Hubbs Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Best damn salesman in the office. Brasky once conquered all of China using nothing but a watermelon and a copy of the Magna Carta written on a napkin that he stole from the set of Full House. He fathered seven of Antonio Cromartie's children, and he can remember all of their names. He named the group Sha Na Na. They did not want to be called that. Brasky once invited me to go camping. When we went into the woods, he knocked me out with a rock, and when I woke up, I was tied to the trunk of a tree he had chopped down with his left thumbnail. Then he threw me and the tree into the water and used us as a canoe to paddle down the Mississippi. I'm gasping for air the whole way, but by the time we reached the Gulf, I'll be damned if my lung capacity hadn't quadrupled. Afterward, he entered me into the Olympics as a swimmer on the Dominican national team, and I won the silver in the 400 meter freestyle. When I came down from the medal stand, Brasky said, "Hell, why'd I go through all that trouble if you were only gonna come in second?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Goes about 6'7", 385. Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky showed up at my daughter's wedding? You know my daughter, she's a beautiful girl.Well, he's standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He's got no right to be there, but he's drunk and he's Brasky! Well, long story short: the priest accidentally marries me and Brasky! We spend the weekend in the Poconos - he loves me like I've never been loved before! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CRobi21 Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 To Brasssskyyy! :raises galss: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted July 12, 2013 Author Share Posted July 12, 2013 Brasky runs about 7'8", 290 pounds. He once ate Mel Kiper and pooped out Todd McShay. His sweat is considered holy water by the Greek Orthodox Church. I remember one time Brasky took his family to Sea World... they were watching Shamu the whale when Brasky got splashed! Then he yells, "I'm Bill Brasky and no one gets me wet!" So he climbs into the tank, grabs Shamu and throws the whale into the audience, splashes him and yells, "How do you like it?!" And damnit if Brasky didn't step in there and finish the show! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKINS@THEGOALLINE Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 "Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky was a contestant on the Wheel of Fortune? It was his turn so he spun the wheel. Of course, Brasky being Brasky, he spun it so hard that it came of its moorings, decapitated Pat Sajak and slammed through the wall into the set of the Price is Right. Brasky walked through the hole in the wall and Bob Barker proceeded to lecture him on spaying and neutering his pets. Well, Brasky had enough of that and picked up Bob Barker and compressed him between his palms until he was small enough to fit on the Plinko board. And I'll be damned if he didn't win $10000 and a new Cadillac!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Bill Brasky is considered a god to the people of Palau. He travels there every 6 months or so for a foot massage and a new bride. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpacePenguin Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 He goes about 8 foot 5, 480 pounds. One night, my buddies and I were out drinking at the bar, y'know....and in walks Brasky. He has a few, then starts telling this story about how, come to find out, his father was a fullblooded sasquatch, and his mother was blind so she never noticed. One of the ol' boys wasn't buying it, so....after throwin' back another 10 beers, Brasky left and came back with the coffin of his sasquatch father. I could swear it had only taken him 10 minutes to drive there,dig him up, AND drive back! So he cracks open the coffin, and I'll be damned if there wasn't a recently deceased,full blooded, All-American, Grade A sasquatch sleepin the sweet sleep in that sonofa****. Brasky musta worked up a hunger by that point,cause he shaved and cleaned the carcass in under 30 minutes, within an hour the man had served us his deceased sasquatch father for dinner! It was the best damn meal I've ever eaten.Now.... some people might say that makes him at least half of a cannibal..(pauses, while listeners nod)..., but Brasky didn't care. That's just the kind of man he was. To Bill Brasky! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sacase Posted July 12, 2013 Share Posted July 12, 2013 Hey, are you guys talking about Bill Brasky? I know Bill Brasky! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PleaseBlitz Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 He's a ten foot tall, 2 ton behemoth of a man. Anyways, we once had a bachelor party for Brasky. He ate the entire cake before we could tell him there was a stripper in it. Hey, are you guys talking about Bill Brasky? I know Bill Brasky! I WANT TO BUY YOU A DRINK! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Sisko Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 So that's who this guy is! Who knew? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Springfield Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 Bill Brasky is a one hell of a man. At least 9 feet tall. The man was a behemoth. He had muscles that could drop a woman's drawers in a second. He once battled Superman with a hand tied behind his back. It was epic. There he was, treating Superman like a **** and Chuck Norris shows up. I'm all like, "Oh ****, it's Chuck Norris!" Brasky doesn't even bat an eye, farts in Chuck Norris' face and Chuck Norris passes out. Bill Brasky, finished with the two super heroes does twelve lines of blow, presents Lois Lane with roses seemingly produced from his buttocks, kissed her on the cheek and leaves. Still to this day, I have no idea how Bill Brasky got Lois Lane pregnant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major Harris Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 Still to this day, I have no idea how Bill Brasky got Lois Lane pregnant. Let me tell you about the birds and the bees Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsmarydu Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 A sing-along: "I saw Bill Brasky drinking a pina colada at Trader Vic's And his hair was perfect... AAAOOOOO...." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
