EersSkins05 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Since I drank beer and ate an unimaginable amount of hot wings last night, I'm dealing with some of the most atomic ass humanly imaginable at work today. In honor of such a momentous occasion, I recommend that a thread be started in honor of flatulence around Redskins nation. Some examples of acceptable posts: - have you ever farted and tried to play it off like you just bumped into something? - have you ever farted so loud in your sleep that it woke you up? - The Dutch Oven- acceptable husband/wife warfare mechanism, completely over the line, or pure joy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKINS@THEGOALLINE Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 When someone farts in my general direction, I normally respond by saying, "Your voice changed, but your breath still smells the same." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dfitzo53 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 When thou hast found a spouse who mindeth not the odor and tone of thy sulfurous emissions, searchest thou no further. Thou hast found the mate to thy soul. -The book of dfitzo53, chaper 2, verse 8. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 dutch oven = pure comedic joy. last time i went to dc, i held some flatulence for the last 25 minutes or so, so as not to soak in stench as it was cold outside. i opened the door, ****ed my leg, and ripped some ass of enourous proportions. one of those "i need a check-up wipe once i get to my boys crib" type deals. after breathing a sigh of relief, i begin to exit my truck, and unbeknownst to me, an attractive lady and her hot friend had witnessed the whole episode. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 oh yeah, no fart thread is complete without me mentioning an embarassing moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bang Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 When someone farts in my general direction, I normally respond by saying, "Your voice changed, but your breath still smells the same." :laugh: I'll have to remember that one.. here's my best fart story. back in my early 20s I had a job for a company in Lanham,, good job, good company.. my FIRST day on the job I was called into one of the VPs offices to remove some boxes of papers that were in there. So she's in there, first time she's ever met me, very nice lady, turns out she signs the checks. So I'm doing my task, and on like the third box (there were maybe 8) I bent down to lift it, and it was heavier by a lot than the previous two, so when i lifted the sudden and unexpected strain of muscles forced out a very loud and nasty fart that I had no idea had been hiding in there. I mean KABOOM! Well, what the hell do you do? I looked at her, she had this look on her face like "Holy sh*t I can't believe you just did that in my office." I apologized, told her i didn't expect it. She looked like i was some kind f freak. So I carried the box out, and had to return for five more trips. God that fart was just rank and hanging in the air every time i walked back in. She never mentioned it, and I avoided her from that day forward. ~Bang Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 here's my best fart story. :rotflmao::laugh::rotflmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iheartskins Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I routinely hot box my office with farts to the point I'm embarrased if anyone comes in. Which makes my window my saving grace... Lately everyone asks why my office is so cold...I tell them, well it's either cold and odoless or warm and stanky. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrockster21 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 I routinely hot box my office with farts to the point I'm embarrased if anyone comes in. Which makes my window my saving grace...Lately everyone asks why my office is so cold...I tell them, well it's either cold and odoless or warm and stanky. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I'm a big fan of the hot box...keeps the boss away!! :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Midnight Judges Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 My GF pretty much banned me from eating cabbage or lamb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Yesterday i ate: Breakfast: 4 cups of coffee. Lunch: Chilis Dinner: Carlos Okelly's. Its been a "close the office door" day. Luckily, everyone in my office knows that if my office door is closed to email me, not to knock. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jrockster21 Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Funny school fart story: We're in our Data Analysis class, and the teacher is kind of a hard-ass named Pierre. He's french, and doesn't wear deoderant (or didn't used to) for whatever reason. Anyway, one day, my friend Ed farts in class; nothing to over the top, but pretty damn loud. Kind of a tooter. Anyway, the rest of the class (well, the immature ones of us I guess ) just put our heads down, and shake violently with the laughter we're trying to hold in. I'm personally seconds away from dying of laughter. The teacher continues to lecture, doesn't even break stride in the middle of his sentence. So after about 30 seconds, the muffled laughter had subsided a bit, and we're starting to regain composure. Pierre stops mid sentence, sniffs, turns around says "somebody needs to go see the doctor. I thought it was just the sound!" (said with a fairly heavy French accent). :rotflmao: The classroom erupts with laughter, and class is delayed by 5 minutes. So funny... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drums and skins Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 i know how you feel man. I'll simply say this though... if you ever need to be regular... Screw benefiber and such... 7-11 hot dogs are pure laxative. (I don't indulge often but i did today and I am payin' for it.