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Fortune teller fondles woman's breast to determine her future

From palm reading to tarot cards to magic eight balls, there are countless methods that fortune tellers will claim to be able to use to determine your future. But there's only one way that really works -- breast fondling.

breast_fortune_fondler.jpg

An eight-second video clip uploaded to Chinese social media appears to show one bespectacled master of the lost art in the process of telling one impatient-looking woman her destiny. Perhaps he has been at it for some time.

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Man divorced his wife after he saw her without make-up for the first time

A man who saw his wife without make-up for the first time after she went swimming in the sea divorced her immediately, according to local media in the United Arab Emirates.

The newspaper Aletihad reported that the couple went swimming at the Al Mamzar beach in Sharjah – and he saw her ‘features change’ after her make-up washed off.

He realised that not only did she wear a lot of make-up, she’d had cosmetic surgery and wore false eyelashes and coloured contacts, according to Gulf News.

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Sex offender caught masturbating in King County Sheriff's Office

A 50-year-old man indulged his impulse to stimulate himself in possibly the worst location last month.

Prosecutors say Anthony Hardison was in the lobby of the King County Sheriff's Office in downtown Seattle last month registering as a sex offender when a sheriff's office employee found him masturbating.

The incident occurred Aug. 12, a week after Hardison was sentenced on two counts of indecent exposure with sexual motivation for showing his genitals to bus drivers.

Hardison went to the office in the King County Administration Building on Fourth Avenue that morning to turn in some documents, according to Detective Wendy Billingsley's report. There in the lobby, the detective said, an employee caught him "intentionally mak(ing) an open and obscene exposure of his penis."

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Single woman on Tinder is looking to steal your heart – and maybe your organs, too

It’s always good to give people a little insight as to what you’re looking for in a partner when using Tinder. 

Most people go with the ‘I like long walks on the beach’ spiel, while some get specific with their desires and say that they prefer blondes over brunettes.

But one woman was a little bit too specific. Scarily specific, in fact.

27-year-old Nicole decided to tell potential matches that her perfect man needed to have both kidneys, be a non-smoker, and not be into drink or drugs – because she doesn’t want someone with a damaged liver.

Oh, and he needs to be trusting, too. For reasons that aren’t entirely clear.

https://twitter.com/ghxstpuke/status/788225168640471040/photo/1

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Put in the funny as in odd category:

Dead British man who was found stripped and tied to an airport bench was 'found with a slice of ham on each buttock and his genitals wedged into a can of TUNA'

The mysterious death of a British man at Malaga airport took a bizarre turn today after it emerged he was found with a slice of ham on each buttock and his genitals in an open tuna can.

Steven Allford, 51, was discovered face-down and bound to a bench between the airport's train station and the terminal building.

He had a hand bound to one end of the bench and his leg to another with cable ties. His trousers and pants had been pulled down.   

Police are waiting on the results of a post-mortem but suspect he may have been choked to death and possibly sexually assaulted.

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  • 2 weeks later...

US Park Police Victorious in Battle With Raccoon

A US Park Police officer had to be transported to a DC hospital early Thursday afternoon after he was attacked by a raccoon and accidentally shot himself in the foot while trying to fend off the animal, according to a police statement.

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Edited by China
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Sex robot CAFÉ to open offering tea and ORAL SEX

Entrepreneur Bradley Charvet hopes to open the cafe in Geneva where robots will give customers oral sex as they have a drink. 

He planned to employ sex workers to entertain customers but following legal issues hopes to use high-tech robots. 

Mr Charvet, who runs the Swiss escort service Facegirl, told Swiss newspaper Le Matin that he plans to charge £50 for a drink and a sex act from a robot.

sex-robot-cafe-728456.jpg

What people imagine they'll be paying for

...What they'll actually be paying for:

robot-mouth-o.gifimg00099-20100823-1326.jpg

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Former Illuminati member of 47 years claims governments deliberately create diseases and that Putin runs the world

A WHISTLEBLOWER who claims he was in the Illuminati for 47 years has announced the shadowy group controls the weather, Russia won the space race to the moon and Vladimir Putin is a member – and secretly controls Asia.

The anonymous puppetmaster has come clean about the New World Order’s sickening crimes – which include creating diseases, a plan to wipe out the sun and robot servants – in a lengthy blog post.

...

Among his wild claims are a secret network of hundreds of bunkers used by Illuminati members, filled with robots and nukes. Former guests of the ‘5-star’ drug-laden sites are Leon Trotsky, Abraham Lincoln (who was not assassinated, but spent the rest of his life in a bunker in Mexico. In 1865) and Saddam Hussein (also alive).

