Date rape, Sexual assault....does it really happen that much

[NewCliche21]

I awareness of date rape has increased significantly over the past decade or so. I think it has to have opened the eyes of girls as to possible dangers, and guys as to what they're not supposed to be doing. The latter seems like a CPT Obvious point, but it must not be. The whole "no means no" campaign and such.

It seems to me that rape and molestation are both crimes that are extremely devastating to the victims, are difficult to prosecute, and can be very difficult to prevent. As a result, heightened awareness is really the only way to effectively respond.

As to how often it actually occurs, who knows.

As someone in the field, the unfortunate truth is that sex crimes have not dropped off. Increased reporting, however, is exactly what we want. Because of the dearth of actual reports, it's actually an indicator of rape education success if we have more women stepping forward. Higher report rates don't mean that we're getting worse, it means that we're being more educated.

Congress is currently working on the Rape Education and Prevention Grant Act of 2007. This gives $80 million to colleges around the country to create programs to educate and support those who have survived these horrific crimes. Please write to, e-mail, or call your congressperson and push them to support it!

[Dictator]

Still waiting on you.

Second, he didn't try to just grope a woman, he committed sexual assault and repeatedly tried to get her to have sex with him. ANYTHING but "yes" means "no" and I certainly hope that everyone on this board knows that.

You equated sexual assault in the other thread with Rape.

[Chachie]

I hope that I'm reading this incorrectly, but it sounds like you're saying that date rape and sexual assault only happen when you're told no.

I'd recommend clarifying.

I'd recommend relaxing.

[NewCliche21]

You equated sexual assault in the other thread with Rape.

Have fun twisting everything that you want.

If you'd bothered to read, then you'd see that I said that the two terms are commonly interchanged. And, later, you'd read that USC even does that. Thanks for playing, have fun eating crow:

http://www.extremeskins.com/showpost.php?p=6337805&postcount=178

[NewCliche21]

I'd recommend relaxing.

Not the best thing to joke about.

[ljs]

I'd recommend relaxing.

You may not realize it, but there's no joking about sexual assault.

[Slacky McSlackAss]

I'd recommend relaxing.

Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree with ljs and NewCliche. This really isn't a joking matter at all.

[TheGoodBits]

I'm sure it's fairly common. The only experience I have had with date rape, however, was a bull**** story. My best friend from high school hooked up with this girl at a party. They were both incredibly drunk. He still remembered to get a condom, but it broke. When they figured out what happened the next day, he did all the right things, including taking her to get Plan B.

At some point in the next week after that, however, she decided that he had taken advantage of her when she was drunk. I don't know what the **** this girl's problem was, but she told people that he had raped her. She even told his little sister that he had raped her. I think for awhile she was considering going to the cops. It was ridiculous.

[mjah]

Easy. Double blind studies.

You survey 1000 women anonymously and ask them. They will admit it if they know it will not be associated with them.

They also typically go a step further and remove the stigma term "rape" from the studies.

On a good survey the question will read more like' date=' "Have you ever been forced to have sex even though you didn't want to?"

Many survivors will answer "yes" to that question, but won't identify their experience as rape by name. Yet that question is the very definition of rape: sexual intercourse without consent and by force.

I was a rape/sexual assault peer educator and advocate for several years. I was [u']floored[/u] by the number of people, primarily women, who told me about their rape or sexual assault experiences because they knew I was a "safe" person to talk to. Sadly, rape really is a mostly-invisible problem.

[Mooka]

No idea. Most women/girls in my experience have said that every single girl goes through something sketchy in their lifetime in the area, starting from a young age.

On the other side, my friend is torn because his sister is accusing someone who we feel is completely innocent. She has a big drinking problem and was retarded drunk the night it happened.

I won't go into details in an ongoing case, but we all feel sympathy for the guy and have absolutely none for the girl. At the worst, something happened when she was very drunk and this guy may face a criminal charge for it. My friend is pissed at his sister.

[Chachie]

Yeah, I'm gonna have to agree with ljs and NewCliche. This really isn't a joking matter at all.

Okay my bad.