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PSUHeckler Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 - have you ever farted and tried to play it off like you just bumped into something? - have you ever farted so loud in your sleep that it woke you up? - The Dutch Oven- acceptable husband/wife warfare mechanism, completely over the line, or pure joy? Probably my sole reason of wanting to get married Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted January 11, 2007 Share Posted January 11, 2007 Probably my sole reason of wanting to get married :rotflmao: :notworthy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SkinsOrlando Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 I tend to wait till my co-workers go into the bathroom then rip one in there office. Nothing like a phantom fart to start the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgiaredskin Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 When thou hast found a spouse who mindeth not the odor and tone of thy sulfurous emissions, searchest thou no further. Thou hast found the mate to thy soul.-The book of dfitzo53, chaper 2, verse 8. :laugh: :cloud9: You're such a cute little pooter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Well hell, I'm a legand at work, and don't have to drink beer and eat wings to live up to my rep :doh: Today was one for the books........ I had to deal with what we call rolling thunder five times today. That's when you fart on a motorcycle, and a bubble of gas is trapped in you butt crack and moves back and forth (rolling), but can't find it's way out. You have to get you butt off the seat for it to escape, but depending on speed and traffic, you cant always lift your butt into the air I crop dusted my managers office while he was stuck on the phone, and watched him suffer through the window A few minutes later I let one rip in my area, and the unsuspecting new guy walked right into the cloud of death. He'll never be the same :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokerPacker Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 these are great. has anyone had the perfectly timed fart that just when you think everyone is talking and won't here it, it goes silent just as you let it rip? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
georgiaredskin Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 Well hell, I'm a legand at work, and don't have to drink beer and eat wings to live up to my rep :doh: Today was one for the books........ :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: I haven't had a good laugh like that in AWHILE. THANKS! (and so brilliantly descriptive) Yesterday my friend at work was talking about how she thought her 13 year-old daughter was slightly retarded because she giggled hysterically when her 8-year-old son farted. I go...."Ummmmm. I do that." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokerPacker Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 oh yeah, no fart thread is complete without me mentioning an embarassing moment. damn, rincesmom must have felt really awkward after that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pete Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao: :rotflmao:I haven't had a good laugh like that in AWHILE. THANKS! (and so brilliantly descriptive) Yesterday my friend at work was talking about how she thought her 13 year-old daughter was slightly retarded because she giggled hysterically when her 8-year-old son farted. I go...."Ummmmm. I do that." My daughter giggled hysterically when the dog lets one go, and looks behind her in confussion as to where the noise came from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heyholetsgogrant Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 opps double post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heyholetsgogrant Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 :laugh: I'll have to remember that one..here's my best fart story. back in my early 20s I had a job for a company in Lanham,, good job, good company.. my FIRST day on the job I was called into one of the VPs offices to remove some boxes of papers that were in there. So she's in there, first time she's ever met me, very nice lady, turns out she signs the checks. So I'm doing my task, and on like the third box (there were maybe 8) I bent down to lift it, and it was heavier by a lot than the previous two, so when i lifted the sudden and unexpected strain of muscles forced out a very loud and nasty fart that I had no idea had been hiding in there. I mean KABOOM! Well, what the hell do you do? I looked at her, she had this look on her face like "Holy sh*t I can't believe you just did that in my office." I apologized, told her i didn't expect it. She looked like i was some kind f freak. So I carried the box out, and had to return for five more trips. God that fart was just rank and hanging in the air every time i walked back in. She never mentioned it, and I avoided her from that day forward. ~Bang HAHA, that lady needs to get a grip; like she never farted . Anyway heres my fart story (probably not as ffunny as yours), back when I was a Freshman in high school I was on the wrestling team. The team was coming back from from a wrestling tournament located in Ann Arundel county on the teams bus, It was about half way through the trip back to school when all of a sudden my fellow teammate next to me farted... I was like "dude at least tell me your gonna fart." One problem it was one of those silencer/stealthy ones that smell real bad and don't make a sound. The Fart I guess was so powerful it made it's way from the front of the bus to the rear by slowly hitting its victims. By the time it hit the back, everyone was in panic, every team member started to frantically open every window (keep in mind its about 30 outside). By the time the fart was gone and everyone came back to their senses, they wanted to know who unleashed the beast, the teammate that I was sitting next to that farted pointed the finger in my direction, as soon as this happened, everyone started to punch me (jokingly) -Grant Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted January 12, 2007 Share Posted January 12, 2007 dutch oven = pure comedic joy.last time i went to dc, i held some flatulence for the last 25 minutes or so, so as not to soak in stench as it was cold outside. i opened the door, ****ed my leg, and ripped some ass of enourous proportions. one of those "i need a check-up wipe once i get to my boys crib" type deals. after breathing a sigh of relief, i begin to exit my truck, and unbeknownst to me, an attractive lady and her hot friend had witnessed the whole episode. :laugh: :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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