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Off his trolley: Man sentenced after trying to have sex with a buffet cart

 

A train traveller who had devoured a ****tail of legal highs and alcohol was arrested after trying to have sex with a drinks trolley.

 

Andrew Davidson was seen humping the trolley while shouting ‘I want to kiss you, I want to **** you’.

 

Before he foisted himself upon it, he had placed his hands on a female passenger and attempted to kiss a member of staff.

 

According to fiscal dispute Jim Eodanable, he also fell on to his face and began rubbing his chest, sticking his tongue out and yelling about what he wanted to do to his boyfriend.

 

The 25-year-old’s behaviour was so distressing for the crew member that she ran off the train at the next stop.

 

His baffling tryst with the trolley, on a Friday afternoon in July, happened as a ScotRail service travelled from Aberdeen to Glasgow.

 

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Manual transmission stymies Springfield car thieves

 

SPRINGFIELD, Mass. —Springfield police say three men who jumped a food delivery driver also wanted to steal his car, but ran into a major problem -- none of them knew how to operate a manual transmission.

 

...

 

Sgt. John Delaney says they demanded the food and his car keys.

That's when they noticed the pesky stick shift.

Delaney tells The Republican newspaper the thieves argued among themselves then ran down the street with their ill-gotten dinner.

 

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Man accused of indecent acts with Swiss cheese

 

Philadelphia police Thursday arrested a 41-year-old man for an apparent years-long campaign of offering women money to perform sexual acts on him, topped with Swiss cheese.

 

Christopher Pagano, of suburban Norristown, has been dubbed the "Swiss Cheese Pervert" for allegedly "committing indecent acts with dairy products in the Northeast Philadelphia area," Philly.com writes.

 

The local Mayfair Town Watch broke the story last week, publishing photos showing a heavyset driver approaching women while dangling a piece off cheese over his exposed genitals. One woman commented on the group's Facebook page that the suspect "has been doing stuff like this for years."

 

0116swiss.jpg

 

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Man accused of indecent acts with Swiss cheese

 

Philadelphia police Thursday arrested a 41-year-old man for an apparent years-long campaign of offering women money to perform sexual acts on him, topped with Swiss cheese.

 

Christopher Pagano, of suburban Norristown, has been dubbed the "Swiss Cheese Pervert" for allegedly "committing indecent acts with dairy products in the Northeast Philadelphia area," Philly.com writes.

 

The local Mayfair Town Watch broke the story last week, publishing photos showing a heavyset driver approaching women while dangling a piece off cheese over his exposed genitals. One woman commented on the group's Facebook page that the suspect "has been doing stuff like this for years."

 

 

 

Click on the link for the full article

 

 

That gives a new meaning to Cheeshead!

 

or

 

"Hey sexy LADY, do you offer a discount DAA-bole check?"

Edited by Alaskins
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Actress Out Of San Francisco Production After Endorsing Tea Party Candidate

http://sanfrancisco.cbslocal.com/2014/01/18/actress-out-of-san-francisco-production-after-endorsing-tea-party-candidate/

SAN FRANCISCO (KPIX 5) — A famed actress is facing backlash in San Francisco’s Latino community, after she voiced support for a conservative candidate for California governor.

Maria Conchita Alonso starred in a campaign ad for Assemblyman Tim Donnelly of San Bernardino C

.

.

Alonso is an actress of Cuban and Venezuelan descent. She is perhaps best known for her role in the movie “Moscow on the Hudson” which also starred Robin Williams.

The actress was to perform next month at the Brava Theater Center in San Francisco’s Mission District in a Spanish-language version of “The Vagina Monologues,” scheduled for a run from February 14th through 17th. The show is being produced by none other than Eliana Lopez, wife of San Francisco Sheriff Ross Mirkarimi.

“We really cannot have her in the show, unfortunately,” Lopez told KPIX 5. She said Alonso abruptly resigned from the cast on Friday, given the backlash on the immigration issue.

“Of course she has the right to say whatever she wants. But we’re in the middle of the Mission. Doing what she is doing is against what we believe,” Lopez said.

Alonso received an earful from listeners of Spanish-language radio station KIQI 1010 AM in San Francisco on Friday, after she said in an interview that she supported many of Donnelly’s views on illegal immigration. Several listeners took her to task after she used the term “illegal” to describe undocumented immigrants.

In the ad, Alonso holds a chihuahua named “Tequila” and uses some vulgar language which has also been a point of contention among some Latino viewers.

