Atlantic: My Family’s Slave

[China]

My Family’s Slave

 

She lived with us for 56 years. She raised me and my siblings without pay. I was 11, a typical American kid, before I realized who she was.

 

The ashes filled a black plastic box about the size of a toaster. It weighed three and a half pounds. I put it in a canvas tote bag and packed it in my suitcase this past July for the transpacific flight to Manila. From there I would travel by car to a rural village. When I arrived, I would hand over all that was left of the woman who had spent 56 years as a slave in my family’s household.

 

Her name was Eudocia Tomas Pulido. We called her Lola. She was 4 foot 11, with mocha-brown skin and almond eyes that I can still see looking into mine—my first memory. She was 18 years old when my grandfather gave her to my mother as a gift, and when my family moved to the United States, we brought her with us. No other word but slave encompassed the life she lived. Her days began before everyone else woke and ended after we went to bed. She prepared three meals a day, cleaned the house, waited on my parents, and took care of my four siblings and me. My parents never paid her, and they scolded her constantly. She wasn’t kept in leg irons, but she might as well have been. So many nights, on my way to the bathroom, I’d spot her sleeping in a corner, slumped against a mound of laundry, her fingers clutching a garment she was in the middle of folding.

 

To our American neighbors, we were model immigrants, a poster family. They told us so. My father had a law degree, my mother was on her way to becoming a doctor, and my siblings and I got good grades and always said “please” and “thank you.” We never talked about Lola. Our secret went to the core of who we were and, at least for us kids, who we wanted to be.

 

After my mother died of leukemia, in 1999, Lola came to live with me in a small town north of Seattle. I had a family, a career, a house in the suburbs—the American dream. And then I had a slave.

 

Click on the link for the full article

[Dr. Do Itch Big]

thank you for that, great read

[Destino]

If it was fiction or maybe if the person writing it didn't have a hand in what transpired I'd say this was a great read.  It's certainly wonderfully written, that much I'll give it.  The problem is that the author was involved and so here I found myself reading the warm memories this man had about the family slave.  "Horrifying" is a better fit. 

 

Reading this I couldn't help but wonder how many of the qualities he remembers so fondly of Lola were simply defense mechanisms built up over years of abuse.  Was she sincerely this person he remembered or was he describing pleasant masks worn for the masters?  Is a grown women marveling over produce on trips to the farmers market a good thing or is it another defense mechanism?  I certainly can't see his parents as anything other than monsters that deserved far worse than they got.  All the perfectly human interactions his mother had with friends or the struggles she faced at home are as meaningless as hearing that murderer occasionally walked the neighbors dog and enjoyed baseball.  Monsters are people too, and slavery is unequivocally monstrous. 

 

His efforts to make her more comfortable in her later years were beautiful.  The part where she is seated comfortably with a tea cup stands out.  The problem is that despite his attempts at doing right (and no doubt, redemption) his caring for this woman that raised him, only extended as far as not getting anyone else he cared about in trouble.  The limits of his objections to slavery were to have a few arguments and maybe visit his mother less often during and after college.  That's essentially nothing.  He never acted to put an end to it, it was cancer that finally freed Lola from subjugation. 

[BornaSkinsFan83]

Thanks for posting China. 

 

The author actually passed away about a month ago. This was his last piece. Shame he's not going to be around to speak further on the subject and even defend himself. RIP

 

One thing I came across was another journalists tweet thread reaction to the piece that I enjoyed going through. 

 

Start there. Click to get the full thread (dozens of tweets). 

 

I don't agree with her on everything but I think she does a great job breaking down various elements of the story.

 

One thing i do agree with is that Lola was his real mother (not biologically obv. She thinks he never realized it though, i think he definitely did.) 

[Destino]

I'm not sure Lola was his mother, at least not in his mind.  There are many reasons I say this but the fact that he kept her ashes in a cheap plastic box and didn't make her getting a funeral a priority stands out.  Who would do that to their mother?  His real mother got a funeral.    

[Corcaigh]

More like how you would treat a loved pet than a human.

[Popeman38]

I have so many thoughts on this story, but don't know how to express them properly. Maybe I'll post later, but my family dog was treated more humanely than that poor human...

[Going Commando]

Jesus.

[Riggo-toni]

Definitely a powerful read. I don't think you can blame the author for the horrible treatment this woman endured, and as an adult he tried as best he could to make amends for his parents' atrocious actions. A sad moving story, and probably more common than we'd like to believe.

[Elessar78]

I'm a first generation immigrant Filipino and this article really resonated with me. We had maids growing up in the Philippines but not after we moved here. In fact, it was one of the things my mom, aunts and uncles stressed upon me when we got here—that we'd have to do things for ourselves. But the maids/nannies/housekeepers we employed were paid a living wage—not a slave like this person. My mom is pretty outraged by this article.

 

The Philippines chief export is labor(ers). One can get a really good education there plus a big percentage of the population can speak English—problem is that there are no jobs. That's a byproduct of the extensive corruption and tenuous grasp of the Rule of Law. 

