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Best stand up routine of all time

WVUforREDSKINS

By WVUforREDSKINS
in The Tailgate

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Thiebear

Thiebear

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This is hard to determine: I laugh rather easily.

Tosh.0 is set to record as he kills me.

Im old, i have Red Foxx albums...

Cosby was awesome

The quiet guy that would say all his stuff was taken and replaced by exact replica's because he was original.

The angry guy that points his finger as he ends his statements is funny.

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WVUforREDSKINS

WVUforREDSKINS

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I never got Sam Kinison. To me he makes up for mediocre material by screaming a lot. He was more annoying than funny. So many others have done a better job of channeling anger into humor than him.

i'm with you on that. kinison is funny, especially if you know his life. he shouldn't be mentioned with the greats imo....but thats all it is, an opinion.

some of my friends swear kinison is the best to live

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Tweedr01

Tweedr01

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Dude all Sinbad is freakin hilarious, no shock value, doesn't have to drop f-bombs. His older stuff is the best, but the new one he just came out with was great too.

Dave Chappelle's got two great stories, the homeless dude on the bus story (kinda nasty but very funny), and the girls who dress up like hookers compared to Dave Chappelle dressing up like a copy:

"Just because I dress this way, does not make me a police officer!"

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skins1206

skins1206

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Eddie Murphy Raw and Delirious are awesome:

-His Richard Pryor impersonation is hilarious. When he does the convo with Pryor about Michael Jackson...classic

-Italians after they see Rocky hahahaha

-Aunt is a big foot

So many great bits there...

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Dan T.

Dan T.

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The quiet guy that would say all his stuff was taken and replaced by exact replica's because he was original.

The angry guy that points his finger as he ends his statements is funny.

Steven Wright?

Lewis Black?

I'm a big fan of Steven Wright. Black is good too, but a step down from my favorites.

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Lombardi's_kid_brother

Lombardi's_kid_brother

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Bill Hicks:

Here's another idea that should be punctured, the idea that childbirth is a miracle. I don't know who started this rumor but it's not a miracle. No more a miracle than eating food and a turd coming out of your butt. It's a chemical reaction and a biological reaction. You want to know a miracle?

A miracle is raising a kid that doesn't talk in a ****ing movie theater

I'll go you one further, and this is the routine that has virtually ended my career in America. If you have children here tonight—and I assume some of you do—I am sorry to tell you this:They are not special.

I'll let that sink in.

Don't get me wrong, folks. I know you think they're special. You think that. I'm telling you—they're not. Did you know that every time a guy ****, he **** 200 million sperm? Did you know that? And you mean to tell me you think your child is special? Because one out of 200 million sperm connected . . . that load? Gee, what are the ****ing odds?

Do you know what that means? I have wiped entire civilizations off of my chest, with a grey gym sock. That is special.

Entire nations have flaked and crusted in the hair around my navel. That is special.

And I want you to think about that, you two-egg-carrying beings out there with that holier-than-thou, we-have-the-gift-of-life attitude. I have tossed universes, in my underpants, while napping. That is special.

More Bill Hicks:

A lot of Christians wear crosses around their necks. Do you think when Jesus comes back he ever wants to see a ****in' cross? It's kind of like going up to Jackie Onassis with a rifle pendant on.
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zoony

zoony

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IMO, the two greatest of all time are Chris Rock and George Carlin. Either one, pretty much any show.

You know how you tell a great standup comedian? Every other part of their career is a mess.

If someone is doing standup and they are great in movies or tv, they are automatically disqualified from the discussion. Sorry folks, those are the rules.

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WVUforREDSKINS

WVUforREDSKINS

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IMO, the two greatest of all time are Chris Rock and George Carlin. Either one, pretty much any show.

You know how you tell a great standup comedian? Every other part of their career is a mess.

If someone is doing standup and they are great in movies or tv, they are automatically disqualified from the discussion. Sorry folks, those are the rules.

Boom. Roasted.

One of the first things that young people who want to be comedians are told is to take acting lessons.

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Lombardi's_kid_brother

Lombardi's_kid_brother

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Hey....you know who I like? Bill Hicks.

Wouldn't you like to see a positive LSD story on the news? To base your decision on information rather than scare tactics and superstition, perhaps? Wouldn't that be interesting? Just for once?

"Today, a young man on acid realized that all matter is merely energy condensed to a slow vibration – that we are all one consciousness experiencing itself subjectively. There's no such thing as death, life is only a dream, and we're the imagination of ourselves. Here's Tom with the weather."

To follow up on Zoony's rules, Hicks was so great that EVERY part of his career was a mess. The guy was so brilliant that hacks are still ripping him off 20 years later and I don't think he ever played anything larger than a club.

Hicks is one of the few stand-ups who ever felt legitimately dangerous. Pryor did. Kinison - in his own way - did. I assume Lenny Bruce did, but the dirty little secret on Lenny Bruce is that he wasn't all that funny. Carlin never really did. Carlin was brilliant but he always felt more like the very smart, somewhat out-there cousin or uncle who shows up at Christmas and tells you about how the local Presbyterians control the city council.

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zoony

zoony

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Boom. Roasted.

One of the first things that young people who want to be comedians are told is to take acting lessons.

which probably explains why relatively speaking, there are so few brilliant standup comedians :)

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Lombardi's_kid_brother

Lombardi's_kid_brother

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Hicks' Easter/Goldfish routine is certainly in my top 5.

"mommy i found a licon log in me sock draw"

"thats the story of jesus"

Last one, I promise:

You do a commercial, you're off the artistic roll call forever. And that goes for everyone...except Willie Nelson. 24 million dollar tax bill, Willie was a little looser than the rest of us. I just avert my eyes when he sings about tacos, ya know what I mean? It's just so ****ing sad.

"I'm sittin' here sellin' tacos

waitin' for the woman with the rose tattoo

My butt is so loose..."

Oh, this is so sad, is he done yet? No?...

"I love picante and ice tea

Taco Bell has it for me

Oh, my butt hurts so bad"

Oh, this is so sad. Is he finished yet? No?

"I love nachos with chips and dip

and love the things that I can get

and oh, my butt is hurtin' me"

Oh poor Willie! Poor ****ing Willie! Oh, God! Let's pass the hat and get him off the Taco Bell commercial! We gotta save Willie!

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Kosher Ham

Kosher Ham

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and the girls who dress up like hookers compared to Dave Chappelle dressing up like a copy:

"Just because I dress this way, does not make me a police officer!"

That was a really funny bit. I saw him live though and he was not as funny as I was hoping for.

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thebluefood

thebluefood

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I would say Carlin's bit on religion...but it hit a little too close to home for me, since I am a practicing Christian. Not saying he doesn't have the right to say what he did about it, I just couldn't get on board with it.

Oh! I almost forgot Richard Jeni. He had some great bits. I loved the "card table date" routine he did.

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