[NewCliche21]

I'm sure it's fairly common. The only experience I have had with date rape, however, was a bull**** story. My best friend from high school hooked up with this girl at a party. They were both incredibly drunk. He still remembered to get a condom, but it broke. When they figured out what happened the next day, he did all the right things, including taking her to get Plan B.

At some point in the next week after that, however, she decided that he had taken advantage of her when she was drunk. I don't know what the **** this girl's problem was, but she told people that he had raped her. She even told his little sister that he had raped her. I think for awhile she was considering going to the cops. It was ridiculous.

And you know that it wasn't actually rape because . . . ? I know that he's your best friend, but you weren't there, and people DO take advantage of people when they are drunk. Many, many women don't even realize that what they went through was rape.

I'm not accusing your best friend of ANYTHING, but just don't rule it out, okay?

[TheGoodBits]

And you know that it wasn't actually rape because . . . ? I know that he's your best friend, but you weren't there, and people DO take advantage of people when they are drunk. Many, many women don't even realize that what they went through was rape.

I'm not accusing your best friend of ANYTHING, but just don't rule it out, okay?

Because... I was filming it. jk

No it was very much consensual. They were BOTH drunk. If she did something that she regretted the next day, that's her problem and she should learn to handle her alcohol. It doesn't make it rape.

[btfoom]

This is a really dicey issue for me. I have a 15 year old son and 13 and 4 year old daughters. I don't want my son to be accused of something he didn't do, nor do I want my daughters to be sexually assualted.

One of the problems I have with the current statistics is that the definition of sexual assualt in many times can be something so innocus as 'limited or brief touching of ....' or 'any unwanted verbal or physical sexual assertions ...'.

While I believe that many 'rapes' go unreported, there is a book written that showed that up to 41% of rapes are false accusations:

Kanin, E.J., (1994) "False Rape Accusations", Archives of Sexual Behavior, V23, P81-92.

Unfortunately, this is a social area where there are many blurred lines and there is no easy answer.

[brianforster]

Only when I'm told "No."

I grinned, those other guys are pretty uptight..

Also, I absolutely HATE the bull**** double standard when it comes to drunken hook ups. If you are drunk and I am drunk then we are both probably making a mistake, its not rape, or even "taking advantage". (On that note, nobody seems to care that girls "take advantage" of guys wallets at bars all the time) :doh: I think its incredibly sexist to think that when a woman is drunk she should not be liable for her actions but when a man is drunk it is no excuse.

On that note, there are some creepy ass dudes out there, sucks to be a girl. If I wake up in a strangers bed not knowing how I got there, I'm callin all my friends to brag about it. If a girl wakes up in a strangers bed not knowing how she got there, shes prolly gonna have a terrible day..

[Koolblue13]

I was taken advantage of the other night, but I didn't mind.

[ldysknzfn1]

I think it happens more than most think. I believe it's under reported b/c of misplaced guilt on the victims' part and the way sexual assault cases are handled within the court rooms. The victim is usually "sliced & diced" by the defense attorneys. Society will usually take the view of, "if he/she didn't want something to happen, he/she shouldn't have put themselves in that situation to begin with".

I also believe that sexual assault, for the most part, isn't about the sex but it's about controlling the victims.

[renaissance]

I think it happens more than most think. I believe it's under reported b/c of misplaced guilt on the victims' part and the way sexual assault cases are handled within the court rooms. The victim is usually "sliced & diced" by the defense attorneys. Society will usually take the view of, "if he/she didn't want something to happen, he/she shouldn't have put themselves in that situation to begin with".

I think there's also the factor of if you are raped and you don't report it right away there is no way to really get evidence...then, as you said, if the case does even move forward, the victim's whole life and sexual history comes under scrutiny. I'm sorry but if you're a female you don't generally want to sit in a courtroom and have your whole sexual past scrutinized in front of a bunch of strangers and probably some friends and family as well.

I also believe that sexual assault, for the most part, isn't about the sex but it's about controlling the victims.

This is true.

[twa]

Because... I was filming it. jk

No it was very much consensual. They were BOTH drunk. If she did something that she regretted the next day, that's her problem and she should learn to handle her alcohol. It doesn't make it rape.