 

The slavery story is a new angle, and even for me, surprising. All the families we knew that employed household help paid them. These housekeepers were free to move to new employers who could pay more or treat them better. The women that worked for us always had their own sleeping quarters, ate the same food as us (although didn't eat with us), and my mom was always good about doing a form of "profit-sharing" with them and bonuses, my mom even paid for them to take classes if they wanted. 

[Going Commando]

6 hours ago, BornaSkinsFan83 said:

I don't agree with her on everything but I think she does a great job breaking down various elements of the story.

 

 

She makes a good point about the situation being similar to an abused wife--that Lola was basically his mother's abused wife.

 

That's what makes this story so relatable.  I'm not sure that the form of servitude exemplified in the story is common in the United States, it relies on a type of class structure to the society that we are fortunate doesn't really exist here.  But this kind of life of an abused wife certainly is common.  And the fact that the situation of an abused wife compares so readily to that of a slave should bring gravity to examining this kind of domestic abuse.

[Going Commando]

11 minutes ago, Elessar78 said:

The slavery story is a new angle, and even for me, surprising. All the families we knew that employed household help paid them.

 

It sounds like Lola and Tizon's parents/grandfather came from a very provincial part of the Philipines.  Perhaps your family came from a more prosperous and modernized part of the country?  Maybe this form of servitude is an ancient practice that persists in the boonies where there aren't the institutions to prevent the exploitation from happening.

[Elessar78]

2 minutes ago, stevemcqueen1 said:

 

It sounds like Lola and Tizon's parents/grandfather came from a very provincial part of the Philipines.  Perhaps your family came from a more prosperous and modernized part of the country?  Maybe this form of servitude is an ancient practice that persists in the boonies where there aren't the institutions to prevent the exploitation from happening.

Maybe. But my mom grew up in a small town even further away than where Lola was from and that's unheard of. My dad was born and grew up on an island that's really far from the capital and, again, it's also unheard of. Not just pretty unheard of, absolutely unheard of. Which is different than "out of the realm of possibility". 

 

On a side note, it's interesting that you use the word "boonies". The etymology of which comes from a Tagalog word (official language in the Philippines) "bundok" where the anglicized version "boondocks" comes from and subsequently "boonies". 

[TimmySmith]

23 minutes ago, Elessar78 said:

The slavery story is a new angle, and even for me, surprising. All the families we knew that employed household help paid them. These housekeepers were free to move to new employers who could pay more or treat them better. The women that worked for us always had their own sleeping quarters, ate the same food as us (although didn't eat with us), and my mom was always good about doing a form of "profit-sharing" with them and bonuses, my mom even paid for them to take classes if they wanted. 

This woman was born in the final days of or after WW2.  I am sure it was rough.  I do think it's embellished a bit, but it's almost certainly the true story of someone.

[Elessar78]

2 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

This woman was born in the final days of or after WW2.  I am sure it was rough.  I do think it's embellished a bit, but it's almost certainly the true story of someone.

You're misreading my comments—I believe everything about it is true. I'm just saying in Filipino culture this is very much an anomaly. I'm also not saying this in defense of the culture, like "look, we're not barbarians" perspective. I'm just trying to give it some context. 

 

I think you had one mini-dictator, the Lieutenant, who created this whole unfortunate situation.

[Popeman38]

7 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

This woman was born in the final days of or after WW2.  I am sure it was rough.  I do think it's embellished a bit, but it's almost certainly the true story of someone.

Embellished? How can a story where a woman is ripped from her family to serve a lifetime sentence as a family's slave, even "gifted" to someone like a cheap trinket, never to return to see her mother, father, sister, or brother before they died, never got paid, was emotionally and physically abused, never allowed to have a personal life or find love, and died in the house of her slave-master's son be embellished? It's a life no human should ever have to think about, much less experience. There is a reason the author wrote this as his last work - he would get to "clear his conscience" and not have to deal with the blowback very long. Human scum. I have less respect for people like that than I do for murderers...

 

This is a subject I will rage on, so forgive me...

[Elessar78]

Agreed. I don't think it's embellished at all. Why I don't is because, like I said—it resonates with me. It resonates because it's very close to my own personal experience. I had a nanny who I was very close with. Even thought of her as a second mom. At some point she left and had a life of her own. Apart from the inhumane stuff—Lola's experience reminds me in some ways of my own. But to be clear it's nowhere close to what Lola had to endure. 

[Fresh8686]

Amidst all the pain and anger this story stirred in me, there was a line that struck me a certain way

"The Philippines isn’t like China or Brazil, whose mass might absorb the trauma. This is a nation of scattered rocks in the sea. When disaster hits, the place goes under for a while. Then it resurfaces and life proceeds, and you can behold a scene like the one Doods and I were driving through, and the simple fact that it’s still there makes it beautiful."

