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Random Funny ARTICLES Not Worth Their Own Thread


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Can't find the 'how the world will end' thread (probably archived), so I'll post this here:

 

Massive asteroid to strike Earth and trigger mega-tsunami next month, according to this scientist

 

A MASSIVE mystery space rock is on collision course with Earth, according to crackpot theorists.

 

NASA confirmed that the mysterious 2016 WF9 is approaching Earth and we should be able to see it orbit the planet next month.

The Sun reports the space rock was detected by NASA in late November.

 

It’s in the middle of its of. 9 year orbit between Jupiter and Earth and will approach us on February 25, flying by at a distance of 32 million miles from the planet, they claimed.

 

But self-styled astronomer Dr Dyomin Damir Zakharovich has accused the space agency of a cover up and warned that the space rock is a fragment of fabled planet Nibiru which is headed straight for us, according to reports.

 

He added that the impact could wipe out a city if it strikes land or cause a devastating tsunami if it lands in the sea.

 

“NASA is lying through its teeth. It is not conceivable that they do not know the truth. We have seen the data,” he said.

 

“The object they call WF9 left the Nibiru system in October when Nibiru began spinning counter clockwise around the sun. Since then, NASA has known it will hit Earth. But they are only telling people now.”

 

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Cartwheeling choir teacher arrested for indecent exposure

 

PAWHUSKA, Okla. (AP) — Police in northern Oklahoma say they've arrested a substitute teacher on an indecent exposure complaint after she reportedly did a cartwheel in front of students while wearing a skirt but no undergarments.

 

The Pawhuska Police Department says a student recorded the incident on a cellphone. Police Chief Scott Laird says the incident reportedly happened during a high school choir class in Pawhuska, about 100 miles northeast of Oklahoma City.

 

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Snake Is Rescued After Getting Stuck In Woman's Earlobe

 

https://www.thedodo.com/snake-trapped-womans-earlobe-2231406455.html

 

 

snake in earlobe
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Facebook/Ashley Glawe

 

That's Bart's reptile-loving owner, Ashley Glawe of Portland, Oregon. She has gauged piercings in her ears that are normally reserved for her large jewelry items. Apparently though, she didn't realize another sort of occupant might be interested her lobes' openings, too.

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Romford man 'tried to have sex with drain cover in the street'

 

A man has appeared in court accused of trying to have sex with a drain cover in the middle of the street.

 

Florin Grosu is accused of carrying out the lewd act in Mawney Road, Romford.

 

He allegedly romped with the drain cover on January 19 and was arrested on the same day.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Not wanting this to be political, I put this article here.  I thought it was funny (and very clever, for whom-ever started that site).  Enjoy.

 

http://dailycaller.com/2017/02/20/fake-news-site-gives-liberals-alternate-reality-where-hillary-is-president/

 

Fake News Site Lets Liberals Live In Alternate Reality Where Hillary Is President

 

Liberals seeking refuge from reality now have a fake news website where they can pretend to live in a world where Hillary Clinton is president.

 

 

“Approval ratings for President Clinton hit 89 percent,” “Confused by fake news, Redditers think Trump is president” and “DOJ considers charging Trump with treason” are just a few headlines featured on HillaryBeatTrump.org, a satirical news site devoted to covering stories from an alternate universe where Hillary won last November’s election.

 

“In the midst of a Constitutional crisis, this is our response,” the site’s description reads. “Long live the true president, Hillary Rodham Clinton.”

 

The site’s proprietors do not identify themselves online, and did not return TheDC’s request for comment, but their articles suggest they have liberal leanings.


Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2017/02/20/fake-news-site-gives-liberals-alternate-reality-where-hillary-is-president/#ixzz4ZKuvqx96

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5 hours ago, btfoom said:

Not wanting this to be political, I put this article here.  I thought it was funny (and very clever, for whom-ever started that site).  Enjoy.

 

http://dailycaller.com/2017/02/20/fake-news-site-gives-liberals-alternate-reality-where-hillary-is-president/

 

Fake News Site Lets Liberals Live In Alternate Reality Where Hillary Is President

 

Liberals seeking refuge from reality now have a fake news website where they can pretend to live in a world where Hillary Clinton is president.

 

Personally, I watch an episode of The West Wing every night and pretend that Jed Bartlett is actually President.  