@DCGoldPants Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 I love this thread. Please somebody start posting videos. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forehead Posted July 13, 2013 Share Posted July 13, 2013 Not sure if I remember to post videos, and this is clearly an illegal tape, but here goes. Y5JiH5DUZ_o Y5JiH5DUZ_o Well clearly that didn't work. Let's try again. Hey success! I still hate this new board format. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted July 15, 2013 Author Share Posted July 15, 2013 Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky was in a production of The King and I? Well anyway, before the show, Brasky chloroforms the entire cast, and slowly eats them in front of the audience for two hours. The performance got pretty good reviews. Brasky's seed is used to fuel the nuclear reactors that power the aircraft carrier Dwight D. Eisenhower. He wrote a book report about See Spot Run in the third grade, and a word-for-word copy of that report became the screenplay for Chariots of Fire. He once scissor kicked Angela Lansberry. A few years ago, Brasky visited the isolated Djanu aborigine tribe of Western Australia. While he was there, the leader of the tribe fell gravely ill, and Brasky had no choice but to nurse him back to health by chewing food before spitting it into his mouth, like a mama bird does for her babies. By the end of the week, the chief had the strength of ten men, and wouldn't you know it, he upped and decided to kill a third of his people with his bare hands just to prove that he could. The rest were granted mercy, and they were so grateful to be spared that they built a statue out of Brasky's excrement and named it Steve. They still worship the thing to this day. Hey, are you guys talking about Bill Brasky? I know Bill Brasky! I want to be your dear friend! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rocky21 Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Sounds like you guys are talking about Bill Brasky - that son of a ****. So, I'm in the back of a pickup with Bill Brasky and a live deer! Well, Brasky, he grabs the deer by the antlers, looks at it and says, "I'm Bill Brasky! Say it!" Then he squeezes the deer in such a way that a sound comes out of its mouth - "Billbrasky!" It wasn't exactly it, but it was pretty good for a deer! Plus his poop is considered currency in Argentina! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mcsluggo Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Bill Brasky?? not THAT wanker... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elkabong82 Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 Brasky once traveled to Russia. Upon his arrival, despite being the wrong sex and age, the Kremlin declared him to be the long lost Anastasia and celebrated the occasion by giving Brasky his own dancing bear. They performed the world's fastest minute waltz together, clocking in at exactly 14 seconds. Brasky then punched the bear's head off, made it into a hat, and consumed the rest of the body whole along with 8 poached faberge eggs. This became the inspiration for Rocky IV. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrabSkin Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 I don't think Chuck Norris would like this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warpath11 Posted July 16, 2013 Share Posted July 16, 2013 - Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky forced me to wear a woman's bikini? Well anyway, Brasky tears off my clothes and forces me to wear this skimpy bikini. For the next three months I had to conduct my business wearing only a woman's bathing suit. I would cry from shame and question my manhood daily, but Ill be damned if at the end of the quarter my sales hadn't tripled. - Did I ever tell you about the time Brasky and I went horseback riding, but there weren't any horses around? Anyway, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn't ya know it, my stamina increased with each day, and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me into the Breeders Cup under the name Turkish Delight. And Im running in second place, and I'm running, and I break my ankle. So anyway, they're about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, Dont shoot him, hes a human. - He's a ten-foot tall beast man, who showers in vodka, and feeds his baby shrimp scampi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovetoaster Posted July 17, 2013 Share Posted July 17, 2013 Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda, eating Neil Armstrong. Brasky is ranked 18th in the AP college football poll. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted July 17, 2013 Author Share Posted July 17, 2013 Brasky once traveled to Russia. Upon his arrival, despite being the wrong sex and age, the Kremlin declared him to be the long lost Anastasia and celebrated the occasion by giving Brasky his own dancing bear. They performed the world's fastest minute waltz together, clocking in at exactly 14 seconds. Brasky then punched the bear's head off, made it into a hat, and consumed the rest of the body whole along with 8 poached faberge eggs. This became the inspiration for Rocky IV. :lol: Well done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pjfootballer Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Bill Brasky...one helluva man he is. I once saw him in Alaska decapitate a grizzly bear with his bare hands, use the head as a fishing bobber and the guts as bait, catch a great white shark, fillet it and become the first person on all of mankind to declare a dinner as "surf and turf." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
@DCGoldPants Posted July 18, 2013 Share Posted July 18, 2013 Well, anyway.. he shows up at the church in his golf pants, caked in mud. Well, ol' Bill Brasky pushes the priest aside and says, "I'll baptize that piece of calimari!" Then he pours Scotch all over my baby son and says, "There! You're baptized!" They say Gene Roddenberry got the idea for Star Trek from Brasky talkin' in his sleep! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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