Wife is making life very difficult over one Redskins game a year

[skinsfan4221977]

OK, since my wife is claiming agreement from all her friends over this, I need to bring this up to the ES crowd.

I live in CT. I am a lifelong Skins fan. I LOVE the Redskins. I bleed burgundy and gold. My dad's a Skins fan, I'm a Skins fan and my little boy is a Skins fan. I have been to several games over the years, and while I've ALWAYS cheered for them, I really got the bug to start going back to games in person in 2005 when they started winning again. I went to one game a year (away) in 2005 and one home game a year each in 2006 and 2007. Both times I overpaid because I didn't know the ticket secrets I know now and I treated a couple friends. I also spent more money than I needed to on other things -- a trip to Memphis last year for the 30th anniversary of Elvis's death (I'm a big fan of the King), tickets to two of the tribute concerts and this was on my wife's birthday. I had her complete blessing, even though she'd promised me a LONG time in advance that we could go for the 30th.

Anyway, we went in some debt, but have since paid a significant portion back, lowered our interest rates and are getting by. I work long hours, commute four hours round-trip a day, am a sole provider (my wife works once a week, other than that, her job is our son) and my life, while blessed, is stressful, predictable and at times, contentious.

This year, I offered to make numerous concessions. They include carpooling to Maryland, buying a single ticket at a rockbottom price to a non-divisional game like the Rams, Browns or Cards (unless I can get a pair for even less), tailgating instead of buying stadium food, etc. What's more, I SPOILED the hell out of her this last year. Concert tickets, a diamond right-hand ring, nice dinners, clothing gift certificates, etc. I also told her to consolidate my anniversary and my father's day gift into one -- there's MY sacrifice. But when it comes to the budget (I am the bill-payer in the house), I do sometimes question her purchases because I feel like I need to keep her aware of our money situation. I am also due a raise and a commission check next month.

She says that because I give her so much crap about money (even though I usually give in) and have done so much in previous years, I should have no right to go to the Skins game this year. To me, that's ludicrous. I need the diversion and distraction, the fun, it's one game and she has no IDEA what it's like to be as passionate as I am about the Skins. This has led to many fights and she can get REALLY nasty. She says a good "compromise" is for me to go to the Red Sky Bar in NYC to watch the games with other Skins fans. Ummm.. sorry, while that's nice, that's not a game.

How the hell do I get her to see reason and lay off about the game??!! Make no mistake, I am going whether she likes it or not, but I'd like her to just BACK OFF and let me be a little and understand that I love the Redskins and NEED a BIT of an in-person fix!

Look forward to hearing your sincere and off-the-wall responses.

[Teller]

He....:laugh: ...wants a woman....:rotflmao: ....to understand reason. ...stop it...:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: ....no seriously...:rotflmao: :rotflmao: ....you're killing me.

What's next, pal? You'll want her to admit she was wrong about something? :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

*ahem*

In all seriousness, setup an appointment for some counseling. Too many otherwise good marriages get screwed up over money issues. Counseling is good, because it can teach you guys how to understand and appreciate each other. Whatsmore, a good counselor will make her listen to your side; and you to hers, in a controlled environment.

[Reic]

One season not going wouldn't kill you.

the attitude you have of I am going whether she likes it or not can get you killed

[skinsfan4221977]

Yes, we go to marriage counseling. Not as often as we should, but we do go. The marriage counselor agrees with me on this, although the wife doesn't see that.

If I were a casual Skins fan, I would let this go. But I'm not. There's nothing casual about my passion for the burgundy and gold.

[skinsfan4221977]

One season not going wouldn't kill you.

the attitude you have of I am going whether she likes it or not can get you killed

I don't entirely disagree with you about that. But it's worth dying for.

[Reic]

I don't entirely disagree with you about that. But it's worth dying for.

A sports team?

[skinsfan4221977]

A sports team?

Calling the Redskins a sports team is like calling the pope "a Catholic." HAIL!

[SkinsBry]

By this book and leave it lying around the house. Perhaps, she'll see the error of her ways.

http://www.amazon.com/Mans-Guide-Civilized-Divorce-Little/dp/1579547990

[brandymac27]

Ok, from a married females perspective, I think the reason why she is giving you so much hell about this may be because you said you gave her hell about money (even though you give in). Women feel "controlled" if we are told what to do with money, and if you are doing things that don't include her and aren't absolute necessities, she is gonna see this and ***** about it, (mainly b/c you ***** at her) but b/c it is also a way for her to feel some of the control that she loses when you ***** at her.