“We don’t act like that. First of all, that is not a typical Latina,” said Jim Salinas, a long time Mission resident and former president of the San Francisco Latino Democratic Club. Salinas said there probably would have been boycotts if Alonso had stayed on the production.

“First Amendment rights, we all have the right to say something. But it’s also our right to say we object to that,” Salinas said.

Leo Lacayo, a prominent San Francisco Latino Republican, has been pushing his party to be more moderate on immigration. He thinks Alonso is being treated unfairly.

“It was a political ad, it was a funny ad,” Lacayo said. “That anybody would lose employment over what their political leanings are is absurd.”

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America's Number One Prescription Sleep Aid Could Trigger 'Zombies,' Murder and Other Disturbing Behavior

 

http://www.alternet.org/drugs/americas-number-one-prescription-sleep-aid-could-trigger-zombies-murder-and-other-disturbing?ak_proof=1&akid=.1121926.wDJK8-&rd=1&src=newsletter948677&t=11

 

 

Shortly after the Kennedy incident, Ambien users sued Sanofi because of bizarre sleep-eating behaviors while on the drugs. According to Chana Lask, attorney for the class action suit, people were eating things like buttered cigarettes and eggs, complete with the shells, while under the influence of Ambien. Lask called people in this state “Ambien zombies.” As a result of the lawsuit, and of increasing reports coming in about “sleep driving,” the FDA ordered all hypnotics to issue stronger warnings on their labels.

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DEFENDANT ASKS TO SHOW SEX TAPE OF HIMSELF, WIFE TO JURY

http://www.breitbart.com/system/wire/upiUPI-20140123-154802-9806

FORT LAUDERDALE, Fla., Jan. 23 (UPI) -- 

The Fort Lauderdale, Fla., trial of a man accused of mail fraud may include videotapes of sex acts between him and his wife to prove they are married, he said.

Rogerio Scotton, 43, representing himself in court after disagreeing with a succession of six defense lawyers, asked U.S. District Judge Robin Rosenblum to allow him to show what the judge described as "you and your wife engaged, I guess, in some very intimate acts" to a jury.

The presentation of photographs and videotapes is designed demonstrate his marriage is legitimate and to undermine allegations by prosecutors he lied about his marriage to obtain permanent resident status in the United States, the Miami Herald said.

In court, Rosenblum said she would not simply "play that stuff in front of a jury" without first seeing it.

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TOILETS.jpg

When BBC reporter Steve Rosenberg went to use the bathroom at the cross-country skiing and biathlon center for next month's Winter Olympics in Sochi, he found two toilets but only one stall.

His tweeted picture instantly became a national joke.

Although toilets like that are not common in Russia, social media users posted photos of other toilets side by side, including some said to be in a courthouse and a cafe.

http://news.msn.com/offbeat/picture-of-twin-toilets-in-sochi-has-the-world-talking?ocid=ansnews11

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Drone beer delivery service grounded

 

Aviation officials have grounded a drone beer delivery service for thirsty fishermen in the frozen northern lakes of the US.

 

Lakemaid Beer, which calls itself the fishermen's lager, had hoped the deliery service would take off in beer and bait shops in Minnesota and Wisconsin.

 

It posted a YouTube advert showing the drone delivering a 12 pack to fishermen and women in their cabin.

 

 

The idea was for customers to ring shops giving their GPS co-ordinates allowing the six propeller drone to carry the beer across the frozen lake.

 

However, the Federal Aviation Administration has yet to approve the use of drones for commercial use and stepped in to shoot down the idea.

 

Lakemaid president Jack Supple said he was "a little surprised at the FAA interest in this since we thought we were operating under the 400-foot limit".

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Meme Watch:  Lay's 'Do Us a Flavor' Hilariously Backfires

 

Back in 2012, Lay's ran a "Do Us A Flavor" contest to crowdsource a new flavor of potato chips. The exceedingly boring "Cheesy Garlic Bread" won out over "Chicken and Waffles" and "Sriracha" because we can't have nice things. Perhaps others were as jaded after the first contest as I was, because Lay's is running another "Do Us A Flavor" contest, and people are taking it far less seriously.

 

Lay's relaunched the contest on January 13th, 2014, inviting the internet to create, submit, and vote on our own customized potato chip bags using this web app. What Lay's received in return includes creative flavor suggestions like "Government Cheese", "Existential Crisis", and "Hickory-Smoked Horse Buttholes".

