Wife is making life very difficult over one Redskins game a year

[DeanCollins]

dude you married the wrong one.

[TheKurp]

I just can't get my head wrapped around this.

I will tell you this. If I was married I wouldn't be having this or any similar problems with my wife.

Perspective, priorities, and wisdom has a way of squashing problems before they even become problems.

Love yourself. Love your wife. Love your son. Stop focusing on the symptoms of your problems and deal with the root of your problems.

[Sarge]

Obviously you don't have her properly trained yet

[buenosdiaz]

Obviously you don't have her properly trained yet

:laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

[Darth Tater]

By this book and leave it lying around the house. Perhaps, she'll see the error of her ways.

http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Guide-Civilized-Divorce-Little/dp/1579547990

The problem is that she's probably already planned for a divorce scenario (maybe even as early as before the wedding). If she hasn't, she WILL once she sees this book.

[chipwhich]

If you are in debt. Don't go. Pay your bills and stop buying her stuff.

Debt will kill any relationship.

[TMK9973]

When I lived in Texas wife and i had the same argument. In fact - She went as far as doing a act that ALMOST ended us (She asked my 3 year old son not to go..... She did apologize the next day and agreed on how wrong that was).

You need to do 2 things

1) Let her know that this is important to you. It's how you releive the stress. It keeps you sane. And that you are not asking. (Before all the women yell at me. I'm SURE there are things that are important to her and she doesn't negoitate on. That is fair. Not EVERYTHING each person does is a negoitation just because you are married).

2) Budget - And decide how much money each gets per month to spend on whatever - No questions asked. REALLY helped us. (Wife is a stay at home mom). In fact -We even went one step further and she got her own account.

She still uses the joint account for any spending that is joint that she has no control on. But we budgeted out money for groceries, kid clothes and activities, and then bumped it up by $500 a month. That amount of money gets deposited into her account every month. She pays for Groceries and kids. Anything left, she uses for whatever she wants. No questions asked.

I, in turn, get about $350 a month extra, that is not budgeted, that I get to use for whatever (Mine is less because her's include kid things). We don't always agree on what the other person is using their money for - But it doesn't matter. That's their money....

[diesel22]

OK, since my wife is claiming agreement from all her friends over this, I need to bring this up to the ES crowd.

I live in CT. I am a lifelong Skins fan. I LOVE the Redskins. I bleed burgundy and gold. My dad's a Skins fan, I'm a Skins fan and my little boy is a Skins fan. I have been to several games over the years, and while I've ALWAYS cheered for them, I really got the bug to start going back to games in person in 2005 when they started winning again. I went to one game a year (away) in 2005 and one home game a year each in 2006 and 2007. Both times I overpaid because I didn't know the ticket secrets I know now and I treated a couple friends. I also spent more money than I needed to on other things -- a trip to Memphis last year for the 30th anniversary of Elvis's death (I'm a big fan of the King), tickets to two of the tribute concerts and this was on my wife's birthday. I had her complete blessing, even though she'd promised me a LONG time in advance that we could go for the 30th.

Anyway, we went in some debt, but have since paid a significant portion back, lowered our interest rates and are getting by. I work long hours, commute four hours round-trip a day, am a sole provider (my wife works once a week, other than that, her job is our son) and my life, while blessed, is stressful, predictable and at times, contentious.

This year, I offered to make numerous concessions. They include carpooling to Maryland, buying a single ticket at a rockbottom price to a non-divisional game like the Rams, Browns or Cards (unless I can get a pair for even less), tailgating instead of buying stadium food, etc. What's more, I SPOILED the hell out of her this last year. Concert tickets, a diamond right-hand ring, nice dinners, clothing gift certificates, etc. I also told her to consolidate my anniversary and my father's day gift into one -- there's MY sacrifice. But when it comes to the budget (I am the bill-payer in the house), I do sometimes question her purchases because I feel like I need to keep her aware of our money situation. I am also due a raise and a commission check next month.

She says that because I give her so much crap about money (even though I usually give in) and have done so much in previous years, I should have no right to go to the Skins game this year. To me, that's ludicrous. I need the diversion and distraction, the fun, it's one game and she has no IDEA what it's like to be as passionate as I am about the Skins. This has led to many fights and she can get REALLY nasty. She says a good "compromise" is for me to go to the Red Sky Bar in NYC to watch the games with other Skins fans. Ummm.. sorry, while that's nice, that's not a game.

How the hell do I get her to see reason and lay off about the game??!! Make no mistake, I am going whether she likes it or not, but I'd like her to just BACK OFF and let me be a little and understand that I love the Redskins and NEED a BIT of an in-person fix!

Look forward to hearing your sincere and off-the-wall responses.

