Wife is making life very difficult over one Redskins game a year

[Johnny Punani]

There is more to this then just you going to a redskins game if you are also going to marriage counseling. If you are threatening your financial situaton because of your spending habits then your wife is has reason for giving you a hard time. However, my gut feeling is that she wants to do things with you as a couple. When is the last time the both of you went away (without your son) as a couple? The both of you need this time to reconnect and re-energize your relationship.

Suggest this to her and see what she says. Make sure you include that it will be just you and her with your son staying with someone your wife trusts (her mom?). If she refuses then the problem is much bigger then your spending habits or lack of time together.

[ldysknzfn1]

When we go grocery shopping, I protest every time she buys a brand name --"can we PLEASE buy generic!!!"

This is part of your problem. You beg her to ease up on spending on everything, yet you want to spend a considerable amount of that same money on something that she doesn't understand. Football, to her, is a waste of money just like you see buying name brand stuff is. Now, I'm not saying football is a waste of money. I love football...so to me..spending money on a ticket to a game is not wasting money. Obviously your wife sees it differently mainly b/c she doesn't "get it". You're sending mixed signals about your money. You say: "We need to buy generic please". She hears: "we don't have enough money to buy campbells chicken noodle soup..so buy that soup over there that taste less like soup". You say: "I want to go to the Redskins game and I'm going like it or not". She hears: "I'm going to go to the game and throw all that money down the toilet while you stay home and eat government cheese". She thinks it's not fair. And frankly, it's not. Don't complain about how much she spends and then turn around and spend more than she would.

Bottom line is you're going to have to "allow"(never use this word in her presence:) )her to buy Uncle Ben's rice instead of a store brand rice if you want to go to the Skins game. It's all about you asking her to skimp & save while you spend money(while it may not be as expensive as it could be)on a football game.

Good luck w/that. Hope yall can get things settled. Money is the one thing that most couples fight over.

[Hubbs]

By the way, I know you already mentioned trying to do this, but I really think the best solution to the actual root of the problem (money) rather than only to this specific situation is the creation of a section of your budget that's "anything money." Both you and your wife would get X amount that you can spend however you want. She can buy certain things that are off-limits with the thrifty "normal" section of the budget, and, if you want, you can spend most of yours on a Skins game. If you make the money part of things seem fair, it'll go a long way.

[Xameil]

Yes, I know we have to budget. Honestly, I am a discount Nazi right now. When we go grocery shopping, I protest every time she buys a brand name --"can we PLEASE buy generic!!!"

Yes, I have to travel occasionally.

I thought about making the game a part of a mini-trip, but that's just spending more and she seems to want to go elsewhere.

Yes... I think a budget with "no questions asked" money might be the answer, but she STILL seems so damn stubborn about this. I honestly think that if I went to a bar and spent more on food than I did on tickets, she'd mind less. She claims "it's the principle." Which is why she's being so stubborn.

I almost WANT to tell her to screw off and go to EVERY GAME this year just to piss her off! But THAT would be unreasonable. One game a year in the nosebleeds is not.

Seriously...ask yourself this..which is worse. Skipping a game this year, or, having to pay for a divorce, and getting limited time with your kid? From the sound of it, you NEED to repair the homefront before you goto a game, because take it from one of the ones that knows...child support SUCKS and is MUCH more expensive then if you lived with them, and not being able to see your kid everyday SUCKS EVEN MORE.

[Skinsfan1311]

This is some great advice there. Now to be honest with you, I have never seen a reason why people have a "joint" account. To me it just seems like trouble. Sharing in expenses is one thing, and I honestly would treat it like a roomate situation in college, one person pays these 3 bills, another this bill and then split the groceries. Each keeps whatever amount they have left and can spend at as they please.

...and I've never seen the point of separate accounts.

I'm sure that there are some situations, (spouse comes in with bad credit, or loads of debt).

It's a matter of trust.

If you love and trust someone enough to spend the rest of your life with them, then there should not be an issue with a "joint" account.

:2cents:

[Burgold]

I don't know... if you are getting into a battle over generic versus brand name cereals and yet haggling over diamond rings and Redskin tickets... seems to me that the priorities are off. I do think that everyone needs their "Once a year day" where they can forget and be a kid and just have a blast, but it also important to have the house in order. I think you need to really break it down for yourself. What can you sacrifice personally to justify this expenditure?

I agree with some of the others (though I've only read a fraction of this thread) who've said that this fight is also a symptom and has become a symbolic of something else. So, dealing with the logic of the Redskins situation may not be addressing the problem at all.

