Lombardi's_kid_brother Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 All the talk of conspiracy theories got me to thinking about my Town Nuts. I'm sure that your town, suburb, or block had one. Odds are, if you lived in a very small or isolated town, your Town Nut was more prominent. But they are ubuquitous. My town of 3000 at 3 of them, but I only really knew one. His name was John. He graduated from high school with my mom and and an older cousin of mine. He and the cousin were "friends" in the sense that they grew up on the same street and went to school together. He was actually Preisdent of the National Honor Society in high school and had gone to college. At some point, in college, he had a break (most likely the onset of schizophrenia) and returned home to live with his mother...forever. He had a long beard and wore a snow suit all year round. He spent most of his days walking the streets with his large black dog - wearing his snow suit and a ski cap. Sometimes, my friends and I would find him at the park, shooting basketball. He actually had a pretty good jumper. About every two months, he would put together some "newsletter" with his views on politics and religion and stick them in everybody's mailbox. He also attended nearly every city council meeting and made a speech. His philosophy was kind of all over the map. Some Marxism. Some "Love your fellow man." Some beware of the Illuminati and Military Industrial Complex. Some calls for direct democracy. Every two years, he ran for mayor. About every three years or so, there would be an "incident" where his mother would call the police and he would spend the night in jail. I think he would reach a fervor and start threatening her. My cousin and his wife occasionally fed him, but I don't think he was "hungry." I assume he survived thanks to his mom's Social Security. If you have a house in small town West Virginia, you can generally get by on Social Security. I found out he died a few years ago. I felt weirdly obligated to send flowers. So, who was your Town Nut? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TD_washingtonredskins Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Your threads are awesome. I don't know any nuts (well, none that ascend to that level). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lombardi's_kid_brother Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 My town was eccentric. On my street was another dude who lived with his parents. He rarely left the house. Once a month, he write a letter to the local paper talking about his organization "The National Association of Men" and how American society was designed to emasculate men. He was not that colorful. Another neighbor had a sex change when he was 54. He was an ugly man. He was not a poem as a lady. When he was a man, he would cut the grass wearing a tie. As a lady, he did it in pearls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twa Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I live in a city of about 150k....we got multiples(including moi) Most popular was probably Walter who would be at any sporting event pretending to be a coach,haranguing fans,leading cheers and walking of with equipment.....harmless but annoying at times A couple of councilmen and a former mayors brother certainly qualify,but I'm not putting details in print since they are also lawyers :pfft: The surgeon that operated on his horse in the hospital was entertaining at times http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?uid=31038845933&topic=12511 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The 12th Commandment Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 My town is about a 100K (200K MSA) now but when I was a kid it was in the 60K's and felt much smaller. Riding my bike to the sporting goods store that sold shoes and jerseys and such, on a Solano Avenue, we would see Solano Joe every day almost. Older, mentally disabled but fairly high functioning guy, who just walked up and Solano all day every day. He would wave at everybody and he had a number of stops where business people would feed him or just let him hang out. Even as a kid it made me feel pretty good that he seemed happy and everyone was nice to him. My cynical adult self kinda doubts it was that rosy a picture but who knows. I haven't seen him around for 10 years or so and he would be in his 70's now I guess. Don't know what became of him, though I think I wish I did. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Prosperity Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I live in SF, it's the normals that look out of place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grhqofb5 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 What about Robin Ficker? He's sort of like a state nut. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homercles82 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 ***What follows is a true story*** Our town nut roams the stretch of Route 208 from Spotsylvania Courthouse to WaWa near route 1. He is typically dressed in sweats, and depending upone the weather, a sleeveles t-shirt or heavy coat. He tends to carry a bat around with him, but not for banging things, no, simply for using as a microphone stand. He will stand at intersections, belting out unintelligible songs while dancing around. His dancing can get out of control and he almost loses his balance, falling face first into oncoming 55MPH traffic. During the winter months he lurches around, constantly walking, constantly waving his bible, and always looking for lotto numbers. I have experienced a run in with him a time or two, but none match a morning in January 2010. It was cold. Very cold. Possibly around 10 degrees that morning. I had just left the Hardee's drive-thru with my breakfast in tow. There he was, stumbling throught he parking lot of Bloom, lottery tickets in hand, heavy coat on. I drove up to him, and offered him my coffee. At first he was worried he was depriving me of my coffe, but I ensured him I had a water to drink instead, and that he needed it more due to the cold. His face was hardened, from what I don't know. His skin was leathery, very taut. Grey beard. Grey hair. In the middle of this cold, cold morning all he could think to do was to offer me advice on lottery numbers. "What's yo birthday," he asked. "11/24/82." "11....24....82...82...24....11...11....82...24...24...82...11," he repeated in a rhythmic fashion. I was getting a little nervous at the time. I don't know why, but I was. Then came a reply from him, shot out with a furious, yet gentle force. "Yo numbas will be 12, 41, and, uhhh, 6." I gave thanks to him, and told him I needed to leave due to a meeting. He thanked me again for the coffee and the whole time repeating, "11...24...82." I thought about that all day, rolling the numbers off my tongue like one would their high school sweetheart. I stopped by the 7-11 on the way, just a quick stop, then I headed home. Later that night I happened to catch the lottery drawing. I awaited the little plastic balls of glory, or doom, to float up the chute. One by one they rolled up. I smiled then stood up. I don't play the ****ing lottery so I couldn't care less what was drawn. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Brave Little Toaster Oven Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I had a community college nut. His name was Leonard or something, but he went by Ricky for some reason...no idea why. Anyways, I had a couple classes with him and he always made it interesting. Ricky was older than us all and had probably been at the community college for 5 years - I think his parents taught there actually. He was a slightly chunky black guy with an Afro and drove an SUV which he told everyone about. My first experience with him came from my intro to Psychology class my freshman year. He would sit in the very front and ask the most random questions I think I had ever heard. I can't remember what they were, but if you heard them, you would facepalm because they had nothing to do with psychology or anything of relevance. The next semester, I had him in my math class - greatest math class of my life. Not only did I have Ricky providing me with daily laughs, there was a kid who would torment my Syrian professor with random questions - he actually got the professor to show us how to draw an infinity symbol ("dude, can you please show me how to make those perfect infinity symbols? I have spent the last 5 minutes trying to get mine to look like yours but I cant...please show me how you do it"). Ricky, on the other hand, would get to class super early and tell us all his plans of what DC would be like if he were POTUS - he drew on the board the WH and above it said 'Chocolate City'....he said all girls would have Afros and everyone would eat watermelons on the front lawn while listening to the Cheetah Girls. I kid you not. I literally had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. He was dead serious. He had a major fondness for the Cheetah Girls....he told us of his plan to trap them in his basement and chain them to the walls for his sexual exploits. But, if I made a comment about them, he would get super pissed and tell me not to talk about them in that way. I told him I was friends with one of the girls on Myspace and could get him an autograph....he shat a brick with excitement. One day he sneezed in class and the professor, who was on chemo, told him to move, he had no idea what was being asked of him...so I told him he could kill the teacher if the teacher got his cold...so he literally picked up his desk, shoved it into the very corner of the room and sat at an angle that prevented him from seeing the blackboard. I would look over and see him stretching his neck to see around the projector he pushed his desk beside. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lombardi's_kid_brother Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 I live in SF, it's the normals that look out of place San Francisco is where town nuts with cars move to..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimmySmith Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I don't know if you could call this guy the town nut but there is a guy around the Silver Spring, Wheaton, Aspen Hill, Kensington area who can often be seen walking. He must walk 30 miles a day. He is a white guy who used to have one huge dread, a single dreadlock that was about 2 feet long and about as big around as the business end of a baseball bat. Everybody in the area knew of him. He has since cut the dread and I haven't seen him in a while. I wonder what his story was/is. Oh and there was a guy on my old street who was abducted by aliens and they converted him to one of them (which apparently he was not happy about). He wrote his manifesto on big pieces of cardboard and put them in all the windows of his house and car. I'll have to ride by there and get a picture of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RVAbrendan Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I wouldn't necessarily call this guy a nut, but this is quite eccentric for the fan district in richmond... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Homercles82 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 about 2 feet long and about as big around as the business end of a baseball bat. QUOTE] Great story. This part cracked me up beyond all belief. Just imagining it makes me laugh hard. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan T. Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 My town is about a 100K (200K MSA) now but when I was a kid it was in the 60K's and felt much smaller. Riding my bike to the sporting goods store that sold shoes and jerseys and such, on a Solano Avenue, we would see Solano Joe every day almost. Older, mentally disabled but fairly high functioning guy, who just walked up and Solano all day every day. He would wave at everybody and he had a number of stops where business people would feed him or just let him hang out. Even as a kid it made me feel pretty good that he seemed happy and everyone was nice to him. My cynical adult self kinda doubts it was that rosy a picture but who knows. I haven't seen him around for 10 years or so and he would be in his 70's now I guess. Don't know what became of him, though I think I wish I did. Kinda similar... people who grew up near Fairfax may remember the old black dude who used to hang out along Pickett Road across from the Fairfax Little League ballfields. He had a portable chair he would sometimes sit on, and he would smile and wave at the cars going by. He was a fixture there for many years. Everyone knew to toot and wave as you drove past. When games were being played at the ballfields, he would take it upon himself to direct traffic. Fairfax Little League even bought him an orange vest that he would wear. Like Solano Joe, he always seemed cheerful. But he didn't seem mentally disabled, just old. There's a fenced in County property across Pickett from the ballfields, some said he lived in a trailer within that property. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Bay Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 "The National Association of Men" Sounds like NO MA'AM. My hometown had a few 'drunks' which was quite sad to see. Not only for the fact that they were in that situation, but also the fact that for such a small town (about 1800 people) the number seemed quite high. Probably about half a dozen guys that roamed around town in varioius states of dissaray. No matter the time of day they were always outside this one store that seemed to supply them or randomly about town. Harmless for the most part. One guy shadow boxed a lot. Another one of them said he lived on the 'corner that everybody wants' which is still a riddle I've yet to decipher. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
China Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Marion Barry. The ***** set me up! We were the first class to have our graduation ceremony at the DC convention center. Not the current one, the previous one. Since it was brand new, and his baby, he came out for that and spoke at our graduation. This was way back in 1983 (Woodrow Wilson HS). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsburySkinsFan Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 In a town not far from me there is a guy about my age maybe a couple years either way, heavier set African American fella who rides his lawn mower all over town with random signs all over it, sometimes they are political signs other times they're handy-man signs. I think the thing I like most about him is that he smiles and laughs all the time, and if you wave to him he giggles like a kid on Christmas morning. He's pretty much a town icon and everyone knows him or has a story about him, but I just love to see his smile, even right now thinking about it I find myself smiling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcsluggo Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 Marion Barry.The ***** set me up! We were the first class to have our graduation ceremony at the DC convention center. Not the current one, the previous one. Since it was brand new, and his baby, he came out for that and spoke at our graduation. This was way back in 1983 (Woodrow Wilson HS). i am this very second enjoying watching the multitudes of "Steamshovels" (or whateverthefrickyoucallthem now that they are not "steam") ripping apart the grounds of the old convention center, as they prepare to put in the new buildings that are going up there. that building was very emblematic of Marion Barry and his administration,. a veritable statue to the man and his influence over the city... which is to say it was a steaming piece of crap eyesore that was obsolete and starting to fall down before it was even finished due to its many layers of graft and general incompetence. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweedr01 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 My town was eccentric. On my street was another dude who lived with his parents. He rarely left the house. Once a month' date=' he write a letter to the local paper talking about his organization "The National Association of Men" and how American society was designed to emasculate men. He was not that colorful.Another neighbor had a sex change when he was 54. He was an ugly man. He was not a poem as a lady. When he was a man, he would cut the grass wearing a tie. As a lady, he did it in pearls.[/quote'] this explains ALOT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimmySmith Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 In a town not far from me there is a guy about my age maybe a couple years either way, heavier set African American fella who rides his lawn mower all over town with random signs all over it, sometimes they are political signs other times they're handy-man signs. I think the thing I like most about him is that he smiles and laughs all the time, and if you wave to him he giggles like a kid on Christmas morning. He's pretty much a town icon and everyone knows him or has a story about him, but I just love to see his smile, even right now thinking about it I find myself smiling.You would smile too if you made 100 million and only played 6 games year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lombardi's_kid_brother Posted May 5, 2011 Author Share Posted May 5, 2011 this explains ALOT This 80-year-old on the block asked him if he stood up or sat down to pee. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsburySkinsFan Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 You would smile too if you made 100 million and only played 6 games year. Well played sir. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweedr01 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 I work in Rosslyn and there are two guys who sit in front of the starbucks on North Lynn. One looks like Kimbo Slice (with a much bigger beard), has a Sesame Street boombox that he sings along to (incoherently), and points at you as you walk by, Newport cigarette in hand. His friend looks like the fat cop off of Fast and the Furious 2, he's also in Sons of Anarchy, but anyways, he is always asleep at the tables in front of starbucks...here is his picture: [ATTACH]45351[/ATTACH] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tweedr01 Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 This 80-year-old on the block asked him if he stood up or sat down to pee. all that does is remind me of when i was in hs working at starbucks in Fair Oaks Mall, we had a shim that worked there who was about 75 y/o. while ringing up a customer (one who obviously was looking to get a rise out of the shim) this customer decides to ask the obvious, pink elephant in the room question that no one else wanted to....so what are you? ugh....he was obviously a man in a wig, but had his name legally changed....we find that out after a few hours of mall security help... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forehead Posted May 5, 2011 Share Posted May 5, 2011 None in the general vicinity of where I live, but where I work is a little different. I work in the Chinatown area of D.C., and in that general area...let's say G and H streets, crossed with 9th and 10th...there is the African American guy who jogs a lot. Big headphones. The thing is, he sometimes jogs down the middle of the streets, along the double yellow lines, or if they're one way, then down the middle where the lines would be, while cars zoom around him. Other times, he's on the sidewalks, but I've never figured out why he chooses one or the other. He also randomly screams "HEY" at the top of his lungs while jogging, and I have no idea why he does this either. If he's stuck at a light, he dances in place. I can't believe he hasn't been arrested for running in the street, or plowed into by a car, but he is wildly entertaining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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