I suggest sit down and make a yearly plan WITH her. Tell her this is the one thing you love to do more than anything. Then, ask if she would want to either :1-go with you if the circumstances allow it, or 2-let her have a weekend to herself (of her choice) regardless where it is. This way, she doesn't feel like she has lost all control over everything, and she doesn't feel like you're trying to stick her w/ the kids while you go and have fun. She needs time too. She may not have a "job", but staying home with kids all day will drive you crazier than any 8-5 will.

If you two sit down and come up with some sort of a plan like this, I'm sure she will feel much better. You HAVE to tell her and let her know that you are aware that she needs a break too. Telling her this will make her feel appreciated and she'll probobly back off, especially since it doesn't seem like money is the real issue. It seems like it's more of a "tit for tat" thing going on, so offering her a break every once in a while should solve this problem.

[Teller]

Yes, we go to marriage counseling. Not as often as we should, but we do go. The marriage counselor agrees with me on this, although the wife doesn't see that.

If I were a casual Skins fan, I would let this go. But I'm not. There's nothing casual about my passion for the burgundy and gold.

I feel you, man. For real. And I commend both of you for being proactive about your marriage. Well done.

Brother, nothing should come before your passion for your wife; and of course, your love for your son. It sounds like you really go out of your way to show her how much you care, and that's great. But maybe try something different.

Jewelry is great. I'm sure she appreciates that. But give her a day off sometime. Take a vacation day if you can, and give her the whole day to do whatever she wants. Remember, she works full-time too. Probably a lot MORE than full-time. And her job, as you well know, is WAY more important than yours -- no matter what you do.

I say all this as someone who failed to do it, and paid the price. Don't be the fool that I was.

She should be understanding about the game. But you need to understand what you have in her.

Just my :2cents: . I wish your family the best of everything.

[skinsfan4221977]

Ok, from a married females perspective, I think the reason why she is giving you so much hell about this may be because you said you gave her hell about money (even though you give in). Women feel "controlled" if we are told what to do with money, and if you are doing things that don't include her and aren't absolute necessities, she is gonna see this and ***** about it, (mainly b/c you ***** at her) but b/c it is also a way for her to feel some of the control that she loses when you ***** at her.

I suggest sit down and make a yearly plan WITH her. Tell her this is the one thing you love to do more than anything. Then, ask if she would want to either :1-go with you if the circumstances allow it, or 2-let her have a weekend to herself (of her choice) regardless where it is. This way, she doesn't feel like she has lost all control over everything, and she doesn't feel like you're trying to stick her w/ the kids while you go and have fun. She needs time too. She may not have a "job", but staying home with kids all day will drive you crazier than any 8-5 will.

If you two sit down and come up with some sort of a plan like this, I'm sure she will feel much better. You HAVE to tell her and let her know that you are aware that she needs a break too. Telling her this will make her feel appreciated and she'll probobly back off, especially since it doesn't seem like money is the real issue. It seems like it's more of a "tit for tat" thing going on, so offering her a break every once in a while should solve this problem.

That's a good idea. I offered to take her with me to games, but she refuses -- claiming she would not have fun. I would gladly give her an entire weekend to herself as well, but she can't stand being away from our son that long. Being away for an entire day is bad enough.

However, I will gladly make ANY kind of concession she wants, just not giving up a Redskins game!

[herrmag]

Pay off your debt, then worry about going to 'Skins games. OR, skip things that you would normally do (e.g. eat out, go to a bar, etc) until the total saved would equate to the cost of the game. I'm sorry, but having dated women that thought it wasn't fair that I expected them to skip things because they were in debt, I agree with your wife. Priorities.

[brandymac27]

I feel you, man. For real. And I commend both of you for being proactive about your marriage. Well done.

Brother, nothing should come before your passion for your wife; and of course, your love for your son. It sounds like you really go out of your way to show her how much you care, and that's great. But maybe try something different.

Jewelry is great. I'm sure she appreciates that. But give her a day off sometime. Take a vacation day if you can, and give her the whole day to do whatever she wants. Remember, she works full-time too. Probably a lot MORE than full-time. And her job, as you well know, is WAY more important than yours -- no matter what you do.

