Date rape, Sexual assault....does it really happen that much

[Zguy28]

I was raped in the tenth grade...I wasn't drunk, I didn't put myself in a stupid situation...it just happened. Telling my parents was one of the hardest things I have ever done. My parents cried, my sister cried, and my brother cried. And I really thought my brother and dad were going to hunt down the guy and kill him. A lot of girls don't report it because they don't want to put their family through that. It's one of the most emotionally difficult things for a family to go through.

It's obviously not a girls fault if she gets raped - no man (or woman) should ever take advantage of anyone if they say no - regardless if she's had a couple drinks and stumbles into a guys room - yes it's dumb on her part but that doesn't mean it's okay if she says no. But then it gets complicated when she's so drunk that she actually says yes, but if she was sober she wouldn't have. Is that rape? Maybe. Maybe she shouldn't drink so much. Maybe she should hang out with nicer guys. Maybe the guy should have respected her more and not been an *******. Maybe maybe maybe.

That being said, I realllly can't stand it when girls regret hooking up with some one so they say they were raped. That's one of the most disgusting things a person could do. And it complicates things because drunk girls who really do get raped are afraid that if they say they were raped - people will just tell them they were drunk and they just regret it or that they actually wanted it...it happens. Drinking really complicates the entire thing.

People are disgusting. Rape happens a lot more than it's reported. I went to support groups and such and a lot of the girls had so many sad stories about friends who never reported it - it's one of those things that will make you feel ashamed and embarrassed even though you shouldn't. But a lot of girls do.

/end of most serious thing I've probably ever posted on here...and I really don't want to go into more detail about what happened to me, I just wanted to offer my 2 cents.

This post is worth more a whole lot more than 2 cents. Thank you for giving a personal testimony about such a difficult event.

[Zguy28]

Double post...ooops.

[gbear]

Bravo skinsgirl. Talking about it is one of those things I wish more people could do so victems (primary and secondary)wouldn't have to feel so alone.

[brianforster]

But then it gets complicated when she's so drunk that she actually says yes, but if she was sober she wouldn't have. Is that rape? Maybe. Maybe she shouldn't drink so much. Maybe she should hang out with nicer guys. Maybe the guy should have respected her more and not been an *******. Maybe maybe maybe.

I have denied a few late night advances by girls with glossed over eyes, but I do not think it would make me less "nice" or an "*******" if I took them up on their offer. I think this is a ridiculous sentiment, but other than that my condolences for what you and your family had to go through.

[Zguy28]

But what if I was asking for it by dressing slutty?

edit: The only thing I have actually laughed at in this thread is how personal people can take things posted on an internet message board. Like I said and will continue to say, nobody is condoning sexual assault.

Oh yeah, just so I can possibly offend someone else who likes to take themselves too seriously, remember folks, arguing on the internet is like the Special Olympics, even if you win you're still retarded.

I think you've managed to surpass douchebaggery now.

[LaxBuddy21]

Thanks for sharing your experience skinsgirl and I am really sorry you had to experience that. I have heard more stories than I care to recount of situations like that. My wife went through something similar. I dont know what I would do if it happened to her when I was with her. I would probably lose my mind and end up in jail.

[mjah]

While I believe that many 'rapes' go unreported, there is a book written that showed that up to 41% of rapes are false accusations:

Kanin, E.J., (1994) "False Rape Accusations", Archives of Sexual Behavior, V23, P81-92.

Don't take Kanin's research at face value. His conclusions are unverifiable (by virtue of using secret data) and wildly at odds with many other more verifiable studies that put the actual false accusation rate at 2-8%.

Witness:

Portland, OR Police: 2% of rape reports are false

San Diego, CA Police: 4% of rape reports are false

MAD Project Survey: 7% of rape reports are false

Toronto Police: 6% of rape reports are false

Then... Kanin: 41% of rape reports are false. Ooooookay.