A weather control weapon called HAARP is housed in an underwater base in the Pacific.

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'I'm full of beans': Vegan mother who drinks smoothies made from a friend’s SPERM swears she’s discovered the secret to not catching the flu

A single mother has advised others to ingest semen if they want to avoid a winter cold.

Tracy Kiss, 29, from Buckinghamshire, says that she has enlisted the help of her best friend to supply her with his sperm in order to boost her immunity.

Despite being vegan Tracy says she is prepared to use the byproduct in the pursuit of better health

3A36D00A00000578-3921618-Vegan_Tracy_Kis

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it is all about the method of delivery... 

On 11/11/2016 at 2:50 PM, China said:

'I'm full of beans': Vegan mother who drinks smoothies made from a friend’s SPERM swears she’s discovered the secret to not catching the flu

A single mother has advised others to ingest semen if they want to avoid a winter cold.

Tracy Kiss, 29, from Buckinghamshire, says that she has enlisted the help of her best friend to supply her with his sperm in order to boost her immunity.

Despite being vegan Tracy says she is prepared to use the byproduct in the pursuit of better health

3A36D00A00000578-3921618-Vegan_Tracy_Kis

Click on the link for more

 

 

 

 

 

 

its all about the method of delivery .....

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1476363905163094746.gif

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‘All I asked for was sliced cheese’: Men bewildered after store employees hide, call the police

RICHMOND, Va. (WRIC) — What began as a spontaneous trip to the store ended up being one of the most bizarre experiences of Ricky Berry’s life. He and his roommate went to purchase a grocery item and ended up having the police called on them.

Berry and his roomate told WRIC they walked into the CVS in Carytown and asked an employee if they sold sliced cheese. The worker kindly replied that they did not.

A few minutes later, the employee — all of the store employees, in fact — were nowhere to be found. Berry and his roommate, Philip Blackwell, said they were in the store with another customer for more than 30 minutes alone before an officer with the Richmond Police Department showed up.

“We looked around for probably 30, 45 minutes and we couldn’t find anybody,” Blackwell said.

As for the third customer who was as confused as the two roommates, Berry said, “he was in the store before we were actually. He had a bad tooth, all he wanted was some Orajel. That’s all he needed.”

“We were walking around trying to find an employee, and the cop himself ended up opening up the emergency door, which set the alarm off,” Berry explained. “A couple of minutes later, he got the call from the alarm company asking what was going on.”

So the officer joined in on the search for the missing employees. Berry recorded a video on his Snapchat account of what happened next.

“He was laughing with us because, like, this is how weird, apocalyptic movies start,” Berry said.

Eventually, the employees were found in the back of the store hiding in a locked room. After making a few calls, the officer told the customers they had to leave.

In one of the videos he recorded, Berry said, “We’re being kicked out because they were scared of us and hiding.”

“He just told us that we need to leave premises or else we would be arrested for trespassing and that flipped the script on all of us,” Berry told WRIC Reporter Jonathan Costen. “We had no idea what was going on.”

Berry said the officer was kind and was just doing what he was told to do.

Multiple attempts to contact the store manager were denied, although a CVS spokesperson apologized and said the employee who called the police will be interviewed and possibly retrained.

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Man surprised to learn that device he'd been using to smash walnuts for 25 years is actually a hand grenade

 

One Shaanxi man was shocked to learn recently that his trusty "nutcracker" was actually a hand grenade.

 

not_a_nutcracker.jpg


The man surnamed Ran from Ankang city told local reporters that he had been using the device regularly for the past 25 years to crack open walnuts. However, earlier this month, he decided to stop using it after reading a safety leaflet about explosives that clued him into the true nature of his tool.

 

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On 12/27/2013 at 5:00 PM, China said:

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums This Year?

 

As in past years, the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission has created a searchable database of emergency room visits around the country. And as in past years, we have trolled the data for the finest examples of insertions showcasing extraordinarily bad luck and/or ingenuity.

Sorted by orifice, working south:

 

Click on the link for the full list

 

And for 2016:

 

What Did We Get Stuck In Our Rectums Last Year?

