.Guy. Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I was sitting in class and I could feel a nice sized fart forming in my innards. I was holding it but suddenly I sneezed and let out my fart. It was simultaneous. "Achoo Brraaap". It was pretty embarrassing. People around me gave me the same look Homer in my sig is giving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 GREAT stories guys, wish i had one Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 our d-coordinator where i coach is about 5-11, 350 lbs. he yells constantly, and has some serious potty-mouth. but he's funny as hell. one time last summer, during the first week of two-a-days, we're all sitting in the coach's office between practices. this guy rips an enormous fart, and immediately his expression changes. now, if i squirted, i would do my very best to be inconspicuous, walk out, and do what i had to do with no one knowing. not this guy. he stands up, and says "i think i just **** my pants." he then walks directly in front of another coach, bends forward and asks "did i just **** my pants?" he had a brown squirt line right down the crack of his ass. he just walks out, gets in his truck, and comes back about 30 minutes in to the 2nd session w/ a new pair of shorts on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herrmag Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Why'd it take so long for this thread to get bumped? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DButz65 Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 This thread reminds me of ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 Friday night i was drinking some micro brew, and i had a lot of it. For dinner i had Don Pablos. Needless to say, all day Saturday i had some weapons-grade farts. The first one i let go i actually had to leave the room for a little while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nycskinsfan Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 This is probably the best thread I've seen on any messsage board. I have two stories to add. When I lived w/ my ex I'd have to get up earlier than she would for work. I'd let out the gas that built up over the night right before getting out of bed. Than on the way out of the room turn on the lights, she would pull the cover over head and dutch oven herself. Suprisingly it worked several times. Don't ask where we got the idea for the next one but it could be considered the nastiest smell ever. In college we would fart in an empty gatorade bottle cap it back up and put it in the freezer. After a week we had a buddy open it up and smell it...... he came close to puking. That lead me to learn one of the most valuable lessons in life. Don't ever smell anything when someone asks you to..... just asking for trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aszumilo Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I had a boss, when I was in the Navy, that used to fart in the shop and laugh about it. So, one night, I went out and had lots of beer and hot shots, ate hot fingers and at breakfast I ate a bunch of boiled eggs. When we got to the shop for work, I let it loose and cleared the shop out for 30 minutes. It was so bad I was not immune to it. He never farted in the shop again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 what's with you guys leaving the room from your own fart? isn't that man law? "a good fart must be enjoyed by the passer until the end." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 our d-coordinator where i coach is about 5-11, 350 lbs. he yells constantly, and has some serious potty-mouth. but he's funny as hell.one time last summer, during the first week of two-a-days, we're all sitting in the coach's office between practices. this guy rips an enormous fart, and immediately his expression changes. now, if i squirted, i would do my very best to be inconspicuous, walk out, and do what i had to do with no one knowing. not this guy. he stands up, and says "i think i just **** my pants." he then walks directly in front of another coach, bends forward and asks "did i just **** my pants?" he had a brown squirt line right down the crack of his ass. he just walks out, gets in his truck, and comes back about 30 minutes in to the 2nd session w/ a new pair of shorts on. :rotflmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mjah Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 The other day...a lady farted in the hall...this is no exaggeration..it took us over 2 hours to get the smell out of the hallway, we tried to close the firedoors, but it didnt help. :laugh: Ah, man. Firedoors. I'm dyin' here. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlobberKnockinFootball Posted August 20, 2007 Share Posted August 20, 2007 I don't know if this is funny, weird or just sick. But I never have to set my alarm clock to get up in the morning. Every morning I fart at the same time and after that fart I get up and start my daily routine. And it's not just a poot either, it's of the variety of peeling the paint off the walls. 6:30 on the dot every morning. My girlfriend swears I have a trumpet for an *******. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Lost in the finals in softball last night. Had to drink about 15 Miller Lites after that. Tremendous farts today. Tremendous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sacase Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 OK I got a couple of stories to add. It is kind of funny that this thread has come up since last night my girlfriend told me I fart in my sleep and wake her up in the middle of the night. I told her I am probably just gettin comfortable in the bed and it needs to come out. When I was in college my roommate and I were both football players so we both kept pretty much the same schedule. So it seemed like every night one of us would have gas from the crappy food they gave us. So we would grab the lighter, hop on the floor and light the farts. Our GF's couldn't belive it. We also MADE them fart in front of us since we didn't think girls farted. I had a ex fart in my apartment so bad that it made me leave my own house and brought tears to my eyes. I have never smelled something so rank in my life. I was dry heaving. I told her that she had 2 hours to air out the house while I went and looked at some booty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjfootballer Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 I don't know if this is funny, weird or just sick. But I never have to set my alarm clock to get up in the morning. Every morning I fart at the same time and after that fart I get up and start my daily routine. And it's not just a poot either, it's of the variety of peeling the paint off the walls. 6:30 on the dot every morning.My girlfriend swears I have a trumpet for an *******. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: I'm kind of the same way. I don't fart at exactly 6:30 like you do, but I have to fart once no matter if I have gas or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjfootballer Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 our d-coordinator where i coach is about 5-11, 350 lbs. he yells constantly, and has some serious potty-mouth. but he's funny as hell.one time last summer, during the first week of two-a-days, we're all sitting in the coach's office between practices. this guy rips an enormous fart, and immediately his expression changes. now, if i squirted, i would do my very best to be inconspicuous, walk out, and do what i had to do with no one knowing. not this guy. he stands up, and says "i think i just **** my pants." he then walks directly in front of another coach, bends forward and asks "did i just **** my pants?" he had a brown squirt line right down the crack of his ass. he just walks out, gets in his truck, and comes back about 30 minutes in to the 2nd session w/ a new pair of shorts on. This got me laughing so hard I'm crying. I pictured Luther from the TV show "Coach" doing this. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iheartskins Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Some gems in this thread, some real gems. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaceman Spiff Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 One of the best threads ever, hands down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fan since a Fetus Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 There are marine creatures called "Crinoids." They are extremely unique because they have a "U" shaped intestine and their anus is beside their mouth. So they literally fart next to their mouth. Be really happy that you are not a Crinoid!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingGibbs Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 I just want to know why our own farts smell like a filet mignon searing on the grill and everybody else's smell like cooked cabbage? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 I just want to know why our own farts smell like a filet mignon searing on the grill and everybody else's smell like cooked cabbage? Everyone loves their own brand. :laugh: God, beer farts are the worst. I am farting pretty much constantly, but im fearful that the next one may not be air ifyaknowwhatimean. Ive spent all day with that possibility hanging over my head, im totally stressed out. :laugh: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Patrick86L Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Also...act like you have a really big sneeze coming, "Ahhh...ahhh...ahh..." And then let one fly. Guaranteed laughs every time. :laugh: I just googled "fart sneeze" after I read this and look what I found... http://www.audiosparx.com/sa/play/port_lofi.cfm/sound_iid.23571 press play at the top to listen to it It's a ringtone :rotflmao: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
headexplode Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 For my best story I must go all the way back to when I was ten years old. My cousin and I were hanging out in his room listening to music or whatever. Of course, we always had a sort of competitition to see who could fart the loudest and longest (we also developed the ability to fart at will). Well, I thought I had a big one that night, one that would propel me into the Fart Hall of Fame. I let it bubble up a while, and then, when I felt the time was right, I started to try to push it out for maximum depth and length of sound, and ended up expelling a good-sized log in my tighty whities. My cousin told me later that my expression change to utter confusion. All I could say was, "miscalculation." We both guffawed until we couldn't breathe, and then laughed some more. From then on, all we'd have to say to each other to get each other rolling was, "Miscalculation." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
#98QBKiller Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Have you ever **** so hard that it blew your dick and balls up on the toilet seat? _______ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KingGibbs Posted November 8, 2007 Share Posted November 8, 2007 Have you ever **** so hard that it blew your dick and balls up on the toilet seat?_______ No, because they are usually submerged in the water. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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