[sacase]

Some may not agree with me but I think you have gone above and beyond to appease your wife. You have done stuff for her and gave her nice things and yet she really doesn't appriciate it. When if first read your problem I thought it was just a money issue but after reading about all the things you got her and have done, it seems like less than a money issue and a control issue.

Her comment of its the principle just means she has no specific reason she doesn't want you to go. In other words, control. She is the one trying to control you.

Honeslty, this is a reason why I would never have a stay at home wife. She makes her money I make mine and after the bills are paid she can do whatever. My personality would have been me saying that I am going to the game, there is no asking. I tend put all the cards on the table about what I will and will not do, so whomever I am involved with knows what she is getting into. Establish dominence.

All I got to say is good luck I hope things work out for you one way or another.

[Mark The Homer]

...and I've never seen the point of separate accounts.

I'm sure that there are some situations, (spouse comes in with bad credit, or loads of debt).

It's a matter of trust.

If you love and trust someone enough to spend the rest of your life with them, then there should not be an issue with a "joint" account.

:2cents:

I agree. I do know some people who do it, but it just seems weird to me.

OP, figure out what it is SHE would like to do. Maybe she would enjoy going out of town to visit a good friend, for example. Offer that to her in exchange.

[skinsfan4221977]

This is part of your problem.You beg her to ease up on spending on everything, yet you want to spend a considerable amount of that same money on something that she doesn't understand. Football, to her, is a waste of money just like you see buying name brand stuff is. Now, I'm not saying football is a waste of money. I love football...so to me..spending money on a ticket to a game is not wasting money. Obviously your wife sees it differently mainly b/c she doesn't "get it". You're sending mixed signals about your money. You say: "We need to buy generic please". She hears: "we don't have enough money to buy campbells chicken noodle soup..so buy that soup over there that taste less like soup". You say: "I want to go to the Redskins game and I'm going like it or not". She hears: "I'm going to go to the game and throw all that money down the toilet while you stay home and eat government cheese". She thinks it's not fair. And frankly, it's not. Don't complain about how much she spends and then turn around and spend more than she would.

Bottom line is you're going to have to "allow"(never use this word in her presence:) )her to buy Uncle Ben's rice instead of a store brand rice if you want to go to the Skins game. It's all about you asking her to skimp & save while you spend money(while it may not be as expensive as it could be)on a football game.

Good luck w/that. Hope yall can get things settled. Money is the one thing that most couples fight over.

You see, that's the thing. I protest about certain expenditures, but in the end, if she tells me why it's worth it, I usually give in. And I spare no expense if I think she's going to be kept happy. Funny you should mention soup -- she buys Amy's Low Sodium Tomato Bisque, which is NOT cheap and I leave her alone about it because I know she values staying healthy and fit. We buy Huggies diapers, not Luvs, because she claims they do a better job at stopping leaks, even though Luvs costs about $7 less per package. I, on the other hand, buy generic everything. I drive a tiny Scion and bought my wife a Lexus.

Believe me, she isn't eating government cheese.

She gets a LOT of stuff, which she claims she never asked me to get, but how the hell would she really feel if I stopped getting it for her? Then, in her mind, she'd have a unreasonable, self-centered, hypocritical husband, who to boot, never treats her to anything. It would be the end of the line.

Our son is almost 2. He's not going to be in center field for at least another three years. But I do agree that it's symptomatic of a bigger problem. However, I will resolve that in marriage counseling. My only goal with THIS particular problem is to get her to pipe down about the game by any means necessary!!

[skinsfan4221977]

I agree. I do know some people who do it, but it just seems weird to me.

OP, figure out what it is SHE would like to do. Maybe she would enjoy going out of town to visit a good friend, for example. Offer that to her in exchange.

Hi Mark, good to see you. We actually went to Boston two weeks ago for a friend's baby shower and I took our son out for pizza while she had fun with the ladies. But she still doesn't give in.

[Corcaigh]

You have credit card debt and yet you are talking of a diamond ring, a Lexus and Redskins tickets. You argue over generics versus brand names.

It looks like you live beyond your means as a couple. Whether it's you or her is more at fault doesn't matter.

That financial stress is destroying your relationship. You should fix that before you spend any more on discretionary items.

[Zguy28]

I bleed B&G, but if I was in your shoes, I wouldn't go.

A marriage is infinitely more important than a sport like football.

You should never have gotten married if you think otherwise.

If for some reason my wife were taken away from me, I would even go so far as to cheer for the Cowboys to get her back.

Don't be a shallow jerk.

[Xameil]

If for some reason my wife were taken away from me, I would even go so far as to cheer for the Cowboys to get her back.

now thats just crazy talk

[Stophovr6]

How old is your son?