When it comes to "false accusation," the term we really should be talking about is "unfounded accusations," meaning straight-up false accusations plus situations in which a woman believes she was raped, but the facts of the case don't support the legal definition of rape. In other words, the sum total of situations in which a guy could find himself undeservedly accused of rape in a police report.

The FBI has studied precisely this "unfounded accusation" statistic and found that roughly 5% of all reported rapes are unfounded. Since the "unfounded" statistic is actually more inclusive than the "false accusation" statistic, this is yet another data point indicating that Kanin's study is a ridiculously divergent outlier vs. other past and contemporary studies in the United States.

Here's a good summary study on the issue, with references to most of the studies I mention above:

American Prosecution Research Institute study writeup

[19Skins72]

What I can say is this, rape is one of the hardest crimes to prove and just because charges aren't filed, or the guy is found innocent, doesn't mean that it never happened. But, the same can be said for the opposite. I just believe that it does happen to more women/girls than you think...it also happens to more men than you think.

Excellent point(s.)

Based purely on personal experience, I'd like to add that many possible victims live with doubt as to what actually happened during said event.

For example, I was at a party held at a female (ex) friends house, I got far too drunk, asked permission to sleep on said (ex) friend's couch, and passed out...only to wake up on the same couch many hours later with her on top.

She seemed sober (I was still far from sober so my recollections are admittedly in doubt) and enjoying herself.

I was not a happy camper, I left immediately, and that was the last time I ever saw her.

Was I date raped? I want to say "no" because I'm a man, and my pride really can't handle that, but on the flip side, what the hell happened to me? Did she have intent? Was she just as drunk? Could I have been culpable somehow?

I'll never know. I'll never report it. I have to think that many women have similar stories/decisions.

[NavyDave]

But what if I was asking for it by dressing slutty?

Only immature mentally challenged types believe that nonsense, until it happens in their family.

edit: The only thing I have actually laughed at in this thread is how personal people can take things posted on an internet message board. Like I said and will continue to say, nobody is condoning sexual assault.

Oh yeah, just so I can possibly offend someone else who likes to take themselves too seriously, remember folks, arguing on the internet is like the Special Olympics, even if you win you're still retarded. So you are a multiple winner, congrats

[brianforster]

Dave, you have to add [/ quote ] (without spaces) after the first quote and start a new quote with [ quote = brianforster ] and then end it again with [/ quote] if you want your post to read like you are responding to individual portions of my post.

That being said.. I think your sarcasm detector is broken.

This board continually surprises me with how serious everyone takes it... must I repeat again that I do not condone sexual assault?

I can't even stand when I see guys at parties walking around asking girls if they want shots. I openly mock any of my friends who target the drunkest girl at the party, and if I ever saw one of them taking advantage of a girl I'd probably punch their face in.

I just find some things ridiculous, blasting a guy for a quick one liner on a subject that probably 100% of this board agrees on (sexual assault of any kind = unacceptable). So I called out those who called him out and here we are.

edit: Actually I do remember one time that a friend of a friend had too much to drink and passed out in my bed. Some dude at my party got into my bed with her and I threw him out. He was a loser without a car so his mom had to drive 50 minutes to come pick him up because he had nowhere to sleep.

edit 2: removed personal attack.

[TK]

This board continually surprises me with how serious everyone takes it...

In short, kiss my ass you uptight prudes.. Its a god damn forum. Why should anything I say get under your skin? Its some pixels on a monitor.

Then you can leave here, or you can be tossed out on your keister. Up to you. This is more then a forum. By your saying otherwise shows just how clueless you truly are. ES is a community where people here can have a serious discussion on a serious subject without needing some twit to come in playing the role of a low rent clown.

In short, this just may not be the place for you. And we're ok with that.

[brianforster]

Then you can leave here, or you can be tossed out on your keister. Up to you. This is more then a forum. By your saying otherwise shows just how clueless you truly are. ES is a community where people here can have a serious discussion on a serious subject without needing some twit to come in playing the role of a low rent clown.