I say all this as someone who failed to do it, and paid the price. Don't be the fool that I was.

She should be understanding about the game. But you need to understand what you have in her.

Just my :2cents: . I wish your family the best of everything.

:applause::applause::applause::applause::applause:

This is where the problem probobly lies: she needs a break too!

[Teller]

:applause::applause::applause::applause::applause:

This is where the problem probobly lies: she needs a break too!

Yep.

I figured that out all too late. And I'll go to my grave trying to keep other guys from making the same mistake.

[brandymac27]

That's a good idea. I offered to take her with me to games, but she refuses -- claiming she would not have fun. I would gladly give her an entire weekend to herself as well, but she can't stand being away from our son that long. Being away for an entire day is bad enough.

However, I will gladly make ANY kind of concession she wants, just not giving up a Redskins game!

Ok then come up with some sort of arrangement so that she can do something that she really likes doing. Whatever it is. I suggest YOU make the arrangements and surprise her. Make sure your son is taken care of first, then get tickets, reservations, or whatever needs to be done. Surprise her! I know you said she doesn't like being away from your son. Is this b/c she doesn't trust other people to watch him? Maybe her/your parents or family could watch him? That might make her feel better.

[skinsfan4221977]

I feel you, man. For real. And I commend both of you for being proactive about your marriage. Well done.

Brother, nothing should come before your passion for your wife; and of course, your love for your son. It sounds like you really go out of your way to show her how much you care, and that's great. But maybe try something different.

Jewelry is great. I'm sure she appreciates that. But give her a day off sometime. Take a vacation day if you can, and give her the whole day to do whatever she wants. Remember, she works full-time too. Probably a lot MORE than full-time. And her job, as you well know, is WAY more important than yours -- no matter what you do.

I say all this as someone who failed to do it, and paid the price. Don't be the fool that I was.

She should be understanding about the game. But you need to understand what you have in her.

Just my :2cents: . I wish your family the best of everything.

Thank you. And if you truly did fail, I hope you get a second chance, my friend, because you seem like a really good man.

You're right -- we both feel underappreciated and I've always praised her skills as the absolute BEST mother our son could have. I am willing to give her as much "time off" as she needs. But she doesn't take it because of her devotion to our son. Sure, she takes little nights out with friends, etc., here and there, but nothing like an entire day (by choice anyway) or an entire weekend. She misses him too much.

Make no mistake about it: the Redskins are not more important than my wife or son. If they were, I'd go to more games. Although my wife sometimes drains the passion out of me with her relentless criticizing and inconsiderate remarks, I DO try a great deal. And I can't wait until my son's old enough to go to games.

I feel like I have "bent" on this issue, but I'm not willing to give it up entirely.

:gaintsuck :gaintsuck :eaglesuck :eaglesuck :dallasuck :dallasuck

[Teller]

Thank you. And if you truly did fail, I hope you get a second chance, my friend, because you seem like a really good man.

You're right -- we both feel underappreciated and I've always praised her skills as the absolute BEST mother our son could have. I am willing to give her as much "time off" as she needs. But she doesn't take it because of her devotion to our son. Sure, she takes little nights out with friends, etc., here and there, but nothing like an entire day (by choice anyway) or an entire weekend. She misses him too much.

Make no mistake about it: the Redskins are not more important than my wife or son. If they were, I'd go to more games. Although my wife sometimes drains the passion out of me with her relentless criticizing and inconsiderate remarks, I DO try a great deal. And I can't wait until my son's old enough to go to games.

I feel like I have "bent" on this issue, but I'm not willing to give it up entirely.

:gaintsuck :gaintsuck :eaglesuck :eaglesuck :dallasuck :dallasuck

Man, you sound just like me and my ex. That whole "nothing is ever good enough" thing really wears on you. It's STILL wearing on me, and I've been divorced since January.

I don't know what else to tell you, honestly. It sounds like you're doing all you can.

I'll certainly keep you guys in my thoughts and prayers; patience for you, and understanding for her.

Best to you all. You'll figure it out.

[Walking Deadman]

If you can't afford it, don't go.

But if you don't go, you better expect her to cut it down also.....get your debts paid off.

Interest is a *****.