Our 35 favorite "Do Us A Flavor" parodies are collected here.

 
lays-do-us-a-flavor-parodies-15-governme
 
lays-do-us-a-flavor-parodies-10-7th-grad
 
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Sculpture of near-naked man at Wellesley has its critics

 

The mostly-naked man appeared on the Wellesley College campus Monday, clad only in white underwear briefs, barefoot, standing with his eyes closed and his arms outstretched.

 

He looked like a problem for the campus police.

 

He turned out to be art.

 

AP639009660962.jpg

 

The figure — which was set beside a road on the all-female college campus near Boston — is actually a very lifelike sculpture from artist Tony Matelli. The sculpture, called “Sleepwalker,” was intended to draw attention to a new exhibit by Matelli at the campus museum.

 

It did that.

 

“Now we’re celebrating near naked statues of older men on campus? Sorry, don’t get it,” a commenter wrote on the museum’s Facebook page. “Don’t think it belongs there. Do not understand how passers by are supposed to know it is connected to an indoor art installation.”

 

The Sleepwalker statue — apparently installed without a placard or other sign of its origins — has triggered expressions of both concern and unhappiness from people on the campus.

 

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Bank mails offer to 'Lisa Is A Slut McIntire'

 

A California woman received credit-card offer from Bank of America addressed to "Lisa Is A Slut McIntire,' according to video from Newsy.

 

Lisa McIntire, a writer in San Francisco, says the letter actually was sent to her mother, who said in a text, "Interesting piece of junk mail addressed to you. 'Lisa Is A Slut McIntire.' On a Twitter posting, she notes the slut reference was "wildly not acceptable."

 

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Prophet drowns during cleansing ceremony, family blame mermaids

 

The prophet, Simbarashe Kamupondera, 31, of Nyeredzi Nhatu apostolic sect, met his fate around midday as he was attending to a congregant at the Ruwa River banks when he was swept away by a strong current.

 

However, the family believes Simbarashe is still alive claiming he was abducted by mermaids known as njuzu in vernacular.

“Simbarashe came to stay with us a month ago. He has been telling us that he had a spirit of a mermaid.

 

“He also said that a prophet had prayed for a cloth that he gave him to always tie when getting into the waters. Yesterday he bought a new cloth after he had written his name on the old one saying that he could no longer use it.

 

“He tied it today before he got into the water,” Magma Mutingwende, Simbarashe’s sister-in-law said.

 

Magma also said that Simbarashe was praying for a female congregant when he was swept away.

 

The father of two is also said to have frequented the river several times taking a bath and baptising people.

 

“Vaenda vari mumweya vachinamata nendimi. We realised that he needed help when he started saying come and get but when we tried to swim to where he was, he was submerged in water.

 

“We believe that he was taken by a mermaid and we are not going to mourn him because we know that he is coming back,” Magma added.

 

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643_splash_web_comp.jpg

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Is this guy turning into The Thing?

 

Portland police release sketch of suspected serial flasher in NE Portland

 

Portland police Wednesday released a sketch of man suspected of exposing himself to at least seven people - including children and joggers -  in the last month in Northeast Portland.

 

They described the suspect as a white man, 20 to 40 years old, between 5-foot-9 and 5- foot-10-inches tall, weighing between 170 and 185 pounds, with a medium to heavy build, dark brown hair, a scruffy face, wearing a white T-shirt, blue or green boxer shorts and dirty old running shoes.

 

beaumont-wilshire-flasher-sketchjpg-c675

 

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A Buffalo, N.Y. community activist who is well known locally for pushing for a highly restrictive 2013 gun control law has been arrested for — wait for it — carrying a gun illegally at a public elementary school.

The arrested gun-control advocate, Dwayne Ferguson, caused quite a scene at Harvey Austin Elementary School, reports local CBS affiliate WIVB.

At about 4:15 p.m. on Thursday, police acted on a pair of anonymous 911 tips. A battalion of cops quickly swarmed the school. The brigade included over a dozen squad cars, the SWAT team and K9 units. The Erie County Sheriff’s Air One helicopter and what appears to be an armored vehicle also turned up.

The school was immediately placed on lockdown. Parts of two streets were closed.

About 60 students who were still on campus participating in after-school activities were funneled to the cafeteria.

Cops searched the school room by room and would not let parents on campus until they were satisfied that no shooting threat existed.

Ferguson, 52, was at Harvey Elementary because he works as a mentor in an after-school program for disadvantaged students.

He said he frequently carries a pistol. He has a license but the license does not matter under the strict state law Ferguson helped pass.


Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2014/02/10/gun-stun-gun-control-activist-swears-he-forgot-he-was-carrying-gun-while-visiting-school/#ixzz2sytrj4iR

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Pig faces blacked-out in Malaysian edition of the New York Times

 

KUALA LUMPUR, Jan 22 — Seemingly innocuous pictures of pigs in the front and middle pages of today’s International New York Times (NYT) have been blacked out in the Malaysian edition of the paper, raising both amusement and concern among readers.

 

porky_censored_600_691_100.png

What porcine fellatio may look like in the mind of a Malaysian editor

 

A representative from the printing company based in Shah Alam told the Malay Mail Online in a telephone conversation that pictures of pigs are not allowed in a Muslim country like Malaysia.

 

“From last time also we do this. If there is picture of nudes or like this we will cover. This is a Muslim country,” the spokesman said when asked why the faces of the pigs had been censored.

 

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Yes, god forbid anyone see those sexy nude pigs.  Someone might get ideas.

 

jesus-facepalm.jpg

Edited by China
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AUCKLAND , New Zealand, Feb. 17 (UPI) -- After an Auckland man put in an Official Information Act request asking for proof that New Zealand Prime Minister John Key is not actually a lizard alien from outer space, the politician officially addressed the issue when he was asked about it during an interview.

 

"To the best of my knowledge, no. Having been asked that question directly, I've taken the unusual step of not only seeing a doctor but a vet, and both have confirmed I'm not a reptile," Key said according to 3 News.

For the record, Key described himself as "just an ordinary Kiwi bloke.”"So I'm certainly not a reptile. I've never been in a spaceship, never been in outer space, and my tongue's not overly long either."

 

Shane Warbrooke’s OIA request asked for "any evidence to disprove the theory that Mr John Key is in fact a David Icke style shapeshifting reptilian alien ushering humanity towards enslavement.”

 

Click on the link for the full article

 

 

Did he stop by the Sonoran desert after visiting with Obama?  Or has Voldemort been spotted?

 
 
 

TUCSON, Ariz. (Cryptozoology News) — A group of three mountain bikers reportedly saw a reptilian humanoid last week in the middle of a trail located in the Sonoran desert.

 

...

 

Johnson states that he and two other friends were half way into the track when something “terrifying” made the group consider cancelling the ride.

 

“We had been riding for about… I don’t know maybe nine hours, taking breaks every now and then. Then Michael says he needs to stop for a minute. We are waiting for him to finish when all of a sudden we see this long figure walking across the trail. He is maybe about 6-foot tall, very very skinny, and it had an awkward gait, like a monkey…or a man with a disease, almost robotic, kind of,” he told Cryptozoology News.

According to the eyewitness, two of the men were watching the strange animal while the third one, Michael, was unaware of what was happening.

 

“Then all I remember about Michael is him saying what the hell is that? Or something like that. But he sounded far away. He probably used a different word instead of hell. Thing is, we had somehow walked a little towards the thing. Don’t ask me why…maybe to look at it better, not knowing what it was.”

 

Then, Johnson says, the creature “heard Michael speak” and, apparently taking notice of the “intruders”, its head took an eerie 280 degree turn.

 

“He stopped and it made eye contact with me and I could see him clearly. The eyes were kind of like a snake’s, but black and with a yellow stripe in the middle of the eye. It had green and red scales on the face and head. The red color was kind of like the same as the desert sand there, and it looked like it had a sandy texture too. It didn’t have a nose, only two holes on it. I couldn’t see any ears or hair. A red mouth that looked like it had blood around it, but it didn’t look like it was bleeding, it looked like a pattern. It reminded me of a chameleon, but it looked like a person too.”

Reptoid-270x270.jpg

 

Edited by China
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President Obama is the New Face of Foreign Viagra

 

President Barack Obama has a very hard job. Not only as president, but as the face of illegal Viagra in Pakistan.

 

Because some people think sex is all about power, and nothing says power like the face of the President of the most powerful country in the world dressed like James Bond.

 

Obama’s face is plastered on packets of “little blue pills,” a drug that is technically outlawed in Pakistan.

 

viagraobama_Fotor-630x418.jpg

 

The pills are being smuggled into Peshawar, the hardline capital of Pakistan’s Pashtun region, from neighboring Afghanistan.

 

Sales are reportedly exploding (there’s a pun in here somewhere) as desperate men are willing to break the law to improve their sexual prowess.

 

Click on the link for the full article

Edited by China
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