In the eyes of the law it easily can

Just some free advice

[gbear]

In addition to everything mentioned above, a lot of people also don't want family and friends picturing them in these situations. A lot of us value the way our friends and family look at us or perhaps even more importantly how we think they look at us. If you think your life is in the crapper because some terd assaulted you, about the last thing you want to see is your friends and family's image of you change. You don't want to give that assault that power.

Sadly, not getting the details doesn't spare the family and close friends who know something is wrong. Sparing the details seems to hurt everyone at least as much. It's harder to fight what the mind imagines...at least that's been my experience. I remember telling an ex that I would rather run through life holding hands looking forward with somebody than spend my life back to back fighting off demons but knowing somebody always had my back. It's hard to move forward when you're back to back.

[TheGoodBits]

In the eyes of the law it easily can

Just some free advice

I'm not sure about that. Anyway it's pure hypocrisy. Imagine if a guy and a girl both got drunk and had sex, and the day the guy claimed that he had been taken advantage of. Rape charges for the girl? Nope. Guy getting laughed out of the police station? Yep.

[twa]

I'm not sure about that. Anyway it's pure hypocrisy. Imagine if a guy and a girl both got drunk and had sex, and the day the guy claimed that he had been taken advantage of. Rape charges for the girl? Nope. Guy getting laughed out of the police station? Yep.

Don't be that guy;)

Life is not equal, nor the application of law

[TheGoodBits]

Don't be that guy;)

Life is not equal, nor the application of law

True that.

Serious question though, would that girl have actually had a case? There were plenty of people at that party that saw her all over him that night. And like I said, they were both drunk, so even if she didn't like later on what she had done, at the time it was still consensual. I just think a defense attorney would have torn her to shreds.

[LaxBuddy21]

Because... I was filming it. jk

No it was very much consensual. They were BOTH drunk. If she did something that she regretted the next day, that's her problem and she should learn to handle her alcohol. It doesn't make it rape.

I have personal experience along these lines. I was seeing a girl for a couple weeks in college and I really liked her. She had been trying to get me to sleep with her for a while but I didnt want to mess things up because I liked her. Well one night, she got in trouble for drinking in her dorm room and I went down to make sure she was ok etc... She wanted me to spend the night but I told her I had some homework to do first then I would come down. I came down 4 hours later. Again she tries to get me to sleep with her and at this point I finally gave in. She calls me the next day and asks me what happened last night and I get royally ripped up one side and down the other by her friend for taking advantage of her while she was drunk!?!? One, I thought after 4 hours, she would not be drunk any more since she was not really that drunk to begin with and two she had been trying to get me to sleep with her for a couple weeks. What was I supposed to do? Do I need to give a girl a breathalizer and get a signed contract before I sleep with her?

Second experience being accused of taking advantage of someone was with this girl who had just broken up with her bf. She spent the night in my room for a couple days straight and we finally slept together two nights in a row. Once she starts trying to get back together with her bf, she decides that I forced myself on her because she doesnt want her bf to think she slept with anyone else under her own will. Then it becomes my word against hers. She threatened to go to the police until I casually reminded her that we caught my roommate watching us :jerk: across the room when we thought he was asleep. He saw her sitting on top of me not the other way around. Please explain how you rape someone when she climbs on top of you and has you pinned to the bed? Lets just say at that point she dropped everything and I never heard from her again.

Normally I am the type of person who doesnt care what people say about him but when someone starts spreading that I take advantage of girls or am a rapist, I REALLY take offense to that. I am the guy that doesnt sleep with anyone drunk that would not sleep with me sober. Im the kind of guy that asks the girl 50 times if she is sure before we actually do anything. Im the kind of guy that has been in a couple of fights stopping other guys from taking advantage of girls. I take that kind of thing very seriously and do not tolerate it at all so to be accused of doing it myself really gets me upset! Thank God I am married now and dont have to deal with that kind of stuff any more. That kind of stuff really takes away from other girls who really have something serious occur. I try to believe when someone tells me something like that happened but in the back of my head I remember what happened to me and its hard to believe sometimes.

[TheGoodBits]

^^^ damn dude, that's exactly what I'm talking about... I think rape stats are actually probably pretty good, because for every rape that goes unreported, there is probably a false accusation.

and lmao at your roommate watching you