Stophovr6 Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 You ever try to let out a squeaker in your cubicle but a rootin' tootin' rumbler comes out instead? That just happened to me. I don't think the cubicles around me like me too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujuskinsfan Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Well, I've posted this joke at least twice before, but it fits so well here.A lady meets a man and falls in love with him. After some time, they marry and settle down. After a lifetime together, and in their golden years, she has only had one complaint of the love of her life. From the day they met, he was a windy SOB. He got pleasure from farting, and would lift a cheek off his seat to let one go. He farted all the time, and would often strain to squeeeeeeeeeeeez one out. She figured it was something he would simmer down with over time, but to her dismay, he continued with the proud farting. The only thing she ever said to him over and over was, one of these days your gonna shoot you guts out your ass one of these days. After 43 years of this, she figured it was about time to teach him lesson. Thanksgiving morning rolled around, and she proceeded with her plan. As her hubby lay in bed, she could hear him banging away from time to time. She took the innards from the turkey, snuck into their bedroom, and deposited the innards into his draws betweed his legs. Shortly after, while she sat in the kitchen, she heard a fart, and blood curteling yall from her hubby. She yelled in, honey, is everything ok ????? not a word back. A few minutes later, her hubby shows up in the kitchen looking pale. She asks, is everything ok ?? Honey, he says, for 43 years you told me I would shoot my guts out my ass some day, and I was squeezing one out a little while ago. Sure as hell, I shot my guts out of myself, but with the grace of God, and these two fingers, I stuffed them back in................ :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujuskinsfan Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 This got me laughing so hard I'm crying. I pictured Luther from the TV show "Coach" doing this. :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: man, it's been a while since I had such a good laugh. Thanks everyone for sharing those stories, that's simply hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I had hard boiled eggs for lunch today. I'm freakin' dying right now. It's not often I gross myself out. But I'm managing to do so Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrypticVillain Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 I had hard boiled eggs for lunch today. I'm freakin' dying right now. It's not often I gross myself out. But I'm managing to do so don't light a match. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WVUforREDSKINS Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 LMAO what a bump. I'm naturally skinny and I want to gain weight so I am lifting and eating high protien. If you've ever had a high protien diet you know how bad those farts can be. I've cleared out entire kitchens at parties....The best part is is once you do it, count to about 5 and then annouce that someone busted ass and be the first one outta there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoony Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 don't light a match. yah I had to stick a No Smoking sign to my pants Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrypticVillain Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 yah I had to stick a No Smoking sign to my pants Just take it :1stplace: lololololol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KNGwithOUTaCrwN Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 oh yeah, no fart thread is complete without me mentioning an embarassing moment. VERY funny thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warhead36 Posted February 23, 2009 Share Posted February 23, 2009 Farted during SOLs in middle school once......great way to break the tension Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toe Jam Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Whoa... I just woke up with epic constipation. I barely made it through my shower.. it's like Gears of Ass or something going on today! I'm talking quick, pulsating rapid fire or something. Wowwowowow... Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work I go... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mondizzle Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Bumped for my pleasure - this is my favorite thing ever - I was :rotflmao:ing for about an hour the other night reading this thread. :applause: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgundy Burner Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Whoa...I just woke up with epic constipation. I barely made it through my shower.. it's like Gears of Ass or something going on today! I'm talking quick, pulsating rapid fire or something. Wowwowowow... Heigh ho, heigh ho, it's off to work I go... I know the feeling. Major skid marks on the underpants. Blown out windows. Must be dirty crawfish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EersSkins05 Posted February 25, 2009 Author Share Posted February 25, 2009 Wow, I'd forgotten I even started this thread. I wonder about the science of farting sometimes. It seems like my heaviest farting times are in the hour before I have to take a dump. But I don't even know that I have to take one yet usually when they start. I wonder if it isn't a mechanism by which air is being forced out because something is behind it forcing it out. During periods of heavy farting, my wife now just responds, "God, go to the BATHROOM." And I usually have to tell her that I don't even really have to go. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motorhead Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I was sitting with a new girl on her front porch swing. Black lab by the name of Dexter was under the swing. Well my belly started to hurt. I needed to let one go. I figured I could blame it on Dexter. So I let it rip. She says “Dexter!” I thought cool she thinks that Dexter had farted. A few minutes later same thing again she Yells “Dexter” And again I think cool she thinks its Dexter and not me. A little while later same thing and again she yells “Dexter” However this time she says,” Dexter better get out from under there this man is going to poop on you” Just a joke BTW. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxBuddy21 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I have not laughed this hard in a long time. The George Carlin thing at the beginning had me laughing so hard I had to shut my office door. And nothing is worse than when you are ripping them all day in your office with no window and no ventilation and that is the day that everyone decides they need to stop by your office! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forehead Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 This thread requires that this video be played. http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi2036138009/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motorhead Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 This thread requires that this video be played.]/quote] :applause: :laugh: Family Guy might the funniest show on TV. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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