Gained a lot of respect for you when I read the highlighted line in your quote. That sounds a little like......well......me

Now -- you have made the decision to hitch your wagon to one woman - unfortunately that means you get to deal with all of her shortcomings. This appears to be a big one. It seems to me that you have gone above and beyond (GOD KNOWS it's more than I ever would have done!!) to butter her up. If that doesn't work, as it obviously hasn't, you have no option other than to be the man of the house and put your foot down. Tell her you are making every effort to cut costs on a trip that is so very important to you. If she is still pissed, tell her to have a nice cup of shut the f-up and leave you alone. Be brave -- eventually she'll deal with it or you'll just have to shoot her and get a new one.

Side Note: Every day I live I am presented with a new and unique reason why I will never marry. :2cents:

[Darth Tater]

I can afford it. We hit a snag these past couple months with bathroom renovations and vehicle property taxes (almost a grand a year for two cars!), but overall, things are better. I am going.

Thanks Honorary Hog for your prayers and you are in mine.

Are you prepared for the divorce, then?

She's probably doing one of two things, brandymac's suggestion or she's trying to get you to provide her an excuse for a divorce. Her refusal to leave her 'family responsibilities' either suggests that she want to prove that she's better than you (she may even see your suggestion that she take a break as an insult) or has a type of workaholism that won't allow her to take a break even when stress destroys her (this could come from an inferiority complex or some sort of paranioa). She could see that your going to Redskins games as form of (temporary) abandonment of you familial responsibilities.

[Blondie]

I would just LOVE to hear HER side of this situation.

[Walking Deadman]

Y'know I consider myself lucky.

My wife has no problem with my season tickets.....she actually bought the tickets to my first Redskins game (vs. Carolina 2001) and she goes to a couple of games with me every season and I enjoy her company there.

And she didn't even follow football before we started dating.

[Hubbs]

HH has dished out some great advice so far. My only addition would be this - at the end of the day, if you believe that, from a monetary standpoint, you can afford the game, you need to have enough independence in a relationship to make your own decisions. If your wife has specific concerns (such as having to deal with your kid for several days by herself), then work out specific solutions with her (arrange for the kid to stay at a friend's house for a day, maybe a relative's, even hire a babysitter for a day just to give her some freedom). But if it comes down to a simple battle of her not wanting you to go because you've told her to reduce her spending versus you explaining that this trip fits within your budget, you need to be able to maintain your independence.

It's not just about this particular situation. If you cave, it sets up a pattern in which your wife knows you really can't make any decisions for yourself, which is a recipe for disaster for long-term relationships. Some guys will probably tell you that I'm giving you suicidal advice, but they fail to realize that there is such a thing as a broken relationship. If your wife expects to be able to completely overrule your own personal decisions, then the suicidal option isn't causing some chaos be re-establishing your own independence. The suicidal option is allowing that situation to continue and gain strength, leading not only to an increasingly miserable relationship for yourself, but a likely split years down the road when either she grows bored with complete control, or you snap.

Hell isn't the wrath of a woman scorned. Hell is sacrificing everything she deems necessary to avoid that wrath.

(And yes, for the record, I'd say the same thing if the genders were reversed. The large majority of successful, stable relationships are those in which neither party has, or tries to have, complete domination over the other. Those might survive short-term if the second person simply does whatever makes the first happy, but long-term, they're doomed to either permanent depression or a complete break-up.)

[Hubbs]

Y'know I consider myself lucky.

My wife has no problem with my season tickets.....she actually bought the tickets to my first Redskins game (vs. Carolina 2001) and she goes to a couple of games with me every season and I enjoy her company there.

And she didn't even follow football before we started dating.

You're lucky, alright. I've got a lot of luck myself. I'm with a similar kind of girl, never watched football before me, now she's with me on most gamedays with a jersey on - and nothing else.

[SkinsHokieFan]

2) Budget - And decide how much money each gets per month to spend on whatever - No questions asked. REALLY helped us. (Wife is a stay at home mom). In fact -We even went one step further and she got her own account.

She still uses the joint account for any spending that is joint that she has no control on. But we budgeted out money for groceries, kid clothes and activities, and then bumped it up by $500 a month. That amount of money gets deposited into her account every month. She pays for Groceries and kids. Anything left, she uses for whatever she wants. No questions asked.

I, in turn, get about $350 a month extra, that is not budgeted, that I get to use for whatever (Mine is less because her's include kid things). We don't always agree on what the other person is using their money for - But it doesn't matter. That's their money....

This is some great advice there. Now to be honest with you, I have never seen a reason why people have a "joint" account. To me it just seems like trouble. Sharing in expenses is one thing, and I honestly would treat it like a roomate situation in college, one person pays these 3 bills, another this bill and then split the groceries. Each keeps whatever amount they have left and can spend at as they please.

[CHUBAKAH]

I would just LOVE to hear HER side of this situation.

