TheGoodBits Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I had a friend who was on restriction in the restricted barracks in the Navy and he wanted to go to Vegas with all of us. So I actually called down to the duty desk and told them all I was his father and I had broken my leg and couldnt get around. I told them that I needed my son to come help me survive the weekend and they actually bought it. We were in Vegas at Ceaser's Palace gambling 5 hours later. Nice. I really don't have any good bs stories. I should work on that. Once I wanted to take off work, knew we were overstaffed that day, asked my boss, she said no. The next day I called in sick. Pretty blatant bs. She didn't care though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMike619 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 every time I fly home to DC I tell my boss something has happened so that I can stay a few extra days. gotta do what you can.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 (Long intro). Decades ago, I was part of a team of programmers developing some software for the Navy. (We were implimenting a computer-based "front end" to the Navy's existing pay and personnel system, which at the time, resided on two mainframe systems. Field offices generated updates to the system on paper, the paper was shipped to where the mainframes were, and then they attempted to OCR the documents into the mainframes. Our mission was to replace the OCR typewriters on the clerk's desk with CRTs.) As part of that project, we sent a team of people out to the field offices where the pilot system was to be first installed, to pitch the system to the actual people who'd be using it. I got picked to be part of the team, because I was the only geek who could hook up the terminals we had to a dialup modem (1200 baud, in those days), so that we could actually do our demos. At the time, our software was incredibly fragile. (Not because our program was bad, but because the Navy's existing personnel data base was so screwed up.) Net result: After much experimentation, we'd found one transaction that we could run, against one person, that didn't produce an error. Every time we would demo the software, we'd use the same transaction against the same person. The terminal wasn't that large. The CRT was maybe 7" diagonal. Plenty big for one person, but not really built for demonstrations to a large group of people. Our maximum audience size was about a dozen people, because that was all that could see the screen. If the field office had more than a dozen people in it, then we simply ran multiple demos. Result: I would up performing the same transaction, against the same person, several times a day, for a week. During one of our demos, there was a break. Someone asked a question of the person who was pitching the product. While he was answering the question, a woman in the audience who was just opposite me, observed that I couldn't see the screen as I was typing, (my typical position was with the keyboard on my knees, facing the audience, seated next to the CRT, so that the audience could have the clearest possible view of the CRT.), and asked me how I was able to type all of this information when I couldn't see the screen. I cleverly decided that It Would Be Bad if I were to mention that, well, we've only found one transaction so far that doesn't produce an error, and I've been typing the same transaction with the same data several times a day for four days, now, and I've simply memorized how many times to hit the "tab" key to get to the next field. So, I had to make something up, instead. So I pointed to the CRT portion of the terminal. "See that line, that runs around the terminal? That's because the upper half of the terminal is removable. (True. The upper portion contained the CRT and all of the high voltage circuitry to drive it. The lower half had the digital logic.) The display screen on this terminal is optional (False). They also make this unit in a version that doesn't have a CRT, that they call the "input only terminal", and some of the units we have back at the office are the input only kind. And we've just gotten used to using them." The woman I was speaking to nodded, and sat back. I was really ticked off that she didn't even laugh. I was really impressed with my ability to make it through that whole thing with a straight face, and damn if she didn't have a better poker face than I did. But the question ended about that time. Demo continued. Several more demos, and then we're done. Back up the gear, head for the cars. In the parking lot, my boss's boss's boss comes up to me and asks me what the heck I said back there. (I'd forgotten the thing.) "Back where?" "To the Commander in charge of the PSD". "I don't think I spoke to a Navy person all day" "She was in civilian clothes." "I don't know what you're talking about." "She came up to me after the demo, saying something about how she didn't want any of her people being issued 'input only terminals', because she didn't think they were smart enough to use them." Then I remembered the conversation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Guy. Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 every time I fly home to DC I tell my boss something has happened so that I can stay a few extra days. gotta do what you can.. Used to do same thing in HS. Used to forge notes saying we had doctors appointments. We would put our numbers on it so the person would call and we would pretend to be our parents. Probably did 10 times senior year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larry Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I had a friend who was on restriction in the restricted barracks in the Navy and he wanted to go to Vegas with all of us. So I actually called down to the duty desk and told them all I was his father and I had broken my leg and couldnt get around. I told them that I needed my son to come help me survive the weekend and they actually bought it. We were in Vegas at Ceaser's Palace gambling 5 hours later. Once worked with some people who used