[skinsfan4221977]

Ok then come up with some sort of arrangement so that she can do something that she really likes doing. Whatever it is. I suggest YOU make the arrangements and surprise her. Make sure your son is taken care of first, then get tickets, reservations, or whatever needs to be done. Surprise her! I know you said she doesn't like being away from your son. Is this b/c she doesn't trust other people to watch him? Maybe her/your parents or family could watch him? That might make her feel better.

I've done it all. She just won't give up the fact that she thinks I'm either a financial hypocrite or that I've done "enough" in two prior years. And quite frankly, the nastier she gets, the less I want to do ANYTHING for her.

I think I'll just shut up about it until the marriage counselor talks to her.

[skinsfan4221977]

If you can't afford it, don't go.

But if you don't go, you better expect her to cut it down also.....get your debts paid off.

Interest is a *****.

I can afford it. We hit a snag these past couple months with bathroom renovations and vehicle property taxes (almost a grand a year for two cars!), but overall, things are better. I am going.

Thanks Honorary Hog for your prayers and you are in mine.

[DCSaints_fan]

Ok, from a married females perspective, I think the reason why she is giving you so much hell about this may be because you said you gave her hell about money (even though you give in). Women feel "controlled" if we are told what to do with money, and if you are doing things that don't include her and aren't absolute necessities, she is gonna see this and ***** about it, (mainly b/c you ***** at her) but b/c it is also a way for her to feel some of the control that she loses when you ***** at her.

I suggest sit down and make a yearly plan WITH her. Tell her this is the one thing you love to do more than anything. Then, ask if she would want to either :1-go with you if the circumstances allow it, or 2-let her have a weekend to herself (of her choice) regardless where it is. This way, she doesn't feel like she has lost all control over everything, and she doesn't feel like you're trying to stick her w/ the kids while you go and have fun. She needs time too. She may not have a "job", but staying home with kids all day will drive you crazier than any 8-5 will.

If you two sit down and come up with some sort of a plan like this, I'm sure she will feel much better. You HAVE to tell her and let her know that you are aware that she needs a break too. Telling her this will make her feel appreciated and she'll probobly back off, especially since it doesn't seem like money is the real issue. It seems like it's more of a "tit for tat" thing going on, so offering her a break every once in a while should solve this problem.

Good post. I think what every married couple who hasn't already done so is sit down and develop a financial plan. In my experneice no matter how much "love' there is it will eventually comes to bite them in the ass if they don't0. Joint expenses like housing, food, utilities, car, clothes, savings, etc. that are deemed necessary should be totaled; if both partners work and share household duties then they should contribute roughly equally to these expenses. Whatever's left over should go to each partner to use as they see fit.

Disclaimer: I'm not and have never been married, but this is my plan if I should.

What complicates the OP's situatiuon is that is wife doesn't work (much), and therefore doesn't have her own money to spend for herself - most has to be given to her. She therefore sees every dollar he spends as money that she's not getting. She see's a trip to D.C. as a frivolous expense, whereas he sees as a near necessity. But perhaps she has some frivolous expenses of her own(clothes, shoes ) that she sees as near necessities.

It also sounds like they have some revolving debt(i.e., credit cards), which complicates things further. My philosophy is, besides a house, car and education there is no reason to accumulate debt, except in case of emergencies. And when you do, pay them off as fast as possible. Its a losing proposition in the long run.

[81artmonk]

OK, since my wife is claiming agreement from all her friends over this, I need to bring this up to the ES crowd.

I live in CT. I am a lifelong Skins fan. I LOVE the Redskins. I bleed burgundy and gold. My dad's a Skins fan, I'm a Skins fan and my little boy is a Skins fan. I have been to several games over the years, and while I've ALWAYS cheered for them, I really got the bug to start going back to games in person in 2005 when they started winning again. I went to one game a year (away) in 2005 and one home game a year each in 2006 and 2007. Both times I overpaid because I didn't know the ticket secrets I know now and I treated a couple friends. I also spent more money than I needed to on other things -- a trip to Memphis last year for the 30th anniversary of Elvis's death (I'm a big fan of the King), tickets to two of the tribute concerts and this was on my wife's birthday. I had her complete blessing, even though she'd promised me a LONG time in advance that we could go for the 30th.

Anyway, we went in some debt, but have since paid a significant portion back, lowered our interest rates and are getting by. I work long hours, commute four hours round-trip a day, am a sole provider (my wife works once a week, other than that, her job is our son) and my life, while blessed, is stressful, predictable and at times, contentious.