In short, this just may not be the place for you. And we're ok with that.

I love this forum thats why I post on it, there are a wide range of topics that have a wide range of views. I stand by my posts in this thread, though I apologize for the last line of the last post in which I didn't follow my own advice and got personal.

I still think people should lighten up, maybe we need a sarcasm tag?

edit: I do like how the bold part of your post is in direct violation of Rule #5. Last I checked "twit" was an insult and lets not forget this

Personal attacks or threats will not be tolerated. Go after the idea, not the poster.

[ljs]

I

I still think people should lighten up, maybe we need a sarcasm tag?

you continue to act like one of the most dense people I've ever met. One of the most insensative people as well.

Lighten up? WTF are you talking about? As a woman and someone who experienced a forceful, violent situation- and I'm not the only female poster on here who has come forward with that, THERE IS NO ****ING JOKES ABOUT RAPE. NONE.

How about this, you go find a black guy on the street corner, use the N word in a joke and see how much he laughs. (referencing your earlier post on racist jokes are comedy). He will laugh as much as I'm laughing now. I sure feel sorry for any woman ever in your life. Hopefully you can grow up and realize what an insensative douche you are acting like. If I was your mom, I would be so ashamed.

[Jumbo]

a sarcasm tag?

edit: I do like how the bold part of your post is in direct violation of Rule #5. Last I checked "twit" was an insult and lets not forget this

FYI, we do have a "sarcasm" smiley.

Though it's no gaurantee of a free pass.

Now you'll get your second break of the day from a second moderator:

In your last phrase you violate rule 18, which calls for an immediate temp ban (or whatever the moderator feels appropriate, as always). But I don't intend to enforce that here.

You also show you don't get rule #5, but that's not unusual---many struggle with that one. In this case, understand that if you post in a fashion that an average reasonable person may find "twitty" as you did, than they can hold you accountable for it by using the word as long as the usage fits the context.

Some people know how to do the give and take here (and the staff tend to be at the top of that particular skill set) and keep it within the lines, some don't. Some just err at times.

Same with matters regarding the rules on "trolling" or "vulgarity" content, for instance.

So if you're not on the staff, and you don't feel real confident that you have all this stuff down pat, and you care about your posting prvivleges, than I suggest erring on the side of caution.

[TK]

edit: I do like how the bold part of your post is in direct violation of Rule #5. Last I checked "twit" was an insult and lets not forget this

I've a simple YES or NO question for you.

Are you suggesting you know the Rules better then those here that wrote & enforce them?

[brianforster]

FYI, we do have a "sarcasm" smiley.

Though it's no gaurantee of a free pass.

Now you'll get your second break of the day from a second moderator:

In your last phrase you violate rule 18, which calls for an immediate temp ban (or whatever the moderator feels appropriate, as always). But I don't intend to enforce that here.

You also show you don't get rule #5, but that's not unusual---many struggle with that one. In this case, understand that if you post in a fashion that an average reasonable person may find "twitty" as you did, than they can hold you accountable for it by using the word as long as the usage fits the context.

Some people know how to do the give and take here (and the staff tend to be at the top of that particular skill set) and keep it within the lines, some don't. Some just err at times.

Same with matters regarding the rules on "trolling" or "vulgarity" content, for instance.

So if you're not on the staff, and you don't feel real confident that you have all this stuff down pat, and you care about your posting prvivleges, than I suggest erring on the side of caution.

Who reads all the way down to rule #18? I admit I read it after I made that post and figured that would get brought up so you got me there.

And as far as the "reasonable" thing goes, good to know, I know I am going to be in the minority for a lot of my ideas so I will remember that its not objective but subjective.

[renaissance]

just keep digging the hole

[brianforster]

just keep digging the hole

What are you talking about? I didn't argue with anything they said and admitted I was wrong. :doh:

[renaissance]

What are you talking about? I didn't argue with anything they said and admitted I was wrong. :doh:

sorry I really wanted to use that pic. but don't quote it!!