It says something to me about the human spirit and it's beauty from being able to still stand and exist, even amidst all the horror and pain that life can bring.

 

36 minutes ago, stevemcqueen1 said:

 

She makes a good point about the situation being similar to an abused wife--that Lola was basically his mother's abused wife.

 

That's what makes this story so relatable.  I'm not sure that the form of servitude exemplified in the story is common in the United States, it relies on a type of class structure to the society that we are fortunate doesn't really exist here.  But this kind of life of an abused wife certainly is common.  And the fact that the situation of an abused wife compares so readily to that of a slave should bring gravity to examining this kind of domestic abuse.

I see what you're saying, but there is a part of me that feels this story may be more common in the United States than we might think. This is a story about many things and one of those things is the marginalization and exploitation of quasi family members. The step-daughter, the foster-kid, the different one, who becomes the scapegoat everyone dumps their problems on, who gets the blame, who gets the least and last of whatever is left, and who handles the most thankless chores.

It's a hard thing, to live with people who marginalize you. To be the outsider in a family and their de-facto servant. And like you said, in some cases it is the mother or wife who gets forced into this status and it is abuse. 

There are degrees to this type of treatment that perhaps are not as extreme as this story... but the reflections and similarities can be found in more frequency than we might at first presume.

Whatever the case may be, this story reaffirms my deep dedication to see people as people and to treat them in that way. To not marginalize or categorize people as something less or something one-dimensional. To fight abuse and exploitation and help people heal from the scars of such things. 

We have to be people who have a consideration that extends beyond our own individual world. Whatever work it takes, we have to have a strength of consideration that expands to include both the individual worlds of the people in our sphere of influence and the shared world that we co-create together.

[TimmySmith]

1 hour ago, Popeman38 said:

Embellished? How can a story where a woman is ripped from her family to serve a lifetime sentence as a family's slave, even "gifted" to someone like a cheap trinket, never to return to see her mother, father, sister, or brother before they died, never got paid, was emotionally and physically abused, never allowed to have a personal life or find love, and died in the house of her slave-master's son be embellished? It's a life no human should ever have to think about, much less experience. There is a reason the author wrote this as his last work - he would get to "clear his conscience" and not have to deal with the blowback very long. Human scum. I have less respect for people like that than I do for murderers...

 

This is a subject I will rage on, so forgive me...

Embellished, as in, all, most or some of this never happened.  

[Spaceman Spiff]

11 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

Embellished, as in, all, most or some of this never happened.  

 

You're gonna have to back a statement like that up with facts.  The onus is on you to prove it.

[Dan T.]

20 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

Embellished, as in, all, most or some of this never happened.  

 

What parts of that story do you believe were embellished?  Because it read to me like a raw, truthful confessional.

[TimmySmith]

20 minutes ago, Dan T. said:

 Because it read to me like a raw, truthful confessional.

Like "A Million Little Pieces"?  Autobiographical confessionals on sensational topics sell, because people want to buy into them.  All I said is that it sounded at least a bit embellished, and since most of the story occurred prior to the author's birth it wouldn't surprise me if he threw in a story or two that could have happened.  Oh, and it's the internet.

[Dan T.]

8 minutes ago, TimmySmith said:

Like "A Million Little Pieces"?  Autobiographical confessionals on sensational topics sell, because people want to buy into them.  All I said is that it sounded at least a bit embellished, and since most of the story occurred prior to the author's birth it wouldn't surprise me if he threw in a story or two that could have happened.  Oh, and it's the internet.

 

Again, I'm curious.  What parts of the piece do you think were embellished?

 

Oh and it's the Internet. But it's also The Atlantic, a magazine that's been around since 1857.

[mcsluggo]

 

the cover story of the Atlantic, an extremely respected institutional bedrock of american journalism.

[mcsluggo]

3 hours ago, Popeman38 said:

Embellished? How can a story where a woman is ripped from her family to serve a lifetime sentence as a family's slave, even "gifted" to someone like a cheap trinket, never to return to see her mother, father, sister, or brother before they died, never got paid, was emotionally and physically abused, never allowed to have a personal life or find love, and died in the house of her slave-master's son be embellished? It's a life no human should ever have to think about, much less experience. There is a reason the author wrote this as his last work - he would get to "clear his conscience" and not have to deal with the blowback very long. Human scum. I have less respect for people like that than I do for murderers...

 

This is a subject I will rage on, so forgive me...

 

the author clearly wrote this in at least part to explore (and possible ameliorate) his conscience....   but the author is human scum?  worse than a murderer?  

 

he was born into this, didn't create it.      He clearly had strong feelings on the subject, and strong feelings for the woman.   You could argue that he didn't handle the situation as well or decisively as you would've liked... but people RARELY solve problems in the objectively best possible manner available... but most of us aren't thrust into THIS sort of situation.    He didn't "fix" the problem as you might've liked .... but he also didn't "make" it.   

 

just an all around horrible situation.  terrible.    and i am really moved by the article..  to tears.