insufficient sex.

In March, a court in Tuscany awarded €20,000 to a couple whose sex life wasn't the same after a car accident.

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Loch Ness Monster Found on Satellite Image

 

This is a picture of the Loch Ness Monster. Nessy was spotted in an Apple map satellite image by someone goofing around on a computer. After months of studying the image, experts ruled out all logical explanations, threw up their arms and proclaimed that this “likely” the Loch Ness Monster.

 

loch-ness-monster.jpg

 

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Or not:

 

http://www.southernfriedscience.com/?p=16928

Edited by China
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:o

 

 

Possible Food Poisoning Sickens 100 at Food Safety Summit

 

More than 100 people have now reported they got sick with suspected food poisoning at a national Food Safety Summit held earlier this month in Baltimore.

Maryland state health officials say they still don’t know what caused theoutbreak of gastroenteritis that left participants suffering symptoms that included diarrhea and nausea.

 

“We are working on evaluating possible exposures and doing testing at the Maryland state public health laboratory to attempt to identify an agent,” officials said in a letter to attendees.

The conference, held April 8 to 10 at the Baltimore Convention Center, attracted at least 1,300 of the top food safety officials in the nation, including staff from federal agencies such as the Food and Drug Administration and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention as well as businesses such as McDonald’s, Tyson and ConAgra Foods.

Health officials have heard back from about 400 of those who attended, so the actual toll of illness might be higher.

City health officials inspected the convention center and its food service provider, Centerplate. The company was issued a violation notice for condensation dripping from one of the two ice machines in the kitchen, a spokesman said.

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.nbcnews.com/health/health-news/possible-food-poisoning-sickens-100-safety-summit-n91631

Edited by HogNose
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Med student, 27, auctions off her virginity with the highest offer at $300k.. and says she DOESN'T need the money to pay off student loans
 

 

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2616373/Med-student-27-auctioning-virginity-reveals-face-attract-wealthier-bidders-highest-offers-sits-300k.html

 

  • The student, who is using the alias 'Elizabeth Raine,' launched her online auction on March 31 and initially hid her face to conceal her identity

 

  • She later decided revealing her face would help convince skeptical customers

 

  • Just a week before bidding ends on May 7, the current top bid listed on her website is $550,000

 

  • Raine claims that while she's doing this for the money primarily, she is also attracted by the adventure, eroticism, scandal and the chance to challenge norms about virginity

 

  • She also said she wouldn't ruled out falling in love with her suitor

article-2616373-1D7537BB00000578-292_634

Edited by HogNose
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  • 2 weeks later...

Texas man arrested for suspected premarital sex with 16-year-old wife

HOUSTON (Reuters) - The marriage may be legal but the suspected premarital sex was not, authorities said on Saturday after arresting a 41-year-old Houston-area drama teacher for the alleged sexual assault of a child, his 16-year-old wife.

Ilich Guardiola, who also works as a voice actor in Japanese animations, was pulled over in a traffic stop in the Houston suburb of Spring Valley last month and later questioned about his relationship with the teen riding with him, police said.

Shortly after the incident, Guardiola married the teenager, who has not been identified, in Las Vegas with the approval of her mother, who witnessed the wedding.

Police said there is circumstantial evidence that the two engaged in a sexual relationship prior to legal marriage.

"The marriage is absolutely legal. We received a copy of the marriage certificate," said Gary Finkelman of the Spring Valley Police Department.

Guardiola was arrested on Thursday at his Houston-area apartment for violating a Texas law that forbids sex with a child, regardless of the child's consent. A child is defined as a person under 17 years of age.

Guardiola' bail has been set at $50,000 and no lawyer has been listed as representing him, according to his arrest record.

http://news.yahoo.com/texas-man-arrested-suspected-premarital-sex-16-old-191711493.html;_ylt=AwrTWf2J1W5TsWQAqZrQtDMD

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Robot newsreader unveiled in Japan

 

The adolescent-looking "Kodomoroid" - an amalgamation of the Japanese word "kodomo" (child) and "android" - delivered news of an earthquake and an FBI raid to reporters in Tokyo.

 

She even poked fun at her creator, telling robotics professor Hiroshi Ishiguro: "You're starting to look like a robot!"

 

Scientists have unveiled what they claim is the first newsreading android - with a sense of humour to match her language skills

 

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Man arrested again for sex act with inflatable pool raft

 

Edwin Tobergta has eight previous arrests

 

HAMILTON, Ohio —

An Ohio man who admitted last year to having sex with a pool raft has been arrested again for the same alleged behavior.

 

Police charged Edwin Tobergta, 35, with felony public indecency after a passerby observed him nude having simulated sex with a pink life raft.

 

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Screaming man with dead raccoon in Mukilteo

 

MUKILTEO, Wash. (AP) -- Someone called 911 to report a screaming man dragging an animal along a highway in Mukilteo.

 

When officers arrived Thursday they found a dead raccoon on a leash.

 

The Mukilteo police blotter says the man placed marshmallows around the animal and declared it a hazmat or hazardous materials zone.

 

The Daily Herald reports the raccoon was taken to a local shelter for disposal and the man was last seen getting on a bus.

Edited by China
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