I was thinking the same thing.

[Xameil]

You and she sit down and adjust your budget. You each have 1 thing you put money aside for throughout the year. That should be enough to save you enough cash for a game.

[TK]

Sounds like she thinks you love the team MORE then you love her. No woman is going to go for that. You've managed to put her into competition against something else you love.

[Tastes Like Chicken]

You mentioned a commission check. What kind of work do you do, and do you ever have to travel for said job?

Is there anything that she enjoys live (concert, theater, sports etc) that you could buy her tickets to, so that she can understand your passion?

[skinsfan4221977]

You mentioned a commission check. What kind of work do you do, and do you ever have to travel for said job?

Is there anything that she enjoys live (concert, theater, sports etc) that you could buy her tickets to, so that she can understand your passion?

I am in marketing and PR, but the check is a recruitment bonus for bringing in a new employee who made it through the probationary period.

Yes, I got her tickets to Pat Benatar on the 31st and told her to take a friend, not me.

[skinsfan4221977]

Yes, I know we have to budget. Honestly, I am a discount Nazi right now. When we go grocery shopping, I protest every time she buys a brand name --"can we PLEASE buy generic!!!"

Yes, I have to travel occasionally.

I thought about making the game a part of a mini-trip, but that's just spending more and she seems to want to go elsewhere.

Yes... I think a budget with "no questions asked" money might be the answer, but she STILL seems so damn stubborn about this. I honestly think that if I went to a bar and spent more on food than I did on tickets, she'd mind less. She claims "it's the principle." Which is why she's being so stubborn.

I almost WANT to tell her to screw off and go to EVERY GAME this year just to piss her off! But THAT would be unreasonable. One game a year in the nosebleeds is not.

[skinsfan4221977]

I would start by no longer giving in to her whining about money. Seriously,, if you are in debt, even a little, settle the debt and then have some fun. Oh, and you have a kid. Kid's gonna need more expensive things later on. They don't get cheaper.

Honestly, maybe you shouldn't go. Personally, I don't think live games are worth it unless its a big game (ie, Dallas). Just watch it on TV. Or go to that bar.

Then, the next time she wants something pricey, simply tell her that "we" don't have the money. And stick to it.

You see... I wouldn't dream of paying for a Dallas game this year. THAT's expensive. I'm talking about the Arizona Cardinals!

Thanks everyone for your input.

I've fallen for the illusion perhaps that because she rarely compliments me that my generosity is one of the few things she finds attractive. The reality is probably that she's way too self-absorbed or moody to ever show love in adequate amounts. I love her, but I sure don't like her right now.

[dchogs]

luckily, i don't have the same issues... my wife was almost as psyched as i was to get season tickets...

that said, if i were in that situation, i'd cut back somewhere else/save/work a 2nd job to get 2x the skins trip money. you spend your half, she spends hers. seems like a win/win to me.

[Slateman]

I would just LOVE to hear HER side of this situation.

Whatever would need that for? :laugh:

[RocketCitySkins]

I've done it all. She just won't give up the fact that she thinks I'm either a financial hypocrite or that I've done "enough" in two prior years. And quite frankly, the nastier she gets, the less I want to do ANYTHING for her.

I think I'll just shut up about it until the marriage counselor talks to her.

I'm seeing this as her love test of you as in "Do you love me enough to (you fill in the blank) and in your case it's "give up a Redskins game". The bad thing is even if you do give up the game I think she will find something else to test you on. I see it as an insecurity or need within her that she thinks can only be satified in this way. The sad part is this only feeds the need, it will never satisfy it. The reasoning is twisted. A happy, secure person on the inside would be happy seeing someone they love so happy.

And if I'm off base and it really is just a money issue, I would have to remind her about the game anytime she wanted something that wasn't in the budget.

[Slateman]

You see... I wouldn't dream of paying for a Dallas game this year. THAT's expensive. I'm talking about the Arizona Cardinals!

Thanks everyone for your input.

I've fallen for the illusion perhaps that because she rarely compliments me that my generosity is one of the few things she finds attractive. The reality is probably that she's way too self-absorbed or moody to ever show love in adequate amounts. I love her, but I sure don't like her right now.

Doesn't seem that generous to me. Or at least, to her its expected, and not generosity.

Honestly, I would just not go. Frankly, its not worth it. You'll get stuck with a crappy view. Probably get beer dumped on you. It'll probably just cold enough to be annoying. And Dan Snyder will find some way to rape your wallet for more money.

Stay home. Watch the game. When she wants stuff, simply tell her that the budget is tight. Frankly, if you're in debt, your budget is tight. Like I said, that kid is only gonna get more and more expensive. Cost of a Skins game would cover his fees to play a sport for a year. So whats better? Going to one lousy Skins game, or watching your kid make a diving play in center field?