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You might be a Yankee if...

TC4

By TC4
in The Tailgate

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TC4

TC4

Posted
Posted

You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside."

You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY!

You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"

correctly.

For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits.

You don't know what a moon pie is.

You've never had grain alcohol.

You've never, ever, eaten Okra.

You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork.

You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips.

You have no idea what a polecat is.

Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head.

You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle.

You don't have bangs.

You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags.

More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut.

You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show.

Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women.

You don't think Howard Stern has an accent.

You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show.

You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach.

You don't have at least one can of WD*40 somewhere around the house.

The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway.

You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores.

The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus.

You call binoculars opera glasses.

You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping.

You would never wear pink or an appliqued sweatshirt.

You don't know what appliqued is.

Most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place within the context of a football game.

You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e.Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Bubba Kay Bob, Bob Bob)

You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one.

You've never been to a craft show.

You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you.

You can't do your laundry without quarters.

None of your fur coats are homemade.

You've never had an RC cola.

The sound of Fran Drescher's voice doesn't bother you.

You've watched the movie Deliverance and you're afraid to go on a camping trip. Ever.

You can name at least four hockey teams.

You wonder why people in restaurants don't talk as loud as you do.

You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse.

You prefer a bagel over a donut.

You don't know what a Piggly-Wiggly is.

You think NASCAR stands for the North American Society for . . .

(something)

Your idea of a perfect meal is "Lahbsta and Clam Chawdah".

You use the horn in your car more than once or twice a year.

Everything you know about the Civil War you learned watching TV.

You don't "reckon".

You're not "fixin" to do anything.

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zoony

zoony

Posted
Posted

You have 0 culture and refinement.

You have no class, no couth, and no manners.

You leach off the rest of society's culture. You pioneer nothing. Best homegrown music, best homegrown food, best homegrown arts- absolutely nothing to do with dimwitted Yankees.

Your accent is reminiscent of nails on a chalkboard.

You're pasty white and turn orange within 5 minutes out in the sun.

You have the personality of a chalkboard (New Englanders only)

You have the charisma of a hemorrhoid.

There, that's better :movefast::evil:

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zoony

zoony

Posted
Posted
Most of these are far from true. The war ended a LONG time ago. Let it go.

If these were funny, I'd forgive them. But they aren't. They're really kind of ignorant.

Well I can't speak for any other southerners, but I love me some sauteed 'possum. Great snack while watching NASCAR or WWE in my single wide.

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China

China

Posted
Posted

My father was a Yankee and my mother from the south (Arkansas), so I'm some mutant hybrid:

You think barbecue is a verb meaning "to cook outside." - Yes and no. It can mean either to cook outside or the food.

You think Heinz Ketchup is SPICY! - I don't know anybody that thinks Ketchup is spicy. This one is just stupid.

You don't have any problems pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce"

correctly. - No problems here. :)

For breakfast, you would prefer potatoes au gratin to grits. - I'll take either, depending on mood. My wife will always take grits.

You don't know what a moon pie is. - [I]How can you not know what a moon pie is? They even have them in China (I've had them there).[/i]

You've never had grain alcohol. - Been there, done that.

You've never, ever, eaten Okra. - I have. My father, the Yankee, used to grow it. Made us pick it and then boiled it up. Nasty slimy crap.

You eat fried chicken with a knife and fork. - No. Finger lickin' good.

You've never seen a live chicken, and the only cows you've seen are on road trips. - You haven't lived 'til you've been to a hog farm. That smell is...unforgettable to put it mildly.

You have no idea what a polecat is. - Zoony?

Whenever someone tells an off-color joke about farm animals, it goes over your head. - No, but that would be better than it causing flashbacks.

You don't see anything wrong with putting a sweater on a poodle. - Clothes on dogs (or any animal) is just wrong - http://petswhowanttokillthemselves.com/

You don't have bangs. - Fortunatley I'm on ES, and we all here have Bang.

You would rather vacation at Martha's Vineyard than Six Flags. - Neither. Lots of better places to go.

More than two generations of your family have been kicked out of the same prep school in Connecticut. - Nope.

You would rather have your son become a lawyer than grow up to get his own TV fishing show. - Whatever makes him happy and successful.

Instead of referring to two or more people as "y'all," you call them "you guys," even if both of them are women. - This would be me, my sister on the other hand says "y'all"

You don't think Howard Stern has an accent. - No longer listen to him. Not worth paying for.

You have never planned your summer vacation around a gun-and-knife show. - Gun & Knife? I've been missing out. Just been guns only.

You think more money should go to important scientific research at your university than to pay the salary of the head football coach. - True, but I'd be pissed if my alma maters' football team kept hiring losers - I'm frustrated with their results at this point anyway. Grrrr.

You don't have at least one can of WD*40 somewhere around the house. - Got it.

The last time you smiled was when you prevented someone from getting on an on-ramp on the highway. - No, but there are a few people during my commute I'd like to prevent from doing anything permanently. :evil:

You don't have any hats in your closet that advertise feed stores. - I don't wear hats.

The farthest south you've ever been is the perfume counter at Neiman Marcus. - Been all around, driven through the south.

You call binoculars opera glasses. - No.

You can't spit out the car window without pulling over to the side of the road and stopping. - It's best when you've got a good chaw goin' to roll down both your window and the backseat window so you can nail the guy in the seat behind you. :evil:

You would never wear pink or an appliqued sweatshirt. Pink? Why would I own a pink shirt?

You don't know what appliqued is. - Got me...what is it?

Most of your formative high school sexual experiences took place within the context of a football game. - This is for Yankees, or do they have this one backwards?

You don't know anyone with two first names (i.e.Joe Bob, Billy Bob, Bubba Kay Bob, Bob Bob) - True

You don't have doilies, and you certainly don't know how to make one. - Why would you make one?

You've never been to a craft show. - Been there, unfortunately. I prefer antique shows (that's the Yankee version).

You get freaked out when people on the subway talk to you. - Subway?! I drive.

You can't do your laundry without quarters. - What does this have to do with North and South?

None of your fur coats are homemade. - Laughing at the thought of having multiple fur coats like a pimp.

You've never had an RC cola. - I have, do they make it anymore? I haven't seen it in ages.

The sound of Fran Drescher's voice doesn't bother you. - It bothers everyone, doesn't it?

You've watched the movie Deliverance and you're afraid to go on a camping trip. Ever. - Great movie. Wouldn't stop me from camping, but there are definitely places and people like that.

You can name at least four hockey teams. - Yes I can. Let's Go Caps!

You wonder why people in restaurants don't talk as loud as you do. - Shoot'em, especially if they're on there cell phone ignoring their dinner companion.

You are familiar with all the rules to Lacrosse. - Not all of them, no.

You prefer a bagel over a donut. - Definitely prefer donuts.

You don't know what a Piggly-Wiggly is. - Heard of it, never been to one.

You think NASCAR stands for the North American Society for . . .

(something) - North American Society for Car Admiring Retards :movefast:

Your idea of a perfect meal is "Lahbsta and Clam Chawdah". - Not my perfect meal by a pretty damn good one.

You use the horn in your car more than once or twice a year. - With the way traffic is around here, I'm starting to use it more and more.

Everything you know about the Civil War you learned watching TV. - My parents own an 1850's farmhouse in Orange County, VA that they used to shoot at trains from during the Civil War. Visited lots of sites arount there.

You don't "reckon". - I reckon not.

You're not "fixin" to do anything. - Nope, but I might be fixin something...if it's broke that is.

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