Would You Consider Pampering/Spoiling Children as a form of Child Abuse?

[Fresh8686]

I was reading an article that made reference to Alfred Adler and he was of the opinion that Pampering was one of the worst forms of child abuse in terms of long-term damage it causes in the upbringing and eventual maturity process for an individual.

I was wondering what other people's take on pampering as child abuse might be and whether or not Adler's take in it made you see it in a different light.

I personally feel like it is a form of child abuse however benign it might seem and I feel that the rampant occurrence of it in our society is at least partially responsible for the way people seem to treat and interact with each other.

Here's an excerpt from the article and link...

Most people don’t think of pampering as a form of a child abuse. We tend to only think of neglected children as abused. However Adler not only believed pampering was a form of abuse' date=' [/b']he actually believed it was the worst form of abuse. Wrap your heads around that for a second. Pampering is more damaging and capable of causing a neurotic, faulty lifestyle than neglect. In addition, while neglected adults at least realize they were abused and therefore have an inkling of the root of their dysfunctions, pampered children not only don’t realize they were abused, they oftentimes believe they had great, positive upbringings, so they never end up realizing what the true roots of their dysfunctions are, making them less likely to seek the proper type of help or know where to start when trying to improve themselves. The very thing that makes them unable to function properly as an adults, their spoiled upbringing, is in their minds the best thing that ever happened to them.

http://therawness.com/raw-concepts-the-theaters-of-operation/

[PokerPacker]

anyone who's read The Girl in The Window could tell you there's not much worse than neglect.

[Mr. Sinister]

To me there is a big difference between maturity level and emotional/mental/physical well being, so no.

[Lombardi's_kid_brother]

I've read a number of Child Protective Service reports in the last year. No, I cannot say that giving too many nice things to a child is abuse. It may be subpar parenting, but it's not abuse.

[sportjunkie07]

yeah, can be. though it's something that is difficult to quantify.

if you are not disciplining your children/given them every toy they want and more, you are in fact neglecting them.

[Elessar78]

No. Because while it may hinder them from becoming ideal adults, it does not hinder them from becoming functional human beings.

My wife is a therapist and deals with adults with abuse in their past on a regular basis. It's some sad ****.

[PleaseBlitz]

I've read a number of Child Protective Service reports in the last year. No' date=' I cannot say that giving too many nice things to a child is abuse. It may be subpar parenting, but it's not abuse.[/quote']

Yep. There is a difference between abuse and setting your kid up for failure.

[brettstr]

I believe the theory or teaching of: "Spare the rod, spoil the child" has taken on a life of its own on the matters of raising children.

But I beleive that statement has been taken way out of context and understanding.

Spare the rod from the original translation meant put away the rod.

Spoil the child, from the original translation meant to Love the child

Historians will refute this beacuse of the missing element this world has never seen and that element is "Love"

Love is suppose to conquer all things, the question is do you believe?

[JMS]

It deminishes child abuse to equate it with flavor of the month offenses which do not rise to the same level of gravity. The furst such offense I can remember was child seatbelts... It's child abuse to not belt you child into their seat. Recently I saw a person sentenced to jail time for this "abuse". Seems like society has completed this equivelence, at least certain judges have. Now "Pampering" is "abuse"?

How about this for your analogy... I don't believe you can spoil a child through pampering. I think spoiling occurs when you both shower your child with gifts and neglect them otherwise. In such cases the gifts you give your child really help you cope with your own guilt. They don't help the child deal with your neglect.

[SWFLSkins]

It's more like self-abuse.

[twa]

Not abuse,though it can harm the child

JMS is pretty close

[HogNose]

Child abuse? Maybe not, but it is setting the child up for an adulthood full of unrealistic expectations and entitlement. Life is tough enough and young adults need to enter the world as well rounded adults.

[Special K]

Um no. I'm going to go even further and say the author is an idiot for comparing excessive pampering, spoiling a child, to neglecting/abusing a child where their health and life is at risk.

Obviously excessively spoiling a child will set them up for unrealistic expectations in the real world, and it can certainly hinder their development. It may be crappy parenting, but it's not abuse.

[Jumbo]

Along with all the folks who so far have rightfully dismissed the "pampering = abuse" claim to varying degrees---as well as in identifying how too much "spoiling" can, however, stunt healthy development---the representation of Adler struck me immediately as nonsense.

I didn't believe it for a minute. Some adults (apparently including the OP in this case) should not be allowed to wander the internet anymore than small children should be able to wander around town unattended.

Those statements about it being serious abuse are the words of the blogger, extrapolating (making **** up) from material that Adler did likely write.

If one just reads the link, you'll see the paragraphs directly attributed to Adler, and then following it is the blogger adding his "expansions" of Adler's thoughts. The OP continues the fiction the blogger started (despite his disclaimer below) by the way he constructed his thread-starting post. :chair:

The blogger states this in his first paragraph:

It draws heavily on my personal interpretation of the great psychoanalyst Alfred Adler’s work, but it also includes terms, concepts and interpretations of my own, so don’t make the mistake of thinking that every single idea here was explicitly expounded by Adler, although all of it was definitely influenced by him. I only point this out so that no one claims I’m misrepresenting Adler’s views when they read certain sections.

Argh. I'm being worn down in my "stupid tolerance " between the stadium lately and some things in the 'gate.

I have two of the Adler books mentioned (and several by him not mentioned) but there aren't even any actual citations in that blog. Poor Alfred. He deserves better. He was a brilliant guy (and fellow Austrian ). He contributed a great deal to social /individual psychology and personality/learning theory. He had significant impact on the schools of existential/humanist theory (Frankl, May, Rollo), and many other important psychologists and groundbreaking clinical therapists like Harry Sullivan and Karen Horney and the great Albert Ellis (a wild and crazy guy even into his 90's). :cool:

[Madison Redskin]

There's a rather large divide between abuse and poor parenting. I would classify spoiling a child as falling under the latter category. Abuse is characterized by malevolent intent or gross neglect. I can't imagine that many parents who pamper or spoil their children intend to hurt their children or are grossly neglecting them.

[dockeryfan]

Spoiling and coddling your children? Yes it can be a problem in terms of their growth as adults. It can make them less intelligent, less imaginative, less physically strong...all those things are possible. But let's be real. Too much love is not abuse. It's just poor parenting. If you consider being a poor parent abuse, then yes it's abuse.

It's one of many things that can make someone a crappy role model and parent.

[HailGreen28]

Only one example I can think of:

[Madison Redskin]

^That's the best counterargument I've seen. However, IMO that's a form of gross neglect of the kid's health.

[TimmySmith]

Too much love is not abuse. It's just poor parenting. If you consider being a poor parent abuse, then yes it's abuse.

How do you link love to spoiling?

[Special K]

HailGreen28- The McDonalds example is not one of over-pampering a child. In my opinion, a case could legitimately be made for a parent's willful neglect of a child's health, as Madison Redskin said.