to deliver pizza to some of the Navy bases in Norfolk. It was a long drive to deliver on base. So, whenever somebody would order a pizza on base, they'd put a few extra pizzas in the car. After making the delivery, the driver would then visit a few adjacent buildings and see if anybody there wanted a pizza, too. He once got in a whole lot of trouble for delivering an "extra" pizza to a bunch of people who were restricted to barracks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DButz65 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Back in HS, all my friends and I were at this party right, and were playing drinking games, you know the usual party stuff. Everyone was drinking corona's that night and one drunk started yapping "GET ME A FK'ing BEER YOU BIOTCHES!" Me and one other guy were just heading to get more and was like "okay" Well we took the top off of one beer very carefully not to damage or bend the cap right.. poured half of it out, then my buddy unzips and fill it up the rest of the way with , yep you guessed it, piss LOL We got the top back on pretty good so it didnt fall off easily. We handed it to the guy and he had to chug it right after he opened it (drinking game) he was drunk and didnt notice how easy it came off... he got about half way done and stopped, me and my buddy looked at each other and just busted out laughing, but we didnt tell him that night. We ended up telling him like 2 months later, needless to say he was pissed, pun intended LOL I know it was wrong but hey, teenagers do crazy stuff/pranks on each other Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Drop Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 years ago a friend of mine was hitting a bong for the first time. he didn't know much about anything, so i told him that he'd get ridiculously effed up if he drank the bong water after taking a deep hit. he totally bought it. dude took a rip on the bong then washed it down with a massive chug of bong water. he had a hard time getting it down, and then it all came right back up. i told him that i was just screwing with him and he was so pissed off, hahaha. good times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IONTOP Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Alright, so it was a normal Thursday night about 4 years ago... Me and my three buddies all pitch in to buy a hooker... Well we get done with that and they decide that they should kill her, so they all put her in the trunk of my car... So I have to step in and convince them not to.... After about 15 minutes they finally saw it my way... I drove them back to their cars... What they didn't know at the time was, the only reason I didn't want them to kill her was because I was going to do it and wanted to have the joys all to myself... I told them a couple months later, they were angry but saw my point as to why I did it... I think they were more angry because that was the best hooker we picked up that year... Now it's an inside joke between all of us.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slacky McSlackAss Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Alright, so it was a normal Thursday night about 4 years ago...Me and my three buddies all pitch in to buy a hooker... Well we get done with that and they decide that they should kill her, so they all put her in the trunk of my car... So I have to step in and convince them not to.... After about 15 minutes they finally saw it my way... I drove them back to their cars... What they didn't know at the time was, the only reason I didn't want them to kill her was because I was going to do it and wanted to have the joys all to myself... I told them a couple months later, they were angry but saw my point as to why I did it... I think they were more angry because that was the best hooker we picked up that year... Now it's an inside joke between all of us.... So that's what you planned to do with the stripper in Canton. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IONTOP Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 So that's what you planned to do with the stripper in Canton. Seriously? I said hooker not stripper... They're completely different... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slacky McSlackAss Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 Seriously? I said hooker not stripper... They're completely different... Considering you didnt pay her to go home with her I guess she wasnt a hooker that night. Who knows about other nights though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stoney26 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I had to do communtity service at college for getting a bull**** drunk in public. I was completely sober. So I made up a church, made a letter head, and wrote a letter to the judge saying that I had completed it. I bought a prepaid phone, put the number on the letter head, and gave the number to nobody else. When they called to confirm I answered with what ever chuch name I picked out and confirmed my "completion" of communtity service. It worked perfectly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stophovr6 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I convinced my girlfriend in college that there was an issue with the 2nd or 3rd Harry Potter movie. I can't remember which to be exact but it doesn't matter. I told her the censors were having a hard time rating the movie and that parents were getting upset because they added a love scene to the movie, between Harry and Hermione. My girlfriend freaked out saying that it shouldn't be that way because it's not in the book etc. I let her rant for about 15 minutes before I busted out laughing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 My girlfriends good friend is Hindu and somewhat dim, and extremely gullible. Last Christmas i convinced her that one of the many characters associated with American's Christmas, along with Santa, and Rudolph, etc, is Moosus the Christmas Cow, and while Hindu's think cow's are devine animals, every Christmas it is the sacred duty of everyone that