 


Penis

  • “CARVED DOWN PIECE OF DOMINO INCISED PENIS INSERTED DOMINO PIECE INTO PENIS NOW WANTS IT REMOVED”
  • SANDAL BUCKLE
  • BB
  • DOLL SHOE
  • “HAD PEBBLE STUCK IN PENIS WHILE SWIMMING IN A LAKE 3 WEEKS AGO”
  • PEN CAP
  • PEN
  • 3 INCH STRAIGHT PIN
  • “MARBLE IN PENIS, CUT PENIS TRYING TO GET IT OUT”


Vagina

  • 3 PAPER TOWELS
  • 3 GOLF-BALL SIZE BOUNCY BALLS
  • 6 SCREWS
  • PILL BOTTLE
  • USB ADAPTER
  • “SAT ON THE TOP OF A DOLL HOUSE AND THERE WAS A SPIKED ROOF”
  • KNOTTED ROPE
  • “WENT SWIMMING, WENT TO REMOVE TAMPON CANT LOCATE IT”
  • POINTY TOY PIG
  • “BOYFRIEND STUCK BOTTLE IN VAGINA. THE CAP CAME OFF AND GOT STUCK”
  • HALF A BAR OF SOAP
  • SHARPENED PENCIL
  • “PUT A BOUNCY BALL IN HER VAGINA, IT’S STUCK, WAS MASTURBATING”
  • “PLACED A BOBBY PIN IN VAGINA -STATES SHE DOES NOT KNOW WHY”
  • DOLL
  • SMALL PAINTING KIT
  • “PART OF A SILICONE DILDO BROKEN OFF”
  • CIGARETTES AND LIGHTER
  • SHOE HEEL
  • PIECES OF PLASTIC CUP, BROKEN CRAYON, PIECE OF PLASTIC, & STRAW
  • “POSSIBLE RETAINED VAGINAL FOREIGN BODY, USING VIBRATOR WHILE INTOXICATED”

Rectum 

  • “USING A VIBRATOR LAST NIGHT, THOUGHT WAS INSERTING IN VAGINA, INTERRUPTED BY MOM & SAT UP QUICKLY, INSERTED IN RECTUM, CAN’T REMOVE”
  • WINE CORK WRAPPED IN PAPER TOWELS, ELECTRICAL TAPE & A CONDOM
  • 10 BROKEN CRAYONS
  • FLASHLIGHT
  • “PER WIFE PATIENT SAT DOWN ON A SCREWDRIVER AND IT WENT UP HIS RECTUM”
  • 2 DILDOS
  • “PUT A PENCIL UP RECTUM TO MAKE BOWEL MOVEMENT TO GET GAUZE PATIENT SWALLOWED TO COME OUT”
  • PLASTIC MELATONIN BOTTLE
  • POSSIBLE SHOT GLASS
  • “RECTAL FISSURE MASTURBATING FOR HER BOYFRIEND USING A HAIRBRUSH IN HER RECTUM YESTERDAY”
  • NAIL CUTICLE TOOL
  • EGG TIMER
  • CURTAIN ROD
  • “ICE PICK IN RECTUM TO PUSH HEMORRHOIDS BACK IN”
  • HANDLE OF A TOILET BOWL BRUSH
  • HAMMER
  • NUT AND BOLT
  • “SMILEY HAND TOY FROM VENDING MACHINE, MOM NOTED A RUBBER HAND PROTRUDING FROM RECTUM”
  • BINGO DAUBER
  • BINGO CHIP
  • DECORATIVE PUMPKIN
  • BOWLING PIN
  • “SHOESHINE CONTAINER ALLEGEDLY INTOXICATED DID NOT KNOW GF INSERTED OBJECT”
  • TUB DRAIN CAP
  • WIFE’S SIX INCH VIBRATOR
  • BROOM HANDLE
  • BASEBALL
  • SALT SHAKER
  • “MALE USING PLASTIC SEX TOY(VIBRATOR) THAT BROKE OFF IN RECTUM BUT LEFT WITHOUT TREATMENT”

Previously in rectums

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German man trying to leave through his front door finds a wall there instead

 

BERLIN — Police say a man in western Germany ran into a wall, literally, as he opened his front door to leave the house earlier this week.

 

The man was heading out of his house in Mainhausen, near Frankfurt, on Monday morning but found that unknown perpetrators had — it seems quietly and without attracting anyone’s attention — built a wall in the doorway during the night. He had to tear down the wall to leave.

 

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30 minutes ago, mcsluggo said:

 

just shove it up your *** and forget about it.  

If you can shove something up your ass and forget about it, I think you have bigger problems then reading an article about things people shoved up their ass...

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10 minutes ago, Xameil said:

If you can shove something up your ass and forget about it, I think you have bigger problems then reading an article about things people shoved up their ass...

exactly.  I was reading the items first, and then I realized the article was more than just rectal insertions, and went back and saw where the objects were being inserted.  Then I cringed a great cringe.

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