Song I wrote Feedback:

[Blake Allyn]

Hey all!

 

I wrote this song and thought I would try and get some feedback from some fellow skins fans!  Its called railroad cigarettes.  I really just want some constructive criticism.

 

If you like, please subscribe to my channel as it helps boosts the search engines.  Thanks and pumped for the draft.

 

Link below

 

Railroad Cigarettes

[Blake Allyn]

LOL one at a time!

[TradeTheBeal!]

Somebody throw this guy a bone.  I'm a music snob and way too snarky for the job.

[MisterPinstripe]

I refuse to listen until you correct the spelling at the beginning.

[Bang]

Sorry man,,  the off key harmonica was one thing, then the singing started.

 

I didn't make it.

 

~Bang

[Elessar78]

Yeah. Same as Bang. Use this as constructive criticism to get better.

 

-you're not hitting the notes with the Harmonica

-your voice goes flat, consider voice lessons

-the phrasing misses the beat/chord change a lot. Bob Dylan can pull it off, you not yet.

 

i don't mean to be harsh about my comments but your friends probably won't tell you this stuff.

[HOF44]

3 minutes ago, Elessar78 said:

Yeah. Same as Bang. Use this as constructive criticism to get better.

 

-you're not hitting the notes with the Harmonica

-your voice goes flat, consider voice lessons

-the phrasing misses the beat/chord change a lot. Bob Dylan can pull it off, you not yet.

 

i don't mean to be harsh about my comments but your friends probably won't tell you this stuff.

Sounds like an attempt at Old Crow Medicine Show or the Avett Brothers. 

[Elessar78]

Acoustic guitar with harmonica-my mind always goes to Dylan first.

[Springfield]

Not my style, sorry fam.

[Blake Allyn]

1 hour ago, Elessar78 said:

Yeah. Same as Bang. Use this as constructive criticism to get better.

 

-you're not hitting the notes with the Harmonica

-your voice goes flat, consider voice lessons

-the phrasing misses the beat/chord change a lot. Bob Dylan can pull it off, you not yet.

 

i don't mean to be harsh about my comments but your friends probably won't tell you this stuff.

Dont mind it at all.  Its exactly what I need to get better.  

 

Not sure what you mean about the harmonica aspect.  I just started playing harm a few weeks ago.  You mean to say that I am not hitting the holes perfectly at times?

[Elessar78]

Yeah, if you want to call it that. You're just playing a musical note, whether it's a harm, trumpet, guitar. To use the guitar comparatively, it's like you're not playing a chord cleanly—it sounds like the note, but not exactly, not all the way. If that makes sense. 

 

 

[Blake Allyn]

3 minutes ago, Elessar78 said:

Yeah, if you want to call it that. You're just playing a musical note, whether it's a harm, trumpet, guitar. To use the guitar comparatively, it's like you're not playing a chord cleanly—it sounds like the note, but not exactly, not all the way. If that makes sense. 

 

 

Yeah, its sloppy as hell.  I will clean up.  Thanks again.

[Dan T.]

The songwriting is really pretty good. Interesting lyrics.

 

But yeah, as Mister Pinstripe said, the typo is a sour way to start the video.  Maybe you were just in a hurry, but remember, Hast Maks Wast.

[drtdrums]

Action steps:

 

1) Get a harmonica in the correct key.

2) Download "Pitch" - great vocal pitch performance app that shows your progress.

3) Go for the atonal Dylan thing anyway. I don't think you have the voice for singing actual notes. If you get the music issue worked out and approach it more as a spoken word/atonal singing project, it'll work better.

 

interesting moments in the lyrics tho.

[Blake Allyn]

27 minutes ago, drtdrums said:

Action steps:

 

1) Get a harmonica in the correct key.

2) Download "Pitch" - great vocal pitch performance app that shows your progress.

3) Go for the atonal Dylan thing anyway. I don't think you have the voice for singing actual notes. If you get the music issue worked out and approach it more as a spoken word/atonal singing project, it'll work better.

 

interesting moments in the lyrics tho.

Not ready to just give up on the singing quite yet but I take your point.  I will download it.

 

The harmonica is playing in cross harp.  Key of C, harm is in F.  I could try to just do the same notes in C.