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5 minutes ago, btfoom said:

 

Is that still Martin Sheen or has he been replaced?  

 

Jeb Bartlett is always Martin Sheen.  The actual TV show ended like 10 years ago in 2006 which, despite the impending collapse of the American economy, were much happier times. 

Edited by PleaseBlitz
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17 hours ago, China said:

Drug suspects raid Pepperidge Farm delivery truck for cookies, police say

 

MESA, AZ - Two drug suspects were busted in Mesa with marijuana ... and several stolen boxes of Pepperidge Farm cookies.

 

Click on the link for the full article

 

A strangely similar event (in an exact opposite kind of way), occurred about the same time...

 

Woman allegedly tells police she crashed into chicken truck because she's vegan

 

Quote

A Georgia woman was arrested Wednesday after she reportedly slammed into a chicken truck, fled and then told officers who tracked her down that she hit the vehicle because she was a vegan.


http://www.foxnews.com/us/2017/03/02/woman-tells-police-purposely-crashed-into-chicken-truck-because-shes-vegan.html

 

 

Edited by Malapropismic Depository
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Austin man who was ‘having sex with a fence’ charged with exposure

 

A caller reported a man “outside her window having sex with a fence” Wednesday at a duplex in North Austin, according to an arrest affidavit.

 

...

 

The woman started filming Estala with her cell phone, and the man saw her and took off his clothes, the affidavit reads.

 

According to the affidavit, Estala put his mouth on the chain link fence and stuck his tongue out.

 

The woman then saw Estala begin to “have sex with the fence,” according to the affidavit.

 

The woman showed police several photos and videos of the incident on her phone, the affidavit said.

 

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Ed Czuprynski violates probation by buying beer, driving at night

 

SAGINAW, MI -- About two weeks ago, Edward M. Czuprynski told a judge he had no problem living without alcohol.

 

But since then, the well-known Bay City attorney has pleaded guilty to twice having booze in violation of a probationary term.

 

In response, Czuprynski has filed a motion with the courts arguing he can't be an effective lawyer if he can't have alcohol.

 

...

 

As Czuprynski's probation is supervised out of Midland County, Midland police on the night of Wednesday, March 8, arrested him on a charge of violating his probation and booked him in the jail.

 

The next morning, Czuprynski appeared in Judge Jurrens' courtroom via closed-circuit TV from the Midland County Jail. Jurrens arraigned him on five counts of probation violation -- two counts each of related to driving past sunset and possessing alcoholic beverages, and one count alleging he violated a criminal law by driving while intoxicated.

 

...

 

Between the dates of the violations, Czuprynski filed motions seeking to be allowed to consume alcohol, be in bars, and drive during nighttime hours.

 

"Defendant being forbidden by the court from alcohol possession and consumption, or being in bars, impairs his abilities as a community activist and his livelihood as a lawyer," his motions state. 

 

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  • 4 weeks later...

http://www.latimes.com/local/lanow/la-me-ln-711-anger-attack-20170405-story.html

 

He wanted to buy candy, but his card was declined. He got a little angry.

 

On Feb. 11, the man tried to buy some candy at a 7-Eleven in the 900 block of West 1st Street. But when his payment card was declined, he caused about $700 worth of damage to the store's registers and printers, police said.

The candy was a 75-cent bag of M&M's, 

 

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  • 1 month later...

PHOTO: Is your meth laced with deadly gluten?

 

Never say the Niceville Police Department is not on top of its public service game.

 

In a Facebook post, the department has offered to examine citizens’ methamphetamine stashes to check for the presence of “deadly gluten.”

 

“Bring your meth down to the PD and we will test it for you for free!” the department exhorts.

 

Meth users, take note: Free is good.

 

READ the post here.

 

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  • 2 weeks later...

Spiked vests, new fencing latest tools to protect pets from coyotes

 

For Penny Sprague, the wake-up call arrived last summer.

 

“I have a 7-pound dog and had a coyote lying in my next-door neighbor’s yard early one morning,” the San Pedro homeowner said. “I was adamant about doing something.”

 

So she purchased a spiked coyote “vest” for her pup and installed what’s known as a coyote roller — a round, metal spinning bar — along the top of her fence.

