benskins26 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Ok, so here goes: Im 5 weeks away from my wedding to my girlfriend of 5 1/2 years, of which we've been living together for the last 4. She is my closest friend, and I'm madly attracted to her, but the last 3 or 4 weeks has been UNBEARABLE!!!! We fight literally EVERY day. We've always been a very passionate couple, so when we fight, it's usually a big overdrawn fight. But in the last couple years our fights have been more limited to like once a month. It's turned into EVERY day. Now granted, there's a lot of other things at work, like stress from being kicked out of where we were living, our dog who was the love of our lives got run over, both within the last month, so obviously it's been tough. Not to mention the fact that we havent had "relations" at all, even really made out at all, in over 2 1/2 weeks. We haven't really had a stellar sex life to begin with (maybe like once a week, at best), but now it's pretty much turned non-existent, which is completely unsatisfactory to me. My question is, a lot of people tell me its normal to fight and be stressed with a month left, but now I'm starting to wonder if it's God's will, and we just aren't meant to be together. I need advice ASAP!!!! Please help me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PCS Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Okay. And? Don't think. Feel. A lot of people are more than likely correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gortiz Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 been married 10 years ...i'm 34 now. me and wife get along so well its a little wierd ...we do everything together. we NEVER FIGHT ...ever. we get on each others' nerves but we have real "medium" tempers and someone always backs down when we get mad. hands down our worst fight in our 14+ years of dating and marriage was right before our wedding ... BRUTAL. the sea was angry that day my friends ... Like a (fill in the blank) i think its normal man ...tensions are running high. Plus you are dealing with a lot (living situation, losing your dog - that's tough man, etc. etc.) and it is just making an inherently stressful event that much more stressful. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benskins26 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Okay. And? Don't think. Feel. A lot of people are more than likely correct. So you're saying it's normal? I honestly don't know how I feel anymore. I have loved her for a long time, but I'm a laid back guy, and really hate conflict, yet I've been living in constant conflict for at least 3 weeks. It's seriously unbearable. Is this gonna carry over? If so, I can't marry this girl. This has been without a doubt the worst our relationship has ever been. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grhqofb5 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Dude, sounds pretty normal to me. By the way, marriage is pretty much the worst thing you can do for your sex life, until your wife decides she wants to get pregnant, which at that time you start to feel more like Al Bundy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GhostofSparta Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I got married just over a year ago. My wife and I had been dating 4 years before we got married, and had known each other not much longer. I remember this time. The month before the wedding is going to stress her out to no end (especially if it's a big wedding) and, unfortunately, a lot of it is going to get "taken out" so to speak on you. Add to the stress of a wedding the stress of work, moving, and having your dog killed, and you're lucky the wedding is still on at this point. After the wedding things get better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PCS Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 So you're saying it's normal? I honestly don't know how I feel anymore. I have loved her for a long time, but I'm a laid back guy, and really hate conflict, yet I've been living in constant conflict for at least 3 weeks. It's seriously unbearable. Is this gonna carry over? If so, I can't marry this girl. This has been without a doubt the worst our relationship has ever been. Take a look at the post above yours and then ask that question. I had roommates/friends who were a wonderful couple,up until 2 months before their wedding. I lost count of how many times he would hang up the phone on her during one of a practically nightly fight. Knew a few others just like it. Don't exasperate the problem by creating even more stress by thinking too much. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benskins26 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Dude, sounds pretty normal to me. By the way, marriage is pretty much the worst thing you can do for your sex life, until your wife decides she wants to get pregnant, which at that time you start to feel more like Al Bundy. Our sex life has been pretty unsatisfactory already for like 2 or 3 years. And I can't handle that. This last month has been the worst of my life. Im working 2 jobs to pay for everything, and she works .5 jobs. All I want when i come home is a little sympathy and a newcastle, and maybe some sex. I get the newcastle, cause i buy it on the way home. I have NEVER been so unhappy in a relationship. Forget the fact that she has pretty much estranged my entire family. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drtdrums Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Man, if you've been living together 4 years, I don't think there's an underlying issue that needs to be aired out. There's a lot of fear in anyone's mind before you take the plunge. Just do me a favor...don't just feel, also think. You can't abandon either your head or your heart. You need to figure out what they're both telling you. I'd even see a counselor if I were in your shoes...not for therapy, but so that you're sure you're not missing something obvious. Outside perspective from an expert is priceless when one's emotions are so turbulent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benskins26 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 You guys are making me feel a little better. Thanks for the advice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
drtdrums Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Our sex life has been pretty unsatisfactory already for like 2 or 3 years. And I can't handle that. This last month has been the worst of my life. Im working 2 jobs to pay for everything, and she works .5 jobs. All I want when i come home is a little sympathy and a newcastle, and maybe some sex. I get the newcastle, cause i buy it on the way home. I have NEVER been so unhappy in a relationship. Forget the fact that she has pretty much estranged my entire family. Oh. That sheds new light. My other post was before this. In all honesty, I'd suggest marrying someone that you're going to be happy with for the rest of your life. I may be missing something here, but it sounds like that's a longshot with your current situation. I'd still suggest the counseling, though. And I realize this violates the "never advise someone to break up over the internet" rule...so in order to un-violate it, go see a freakin' counselor by yourself and say exactly what you just said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benskins26 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Oh. That sheds new light. My other post was before this. In all honesty, I'd suggest marrying someone that you're going to be happy with for the rest of your life. I may be missing something here, but it sounds like that's a longshot with your current situation. I'd still suggest the counseling, though. And I realize this violates the "never advise someone to break up over the internet" rule...so in order to un-violate it, go see a freakin' counselor by yourself and say exactly what you just said. We