[Riggo-toni]

I used to suck at singing - I could at least tell when I went off-key, but had no idea how do get any decent power. My vocals were embarrassingly wimpy.  Contrary to the popular conception, your voice is like any musical instrument, you can improve drastically with practice and lessons as long as you have a decent ear. I would say I'm a good singer now, but I had a far greater range 10 years ago when I was practicing everyday and gigging once or twice a month. Likewise, my ear improved by leaps and bounds after downloading ear training software.

 

I am at work, so I can't listen to your tune yet (earphone jack on droid is busted).

[Busch1724]

So getting a harp in the correct key would help immensely. The song is interesting. I like it. Unique voice, out of pitch at times. The thing about playing harp is that there is an element to it like lead playing on guitar. Guitar players often bend strings out of pitch. Kirk Hammett may be the worst offender of popular players. Harp is similar in that air must get into the right location  to get the correct notes. There were some notes, even though the harp is in the wrong key, played wrong. There promise here, just some work to do.

[Riggo-toni]

Your harmonica is in the right key - the issue is you're not blocking out the unwanted notes which is causing the dissonance, particularly on any bends. Keep practicing either tongue blocking or lip curling to be more accurate. You seem to be fairly consistent on hitting the root notes on the down beats, so you have some competent instincts as far as phrasing goes.

Try putting more of a hook in the song, and make it less wordy. It's easy to get so enamored with one's own lyrics that you don't realize you're cramming too many vocal notes into a line, which can make the musical phrasing forced or monotonous.

[d0ublestr0ker0ll]

My dad would probably like this song, he's a Neil Young fan.  Kinda got that vibe there.  I'd say work on your singing.  Sounds like you're just going through the motions, talking more than singing.  A bit nasally, although Neil Young was quite nasally himself.  Still, his voice just pierces the room and is unmistakable.  Construct more of a captivating approach to singing?

 

To be honest, it's all subjective.  If you like your style and sound, more power to you.

[Bang]

I hope you don't feel bad. Sounded to me like you were looking for a Dylan vibe or an early Springsteen sound.

As Riggo-Toni said, the harmonica is the right key, but your tongue isn't covering and giving you crisp notes. too much bleed through.
thanks for having the balls to put it up and accept what came.. not many could do that.

I'll be interested to hear it as you progress.

 

~Bang

[Blake Allyn]

15 hours ago, Riggo-toni said:

Your harmonica is in the right key - the issue is you're not blocking out the unwanted notes which is causing the dissonance, particularly on any bends. Keep practicing either tongue blocking or lip curling to be more accurate. You seem to be fairly consistent on hitting the root notes on the down beats, so you have some competent instincts as far as phrasing goes.

Try putting more of a hook in the song, and make it less wordy. It's easy to get so enamored with one's own lyrics that you don't realize you're cramming too many vocal notes into a line, which can make the musical phrasing forced or monotonous.

Yea I think you are dead on about the harmonica.  Id lovr to put more of a hook in the song but it aint so easy!

[Bang]

Keep at it! Art takes patience, and sometimes a fat eraser.

 

Be sure and bring back the adjustments. You've got my interest.

 

~Bang

[Blake Allyn]

2 hours ago, Bang said:

Keep at it! Art takes patience, and sometimes a fat eraser.

 

Be sure and bring back the adjustments. You've got my interest.

 

~Bang

Thanks Bang.  You might like this one better.  The Ballad of Nicole

[AlvinWaltonIsMyBoy]

I like the lyrics.  I think the music is distracting.  

 

I dabble a bit in songwriting (mostly country/alt-country/outlaw), more of a hobby really.  I got a lot of advice from a producer/do bro player back when I lived in Cali.  He played on a ton of big time country albums.   I remember going with him to an open mic.  We were listening to this guy on stage who played the most intricate songs.  I was impressed, since I can't play anything complicated.  I told the producer I wish I could play like that.

 

His response was interesting.  He said he didn't like the guy's playing because it got in the way of what he was trying to say.  He said "Look around.  Ain't a damn person listening to anything coming outta his mouth except his girlfriend".  The guy finished playing, and his girlfriend started clapping loudly.  Nobody else.  I thought it was an interesting and spot on observation.

 

Good luck and thanks for sharing.  Being an artist is like walking around naked in public.  You're out there with nowhere to hide.  

 

[Captain Wiggles]

7 hours ago, Blake Allyn said:

Yea I think you are dead on about the harmonica.  Id lovr to put more of a hook in the song but it aint so easy!

 

My advice would be to learn some melodies from a few songs you enjoy. They dont necessarily have to be for the harmonica. Anything you like will work. It will help you understand the structure of what makes up a great melody.