This year, I offered to make numerous concessions. They include carpooling to Maryland, buying a single ticket at a rockbottom price to a non-divisional game like the Rams, Browns or Cards (unless I can get a pair for even less), tailgating instead of buying stadium food, etc. What's more, I SPOILED the hell out of her this last year. Concert tickets, a diamond right-hand ring, nice dinners, clothing gift certificates, etc. I also told her to consolidate my anniversary and my father's day gift into one -- there's MY sacrifice. But when it comes to the budget (I am the bill-payer in the house), I do sometimes question her purchases because I feel like I need to keep her aware of our money situation. I am also due a raise and a commission check next month.

She says that because I give her so much crap about money (even though I usually give in) and have done so much in previous years, I should have no right to go to the Skins game this year. To me, that's ludicrous. I need the diversion and distraction, the fun, it's one game and she has no IDEA what it's like to be as passionate as I am about the Skins. This has led to many fights and she can get REALLY nasty. She says a good "compromise" is for me to go to the Red Sky Bar in NYC to watch the games with other Skins fans. Ummm.. sorry, while that's nice, that's not a game.

How the hell do I get her to see reason and lay off about the game??!! Make no mistake, I am going whether she likes it or not, but I'd like her to just BACK OFF and let me be a little and understand that I love the Redskins and NEED a BIT of an in-person fix!

Look forward to hearing your sincere and off-the-wall responses.

Well, here's my take on it being married myself. Not knowing the exact situation of your financial status, I will comment on both sides.

If you guys are in debt and doing this would be more than you could afford at this time, than I agree with your wife. However, she has to play by the same rules. No extra expenditures or shopping sprees

Now, if you can afford this without using credit and incuring debt due to this, I would say your wife is being very selfish. In the proccess of being married, I coaxed my wife to come with me on my trips to see the redskins. She has grown to enjoy them as time away just us away from the kids and she acually enjoys the games(even though she is only a Redskin fan by marriage) and the time together.

One rule my wife and I have which we made before we got married is that we are not allowed to spend over a pre-determined amount of money without talking to the other person about it first and agreeing upon the purchase.

Not only does this allow for open communication, but it also prevents our budget from getting out of hand from both of us spending without limits. Accountablity.

My suggestion, would be to talk to your wife and tell her that you would really like to go and that you want her to come with you. Play it up. Tell her that it would be time for you and her to get away for the weekend. Tell her that you have planned stuff outside the game for you and her to do. Do research, beforehand, and plan stuff that she enjoys doing. that way, this trip could be something that she will enjoy and you get to see the game.

Who knows, she may like it and it may be a trip you take once a year.

In the end, the unity of your marriage is the most important thing. If you do what I suggested and she still says no. Than I would say, ok, what if we save up for next season and we both go. If she still says no, than you my friend have a selfish wife.

However, from your explanation, you have gotten to do many things, with her blessing. I would say that you may have to pick and choose what you want to do. As the saying goes, you can't have your cake and eat it too.

Try what I suggested. If you make this look less like a trip with the boys to a game and more like a weekend away with you and your wife, she would probably be more apt to say yes and enjoy the weekend away together and you both can get what you want. Research first and than come to her once you know what you two can do together that weekend.

[Walking Deadman]

I can afford it. We hit a snag these past couple months with bathroom renovations and vehicle property taxes (almost a grand a year for two cars!), but overall, things are better. I am going.

Thanks Honorary Hog for your prayers and you are in mine.

Good Luck with everything then.

[Hunny]

After reading the marriage threads this week, I've come to the conclusion that I will never get married.

But in all seriousness, I wish I had some good advice to throw your way but I've never been married and h_h seems to have covered it. I do wish you the best of luck, and all I can say is compromise, compromise! Neither of you should try to control the other, no one likes feeling like someone else is trying to control them. Men and women alike. Marriage counseling sounds like a good idea, I hope everything works out for you two.

[Slateman]

I would start by no longer giving in to her whining about money. Seriously,, if you are in debt, even a little, settle the debt and then have some fun. Oh, and you have a kid. Kid's gonna need more expensive things later on. They don't get cheaper.

Honestly, maybe you shouldn't go. Personally, I don't think live games are worth it unless its a big game (ie, Dallas). Just watch it on TV. Or go to that bar.

Then, the next time she wants something pricey, simply tell her that "we" don't have the money. And stick to it.