[Zguy28]

now thats just crazy talk

Crazy in love!

[Midnight Judges]

My first question in reading the thread title was "do you have the means to do this?" One this clear: Your financial decisions sound pretty bad if you treated friends to games when you don't have the means to go and you're hounding your wife about her spending. <----This is totally illogical if not hypocritical. I get the feeling this carries over to other expenditures as well.

Take some time, save some money. And when you're ready, go to some games in future years when you have it all figured out financially. The Redskins will still be here, I promise.

[Darth Tater]

I have to agree with Midnight Judges here based on what the OP has said so far.

[skinsfan4221977]

You have credit card debt and yet you are talking of a diamond ring, a Lexus and Redskins tickets. You argue over generics versus brand names.

It looks like you live beyond your means as a couple. Whether it's you or her is more at fault doesn't matter.

That financial stress is destroying your relationship. You should fix that before you spend any more on discretionary items.

The diamond right-hand ring was 100 bucks on the Web. The Lexus was used and cost about as much as a new Dodge. And the Skins tickets will be nosebleeds.

I live within my means. Didn't used to, but now I do. If I use a credit card, I pay it all off by the end of the month -- or in the case of emergency bathroom renovations (tile was coming all up out of the floor) -- two months. Debt is being paid down. I have great credit -- score in the 760s. In fact, I hustled with some extra stuff over the past two years so she could stay home with the baby.

And I'm getting sick of defending myself. Yes, I love the Skins. No, they're not more important than the marriage, but if I have to defy her on this one issue, she'll get over it.

It's NOT the financial stress... trust me. That's a minor issue. Stop reading into it. It's the argument over principles. I value the Skins and see this as non-negotiable. She does not. I've bent on plenty else. Not bending here.

If I ever split with my wife, it won't be over money. My ONLY goal is to get her to leave me alone about this.

[skinsfan4221977]

Crazy in love!

You would have to torture and waterboard me before getting me to cheer for the Cowboys. Even then, it would be tough.

[skinsfan4221977]

How old is your son?

21 months. And cute!

[Reic]

If I ever split with my wife, it won't be over money. My ONLY goal is to get her to leave me alone about this.

But it could be over the redskins?

[sacase]

Dude just go....establish dominence....If the money is not an issue I would just say I am going and that is it. Especially if you have bent over backwards to accomidate her and her needs. I never ask, I just tell. I am on your side on this one.

[skinsfan4221977]

Seriously...ask yourself this..which is worse. Skipping a game this year, or, having to pay for a divorce, and getting limited time with your kid? From the sound of it, you NEED to repair the homefront before you goto a game, because take it from one of the ones that knows...child support SUCKS and is MUCH more expensive then if you lived with them, and not being able to see your kid everyday SUCKS EVEN MORE.

Now I know some women talk irrationally, but I doubt my wife would divorce me over this. If she did, she obviously is looking for an excuse to get out anyway -- and I don't think she is.

[skinsfan4221977]

Dude just go....establish dominence....If the money is not an issue I would just say I am going and that is it. Especially if you have bent over backwards to accomidate her and her needs. I never ask, I just tell. I am on your side on this one.

LOL... I will if I have to. Thanks for the kind words.

[Darth Tater]

The diamond right-hand ring was 100 bucks on the Web. The Lexus was used and cost about as much as a new Dodge. And the Skins tickets will be nosebleeds.

I live within my means. Didn't used to, but now I do. If I use a credit card, I pay it all off by the end of the month -- or in the case of emergency bathroom renovations (tile was coming all up out of the floor) -- two months. Debt is being paid down. I have great credit -- score in the 760s. In fact, I hustled with some extra stuff over the past two years so she could stay home with the baby.

And I'm getting sick of defending myself. Yes, I love the Skins. No, they're not more important than the marriage, but if I have to defy her on this one issue, she'll get over it.

It's NOT the financial stress... trust me. That's a minor issue. Stop reading into it. It's the argument over principles. I value the Skins and see this as non-negotiable. She does not. I've bent on plenty else. Not bending here.

If I ever split with my wife, it won't be over money. My ONLY goal is to get her to leave me alone about this.

It is not about money, it is about values. Money does provide a service here as it allows us to compare complex values both in the present and across time. By going to the game you are communicating to her that you value the game more than you value your family. Constantly throwing the money issue in her face probably terrifies her in this case and many people hide their fear by lashing out. Watch out, I can't tell you the number of married women that have made passes at me because they were terrified. Given that she does little income-generating work outside the home, she may also feel a bit of the "kept woman syndrome" and nothing is as useless as a kept woman except maybe a kept man. She could be trying to exert the only control she believes she has on the situation.