celebrates Christmas to eat as much beef as possible. I do believe she hasnt figured this out yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjfootballer Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I pull this one all the time. I had surgery when I was 15 on my Aorta. Your aorta is in the back of your heart, so they had to make an inscision under my left arm, up towards my shoulder. I tell gullible people all the time that I was bit by a Thresher shark. Their eyes get wide like, oh my god. This 19 yr old that was a friend of the family, I had him going for years and years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bliz Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I had to do communtity service at college for getting a bull**** drunk in public. I was completely sober. So I made up a church, made a letter head, and wrote a letter to the judge saying that I had completed it. I bought a prepaid phone, put the number on the letter head, and gave the number to nobody else. When they called to confirm I answered with what ever chuch name I picked out and confirmed my "completion" of communtity service. It worked perfectly. That took some balls. Might be the only one so far where you would have done jail time if the other person figured out what was going on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IONTOP Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 That took some balls.Might be the only one so far where you would have done jail time if the other person figured out what was going on. did you read mine? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan T. Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 did you read mine? or the guy who poisoned a drink with piss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bliz Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 did you read mine? Well your friends were pissed that they didn't get to kill the hooker, but maybe not so pissed they would have turned you in... Seriously though, bsing someone who has the power (and would be justified in using it) to throw your ass in jail solely for bsing them? That's hardcore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koolblue13 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I had a friend who was on restriction in the restricted barracks in the Navy and he wanted to go to Vegas with all of us. So I actually called down to the duty desk and told them all I was his father and I had broken my leg and couldnt get around. I told them that I needed my son to come help me survive the weekend and they actually bought it. We were in Vegas at Ceaser's Palace gambling 5 hours later. No way they bought that. No freaking way. You called the RB(basically jail) and said could you send my son home for the weekend and they did? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMike619 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 No way they bought that. No freaking way. You called the RB(basically jail) and said could you send my son home for the weekend and they did? wow KB, are you really trying to call me a liar here? I dont think you know what the **** you are talking about personally. The Restricted barracks on 32nd St in San Diego are open bay barracks style and they get to go to their duty station and to the galley just like someone in the normal barracks do. They just have to report back there and cant do anything else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Koolblue13 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 wow KB, are you really trying to call me a liar here?I dont think you know what the **** you are talking about personally. The Restricted barracks on 32nd St in San Diego are open bay barracks style and they get to go to their duty station and to the galley just like someone in the normal barracks do. They just have to report back there and cant do anything else. I know what they are, I was in them twice. Maybe Oceana treats it a lot different, but we had 12 formal dress inspections a day and went to the mess in formation. We went out on duty, but were always under watch of time. If somebody called, even the local police, you wouldn't have been let out like that. It was soft core jail, like being in a county lock up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovetoaster Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I used to make up stories all the time to girls when I college. Nothing mean or anything that would get me in trouble, just ridiculous stuff. A friend of mine and I convinced two girls that we played professional indoor soccer. I knew a few of the team names in the MISL or NPSL, or whatever it was at that point. So I was a forward for one team and he was a goalie for one of our rivals. We talked about these great games we played against each other in great detail, about the great goals I had scored and the amazing saves he had made. The most absurd part of it was that neither of us even remotely looked like we could last five minutes playing soccer, especially me. I have the physique of an offensive lineman, and I can not imagine myself lumbering down the field. But they believed us. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMike619 Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I know what they are, I was in them twice. Maybe Oceana treats it a lot different, but we had 12 formal dress inspections a day and went to the mess in formation. We went out on duty, but were always under watch of time.If somebody called, even the local police, you wouldn't have been let out like that. It was soft core jail, like being in a county lock up. well good on you dude but I have nothing to prove to you. But I will tell you this man, I dont like you basically calling me a liar without proof of anything. :2cents: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midnight Judges Posted January 14, 2009 Share Posted January 14, 2009 I blamed my farts on my gf's dog for about a year before she figured it out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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