went to see our minister, and he said that while he thinks we are very in-tune to each other, and are honest and know each other extremely well, he still suggested more counseling (which made her furious). My dad was my best man, but her and my dad got into a HUGE fight, and now he doesn't support our wedding, and I'm no longer talking to him. And she was mad at my mom for only coming to her bridal shower for an hour. So I called my mom to say something, and now my mom is really upset with me. Uh oh, looks like she's packing her bags and leaving as I'm typing this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Toe Jam Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I'm not married but I do know that a relationship without friction is impossible to have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abdcskins Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I'm certainly not a "relationship" guy, but dude it sounds like you guys are unhappy just from reading what you wrote. Don't force it. *edit* If you love her then go talk to her and try to make amends, like some other guy said. Love is a crazy thing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gortiz Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 My dad was my best man, but her and my dad got into a HUGE fight, and now he doesn't support our wedding, and I'm no longer talking to him. s. are you joking around? if not ...dude, this is bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grhqofb5 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Uh oh, looks like she's packing her bags and leaving as I'm typing this. Dude, if you love this girl go get her. With so little time until the big day, make amends with her, then agree to live apart until your wedding day. It may add some excitement and anticipation back into the mix. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
spjunkies Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 From reading this thread it sounds like their are some deep seeded issues that you guys need to get out in the open before this wedding happens. I second the counselor recommendation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grhqofb5 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I'm not married but I do know that a relationship without friction is impossible to have. Well, if that's true then most marriages would end after the age of about 40. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benskins26 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Dude, if you love this girl go get her. With so little time until the big day, make amends with her, then agree to live apart until your wedding day. It may add some excitement and anticipation back into the mix. I tried that already from my mom's advice- she wasn't interested. In fact, she freaked out at the idea. She's gone now though, though I have no idea where she went. She'll be back tonight, cause she really doesn't have anywhere to go. Her mom lives right up the road, but she won't go there, cause her mom likes me better than her, and totally would side with me, so I really don't know where she would go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsburySkinsFan Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 My question is, a lot of people tell me its normal to fight and be stressed with a month left, but now I'm starting to wonder if it's God's will, and we just aren't meant to be together. Ok, as a pastor this sentence caught my attention, here's why. In my experience and by my understanding this is not the way that God works. I don't believe that there is any one set will for your life, as in "you should have gone left instead of right" type things. As per you relationship, well considering the stress that you are going through and considering the amount of time that you two have been together I wouldn't consider much of what you are experiencing as extra ordinary. My wife and I are both passionate in our arguing as well, and we've had some whoppers in our 13 years, but the key is remembering that 13 years ago there was something about one another that drew us together to the point where we committed to love each other as husband and wife for the rest of our lives. There have been times when that commitment nearly broke, but we have persevered through those times and are seeing the fruit of our perseverance. In the 13 years that I've been married all I know about marriage and love is that it takes a level of commitment to another person where when you are tempted to take a frying pan to their head...you instead don't. Marriage is about a long term partnership between two people who are bound by love and when that commitment is kept then the two of you can over come anything. *edit Top stressers in people's lives Marriage Moving New Job Its unreal how much stress these things place on our lives, the effect that they can have should not be under-estimated. As far as in-law stuff is concerned, that friction is not unusual however not speaking to one another is not a good thing, communication needs to keep moving. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benskins26 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 Damn, she left, and she's sending me all kinds of really mean text messages, calling me less than a man, and all sorts of stuff. I hate my life. lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benskins26 Posted August 20, 2009 Author Share Posted August 20, 2009 *edit Top stressers in people's lives Marriage Moving New Job Its unreal how much stress these things place on our lives, the effect that they can have should not be under-estimated. I'm going through all 3. We moved unexpectedly last week. I started a new job this week. And the wedding is less than a month away, and a lot of people are not committing to coming, and I know that's upsetting her. And add in the death of our 6 year old ****er spaniel, the love of my life. But still, is all that really an excuse? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsburySkinsFan Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 Damn, she left, and she's sending me all kinds of really mean text messages, calling me less than a man, and all sorts of stuff. I hate my life. lol Well that certainly not healthy for the relationship. I get the feeling that there is something else going on here, but not knowing your situation just take that for what its worth. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsburySkinsFan Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I'm going through all 3. We moved unexpectedly last week. I started a new job this week. And the wedding is less than a month away, and a lot of people are not committing to coming, and I know that's upsetting her. And add in the death of our 6 year old ****er spaniel, the love of my life. But still, is all that really an excuse? Not an excuse, but they can be underlying factors in relationship troubles. I don't think there is much that will excuse degrading you in text messages. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
grhqofb5 Posted August 20, 2009 Share Posted August 20, 2009 I'm going through all 3. We moved unexpectedly last week. I started a new job this week. And the wedding is less than a month away, and a lot of people are not committing to coming, and I know that's upsetting her. And add in the death of our 6 year old ****er spaniel, the love of my life. But still, is all that really an excuse? It's not an excuse, it sounds like a pretty damn good reason. Everyone has a point where they lose their cool, so I'd focus more on how things were before all these things were dropped on you two, and how things will be back to normal in the future. People don't fundamentally change in the period of one month. If she was a sucubus, you'd have figured it out by now, it's been 4 years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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