Mickalino Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Soon to be married advice Don't do it. That's my advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
techboy Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Well, I can tell you that as a person with some Psychology background, on the stressor test, good things like marriage rank just as high as things like a death in the family, a new job, moving, pregnancy, and you guys have hit four out of five. It's impossible to provide counsel over the internet, but I'd suggest not making any rash decisions or saying anything you'll regret later, even if it sounds like she already has. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bubble Screen Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Damn, she left, and she's sending me all kinds of really mean text messages, calling me less than a man, and all sorts of stuff. I hate my life. lol Dude, she's obviously not a Heels fan. I wouldn't marry one, either. :evilg: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DeanCollins Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Damn, she left, and she's sending me all kinds of really mean text messages, calling me less than a man, and all sorts of stuff. I hate my life. lol I'm a bit late to this discussion. here's my two cents. I deplore arguing and my first wife seem to think that it was the way to resolve issues. We were together for 6 years total before getting divorced. I should never have married her and the red flags were everywhere. We were incompatible. My second wife of 12 years (16 year relationship) and I have never had an argument. No shouting, no name calling, no ultimatums, no going to bed angry, no of that. Why? Because we are like minded and compatible. Neither of us likes arguing and we discuss issues and keep them in their perspective place. So to whoever said that "friction is necessary" explain this. Benskins, I'd seriously consider postponing the wedding till you guys figure this out. It might likely end the relationship but if it does, then that's a good thing as the marriage was somehow more important than the relationship, like this grand event for the bride that the groom is merely invited to. Tell her to have nice wedding and send you some pictures of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Our sex life has been pretty unsatisfactory already for like 2 or 3 years. And I can't handle that. This last month has been the worst of my life. Im working 2 jobs to pay for everything, and she works .5 jobs. All I want when i come home is a little sympathy and a newcastle, and maybe some sex. I get the newcastle, cause i buy it on the way home. I have NEVER been so unhappy in a relationship. Forget the fact that she has pretty much estranged my entire family. Take this with a huge grain of salt, because I've obviously never been married, but, hell, just as a guy with a degree in Psych... that's a really bad sign. I know there are all sorts of outside influences pressuring you this way and that, but at the end of the day, you have to realize that this will be the most important decision you ever make. Is this really good for your life? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Damn, she left, and she's sending me all kinds of really mean text messages, calling me less than a man, and all sorts of stuff. I hate my life. lol Honestly, given the rest of your posts, you should be happy with how this has gone down. You would have been miserable if this marriage had gone through. I gay-run-tee it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 This whole thing is two-fold. a: you are not happy in the bedroom and have not been for quite a while. B: well, I will let you figure that out. I agree with move on or wait. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Big Weirdo Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Man, I gotta tell you. Your relationship sounds like a disaster. 4 years and you've not once been happy with the sex life? Damn man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G.A.C.O.L.B. Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 All I'll say is that if you think ending a multi-year long relationship with a GF is hard, being married makes it 10 times more brutal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hubbs Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I'm going through all 3. We moved unexpectedly last week. I started a new job this week. And the wedding is less than a month away, and a lot of people are not committing to coming, and I know that's upsetting her. And add in the death of our 6 year old ****er spaniel, the love of my life. But still, is all that really an excuse? No. You know what's an excuse? This being a ****ing terrible relationship. If you were one of my friends, I would be doing everything I could to get you out of this situation right now. I have no idea why you've thrown on the blinders as far as marriage is concerned, but seriously, dude, get a grip. This is screaming "disaster" before you even rent the tux. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TimmySmith Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 You sound like a guy looking for an excuse to not go through with it. Let me give you a piece of knowledge. Everything that bugs you about your relationship (bad sex life, her not working, etc) is going to get worse after marriage (incl. your drinking). 5 1/2 years is too long to date IMO, very telling on it's own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SolidSnake84 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Im sorry that i'm too late to this discussion...but let me tell you how my life is. I met my GF when she was 16.I met her through a mutual friend. ..i was turning 22....its not like a perverted thing so get over it. Anyway, we actually didn't start dating until she was nearly 18... We got engaged a year after that, right before she turned 19....life was great for us, we did everything together and had a great intimate life...but things started goign downhill when wedding time came around. I wasn't involved in any of the planning, nor were my parents..i basically just showed up to the ceremony and did it. Since then, i basically do everything that she wants, there is very little time for myself. I may get an hour or 2 a day to game or do whatever my hobbies are. It's always a fight if i suggest doing something different, or something that i want, so i dont try anymore..i just go along with everything. And sex life...forget it. Maybe once a month now and some months not at all. I have talked to my father, my pastor, and all of my friends...and they agree that this is just unfortunatley how it goes... My thoughts and prayers go out to you.... EDIT: I love my wife with all my heart and would never want something different. I hope things get better though. We dont fight very much, and i know she loves me...but sometimes i'm worried we are too boring... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kosher Ham Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 2 guys that are 24 and 26...not getting any ? Kick those women to the curb. Love comes at a price. Time to pay the bill. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rdskn4Lyf21 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Man, I gotta tell you. Your relationship sounds like a disaster. 4 years and you've not once been happy with the sex life? Damn man. Seriously....might as well stick your junk in a blender. Asbury - some great advice in this thread... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoSkins561 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Take a look at the post above yours and then ask that question. I had roommates/friends who were a wonderful couple,up until 2 months before their wedding. I lost count of how many times he would hang up the phone on her during one of a practically nightly fight. Knew a few others just like it. Don't exasperate the problem by creating even more stress by thinking too much. Pretty much sums it up, I have been there before. Women want thier wedding to be perfect, I am not sure what your wedding plans are, but if there is a lot of planning going into it, she is stressed out. If you are fighting about the wedding plans, you should take a step back and say, "I realize you are working hard on putting this wedding together, I want it to make it everything you want it to be, however I don't want get in the way of your plans, what areas do you need help with? and what parts of the wedding can I make my own?(after running it by her of course)". When it comes to the wedding plans she might want more help, she might want you to get out of the way, If you have the option of getting out of her way, DO IT!!! and tell her you like everything she is doing even if you hate it. I didn't do jack squat when it came to our wedding, my wife and her mom did everything, I kicked back and used the time when they were running around to play golf and hang out with my buddies. This happened after I realized we were fighting to much and it was all because of the wedding plans. Saw the latest update, and after reading more, like many others have said, you are dealing with a lot of stress at the moment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SolidSnake84 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Yeah my post may have sounded negative, but i'm really not. I love my wife and my marriage... I wish i would have sounded more encouraging....i'm sorry. i think the advice on this thread is good....your fiancee will come back and then there is your chance to do like GoSkins suggested..i agree completley. good luck man...give us updates Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxBuddy21 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I agree with others that you have some serious issues you need to work out in your relationship. The problems you have been having like the unsatisfying sex life will not get better. I have only been married for a year and my wife and I argue but it never lasts long and we always resolve it immediately after. No bad blood. There are two reasons my marriage will last in my opinion. We both laugh together every day and we both love each others families. Family is so important to us both that we could not deal with the estrangement issues you are dealing with right now but you may be different. I would definitely recommend counseling before you get married to talk through your issues. If she is not willing to go, she is not that interested in your relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterPinstripe Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 One of the keys to marriage is being unselfish and swallowing your pride. That in no way means you become a pushover, and I mean that for both the husband and the wife. Putting the other person first. When it comes down to it and you really like at most issues, they are symptoms of that. Best thing you can do is talk to her, if she is unwilling than you may want to reconsider. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MisterPinstripe Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Well, if that's true then most marriages would end after the age of about 40. No, people just dont bail at the first sign of friction, unfortunately many people do just that. This guy isnt married yet, he should really work out this stuff before you jump into that. Its a big deal and you want to jump in with no doubts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shuler74 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Better work your issues out quick before you get married because things will only get tougher. If you cant call it off, this is nothing wait till you have kids and the emotions she will have and count yourself with having no sex for months and after the kid is born count on having sex once a month. Never go into a marriage with all the issues you have, wait till you have to discuss childcare, who's turn it is to change the diaper at 2 oclock at night, discussing money for the babies future, etc........your problems and issues will increase as you get older and if you cant resolve these little issues then her is my advice dont get married!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hockeysc23 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Just based on the responses from you it seems like there was no where else to go so you decided to get married. Relationship was good enough to stay together but not great as you didn't work on any of the key issues. It sounds like you are trying to justify getting out. Think through it rationally and talk it out is my only suggestion. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elessar78 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 *edit Top stressers in people's lives Marriage Moving New Job Not to hijack but these three things happened to me in the course of 2 weeks last year. Moved to a new city, started a new job, and got married. The logistics of moving was stressful and the day before the wedding were stressful because my bride to be was stressing herself out about inconsequential details. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skinsfan44 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Well, your first mistake was scheduling your wedding during football season. :hysterical: I lived with my wife for a year before we got married and we got along great. As the wedding day got nearer (In June of 1982), we would be feeling the pressure and we would bicker with each other a little over things related to the wedding, but we never had any all out fights. We have been married now for 27 years. I think their are some issues you two need to work out before you get married, but to be honest I think you should not get married at this time or never for what you have been telling us here. And whoever says that your sex life will stop after you get married has married the wrong woman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BurntToast Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 And sex life...forget it. Maybe once a month now and some months not at all. I have talked to my father, my pastor, and all of my friends...and they agree that this is just unfortunatley how it goes... Ashley Madison find your lovers here Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stevenaa Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 My one piece of marriage advice, once you get past the last month stress, is to always remember that once it comes out of your mouth, you can never take it back. Consider that before you speak in anger. People, men and women, never completely forget. Even if the don't conciously dwell on things. It's human nature. After 15 years of marriage, I've never called my wife a non flattering name in anger. When we have disagreements, or get mad at one another, they are not protracted affairs because we don't add to the troubles by saying stupid things in the heat of a disagreement. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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