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The Own3d Thread.(Keep it clean)

unsonny

By unsonny
in The Tailgate

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Popeman38

Popeman38

Posted
Posted
Ok, I must be missing something
It is Scarlett Johansson, and it goes to show you that these celebrities that get fawned over as goddesses look quite common when not photoshopped and made up by 12 assistants for 6 hours.

I have said it many times, celebrities in real life are average to below average in looks. Any college town, and most cities, have more naturally beautiful women.

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Posted
Posted

I apologize for making the Owned thread into "Scarlett J., hot or not" for a day.

Back to the funny.

funny-kid-lead-19.jpg?w=250&h=333

funny-kid-lead-20.jpg

Best of Craigslist:

To the large bearded gentleman behind me in line at Dollarama... - m4m

Date: 2009-10-25, 7:03PM CDT

Sunday afternoon, about... 4:30? I had just spent a good 20 minutes strolling through the aisles picking out my selection of items of questionable quality but unbeatable low prices, and now found myself in line to pay. Alas, only two cashiers were working and one was on break. Those of us in line waited patiently for the privelege of paying minimal prices for our shoddily manufactured off-brand goods.

Slowly but surely, I made my way to near the front of the line when - what luck! - the second cashier returned and announced "I can help the next person in line over here." The next person in line - why, that was me! In hopes of achieving slightly faster service I of course made my way over as quickly as possible. However, many other people including yourself apparently understood things differently and had gotten there first. You, sir, were particularly adept in successfully establishing your position ahead of me. Your physique suggested that years ago you may have played football as an offensive lineman... perhaps blocking was just second nature?

Anyway, somewhat disappointed by this turn of events I was hopeful that the situation could be rectified and - while one of the people formerly behind me was already being served, I interjected "oh, actually I was the next in line". I was probably too far in front of you initially for you to realise this so you objected, though I pointed out the exact person (still being served) who I had been immediately behind. You asked if it was "really that important to me" and thrust your enormous gut into my elbow, perhaps in order to emphasise your point.

A bit odd perhaps, but perhaps not terribly out of the ordinary for a busy day at Dollarama. However after again explaining my position, your next comment confused me: "You must be half Muslim." Not being Muslim nor a scholar of major world religions, I could only profess my ignorance "I'm not sure what that has to do with anything". Indeed, I must admit, I have never read the Qur'an, nor am I thoroughly familiar with all the requirements or tenent of Islam, I am not aware of any that deal with proper etiquette in line at dollar stores. You are probably more familar than I am however, especially so as to be able to ascertain (even though incorrectly) that I am exactly one-half Muslim! Clearly I was dealing with an observant and well informed religious scholar.

One other thing that confused me... Again I must profess my ignorance in the matter, but... I was not aware it was possible to be half-Muslim. It being a religion, as opposed to say, an ethnicity, it would seem difficult to be 'half-Muslim'. Indeed, my somewhat uninformed recollection is that Islam is one of the more strictly prescribed of major religions, at least compared to others in the monotheistic Judeo-Christian tradition, and it is rather impossible to be halfway about it and still consider oneself a Muslim. Again, however, you must be better informed than I am. Perhaps you are half Muslim yourself? Maybe you have made your pilgrimmage to Mecca, for example, but don't ascribe to the dietary restrictions on alcohol and swine? Perhaps this allowed you to consume the large amounts of beer and pork rinds that contributed to developing your immense gut. This is conjecture of course. Anyway if this is the case, sorry for slowing you down by 30 second in line, especially if this may have impeded you from properly adhering to the schedule for your five times daily ritual prayer. Assuming that's one of the pillars of Islam you ascribe to. Maybe you do it two and a half times a day? You can see how I am confused.

Anyway, I was in a rush myself to complete a number of errands - not to mention I did not wish to further hold up the other customers dutifully queued and being served in order - so I did not get the chance to press further on these questions and in so doing reduce my own ignorance on the subject. Perhaps we could meet for coffee - or beer and pork rinds, your call - and you can elucidate me on the details of Islam, its fractional derivatives, and how one can tell them apart based on their behaviour in line at Dollarama. I'll even let you go in front in line to buy coffee. Deal?

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