 

AR-170529973.jpg

So far, so good.

 

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Quote

 

Truck plows into Delaware company AnalTech, releasing odor that leads to HazMat situation

 

It was an unforgettable day at the memorably-named company AnalTech.

At approximately 6:30 a.m. Monday, a car crash involving two pickup trucks sent one of the vehicles inside the AnalTech building of Newark, Del., leaving a giant hole.

The truck damaged the facility's laboratory and caused an odor to emanate from the cavity, WDEL reports.

Accordingly, first responders alerted the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Control, which brought in a HazMat team to handle any leaks.

 

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/national/truck-plows-analtech-odor-leads-hazmat-situation-article-1.3189762?utm_content=buffer91ebc&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=NYDailyNewsTw

 

 

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MEMPHIS, Tenn. (AP) — When police pulled over a Tennessee couple and told them a body was lying on the trunk of their car, they thought it was a joke — until they got out to look.

They found an unconscious man who had somehow remained on the trunk for about 14 miles (23 kilometers).

Driver Carl Webb told reporters he had left the Memphis in May barbeque festival before the officer pulled them over Thursday evening.

The officer asked him if he knew there was a person on his trunk, a question that didn’t make sense to Webb at first.

“He goes, ‘Mister, I’m not messing with you. There is a body on your trunk.’ So I got out, we walked around and sure enough there he was, still hanging on, still unconscious, just laying there.”

Webb says there’s a slight lip on the trunk that likely saved the man’s life.

Memphis police say in a statement that Officer Benjamin Huff noticed what appeared to be a man on the black Ford Taurus traveling about 65 mph down an expressway and pulled the car over. After alerting the couple he woke the man, who was disoriented and did not remember leaving the festival.

 

https://apnews.com/1ca5f330444e400ab8b82bfaa8872cb0?utm_campaign=SocialFlow&utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=AP_Oddities

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7th-grader gets 'Most Likely to Become a Terrorist' Award

 

(CNN)No, your eyes are not deceiving you. These are real certificates that were typed up and presented to 7th graders at Lance Cpl. Anthony Aguirre Junior High School in Houston. 

"MOST LIKELY TO BECOME A TERRORIST," one reads, inside a border of cheerful stars. Another, given to a student in the same class, reads "MOST LIKELY TO BLEND IN WITH WHITE PEOPLE."

 

http://www.cnn.com/2017/05/26/us/terrorist-award-junior-high-school-backlash-trnd/index.html

 

 

I think it's funny buts it's pretty terrible judgment for a teacher of 7th graders.

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Bizarre ‘study’ claims eating too many chicken nuggets can turn you gay

 

A self-published “study” claims that eating too many fatty foods can cause homosexuality or make you transgender.


Author Rita Strakosha, who says she has “an M.P.S. degree in Clinical Psychology from Albanian University”, sent the 56-page document to PinkNews after self-publishing it as an e-book on Amazon.


In the document, which she has also put up for free on her website, attempts to link homosexuality to an unhealthy diet.


It claims: “Homosexuals… [often eat] large amounts of high glycemic index foods and fat, or eating an imbalanced diet, leaning toward carbohydrates. Some studies show an increased rate of obesity among homosexuals.


“Gay men, lesbian and bisexual women report a higher odds of sugar-sweetened beverage consumption than straight men and women.


“Access to a high calorie diet and alcoholic drinks was limited to the social elite circles in the past. Homosexuality as well appears to have been more frequent among that group.”

 

The paper ties homosexuality to fats, sugars and alcohol, proceeding to claim that cutting them out of your diet can “prevent the return of homosexual attractions”.


It argues that following a healthy diet with no sugar and sleeping adequately will ‘cure’ homosexuality in an individual and prevent its return.

 

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AZ ' pastafarian' fighting to wear strainer in driver's license photo

 

CHANDLER, Ariz. - Sean Corbett is a Pastafarian. In other words, he is among many who believe a flying spaghetti monster may have created the universe and everything in it.

At this point we understand if you are skeptical, but that's exactly how this religious group started in the first place.

pastalicensepic_1496328040890_9609477_ve

 

Read rest of article and view video at link below.

http://www.kgw.com/news/valley-man-fighting-to-wear-pasta-strainer-in-drivers-license-photo/444790719

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